Chapter 44

Damien still tried pursuing something with you. Another mundane day of rejecting the man you used to love. Another day of working at a job you despised. Possibly even more than your previous before the circus.

Unfortunately for Damien even with your memories back, you still couldn't shake the thought of Caine. Being with him had done something to you. It changed something fundamental in the way you felt about relationships. There was a certain level of hunger and possessiveness in the way he'd treated you. It was an unhealthy craving that shot straight through your heart in sick and twisted ways you'd never tell the others about.

'Does he even exist anymore? Did they really delete him? Just like that?'

Though this was the real macro verse you struggled to survive in, you constantly felt on the verge of abstraction. Was that even possible here? God you wished it was. His over the top laughter echoed in your memories as your eyes zoned in and back out. Gazing off unfocused, not completing any one task at work. Coworkers noticed. Your boss noticed.

They didn't really ask why.

They knew deep down anyone who'd been trapped in that game with Caine was never the same after. And per the agreement of the NDA they had to supply you with a job if you'd so desired it. Despite you not doing said job.

It was odd really. Every day you showed up on time. Sometimes even earlier than the rest. And you were always the last to leave. Employees passing by any former circus member would politely give a nod and smile. Their manners were present, that much you couldn't deny, but there was a certain level of distance they all maintained. Below the warmth of their words there was a cool sterile uncaring tone that never matched the 'hey how's it going y/n!'.

At times it felt like an invisible divide was present, the gap growing larger at times than others.

The gap was felt the most at holiday gatherings and potlucks. No one dared to mingle with any of the former circus members.

Even when there were gatherings at the bar after work none of you ever received invitations.

Company work trips.

You never went on them.

Sure C&A gave you a paycheck, insurance, and enough money to never work again, but it was as if you'd been sent to a permanent social experiment where you'd always be the outlier. You spent ungodly amounts of your checks on video games. In a weird way they brought you back to the digital circus. A VR headset you'd purchased became the closest thing you had to that feeling. You spent hours on end in the digital world. Even making avatars that looked like the former members. You didn't dare tell anyone though.

The time outside the circus.

It was doing something to you.

This time without Caine was driving you mad.

Suddenly the lights around you had gone dim. Yanking you out of your usual day dreaming state momentarily. Your eyes were regaining their focus on the surroundings.

You didn't really know why the power to your computer ceased to be, or really care. Nearby others shifted uncomfortably in their cubicles awaiting orders to either wait it out or head home. The sound of rain was hitting the roof of the office building so hard you could hear it even inside. It calmed you down a bit allowing your shoulders to slump forward.

A few moments went by before the office staff were ultimately told to go home after an hour of no electricity. As everyone shuffled out Ragatha stopped by your cubicle breaking the flow of traffic heading towards the exit, "You know— we could always go out for dinner sometime. It might. Help."

You nodded silently at her.

She shifted awkwardly.

"Right well. I gotta get going now. I'm gonna take that as you're not really interested. Which no biggie!! Maybe next time then. Just—"

She sighed exhausted by previous attempts to get you out of your zombie like state.

"Try to cheer up y/n. We worry about you. I know it's hard. But this — way of living— and stressing out constantly isn't good for your mental or physical health. I know it's probably more comfortable to suffer alone, but I really think going out would help.

More than you realize..

You should try it sometime."

You smiled weakly, a rare sight these days. The reaction elicited a surprised sharp inhale from Ragatha. Her eyes went wide. The corners of your mouth had actually twitched awkwardly into a smile for once. Facial muscles seeming to twitch as you desperately clung to your sanity to muster up some semblance of politeness, "Maybe Friday."

You lied.

Ragatha smiled back seemingly genuinely this time, and nodded before walking away.

"Right. Well. Just let me know!"

The click of the door rung out across the empty hallway as she left. Everyone else already gone. And yet you still didn't move. Shadows crept all along the cubicles making the scene eerie and uncanny. Only the gentle hum of the emergency generator could be heard. It was starting to look like a backrooms level in there.

'Ha. Caine would love to make an adventure like that'

The lights flickered.

'Great. The emergency generator barely has enough to even keep the lights on in this place. I should probably go home.'

Go home to what exactly?

You weren't sure.

You stood up and stared at all the blank blackened screens of the office. Not a computer turned on in sight. You wondered if this is what Caine saw in his final moments before deletion.

That was—

All except for one.

Far off in the distance in a now abandoned building the old office sat patiently waiting. For someone. Anyone. A single glass window was illuminated by the light of a distant computer monitor.

An exasperated sigh escaped your lips as you ran a hand through your h/c locks in frustration. Staring up at the flickering ever dimming lights above. Your e/c eyes were seemingly duller now than before. Stress marks had made their way to the corners of your eyes, leaving permanent bags in their wake.

You hated it here.

You wanted to go back.

A quick glance to the corner of the room tells you the security cameras aren't powered at the moment. No red lights where they'd normally be to indicate their functioning.

Curiosity takes hold as you head out the door and down the stairs.

'I wonder if the security system is down everywhere?'

Heading out to the parking garage you step to the ledge and peer off into the distance. Leaning against the wet concrete as the rain came down in heavy uneven sheets. Their patterns formed by gusts of strong winds. And there the old office was. Decrepit and unloved. Vines grew in and out of cracked windows. Graffiti littered the outside walls. The grey of the stormy sky seemingly illuminated the vegetation growing all along the base of the building. The place truly looked and probably was entirely abandoned. Barbed wire fences and security cameras surrounded its perimeters.

Crash! Bam!

You nearly jump out of your skin as lightening strikes nearby in the forest. The crackling of a tree could be heard as it collided with the earth making a noises rivaling the loudness of the thunder.

"Shit!"

Your breathing quickened and you stepped back from the ledge of the parking garage. Heartbeats filled your ears drowning out the rain as you nearly hyperventilated.

After awhile your breathing returns to a somewhat normal pace.

There it was.

This strange pull to the old building before you.

It tugged on your body with an invisible string. As if whispering you to dare to enter. Though it was hard to see, as you looked back across from where you stood you could make out the faintest glow of a screen in the office.

No that couldn't be right.

Those computers had been abandoned for years.

Rain pelted the concrete, the only sound for a few moments until a soft crackled voice desperately whispered to no one. Breaking through the gentle hum of the rain.

"Caine?"

Before you could comprehend what was happening you were already climbing up the emergency fire ladders to get up to the window illuminated by the light of forgotten technology. You'd practically ran to the abandoned site. Your office attire admittedly slowing you down a bit.

A computer that to your knowledge had been dormant for years. One that shouldn't even be on. Let alone during a power outage like this one.

Yet there it was.

Glass crunched beneath your shoes as you exit from the fire ladder and into the room. Without thinking you'd used your car keys to shatter the glass. Rapid and uneven steps threatened to topple you face forward into cobwebs as you practically run to the old computer. Your desperate eyes were greeted by the unmistakable appearance of windows 95.

Setting your bag down next to you, you sit in the old office chair. It creaked under your weight after being still without pressure for so long. As if the chair never expected someone to sit in it again.

Shakily you moved the mouse. Entering the old passwords to access administrator privileges before searching files for Caine.

And there it was.

Had they forgotten to delete him from the other computers? Was this even him? Or just a prototype?

You didn't know.

You didn't care.

Your fingers fumbled as you dug urgently through your bag.

' where the fuck is it?!! I know I brought a usb chord to work incase I needed to charge this damn phone '

Quickly you rummage through only to realize it had been in the pocket of your jacket you had on the entire time. Just when you'd thought you'd have to steal one from the office and climb back up here. A sigh of relief exited your lips as you plugged in the chord to the tower then to your phone.

"Now let's get this show right on the road~"

You mockingly sing song to no one in particular as you download the files from the pc to your phone.

Zero planning or thought had gone into this before hand. Not that you were sure this would even work. But still. You were going to try.

No matter what.

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