nothing

✈︎

El woke up early again. She was too excited about the day to come, to think about her project and go to her dream school. Sofia was not too happy about the project, it was mainly because she didn't know what it meant.

But El had done multiple studies on the fundamentals of art and understood every topic on it like the back of her hand, so this would be no problem at all for her. Sofia was just glad El was going to be her roommate so she could help her with anything she needed.

Her mind was racing in the early hours of the day. Thinking about different things with every minute, first it was school, then Italy, then her project, then Sofia, and now she was on Mike. Her brain decided to think about him for a little longer. She really hoped he would go to that party tonight, he needed a good distraction.

She just hoped he wouldn't do anything stupid. She knows Mike, and she also knows that he does stupid shit when he's upset. Luckily, he hasn't done anything so far while she's in Italy, but this is only the beginning and from the way he was after one week without her, she didn't know how he could handle a month.

With this in mind, she suddenly grew very anxious. The overwhelming worry for him took over her body and now that's all she could think about. She needed to know if he was okay.

El knows that she's 6 hours ahead of him, but if it's 6:45 in Italy, it's got to be somewhere around 12 in Hawkins. Mike was definitely not asleep right now, so she walked over to the kitchen and grabbed the phone and dialed his number. She could only hope it wouldn't be Karen who answered the phone.

She bit her lip anxiously while the annoying, and quite frankly stressful, ringing of the phone continued. Maybe we was sl-

"Hello?" It was Mike. Thank God.

His voice was sleepy, which El cringed at herself for waking him up. "Hey Mike." She sighed. "Oh, El. Why are you calling, it's like.. 12:40," He asked tiredly. "I'm sorry I woke you up, I got up early again and I was just.. worried."

"Worried? About what?" Mike asked, he was wide awake now. "About you," El whispered quietly. "Me? Why are you worried about me?"

"I don't know.." She mumbled, playing with the chord of the phone. "Come on, tell me."

"I guess I just don't want you to do something stupid at this party tonight. I don't want you to get hurt." El replied softly. "I won't go if you don't want me to."

"No, I want you to go! I want you to have fun, but just don't do anything stupid, alright?"

"I'll try not to," Mike chuckled, wanting nothing more than to hug her. "I guess that's all.. I'll let you go back to sleep."

"Are you sure? I can stay up if you want me to.." Mike suggested. "No, that's okay. Just wanted to check on you.. but get your rest, party boy."

Mike chuckled. "Talk to you later, my love."

"Oh my gosh go away!" She laughed. "Talk later," Mike said with a yawn. "Bye Mike, love you."

Mike sighed. "I love you too, bye."

After she hung up El immediately felt better. She placed the phone back on the wall and walked over to the pantry to grab something to eat.

"Was that Mike?" Sofia asked as she walked into the kitchen. "Yeah,"

"Why'd you call him?"

"Nerves, I guess." El responded as she opened a granola bar and took a bite out of it. "Hm. What for?"

"He's going to a party tonight. I guess I'm just nervous."

Sofia smirked, "Non geloso?"

El rolled her eyes, "No. Why would I be jealous?"

Sofia shrugged her shoulders. "Never know who will be at this.. party."

"I don't have to worry about that, Mike has never liked anyone in his entire life. I just don't want him to be a stupid idiot." El mumbled as she finished the granola bar and threw the wrapper in the trash.

"Hm.. whatever. You ready? We should get going." Sofia said, pointing at her watch. El nodded and grabbed her bag from the couch and the two girls headed out to the car. The drive was quiet, though a lot easier than yesterday because they actually knew where they were going.

They got there and grabbed their bags out of the backseat before going into the school and finding their way to the class they attended yesterday. The room was slowly filling up with people and Sofia and El sat down in the first two seats.

El pulled out her sketchbook and figured she'd just doodle in the time where they waited for Professor Greenland to walk in the room. She flipped through the book and found another note from none other than Mike himself.

It read:

hello u are probably reading this in class right now, but if u aren't that would be kinda awkward wouldn't it? anyways good luck today, u r going to do so great! i love you with everything in my heartttokie bye-mike :)(here june 23rd 1987)

El smiled and started doodling around the note. Mainly just random lines, shapes, or faces. "What's got you all happy?" Sofia asked, leaning over towards El to see what she was smiling about.

"Mike, he must've written this when he was here this weekend."

Sofia grinned, "Oh I see.."

"Remember, just friends."

"Okay sure, and heads up, this guy has been staring at you since you walked in the room and now he's walking over here." Sofia said quickly. El looked up from her book and saw that Sofia was right. He was tall with dirty blond hair, he stopped walking when he was in front of El's desk and grinned charmingly at her.

"Hello there, I'm Joey."

"Hi.." El replied awkwardly. "I'm El."

"Beautiful name for a beautiful girl," He said. El wanted to roll her eyes and tell him to screw off."How original, do you say that to everyone or just the people you think are interesting?" El asked smugly, causing his confident smirk to falter.

"No, I-"

"Save it. Go on your way now, charmer boy." El said, waving him off with the back of her hand. "Hey, I'm not trying to cause trouble. Just wanted to know if you'd go out with me sometime.." Though he already knew the answer would be no.

"Sorry, I have a boyfriend."

Both Joey and Sofia raised their eyebrows at this. "Ah gotcha, what's the lucky guys name?"

"Mike."

El felt guilty for using Mike's name, but she knew he wouldn't mind. "Sorry to bother you, El. See you around." Joey said, shooting her one last smile before he sauntered off. El looked back down to her sketchbook unbeknownst to Sofia staring hot daggers into her back.

"So, how's that 'Just a friend' thing working out?" Sofia asked smugly. El rolled her eyes, "I'm sorry, Sof. I really didn't want to say no and make myself feel bad, so I did that instead. Mike won't mind, I promise."

Sofia rolled her eyes, "Whatever, you're probably hiding it from me. For all I know you could be pregnant, but who knows, not like anyone tells me anything." Sofia sighed dramatically. El shook her head with a laugh. "Calm down, I'm not hiding anything from you. Mike is still my best friend, and nothing is changing that."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

✈︎

Mike woke up later than usual.

By the time he opened his eyes it was 3, and when he finally lugged himself out of bed it was 4. It would only be a matter of hours before he would head over Lucas' and they would drive over to Troy's house.

Mike wasn't looking forward to the party at all, especially now that he was aware of El's concern about him going. He didn't want to go if it made her nervous. But he knew himself, he wouldn't get into anything bad so it wouldn't be any kind of concern.

He took a quick shower to finally wake himself up and then changed into a t-shirt and a pair of jeans before he headed downstairs to find his mom in the kitchen. "Hey sweetie, finally up?"

Mike nodded and went to the pantry to grab something to eat. "It's about time you got up. I was actually starting to get concerned, I don't think it's good for you to sleep that long." Karen said honestly as she leaned against the counter and eyed Mike carefully.

"Yeah, well I don't have anything better to do." He mumbled as he grabbed a few chocolate chip cookies out of the pantry and then stood on the other side of the counter to look at his mom. Karen has of course noticed how Mike mainly mopes around the house, and barely comes out of his room or the basement, but now looking at him she feels like she doesn't know him at all.

He's always been so busy with El, and he's always been at her house that Karen never really got any time to really know her son. But she knows something is wrong, and it's obviously deeper than just missing El. There's something else, but she can't put her finger on it.

"Mike?" Karen asked suddenly, making Mike's eyes focus back on her. "What?"

"Are you um, doing alright? I mean I know it's tough being away from El, but.. I don't know you just seem off to me." Karen said, mainly stumbling over her own words. Mike shrugged, "I'm fine."

"Mike," Karen said sternly. She wasn't taking no for an answer, she wanted to know what was going on with him. "Tell me what's going on, there's got to be something."

"Yeah, there is.. but it's stupid, so.."

"It's not stupid if it's making you upset, now tell me what's going on."

Mike sighed. Did he really have to talk about his 'love life' with his mother right now?

"El and I have been best friends forever, right?" Karen nodded. "And I've liked her ever since we met, literally the first time I saw her, I could just.. feel it, you know? But she doesn't know that, and I really need to tell her because it's only gotten worse over all these years. But I'm too scared to tell her because I don't want to mess up our friendship.. I guess I've just been thinking about it more than I should, and I know that she only loves me as her best friend.." Mike shook his head. "It's stupid to think all of this."

Karen listened carefully to him, but it didn't come to a surprise to her to find out this information. Deep down, she's known that for a while. The way he looks at her, talks about her, when he comes home from hanging out with her, only to go back over there later in the night to see her again. It's quite obvious, actually.

"It's not stupid," Karen started. "No?" Mike questioned.

"No, not at all. The type of friendship you two have is... different. It's not your usual best friends, if you get what I mean. And I definitely don't think she just likes you as a friend. She'd be crazy not to fall for you eventually, and I'm not just saying that because you're my son. I'm saying that because I've seen the interactions between you two. I think you should tell her."

Mike raised his eyebrows. "But what if-"

"You'll never know if she feels the same way if you don't tell her. Because she's probably just as scared of losing you as you are with her."

Mike shook his head. "I'll do it eventually. But just.. not now. She's so focused with school I don't want to mess her up."

"You're a good guy, Mike. Just don't wait too long, because a girl only has so much patience with a man."

Mike nodded and smiled at his mom, "Thanks.."

After his conversation with his mom Mike went down to the basement and watched TV until it was time to go over to Lucas' house. It was around 6:30 when he walked over and Dustin arrived the same time Mike did. They were all going in Lucas' mom's car because it could fit all of them so they all decided to meet at his house.

"Mike you decided to come!" Dustin exclaimed when he saw his raven haired friend. "Yep. Nothing better to do."

"Ah yeah, how's El doing in It-a-lee?" Dustin asked as they knocked on the door. "She's doing great, she really likes it there."

"Tell her I said hi when you talk to her next, you know she's my favorite." Dustin said with a teasing smile making Mike grin as well. "I will, I'm sure she'll love to hear about you."

Max opened the door and scoffed at both of them. "Finally. If you came any later I would've killed you. Do you know how embarrassing it is to walk into a party late?"

"Dude. No one cares, no one is even going to notice." Dustin scoffed, pushing past Max and into the house. "Whatever. Seeing as you only have 4 friends, you wouldn't know." She scoffed.

"Since when did you have other friends? The ones you have don't even like you." Dustin teased the red head. "Fuck off."

"He has a point." Mike muttered. "Say something, Wheeler?"

"Nope. Now are we going or not?"

✈︎

"El, you had at least 5 guys staring at you today. Ridicolo!" Sofia exclaimed as they walked out of the building, sketchbooks in hand. El groaned, "I don't like it, why don't they look at you instead?"

"Because they know Anthony will beat their asses," Sofia giggled as she opened the car door and sat down inside. "Why don't you like the attention? Someone else occupying your mind?" Sofia asked teasingly to which El responded with an eye roll.

"Sofia, seriously?"

"Don't 'seriously' me! Let us not forget what you said to that first guy this morning!" The blond exclaimed as she started the car. "First off, that guy was annoying and cheesy. How else was I supposed to get him off my back?!"

"By saying you aren't interested!"

"But then he would get even more persistent." El replied. "Mhm, sure. So instead you say Mike is your boyfriend. You wish!"

"I do not! I've told you this a billion times he's-"

"-Just your friend. Yeah, I get it," Sofia interrupted. "But tell me you haven't thought about dating him before, or even what it would be like. Would it be different?"

El glared at Sofia. "No, I haven't thought about it. And I don't even know if it would be different, he's never had a girlfriend so.."

Sofia rolled her eyes. Would El stop being so damn stubborn all the time and just own up to her feelings?!

"What?" El huffed when she saw Sofia's evident annoyance. "I'm just wondering when you're going to admit it."

"Admit what?"

Sofia shook her head. "Never mind. But let me ask you this, do you like Mike? And don't bullshit me, give me the plain truth. I'm sick and tired of how stubborn you're being about it."

El shook her head, "No. I don't like him.. not like that anyways. But why do you care so much?"

"You're sure?" Sofia asked, ignoring El's question. "Yes I'm sure. What's this about?"

Sofia took one hand off the wheel and passed her fingers through her hair. "Nothing," she sighed. "You are confusing me, that's all."

"How?"

The blond sighed again. "What it looks like to me is different then how you view things. Exhibit A: At the gardens. Before Anthony and I found you guys. If you would have leaned forward just a few inches then boom, kiss," El sighed and shook her head, but Sofia kept talking. "Exhibit B: The first night he stayed here. When I came home later that day you two were fast asleep and cuddling like it was no big deal-"

"Because it isn't a big deal. We've done that for years!"

"You have a whole lot of courage to lead him on like that." Sofia muttered coldly, leaving El with a bunch of questions, but she didn't ask them. Not right now.

✈︎

About a half an hour later they arrived at the party, cars were parks halfway down the street leading to Troy's house and the group could already hear the ear blasting music from down the street. Lucas parked the car and the group of 5 started walking down the street.

Mike tried to block out Max and Dustin's whining, but they were seriously too much together. Mike walked behind all of them and instead of thinking about the party, he wondered what El would be doing right now.

"Dude, you like totally spaced out. What are you thinking about?" Will asked from beside him. Mike shook his head, "Nothing. Sorry, I'm just a little out of it today." He said, forcing on a smile for the short boy beside him.

Will saw past it, but ignored it. "Well the party should be somewhat fun. It's a miracle we even got invited." Will chuckled. "Yeah, how did you even get invited to this thing?"

"Lucas and Max. They are the more popular aspect of our group."

"Yeah.. I guess I never noticed that." Mike mumbled as he looked at the giant houses around him. "Too busy looking at El?" Will teased.

Mike chuckled, "I guess."

Will nodded and the two were silent until they all arrived at the front of the house. Behind the windows, doors, and the fence surrounding the back part of the house, they could hear the music, see the strobing lights, and see all of the people flooding within the house.

"Come on, Lucas! We're late enough, no thanks to Mike!" Max scoffed, pulling her boyfriend into the house. "Fuck you!" Mike called after her to which she responded with flicking her middle finger up at him before she disappeared into the house.

"Guess it's just us three?" Mike asked, looking at the two boys beside him. "Yep. We are totally going to die," Dustin said dramatically, "So let's do this!" Before Mike knew it, Dustin was pulling the two boys into the house and pulling them through crowds and crowds until he made it to the kitchen.

The counters were completely trashed with red solo cups, empty bottles, food, and so many other things. Mike stood awkwardly in the corner of the kitchen as people walked in and out of the kitchen, each person exiting with some drink in hand.

"Michael Wheeler, what are you doing here?" Mike turned his head to see Troy himself standing next to him with a smug grin. "Just came with my friends." Mike mumbled as he looked around the kitchen. "You look tense, man. Have a drink," He said passing a bottle of Vodka his way. Mike shook his head and pushed it back towards Troy.

"No thanks." He muttered, looking at Dustin who was arguing with Will about something. "You sure, buddy? You look like you need it."

"I'm fine. Kindly fuck off now." Mike replied with a sarcastic grin. Troy shrugged and sauntered off. Mike rolled his eyes and looked back to his friends who were still arguing.

This was going to be a long night.

✈︎

Mike sat on a crummy old couch where he and the rest of his friends decided to finally sit down after being at the party for a few hours. On the couch fit 3 people, those three being Mike, Lucas, and Dustin. Will was off somewhere else, and Max had found a few of her friends and went off with them, leaving the three boys by themselves.

They each had some sort of liquid in hand, they didn't know what it was, but it was alcohol and that's all they cared about. The trio looked at the raving party with bored eyes, the loud, earsplitting music was all they could hear besides the laughing and yelling of the teenagers around them.

Mike wasn't really enjoying it. There was nothing there that looked.. fun. Sure there were big crowds of people dancing around, but he didn't want to get mixed up in that, and he didn't know how to dance. He just wanted to be back with El. She was all he needed.

No alcoholic beverage could get her out of his head, or take away the sharp pain in his heart that was caused by her. He just wanted to hold her in his arms again, or walk along the streets of Italy together, it didn't matter what they would did he just wanted her back.

"Dude, you okay?" Lucas asked, looking over at his friend who had barely said a word since they got there. Mike shrugged lazily and took another sip of whatever the hell was in his cup. "Does it concern a certain brunette who happens to be in another country?"

"Who?" Dustin asked. "El, you dimwit!" Lucas scoffed, rolling his eyes at Dustin and turning back to Mike. "Well?" Lucas asked when he received no answer.

"Yeah.." Mike mumbled, staring down at his lap. "Dude, why don't you just tell her?"

"Tell her what?" Dustin asked cluelessly. Lucas simply ignored Dustin as he waited for Mike to respond. Mike shrugged again, "I can't."

"And why not?"

"Because, Lucas. She doesn't like me that way, I just know it." Mike sighed, sloshing the liquid around in his cup miserably. Lucas rolled his eyes, "You two are ridiculous!"

Mike furrowed his eyebrows and stared at Lucas for an answer. "You guys are all like lovey dovey around each other, and then a second later you act like you didn't just look at each other like you wanted to get married. You've got to learn to stop hiding your feelings for each other because it's actually starting to get annoying."

Mike simply frowned and didn't respond. Lucas sighed again, "But whatever. You didn't come here to sit around and mope around did you?"

"Not really."

"Exactly. Which is why, my friend, we are going to have the best night of our lives!" Lucas exclaimed, suddenly jumping up and pulling Dustin and Mike up next. "What?" Mike asked. "You'll see. Just follow me."

Lucas started walking off and the two other boys quickly followed behind. They walked around all of crowds of people until Lucas stopped at a door, "In here, Mike, is where you can let all of your worries behind you." Lucas said with a smirk, leaving the raven head confused. "Lucas what-" He didn't get to finish because Lucas opened the door and the immediate foul smell of skunk filled his nostrils. The room was filled with grey smoke with only few dim lights on inside.

"Lucas, what the hell? No way am I going in!" Mike said when Lucas tried to pull him in the room. "Come onn, Mike! It'll be fun, and you need to forget some things for a while!" Lucas said, slightly dragging on his words to sound more convincing. But Mike was stubborn.

"No way!"

"It will make you feel really good, though! I'm sure El wouldn't mind." Lucas pressed further. Mike crossed his arms, "Um, yes she would. And she'd never talk to me again if she found out!"

"She doesn't have to fun out then."

"Close the door!" Someone shouted from the back of the room. Lucas rolled his eyes and pulled Mike inside before closing the door behind them. Mike coughed inside the stuffy room, from what he could see there were a few kids sitting on a large couch near the back of the room, all of them had a joint in hand.

"Lucas, I'm not doing it." Mike huffed. "Just try it, and then you can go, alright?"

This is exactly why I didn't want to come.

"Fine."

Lucas patted his back, "That's the spirit! Now come on," Lucas grinned, leading Mike over to the back of the room where the smell only got stronger.

"Lukey! What's up?" Someone giggled, Mike looked to the voice to see a guy he didn't know. Perhaps he's seen him around school, but Mike never paid attention to anyone but El.

"Nothing much man, look, my friend here just needs to loosen up. You feel me?" The guy nodded, "Got just what you need." He leaned over to the other side of the couch and grabbed a small tin can and popped it open and grabbed a small white joint out of it.

"You ever got high before?" The guy asked Mike. Mike shook his head, and looked around the room as he felt incredibly guilty for doing this. He told El he wouldn't do some stupid shit, and here he was, doing stupid shit.

"Alright, no biggy. First of all you need to take a breath man, you look like your gonna explode," He said with a slight chuckle. "It's nothin' to be nervous about!"

Mike sighed and inhaled deeply (taking in some of the toxic fumes around him, with him) and then exhaled and looked boredly at the man in front of him. "Good. Now here, take this," He passed him the joint, which Mike held awkwardly in his fingers. "Okay don't hold it like a goddamn toothpick. Take it in between your pointer finger and your middle finger,"

Mike did as instructed and next the man held a lighter up to the joint and lit the end of it. "It's pretty simple from here. Take the end in your mouth and inhale it, now don't swallow it, but hold it in for a little before you exhale. Got it?"

Mike looked to Lucas nervously, but his friend had his own joint in hand and looked at him with clouded eyes. He waved him off with his hand as if to say "go on, do it" and Mike internally rolled his eyes before he put the small joint in between his lips and inhaled.

He immediately started coughing as the smoke tried to travel further down his throat. The guy smiled at him, "Try it again, you'll get used to it. Pretty soon you'll feel as cool as a cucumber!"

Mike tried again, and this time was a little better. At least he could get the exhale part before he started coughing again. But he felt.. better. It felt like the weight on his shoulder was temporarily lifted, still there, but lifted. He set out a silly laugh, who knew that was possible just from a few puffs?

"I'm guessing it kicked in for you?" Lucas asked with a silly smile. "mhm," Mike mumbled, taking in another breath of the drug.

Mike sighed, why hadn't he tried this before?

El would be mad at him, that's why.

Oh shit, El.

Mike suddenly frowned, catching Lucas' eye. "What's up your butt now?" Lucas chuckled. "El.. I told her I-"

"Nope, don't wanna hear about her.. just relax!"

"B-but I can't now, she's going to hate me!"

"Not if she doesn't know, which she won't! Come on, let's go get something to bink- I mean drink," Lucas slurred with a giggle as he messed up the word. Mike laughed childishly, "Bink," He repeated with a goofy smile.

"What the fuck is a bink?" Lucas laughed, "You said it!"

"Shut up, now, drink."

"you mean bink?" Mike teased, to which they both cracked up at. The two managed to stumble out of the stuffy room and into the other loud room. Almost as soon as they walked out of the room Max spotted them and marched up to them.

"Where were- Holy shit are you guys high?!" She asked, crossing her arms angrily. "High as kite!" Mike responded, waving his joint around in her face. "Get that away from me, fuck face! Lucas what the hell did you do to him?"

"He needed to relax, Maxxy! He'll be finnneee.."

Max rolled her eyes and grabbed the two of them by their arm and back to the couch at which they sat on earlier. Max tried to snatch the joint out of Mike's hand but he immediately stood up and took it back. "What the hell!"

"No, you don't need this. El wouldn't be too happy, would she?"

"Lucas said she doesn't have to knoww!"

"Oh fuck off, I'll tell her. I will." Max warned, but Mike simply laughed in between coughs. "She won't listen to a word you say! She hates your guuttss!" Mike laughed, making Max frown. "No she doesn't you aren't thinking straight, so sit down and give me the damn joint."

"No way! I haven't felt this good in a long time. Or do you not even see how miserable I am? Honestly, you probably want me to be miserable. You hate me. But besides the boint- joint, damnit, I mean point! Can't you see how miserable I am without her?" Mike asked, his clouded eyes staring into Max's.

"He's got a point," Lucas giggled from the couch. Max glared at him and back at Mike, "She's never going to like me, the way that I like her. I love her, I love her so much, Max. And she just s-sees right through it like what I say to her doesn't even matter. I love everything about her, like her golden hair, her smile," Mike sighed as he sat back down on the couch and lolled his head back before he continued talking.

"And her eyes.. her eyes are so pretty.. they're like little orbs of gold and brown.. and her hugs, too. It feels like everything she does is perfect. She's perfect, and no matter how many fucking times I tell her I love her, she won't take it seriously! I just want her to know how much I love her.." Mike mumbled sadly before inhaling another puff of the drug.

"Maybe you should tell her everything you just told me." Max suggested, but Mike simply shook his head. "No, I can't. She'll never talk to me again, because guess what?" He didn't wait for her to answer. "She thinks I'm like her damn brother."

"But brother and sister don't look at each other like the way she looks at you," Max said, because she's seen it. They all have. The love fille gazes the two exchanged, the way they talked to each other, how close they were, either holding hands or walking with locked arms. If Max didn't know any better, she would've thought they were dating.

Mike looked at her with a confused look, "What?"

"I'm saying that there's a very high chance of her liking, possibly, loving you."

"No. That's just normal for her, she doesn't give a shit about my feelings." Mike mumbled. Max rolled her eyes, "You two are just too stubborn. I'm going to get a drink."

"Get me one!" Mike called after her, but he knew it was no use. The drug didn't help him forget, because now he was even more all over the place, and it only made things worse. Maybe some Vodka could help..

Mike got up and finished the rest of his joint before smashing the end under his shoe. "I'll be back."

"Where you going!?" Lucas asked from the couch, but Mike didn't hear him anymore. He wanted 2 things right then, to get out of there, and to forget. On his way out of the large house, he saw two cups sitting on a glass table. He looked inside and saw some sort of liquid and brought it up to his nose to smell.

It was definitely some type of cheap beer or other substance, so Mike grabbe both cups and went out of the door and began walking home. It was going to be a long walk home, but he knew what he was going to do when he got there.

When Mike arrived home, both of his cups were empty and he was stumbling into the back door of his basement. He closed the door behind him and once he saw the bathroom he already felt the liquids he consumed coming right back up. He drunkenly ran to the bathroom and sat on the tile floor as the vile substance came out of his mouth.

If El was here she would be sitting next to you and pushing the hair out of your face.

"Go away," He mumbled to himself. He didn't want to think about her, but she was all he ever thought about, and she especially wasn't going to leave his thoughts now.

"But just don't do anything stupid, alright?" Her voice echoed in the back of his head. "Yeah screw that." He mumbled back as he rubbed his eyes. He sat up once the feeling of throwing up was out of him. He sighed and walked back to the main part of his basement and fell back down on the couch.

"Bye Mike, love you"

"No you don't." He mumbled to himself (and his thoughts) as he rubbed his face with his hands.

He could feel the ghost of her lips burning on his cheek. He could still feel her hand on his face now, and he hated it. Why did she always have to be on his mind?

Mike glanced around the room and saw a piece of paper on the coffee table along with a pen. Since when did that get there?

Mike got off the couch and sat on the ground, the piece of paper in front of him. He picked up the pen and he began writing.

To El,

Picasso, love, my love.

I know this isn't probably something you'd want to read, but I need you to know this. You might not be happy, but that's fine. I just need you to know this. I love you.No, not like the best friend kind of love. Like Actually, love. I know this isn't supposed to happen, and I get it if your mad and you never want to talk to me again. I just needed you to know that. I know this seems crazy, but I've loved you since the day we met. Since we held hands and jumped in the pool together, I loved you. When you finally learned how to ride a bike. Since middle school, and all throughout high school I've never laid eyes on anyone but you. You are the only thing I've ever wanted in life, but guess what?You don't want me back, and that just breaks my heart. Because I know that eventually you will be with someone far better than me. Someone who you love back and the feeling is mutual. And you'll forget about me after you've started a life with them. I'll just be a fragment of your childhood.

A no one.

Just a small piece of your heart that once meant everything to you, but now is nothing. But I won't forget you. Hell, I'll probably still love you. You won't just be a piece of my heart, you are in every piece that makes up my entire heart. But it's okay. Because I know that I had the privilege of being your best friend for all those years, and even if I loved you after all that time, I'll still be happy knowing that I was once a part of your life. I guess that's good enough for now and I'll have to live with that, but I'm okay with that. It's okay.

There will always be a part in me that wonders, what does it feel like to be truly loved by Eleanor Hopper? I can only hope that one day I'll be able to answer that.

yours,Mike

He put the pen down and looked at the words on his page and sighed. He wouldn't send this to her, instead, he would keep it with him. Everywhere he goes, the letter goes.

Maybe one day he'll give it to her.

Author's Note:

Sorry a big portion of this chapter was Mike.. but he needs some spotlight while El shines in school lol.. u guys aren't going to get a confession for a whillleeee... but maybe this letter will help a little bit ;)I couldn't do a drunk confession because I did that in puppy love, and I already have the confession written ;) and high Mike is probably one of my favorite concepts ever, and i've never done drugs or gone to a party bc i am way too young for that shit so don't attack me if something isn't right.

also this is the longest thing i've ever written so props to me??? i really liked this, and i hope you did too!