Chapter 25

"George," I said seeing his handsome face and wanting so badly to just be in his arms. But I couldn't do this not without an explanation from him. This news was so fresh to me and he still hasn't explained himself.

"Lolo," he said smiling back at me, pain in his eyes.

"Have you seen Linda?" Paul then quickly asked him so he could give us space.

"She went to sleep," George nodded at his friend.

"Well I will leave you both to talking and go stay the night with her," Paul told us both and then he was gone up the stairs and out of sight.

I stayed where I was standing and just kept my hand protectively over my belly.

"Lolo," he said again, "I'm here. I'm back, I am glad you came home."

"What was so important to you, that you had to leave and not explain to me what had happened?" I questioned him, "You know I've always loved you with every piece of my heart and I trusted you."

"I don't want you to stop trusting me," he grabbed my hands and sat me down on the sofa before retreating to the fireplace to continue to feed it.

"Luckily Paul explained to me the situation and assured me that it was not something you planned on," I made him aware of my knowledge on the matter.

"Absolutely not," he began to tear up, "I didn't even know what was happening until it was too late."

"Well that sounds like a horrible experience with her then," I laughed through my own tears and George just stared at me with a straight face. He wasn't sure if he was allowed to take part in laughing at my joke.

"How could she just sit there in our home next to her own husband and not be ashamed and embarrassed?" I spoke again, asking George about Maureen.

He shook his head, "I didn't want her here. Ringo said it was my punishment and wanted to torment me. Obviously John goes nowhere without Yoko and Linda lives with us. Ringo found it fitting to bring her with as well."

"How long would you have gone without telling me?" I asked him then.

"I fully expect all of these questions and I deserve to be asked them but every single day since that night last month I have been feeling so much guilt. I knew what happened would hurt you and I never want to ever hurt you or break your trust. And with a baby on the way."

He looked like he was in absolute pain and it broke my heart to see him this way just as much as it broke my heart that he hurt our family.

"I don't want this lifestyle," I admitted to him, "I'm more scared now than ever to be a mother because of all I have to protect this child from."

"I will give up everything for us, for this family. I don't want any of it if it means you don't want me," he promised as he sat down beside me and grabbed my hand.

I listened to every syllable of his Liverpudlian accent as if I was talking to him for the first time. His voice was like music itself to my ears and I love this man more than anything. I just feel extremely hurt by his actions, even if he wasn't fully aware of what was happening.

"George," I said softly, "I'll always want you, I made a vow to love you through anything but that vow goes both ways."

I felt the baby kicking them and pulled his hand to my belly. He felt the flutter and he smiled wide before his face went straight again.

"So Paul told you that I was under the influence that night?" He went back to our discussion.

"He did," I nodded, "I wish you had told me that from the start. I do trust you George and I get it, even though it still has my heart into a million pieces."

"I have been sober ever since, and I have been trying to free myself of the guilt. Paul finally convinced me that I had better just tell you but I panicked."

"I think I'd be less upset if I was made aware of this that night. You should have come home and come clean," I told him sternly.

"I know," he agreed with me and then repeated, "I know."

We then sat in silence for a few minutes. I was not sure what to say. I was wondering where George had gone when he left home and then I was feeling very tired and realized I desperately needed some sleep after the emotional wreck I have been all night.

"Can you help me up the stairs?" I asked him and he jumped up immediately to do so.

We slowly went up the stairs and then down the hall to our bedroom. He helped me undress and get into something comfy and then helped me to lay down. When I was ready to get some rest he stood at the door and said nothing for a moment.

"George?" I called to him.

"Yes, Lolo?" He called me by my nickname.

"Where did you go?" I finally asked him. I wanted to know and I deserved to. He knew that I meant earlier when he abruptly left home to give me space. Space that he thought I needed when in fact I only needed him.

He came further into the room and then sat down on the bed at my side once he reached me.

"I went to Abbey Road studios." He said calmly.

"Oh?" I said in reply, "and what did you do there?"

"I wrote a song," he said, "I'll play it for you in the morning... if you'll let me. For now get some rest."

With that he left me alone in our big bed and I quickly fell asleep. I dreamed again of our kids running around our huge garden and I hoped our life could still be one that we both wanted. I knew I was going to forgive him but what happened between him and Maureen wasn't something I could ever forget.

....

In the morning I woke up and found George in the studio strumming his guitar. I figured he had slept in there all night, since I was still very upset with him.

As soon as I walked in he jumped up to help me walk.

"I'm okay," I assured him and he stood back.

"What were you playing just now?" I asked him.

"Some chords," he shrugged his shoulders as if it was nothing.

"Just some chords?" I rolled my eyes at him and then he stared into my eyes and started singing a new song I have never heard while playing the chords.

"I look at you all see the lover that's sleeping

While my guitar gently weeps

I look at the floor and I see it  needs sweeping

Still my guitar gently weeps.

I don't know why nobody told you

How to unfold your love

I don't know how someone controlled you

They bought and sold you..."

I listened to the words he was singing, there was pain in his voice and there was something about him singing while playing his acoustic guitar that absolutely wooed me. I truly was his biggest fan.

He stopped strumming and singing after the second verse and I went to him and held his face in my hands for a moment and then kissed him gently. He was going through so much pain and he needed something to relax him.

Me kissing him made him perk up and he gently pulled me down to sit next to him. And then just held me.

"Do you like the song?" He asked without letting me go.

"George, it's wonderful," I nodded my head, "but it is coming from a place of pain, and we should talk about it."

"I literally wrote it in like an hour... yesterday."

"You're very talented," I assured him, "but are you unhappy being in the Beatles or are you unhappy being married... or."

"My whole life has been controlled," he then said, "something I once enjoyed got turned into a business and I'm under contract after contract to be the lead guitarist for this band that has become bigger than anything. Everything is about money and albums and it is all made to be more important than life."

"When do you think the Beatles will break up?" I then asked him. I had never thought about the possibility of this until now.

"Well," he said "with Brian gone I see us disbanding eventually. He was the glue that held us together."

"When that day comes what will we do?" I asked him.

"We will take our baby here to see the world and I will finally make my own record which will be mostly love songs about you. And I will take you home to America where you can be back in New York or even LA."

This pulled at my heart strings. Was he really willing to leave England for any period of time?

"I would love to go to LA," I thought fondly. I had been there a few times and it's absolutely beautiful.

"Good, then we will go," He said to me gently, "you know, I'm upset at the world but the best thing in my life is right here in my arms. Nothing else matters to me."

"My world once revolved around my fashion lines and modeling and wanting a lifestyle of fame and fortune and to be known by the world," I then admitted to him, "but now all I want in life is to be private, to be Lauren Harrison and to be a mother to this child and many more."

"Our children will have your looks," he smiled at me fondly.

"Are you kidding?" I said "I already know they will have the brownest eyes and when I look at them it will be as though I'm staring into yours."

"Can we talk about my mistake one last time and get everything out in the open so we can kick it under the rug?" He asked me.

I nodded and a tear shed down my face once more. The fact that he was unfaithful wasn't fully a deal breaker for our marriage. It was forgivable to me on the basis of him admitting that he was under the influence of alcohol and drugs and the fact that he doesn't have some mistress, just a troubled woman who took advantage of him.

"I forgive your actions," I said to him, "you're a good man, and one mistake one time is forgivable. As long as you know that if you ever do it again I will be on a plane with our child back to New York in a heartbeat. It would be unforgivable."

"That threat is justified," he agreed.

We sat there and talked about life and then talked some more about what we would name our baby if he ends up being a baby boy. Our hearts could not decide so we said it would be a spur of the moment decision on the day.

Over the course of the next month things got harder for me. I was trusting my husband again and he was being the husband that I needed during the last stage of pregnancy. He was also practicing for their live television performance a few days a week and then spending some time with his friend Eric just jamming in our home studio some of the time.

Linda spends most days with Heather at Paul's home and they spend many nights there, coming home occasionally. I felt guilty that she wanted to stay to help me but was happy to have a friend like her.

George had two important things on his mind and he was feeling stressed. He has his first live performance in over a year and a half on television for the world to witness and with a live studio audience.

And then he has the birth of our child which could happen any day now.