Chapter 18: Memories are all that's left

So this I what I get? I went to the mall to get Clair to get Chinese food and I stumble in on her and this random dude kissing. When I saw her locking lips with him anger and rage came over myself. My hand made a fist and before I knew it, my fist made contact with this guys jaw. Was this what Clair had been doing? When she said she was going out with her friend was she with this dude? Maybe when I was away for games he kept her busy. Nothing made sense as scenarios came in and out of my head. I kept trying to get answers for all of this.

Clair's POV---

I don't know what happened, one second I was saying something to Ryan and the next his lips were all over mine. When he finished kissing me I was in such shock and the first thing I saw was Sid. His face expression showed shock. I didn't know what to do with myself. I saw Sid was mad and tears began rushing down my cheeks. When Ryan kissed me it lit a fire to all memories I had with him. Than seeing Sid's face... I just don't know. I couldn't think, my mind needed to be cleared. I ran out of the mall, into the empty parking lot. I stopped and tears were continuing to rush down my face. Nothing made sense right now, I broke down. Tears began bursting down my face, my hand ran through my hair and my knees trembled. They buckled and before I knew it I was on my knees crying my heart out. My heart told me Sid but my mind reminded me of Ryan. The kiss just brought back all the amazing memories with Ryan. But it also sparked all the bad memories, and the hurtful nights. I sat there in the parking lot till I finally collected my self. I didn't know what was gonna happen up but I had to talk to Sid.

I walked back to the house and saw fresh paw prints in the snow going towards the garage. I walked to the side door and heisted to knock. I lifted my hand to the door and let it rest there until I finally knocked.

"Come in" called a groggy voice

I slowly turned the knob to the door and opened it. There was Sid wrapped in a blanket with the dog.

"Sid can we please talk"

"What is there to talk about?"

"Please Sid, there's so much you don't understand"

"I understand that you were locking lips in the mall" he shouted at me as began standing up off the sofa.

"Sid you don't understand" I shouted back holding in all the tears

"I know what I saw!"

"But it's not what it looked like!"

"Fine than explain"

"He's uh someone I've know for a while. But he kissed me, I didn't kiss him. I haven't seen him since years ago"

"So the kiss meant nothing?"

I stud there staring into Sid's hurt eyes. No words came to mind.'i don't what the kiss meant. I didn't wanna kiss Ryan, but something about this kiss still lingered in my mind.

"So It did mean something"

"Sid.. It"

"Just leave me alone!" He shouted at me

I turned around and ran out of the garage. I pulled my phone out and saw I had a text from Justin

Justin: Coming home with the baby today :)

I locked my phone and slipped it back into my pocket. I calmed my self and thought I should take a walk. I began walking down the road as the sun began to set. I don't know where I stood with Sid, but i don't know what I even want. A million question ran through my mind as I walked up the road to my brothers house. I need to stop thinking for a while, I needed to calm myself. I stood in the pathway of my brothers house, and took a deep breath. I walked to the door and let my hand rest on the doorbell for a second. I finally knocked and Justin's wife greeted me at the door. She looked pretty good for a girl who just had a baby.

"Oh my gosh! Clair get inside it's freezing! Where in the world is your jacket?!"

" I forgot it, let me go wash my hands"

"How did you even get here?"

"Oh we'll I couldn't drive here so I walked"

"You walked 3 miles in freezing cold weather!?"

"Listen I'm okay.. Now where's the baby?" I said while drying off my hands

"She's in the living room with Justin"

I walked over to the living room, the lights where off, the fire place was going. The lights of the Christmas tree sparkled and there was Justin holding his beautiful baby girl.

I sat down on the sofa next to Justin. Baby Sophie was wrapped in a big pink fully blanket. I rested my hand on Justin's shoulder and peered over.

"Wanna hold her?"

I nodded my head in response. He lifted the baby a gently placed her in my arms. She stretched her arms than snuggled into me and fell back asleep. Warmth radiated off her body, she was so precious. A baby so helpless in the world but yet so precious. I handed her back to Justin's wife. "I'm gonna start dinner"

Justin and his wife made their way into the kitchen and I sat on the sofa. I kept plying with my fingers, going over everything that happened today. I got up and made my way to the kitchen when I stopped in the hallway. I could see Justin and the baby. Justin's wife held the baby wrapped in her arms. Justin came behind her and wrapped his arms around her. They both looked at the baby. He kissed the cheek of the baby than the cheek of his wife. Seeing the way that they were, so in love. Justin and his wife went through so much and now they have such a beautiful family. They were living proof the couples who go through everything that is meant to tear them apart come out the strongest. I turned around and ran out of the house. "BYE JUSTIN LOVE YOU" I screamed while running out the house. I had to get back to Sid's house. I knew what I had to do now. Before, I go to Sid but I have to see Ryan first. I walked to his house and walked up his path way. A car was parked in the driveway, someone had to be home. I knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer. A women opened the door, her long blond her was pinned into a bun, her blue eyes became glassy as she looked at me.

"Clair?"

"Kim?"

Instantly she wrapped her arms around me. Kim was my second mother, we were so close especially when Ryan and I were going out. But once Ryan and I split, Kim and I lost connection.

"Is Ryan here?" I stuttered as I broke away from the hug.

"Yea he's in the kitchen"

I walked past her and straight into the kitchen, Ryan was sitting at the table trying to cool down a bowl of soup. I knocked on the wall and his eyes locked on me.

"Ryan can we talk?"

"Yea sure uh come out back"

I followed Ryan to the back door and took a seat on the porch.

"Ryan about what happened today..."

"I'm sorry, I went to far"

I could see the hurt in his eyes, and a black and blue forming in the side of his jaw.

"Listen Ryan. I'm not gonna lie to you.... When we broke up I grieved day and night, but than I realized life goes on and can't keep waiting. Ryan your my first love, I'll always love you. But see I love you, I'm just no longer in love with you. I always care for you, and I wish you well. But this whole us thing is over, it's been over. The kiss today sparked amazing memories, but all the bad ones came back to... I'm sorry Ryan"

"There's someone else now?"

"Yea, I'm sorry Ryan"

"I understand, but can we still have connection?"

"Heres my number.. Take care okay? I'll see you soon"

I handed him my number and walked out the house. I walked back to Sid's house but no one was home. His parents were out with Taylor and Sid wasn't home. Sid's old car was parked in the driveway, I remembered that he kept an old car key in the garage. I walked to the side of the garage and jiggled the knob and the door opened. The dog was fast asleep on the sofa, and I grabbed the key off the hook. I walked over to the car and started it, if I knew Sid at all... He would be at the rink. I pulled out of the driveway and my stomach began to growl, all I had was Starbucks this morning. The engine of the old car roared as I began to drive down the road. I pulled onto the highway and merged into a lane. Cars began speeding by and a tractor trailer was of the left to me. He began trying to merge into my lane. I pressed on my breaks a bit to let him in. Cars began to honk and before I knew it I blacked out. All I could here was someone yelling and everything went black.