15: Katie

KATIE'S POVFebruary 14th

I dreaded my birthday.

Not because it's February 14th— no, I actually enjoy sharing my birthday with another holiday. Everyone seems to forget it's my birthday, or mix my gift with a Valentine. That's the best part. I've never really enjoyed all of the attention.

These past few weeks, I've dreaded my birthday because I used to celebrate it with my parents.

They loved my birthday. Only child privileges, after all. My mom would go all out, putting up banners and presents and all sorts of balloons. My dad would always wake up early and make pancakes, although he absolutely sucked at cooking. As soon as he left the room, I'd use the rest of the batter and make myself pancakes that were actually edible. He definitely noticed, but didn't care, especially when I replaced the pancakes he was eating.

My mom told me, once, that it was her favorite day in the universe. Because it was the day I was brought into her life.

Needless to say, I couldn't get out of bed this morning.

Charlie left me alone. Bella did, too. She did call me, however, and let me know that Mike still wanted to go see that movie. I would have protested, but I had already convinced Angela, Ben, Bella, Jacob, and a bunch of others to come with so that it was less awkward. And they had tried so hard to plan something for my birthday, but everything else I had refused. So I was stuck going.

I spent the day re-reading mom's faded Little Women and staring at the ceiling. I had thought this many times before, but now it felt extremely true— I deserved to be the one who was dead, not my parents. Me with my freakish abilities that I can't tell anyone about. With my selfish heart and inability to help those around me.

The longer I thought about it, the more dejected I felt. Suddenly, a realization became clear. I'm cursed. And I have been for a long, long time.

With the party nearing, I threw on a plain outfit and started strumming my guitar to ease the pit in my stomach. I hadn't had too much time to play lately. I went to a go-to favorite, a slow, wistful ballad version of  the upbeat "The One I Want" from Green Day. My voice slowly warmed up throughout the song, and I realized it was the first time I'd sung in months.

Sitting in my room last nightStaring at the mirrorI couldn't find a reason whyI couldn't be near her'Cause you are the one that startedTo make me feel this wayAnd every night I'm thinkingAbout the words you'd say, andPictures going through my mindWhen we're togetherAll these long and sleepless nightsWill I ever get better?'Cause you are the one that startedTo make me feel this wayAnd every night I'm thinkingAbout the words you say'Cause you are the one that I want'Cause you are the one that I want

Someone cleared their throat by the doorframe. I swiveled, my hand tightening on the guitar. When I saw Jacob, he was hesitant. "Sorry. Didn't want to, uh, intrude. I knocked..."

I blinked. "Sorry. I didn't hear you." My voice felt thick after singing. "Come in," I gestured, wishing I had made my bed today.

"I didn't know you could sing," Jacob said, taking a cautious step into the room. He glanced at the walls, at pictures of my friends from Oregon, at my band posters and music collection. "And I didn't know you played guitar."

I scrambled for a defense out of instinct. "Anyone with vocal cords can sing," I pointed out unhelpfully. "And anyone with hands can play a guitar."

Jacob grinned, his hand tracing one of my bookshelves. "Wow. Thanks for that knowledge. It makes so much sense." His cheeks looked a little flushed. "You sounded good." He stammered, avoiding my eyes.

"How much of that did you hear?" I asked, slightly panicked. I hated singing in front of people. That had been why I'd dropped out of choir.

He ignored me. "Green Day, right? I liked your version of it. More... wistful. It fits the lyrics." He rifled through my CD drawer, and I let him. It hit me, then, that he had never been in my bedroom before.

Great. So he had heard me singing. "Thanks," I said, trying to contain the flames rising in my cheeks. "So... what are the odds we skip the movie and just stay here?"

Jacob turned to me again, his hand rising to his neck. "Well, considering it's your birthday party, pretty low. Oh— by the way, Happy Birthday, Katie." He said sincerely, looking mortified that he had forgotten to say anything.

"Thanks." I repeated, my voice still feeling thick. I sighed as I set down the guitar, trying and failing to collect my courage.

While I procrastinated, Jake closed the CD drawer and turned back to me. He hesitated, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a small pink box of conversation hearts. "These were for Valentine's Day, but I just... well, here." His cheeks flamed pink and my blush grew deeper in turn.

"Thanks." I repeated yet again, reaching for the small box.

"Are you okay?" Jacob said, scanning my face carefully. "Bella told me you didn't go to school today."

I exhaled sharply. "My birthday's hard this year without my parents." Admitting that out loud could have made me cry in relief. It felt like a weight was lifted off my chest.

Jake nodded, sitting next to me on the bed. "You know, on second thought, we could just hang out here and you could sing to me." His smile was playful, his eyes soft in understanding of my aversion.

I grimaced. "No, I don't want to hold up the others. Let's go."

He chuckled. "Are you sure? I have a couple of song requests..."

"Definitely not." I interrupted, a laugh escaping me. "C'mon, before I change my mind."

Jacob stood, giving me a long look. "If you change your mind, let me know and we'll head off early. Deal?"

"Deal." I agreed, pocketing the conversation hearts. I took one last glance in the mirror, tucking a piece of curled hair behind my ear, and sighed. At least there would be enough of Bella's friends (and mine, I supposed) that I wouldn't have to talk to Mike if I didn't want to.

And trust me, I didn't want to.

Jake reached for my arm and entertained it through his, pretending to be my escort. "After you," he said with a grin.

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Correction of my statement above— there wasn't enough people to relieve the awkwardness.

Apparently Angela, Ben, Jessica, Conner, Austin, and everyone else who had been invited either bailed or had some sort of stomach virus that was going around and couldn't come. Meaning only Mike, Bella, Jacob and I showed up at the theatre, and it was so painfully awkward between us that I had to convince myself to stay.

Despite how I kept insisting we reschedule, Jacob and Bella were adamant about watching the movie anyways. It was a rom-com type of movie, something that surprised me, because Bella had been against all forms of media that reminded her Edward existed. Any sense of romance, music... It touched me that she was willing to put that aversion aside for me.

"Katie, can we talk?" Mike asked awkwardly as Bella and Jacob went to buy the tickets at the booth.

"There's nothing to talk about." I snapped, looking down at my shoes.

"I was way out of line." Mike said, and although I didn't look at him, I would've bet money that he was grimacing.

"Yeah, y'think?" I laughed dryly, still avoiding looking at him. "Look, I'm fine just pretending it never happened. But I'm not sure we can pretend to be friends anymore Mike."

"I get that," he said, moving to try and be in view. "Okay, I was a jerk. But you're dragging this on for no reason. We were friends, weren't we?"

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Hesitantly I made eye contact again, and he seemed genuine. "Yeah, well, you made it clear what you thought about me. Throwing myself at you, was I?"

"I shouldn't have said that."

"No, you shouldn't have." My voice was too sharp. It was drawing wary glances from couples all around us, waiting in line for popcorn and such. From the untrained eye, we probably looked like a quarreling couple. It made me sick.

"Can you at least forgive me? You've been avoiding me for, like, weeks." Mike pleaded, grabbing my arms so that I had to look at him.

Frowning, I deliberated. "Forgive you? You didn't even apologize." I tore my arms from his grasp and crossed them over my chest.

Mike sighed. "Sorry. I mean... ugh, this is going all wrong."

I stared at him, waiting for him to elaborate. But he didn't. Bella and Jacob walked back then, each looking slightly flushed, like they'd been talking about something embarrassing. Seeing my expression, they both frowned.

"Got them," Jacob smiled nervously, brandishing the tickets. "Ready to head in?"

"Yeah," I said, clearing my throat. I glanced back at Mike, who was blushing crimson and avoided my glance.

"Does anyone oppose to extra butter on the popcorn?" Mike asked dismissively, turning to look at Bella. He clearly didn't care about what Jacob or I thought on the subject.

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The movie was bad. Terrible, actually. And not because I wasn't quite in the mood— it just sucked. It was painful to watch... unrequited love between friends? Overdone. And the acting was just awful.

I glanced down at the armrests on either side of me. On my left, Bella had assumed the armrest between us, since Mike had his hand resting on hers. On my right, Jake had his hand tilted upwards, as if offering his hand. I sat with my hands in my lap.

Halfway through the movie, Mike whispers, "I think I'm going to be sick." Without looking back, he rushes off, running down the stairs and down the ramp leading out of the theatre. Bella and I watch him go, sharing a concerned look.

She made a move to follow him. "I'll make sure he's okay."

I watched her leave, sighing, and turned to Jake. "This movie is terrible," I whispered, glaring at the couple making out a row behind us.

"Yeah. This movie really sucks." He agreed, smiling. He moves his arm from the rest, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. "Do you want to go?"

"Definitely." I nod, standing up.

I see Bella standing in the hallway, looking around for Mike. That is, until we hear the retching. Loud and violent, like a drunk person's. I wince, sitting down on an upholstered bench by the wall.

Jacob sat next to me and Bella sat next to the bathroom. She was just far away that she was probably out of earshot, but I kept my voice down just in case. "Well, this is definitely one way to have a memorable birthday." I groan, my chest still feeling tight.

Jacob extended his hand to mine. I wanted nothing more than to reach out and grab it, but I was petrified to. He recoiled smoothly. "I'm sorry for making you come. You were right. We should have just stayed back. Watched an actually good movie."

I laughed softly. "Yeah. At least I have these." I teased, pulling the conversation hearts from my jacket pocket. "Want a game of candy roulette?"

Jacob laughed. "Sure," he said, and I tipped the box towards his hand so a candy heart could fall out. He looked down at the candy and smiled, angling so I could see. "Be mine." His smile was cheeky and giddy. As always, it was infectious, and I couldn't help but grin back.

I pulled one from the box and turned it so I could read. "Smile." I rolled my eyes and popped the candy in my mouth. "You win. Mine sucked."

"What do I get?" He asked, smirking. His voice was low, too, as if he also wanted to keep our conversation private.

I shrugged. "Another candy heart? They were my birthday present, you know."

Jacob shook his head. "Those were for Valentine's Day. I left your birthday present at home on accident. You thought I was giving you conversation hearts for your birthday?"

My cheeks felt hot. "Oh. You didn't have to get me anything."

"Yes I did." He said, nudging my knee with his own. My heart was pounding. Something about this felt different than it had before. He took a shaky breath, and continued. "Can I ask you something?"

I swallowed hard. "Like what?"

"You're my best friend." He said, looking at me intensely. My head started throbbing.

"That's not a question," I said dismissively, alerts going off in my head. What a stupid time for my... ability to make an entrance. Why? There was clearly no vampires around!

"Smartass," Jacob said, smiling shyly. "Look..."

Mike stumbled out of the bathroom, looking terrible. He had sweat pouring down his temples, his skin ashy. He looked straight at me and Jacob, and suddenly Jacob grabbed my knee possessively.

"Oh, Mike." I heard Bella say, but he walked straight towards Jacob and I.

"I'm going to leave early. Sorry, Katie. Maybe we can celebrate your birthday another time."

I opened my mouth to reply, but Jacob scoffed. "Movie too mushy for you?" He asked with no trace of enthusiasm left in his voice. It had gone cold, distant.

Mike glared at him. "Yeah, something like that." He rolled his eyes, glancing back at Bella.

"I'll drive you home. It's not safe for you to drive yourself." Bella chimed in, and I was relieved.

"Yeah. You should probably get an empty popcorn bucket, too." Jacob suggested, although it sounded condescending. I frowned at him— where was this coming from?

I glanced at Mike, then at Bella. "That's probably a good idea. Do you want me to come pick you up from Mike's?"

Bella thought for a moment, then shook her head. "No. I'll call Charlie and have him pick me up. You and Jacob can head back to the movie. We'll be okay." She looked like she was convincing herself.

"I think Katie and I will head back, too. That movie was bad anyways," Jacob added. I knew he was just saying it to be a jerk to Mike, and it was pissing me off. Can't he see that Mike clearly had the flu?

"Okay then." Bella looked at me guiltily. Sorry, she mouthed. I mouthed back, it's okay. She nodded, and we headed separate ways.

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The drive back felt heavy. I wanted to ask Jacob what he had been meaning to say, but I also didn't know if I wanted the answer. If he was going to say what I thought he was, I don't think I could handle it. I couldn't handle having the dynamic change between us.

I need him to keep being my best friend. To laugh with after track, and do stupid activities together. To hang out in the garage and have some peace. A place where I actually laugh and smile and talk about how I really feel.

With Bella, it's simple. We understand each other. We trust each other. At this point, I love her like a sister. But we both have things in our past to work through, and while I can always lean on her, and she on me, with Jacob it's just different. Inexplicably different.

I was staring out the window when Jacob asked me, "Why didn't you tell me that you sing?"

The question surprised me. "I don't know." I said, even though it was a lie. "I don't really tell... anyone."

He nodded as if this answer was satisfactory."Can I tell you something that might sound a little cheesy?"

I could feel my brows knit together. "Sure," I said softly, afraid to look at him. Instead, I watched the trees pass by my window.

"I'm glad you moved here." I could hear the nervous smile in his voice. "You're my best friend. More than my best friend."

"Thanks, Jake." I said softly, swallowing the lump in my throat. "You're my best friend, too."

He inhaled sharply, then sighed. Almost as if he had to stop himself from saying more. We pulled into the driveway then, and even when he killed the engine, neither of us got out of the car.

"I'm sorry for how tonight went."

"It's not your fault, " I replied. "If it means anything, I'm glad you came with."

He smiled, a little painfully. "I meant what I said before. I should have just stayed in with you."

"It's okay," I said quickly. "Really."

"No, it's not. I just—" he cut himself off. "It's like I don't know how to act around you anymore." It sounded wistful, not harsh, but the words stung.

"Oh." I said, feeling sick to my stomach.

His eyes widened. "No, Katie... See, this is what I mean. You scramble my words around. I can't think straight." My heart was beating fast and I could hear it pounding in my ears. He was rambling, the words coming out like he couldn't stop them. "What I mean to say is... just, I'm here for you, okay? I'll be here, as long as you need me."

The tears were welling up in my eyes. "That sounded like you stole it from a Hallmark card."

He laughed sharply, and the air felt charged. "Yeah." He sucked in a breath, and I couldn't help but notice he seemed... off.

"Are you okay?" I asked, reaching out to touch his forehead with the back of my hand. "You're burning up, Jake. Need me to drive you home?"

He looked queasy. "I'll pull over if I need to. Don't worry about me."

I frowned. "Okay, but you have to call me as soon as you get home."

He gave a half smile at that. "Okay."

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I doubled over and retched into the toilet, my head spinning. Whether I had the same bug as Mike or this was a side effect of my headache, I had no idea, but I felt miserable as I pressed my head against the bathtub.

When Charlie and Bella got home, they noticed me lying on the bathroom floor with a cold compress on my forehead. "Oh, no Katie, not you too." Bella said softly, walking over to smooth my hair out of my face. Charlie stood there awkwardly, looming in the doorframe.

He rubbed the back of his neck, clearly feeling guilty. "Sorry, kid. Hold on." I heard him retreat down the stairs, then return with a cool glass of water.

"Thanks," I croaked, accepting the water gratefully.

My throat was sore, head pounding, feeling nauseated, and entirely exhausted.

Needless to say— my birthday kinda sucked.

______________________AN: thank you all for bearing with this extremely long chapter! ______________________