10 - Thinking about him

I can't believe I let myself get so carried away with Jungkook last Friday. One minute we were chatting in the bar, the next I was straddling his lap, unable to resist the magnetic pull between us.

I could feel the heat building between my legs as we dry humped, fully clothed but connecting on a carnal level. His heavy breathing in my ear and the friction against my most sensitive spot soon had me teetering on the edge.

When I sat back next to him, I didn't dare look at the damp spot I knew must be on his jeans, embarrassed but also secretly thrilled by our public indecency. I mumbled an excuse and fled to the bathroom, leaving Jungkook high and dry (or maybe not so dry).

I have to admit, every moment with him felt heavenly. And thanks to him, I can cross another thing off my bucket list.

The children's laughter echoes through the playground as I stand by the fence, watching them run around without a care in the world. The sun is warm on my skin, yet a chill runs down my spine. My thoughts aren't here. They haven't been for days.

Jungkook.

He keeps appearing in my mind at the most random moments—when I'm eating, when I'm trying to sleep, even now, at work. Ever since that night in the bar, I can't stop thinking about him.

Was it just the alcohol fueling our desires?Did he really mean it when he said he couldn't get me out of his head?Is he just playing with me, or does he feel something real?What kind of problems does he have with Soyoon?Will I see him again...?

"Ms. Kim, are you okay?"

A small voice pulls me from my trance. I blink down at the little girl standing in front of me, her big round eyes filled with concern.

"Yes, sweetheart. I just got lost in thought. What do you need?"

"I have to pee," she says, fidgeting. "But there are too many buttons on my dress. Can you help me?"

I smile, crouching down to unbutton her dress. "Of course, let's go inside."

By the time lunch rolls around, I'm sitting at the teachers' table, staring at my untouched sandwich. It's my favorite, but I have no appetite. Instead, I find myself peeling at the edges of the packaging, lost in my thoughts again.

Jungkook. Again.

I barely register Eunji sitting down next to me until she nudges my arm.

"Okay, spill it. Who's the guy?"

I snap my head toward her. "What?"

"You've been totally out of it for days. You don't listen when people talk to you, and now you're just staring at your food. Y/n, you look like someone who's either in love or having a crisis."

I let out a nervous laugh. "Neither. I just haven't been sleeping well."

Technically, that's not a lie. I really haven't been sleeping.

Because of him.

"You're not fooling me" Eunji says, crossing her arms. "Come on. Who is it?"

I sigh, knowing she won't let it go. "...Do you remember the guy from the bar?"

Eunji's eyes widen. "No way. You're seeing Mr. Handsome?"

"What? No! I mean... not exactly. And he has a... a wife."

Her jaw drops dramatically. "Y/n, are you telling me you're having an affair? With a married man?!"

"What?! No! There's no affair!" I lower my voice, glancing around. "I mean... okay, yes, we're attracted to each other, but nothing is happening. Not really."

"Not really? Oh my God. That means something is happening."

I groan, dropping my head into my hands. "I don't know, okay? He's... complicated. His marriage is complicated. And I don't know why I can't stop thinking about him."

Eunji watches me for a moment, then leans in. "Y/n, be honest with me. Do you like him?"

I swallow, my fingers tightening around my sandwich wrapper. "I don't know..."

"You do," she says simply. "And that's dangerous."

I sigh. "I know."

She gives me a pointed look. "So what are you going to do?"

I don't answer. Because I have no idea.