𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟟𝟛

⚠[slight trigger warning - mentions suicide]⚠

a/n again i am no expert on depression. i used to have depression, but i'm better now, this is the happiest i've been in my entire life, even if i had ups and downs, i'm happy. if you're someone that suffers with this, please get help. i was lucky enough to have a supportive family there with me. but please do seek help

-나는 그들의 것, 그들의 내 꺼야-

i was frozen in my place, my arms the were around him had dropped at the first sound of the gunshot, falling to his hips. the arms he had around me were still there

before he had a strong hold around me, but his hands went weaker with every shot

i watched him, with every shot feeling more and more useless than before

there was nothing i could do

i can't help him

i can't stop the person shooting

i can't do anything

"soonyoung..." i whispered his name, looking up at him, his pain filled expression

i can't do anything

i was frozen in this moment, terrified of the thoughts of what might happen to him. my concept of time was gone. right now in this moment, all i knew was this. my past had disappeared and thoughts of my short future were gone, i had forgotten who i am, i had forgotten everyone i knew. all i knew was this moment, and the thought of soonyoung dying in front of me

🌷

eventually the shots stopped firing and there was silence again. but it wasn't the peaceful silence from before. this was eerie; a terrifying silence that could swallow me whole

soonyoung fell to the ground, groaning in pain. but i stood there frozen, looking down at him with a horrified look on my face, unmoving

i was frozen in fear. fear of seeing him die and fear being shot myself. my breath was quick and shallow, my extremities were trembling at my sides. the scarf i had with me the entire evening, falling on the ground and drifting away in the wind

i stood like that for two minutes, watching him in pain

until someone's voice snapped me out of it

"areum!" mingyu screamed out as he walked out of the bushes, dragging a man behind him. my head snapping back to soonyoung and falling to his side, unsure of how to help him

"soonyoung" whispered, tears forming in my eyes. his eyes were closed but his face was strained, his hands were clutching his chest, trembling as they did

"soonyoung, how d-do i help you?" i swallowed away the lump that was forming in my throat

"mingyu- bring mingyu" he strained his voice, his eyes squinting in pain

"mingyu!" i screamed, throwing my heels off my feet and running to where he was. he had been gradually walking in our direction, still dragging the man behind him

"m-mingyu, he-" i panicked and grabbed one his arms, unable to make a coherent sentence

"are you okay? you weren't hurt, right?" i shook my head

i was fine... a little shook but i was fine

but soonyoung isn't

"b-but soonyoung i-isn't, h-he-"

"i'm on my way, don't worry" he said calmly, throwing the man he was dragging to the side, almost discarding him like an object. mingyu was holding a gun and i assumed the worst

"m-mingyu..." i stuttered through the tears, "why are you holding a g-gun?" he looked at me sideways

he would never do that, right?

they've known each other for millennia

he wouldn't do that to soonyoung

"are you insinuating that i shot him" he pointed to his chest, "areum, soonyoung is my brother, i would never hurt him" he said through gritted teeth

"that man" he pointed at the man on the floor, "he shot soonyoung, with wooden bullets, no less" he narrowed his eyes at the gun in his hand

"get in the car and lock the doors" he threw me the keys and ordered me away

i watched the keys fall to the ground in slow motion. everything around me was moving in milliseconds, everything seemed to take ages to happen. i couldn't properly hear anything or sense anything around me too much. like i was underwater. there was only the sound of my heart beating and my unregular breathing

this entire situation felt like a fever dream. like it was something my mind created to make me feel like shit, to create new fears in me

losing them, not because i turned to selene, but because they died in front of me

they have dangerous lives... they could die...

i was getting caught up in my head, in my new fears, that i didn't realize that i recognized the man that mingyu threw

it was josh...

the volleyball player seulgi is always with

she really wasn't my friend...

but why would she want to hurt soonyoung? she has nothing to gain from it

what's going on

my knees gave out, allowing me to fall to the ground. josh was right in front of me, i wasn't sure if he was dead or just unconscious. but i couldn't care less

he was the one that shot soonyoung, i could care less if he was truly alive

that's when the thought entered my mind

he should be dead...

at that moment, i realized this was the first time i had ever wanted another human being dead. this man in front of me had shot someone i held so dear in my heart, and could be dying, so i wanted him dead as well

if soonyoung truly dies, i want him to suffer the same fate, but painfully and slowly

i had never experience such malicious intent. this need to watch someone die was foreign to me. i've always chosen to never wish that fate on someone, i had always thought all life was precious, even the lives of the people that hated me

i looked at the keys that mingyu had thrown in my direction, the ones that were on the ground, right in front of me. mingyu had rushed to soonyoung's side, hoping to help in some way, and he had assumed i had followed his orders

but i did no such thing

i had been kneeling on the ground for a full minute, contemplating my next actions as i looked at the keys in front of me. i had learned in school that keys could be used as weapons

a man in my class had been stabbed with keys by another student during an aggressive argument. in the end, i believe they were placed in separate juvenile detention centers, unable to hurt each other again

but i questioned if i should do the same thing...

stab the man, named josh, that was lying vulnerably in front of me

i grabbed the keys in my hands, staring at them for a moment, my hands trembling as i held them

i looked at the sharp edge the little metal thing had

if i could stab his carotid he could die in a few mere moments, but it wouldn't be slow or painful...

could i really do this?

all these thoughts running through my head, all these evil thoughts, were out of character for me. i was always a fragile and timid little thing, i thought i would never have the strength of doing such a thing

killing someone

it seemed so alien to me, something i wasn't capable of

but the sound of the bullets ripping through the air and the sound it made when they pierced soonyoung's skin, were the only things that were echoing in my head. along with the look on his face. that pained expression and the thought of him dying, were the things that had my brain and body under a spell

a spell that could kill anyone

"areum!" someone shouted from far, my head whipping to the sound

"vernon..." i whispered, the keys falling from my hands

what was i just thinking?

i let out a small gasp, my breath hitching in my throat, comprehending what i thought of doing

was i really going to take his life?

it was like his voice as taken me out of a trance, i could hear everything around me. while i was staring at the key, there were no sounds, i couldn't hear anything, like it was blocked by a sound; suddenly, when he yelled for me, i snapped out of it

it felt like i was possessed by something

"areum" he had arrived at my side without me realizing . he took me into his embrace, his cold hands on my warm body

it's strange. who would have thought these ice-like hands would become so familiar to me. so welcoming to me

"where's soonyoung?" he pulled away just as quickly as he pulled me towards him

"h-how did you get h-here?" i stuttered, ignoring his question, more stunned at his appearance

"mingyu called me when he heard the first shot and i came over as quickly as i could" his hands were on either side of me shoulders, "now tell me where is soonyoung" he repeated the question

"but how did y-you get here so q-quickly?" i asked, still to shocked at how he got here. the drive to get here from the house was at least ten minutes. "areum, remember, vampires have supernatural abilities" he explained, the look on his face was one of worry and concern. i was distracting him with these questions. his real concern was getting to soonyoung

"now, focus. where is soonyoung?" his hands were on my cheeks now and he was speaking seriously

i opened my mouth to speak, but i was interrupted

"he's right here" mingyu interrupted from behind us. i turned my head quickly. mingyu was carrying soonyoung over his shoulders, his body looked lifeless. mingyu's expression was calm, a hint of annoyance in it, as well

"is h-he okay?" i was afraid of the answer, tears that had previously been forming in my eyes finally fell from them, cascading down my cheeks

"he died a human death" he air quoted, "not a vampiric death. he's fine" he walked past us, vernon grabbing my hand in his and making me stand up

the beautiful dress i was given, in the beginning of the night it was elegant, clean, and neat, now it had become soiled in the last few minutes. my state was one a traumatized person would be in. i no longer had any shoes and the light mascara i had been wearing was now painting my entire face with every tear that fell

i let out a sigh of relief when i heard mingyu's response

he's fine. he's okay. he won't die

-mingyu's pov-

-five minutes previous-

i tossed areum the keys to the car and ordered her to get into it and lock the doors. i was hoping she would do it without fighting back, but i turned around before i saw he move. hopefully vernon gets here before anything else happens

i need to get to soonyoung. if those bullets got near his heart, he's going to be in serious trouble

i rushed towards him. he was on the ground, twitching and coughing from the bullets

normally, if the bullets had only pierced one of his arms or legs, he would be just fine. he would have only been annoyed

i was worried about him, but at least areum is okay. it was a miracle she wasn't hurt. they were only aiming at him, meaning they were after her

the man had presumed they were alone, most likely wanted to get the chance to take him out and kidnap areum. that was probably the main objective. getting areum

seungcheol hyung was right. we need to leave now

"hyung" there was blood coming out of his mouth, he was in actual pain

"g-get these t-things out o-of me" he choked through the blood. "i need to knock you out then" if areum heard his screams she would get worried and scared. he needs to be out cold if i can do this

he shakily nodded his head, and without a second thought i snapped his neck

"you're going to be fine" i whispered to myself as i turned his body over to take out the bullets

-areum's pov-

"what are we going to do about him?" vernon pointed down at josh. i was too scared and shaken up to explain who he was. i was in shock and wasn't entirely sure of what was happening around me, so i just clung to vernon like an anchor

"get the zip-ties from the trunk and tie him up, we're bringing him to the mansion. he's going in the trunk" he said as he placed soonyoung on the ground

🌷

i'm not sure how we arrived home. i was in some sort of daze. i couldn't process everything that was happening around, the only thing i could think about was that soonyoung was shot, and he could have died

i could vaguely recall vernon tying up josh and throwing him in the trunk, mingyu had guided me to the backseat, telling me to buckle up and later vernon entering and sitting beside me. soonyoung was placed on the passenger seat, next to mingyu

i heard mingyu telling vernon to ditch the other car, but it was all still muffled

i recalled a memory from years ago, one with soonyoung

it was some time after i tried to die...

-flashback-

maybe i should have cut a little deeper, the end would have come quicker. i probably wouldn't have been alive when they found me... maybe i wouldn't feel so horribly right now

"areum" he whispered to me, his hand hovering over my shoulder, barely making contact

"what?" i mumbled back, looking up at his eyes. they looked sad and concerned for me, tired even

i had been out for a few days, the physician knocked me out with drugs to keep me asleep so that i could heal properly. he was worried i would try to hurt myself again. soonyoung and joshua had spent the entire time beside me; soonyoung didn't even sleep, he had stayed awake the entire time, maybe to check if i was still breathing

i may have been unconscious the entire time, but i was still aware of what was happening around me

while i was asleep, i had the strangest dream. there was a woman talking to me. she was stunning. she had dark raven hair and pale skin and the most blue eyes i had ever seen, but at the same time they were pale like the moon. i don't remember what she said clearly, but i distinctly remember her saying "not yet"

but before i knew it, i woke up, soonyoung by my side, holding my hand and i couldn't hear the last thing she said

i was in my room again

"c'mon, let's go somewhere" he picked me up gently. "where?"

"anywhere"

i'm sorry i put you through so much pain...

but i couldn't take the emptiness in my heart

🌷

he took me to his car and placed me in the backseat. over the time i wasn't awake, i had lost my strength and i hadn't been able to walk for a few days. currently i was able to, but slowly, and they didn't want to take any chances of me getting hurt, so they decided to carry me around. i wasn't fond of the idea but they did it anyways

he walked around the car and got into the drivers seat

"are you okay?" he asked from the front, turning around to as me

i simply nodded, not wishing to speak

he made me change before we left, he said i had been wearing the same sleeping clothes for a week straight, said i couldn't do that

what she was wearing:

what i chose to wear was strategically planned so that the bandages around my wrist were hidden underneath the long sleeves

i've heard from people that self-harm scars seem to never go away. if it's true, i'll have to think like this for the rest of my life; always finding ways to hide my scars

we drove for about ten minutes. the drive was silent, only the sound of my heavy breathing and the radio was audible. soonyoung had put on an old song from iu that i used to love, it was a nice thought. i miss my childhood innocence, when i believed in fairies and the monsters under the bed. it used to be so simple

life was so simple

i watched the people walking outside on the pavement. they all looked so happy with their lives, and here i am trying to end mine

am i the only one that's like this

i feel so empty

i'm so tired of trying so hard to be happy

i can't be truly happy without them

i don't want to feel so lonely

the house we lived in while we were in seoul was so empty after they left. the kitchen was empty, his study was empty, the art room that always had him painting was empty. everything was gone

i want them back

it never felt right when they were gone

nothing felt completely finished

ever

"we're here" he said

we had arrived at a little café shop. it was tiny and cozy and most importantly there almost wasn't anyone there

the only people there was a couple near the entrance, the people that worked there, and a grandma with her grandchild

it brought a small smile to my face

but that smile dropped as soon as it came

i want a grandma

i've seen the girls in school running to their grandmas with such joy in their eyes. they always seemed to happy to see them

it was in moments like this that i wished i had one. she would sit me down and try to talk to me. no doubt that's what soonyoung is going to do, but i wish it was my grandma

he opened the door for me and helped me out the car, putting his hand around my waist and one holding my hand to keep me standing

"be careful" he said. there were a few tears in his eyes, they looked like they would fall at any moment

"c'mon, let's head inside and order some coffee" he smiled softly at me

and again, i just nodded, not saying anything

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