Chapter 25

Hey guys! As most of you probably know, coronavirus has a lot of people in self-quarantine, depending on what country you live in. Hopefully, this means I will have much more free time to write/update! Everyone stay safe and healthy!

***

Zoe

I press a fingertip to my bedroom window, trailing it across the glass as a small knot begins to form in my stomach.

Tomorrow, I go back to Hogwarts, and I don't really know how I feel about it. 

In the morning, I'll wake up and begrudgingly roll out of bed, repack my winter break bag, and wait down in my grandpa's flower shop for Eric, Stevie, and her parents to arrive. Then, they'll drive us all to King's Cross Station, where we'll barrel through the brick barrier between platforms 9 and 10. Once we get on the Hogwarts Express, it'll only be a few short hours until the three of us are back inside the castle with the rest of our school. 

I'm not sure if I'm ready to face Hogwarts again just yet - being back in Copenhagen has been a dream for me. Waking up in my yellow bedroom every morning and staring out the window at the busy fishing pier. Helping my grandpa unload holiday-themed plants out of wooden crates in the flower shop downstairs, and giving him endless hugs. Midnight talks and late night snacks with Stevie and Eric. I don't want these things to end; Copenhagen is my happy place. 

My heart sinks at the thought of leaving my grandpa again. I've lied to him plenty of times over break. Whenever he asks about Hogwarts, I paint him a happy picture filled with laughter and magic. I do this because if he truly thinks that Hogwarts has been like a dream for me so far, he'll sleep better at night. I don't want him to know it's made me afraid or angry - he doesn't deserve that. 

Surprisingly, though, there's a part of me that misses the giant castle. The delicious meals under the starry ceiling in the great hall, the warmth of a nighttime fire in the Slytherin common room, the adrenaline that rushes through me during a quidditch match. Despite what I've gone through so far this year, Hogwarts has still begun to feel like a second home. I'm just nervous to see what the months following winter break will bring. 

Despite all my nerves about Hogwarts, I've found myself thinking about something more personal while I've been home. Almost every night, I've pulled out the dusty picture of my father from beneath my bed, just to look at it. After all, I haven't been able to stop thinking about the thing since the whole fiasco with Julian about my parents. When I look at the photo now, I analyze it even more critically than I used to. My biological father's strong jaw and sharp nose don't match mine, but our eyes are almost identical: watery blue, tinted here and there with shades of green like the ocean. When I used to look at the picture, it brought me a strong sense of curiosity. Now, after what Julian said, looking at it just makes me feel cold - almost like I hope to god I never have to meet my parents. 

A knock on the door that I recognize to be Abraham's withdraws me from my thoughts. I softly tell him to come in, and the door glides open.

The sight of the tall and burly man standing in the doorway, gentle as a doe despite his size, makes me realize how much I will miss him during the coming months. I beckon him to sit down on the opposite end of my mattress. 

"Are you ready to go back?" He asks, an unsure smile flickering on his face. Maybe he doesn't know how he feels about me leaving again, either; the concept of me being away from home for so long is new to the both of us. 

I try to hide my uncertainity, and force a cheery grin and a nod. It doesn't fool him, though.

"Don't try to trick me, Zoe. I know you - after all, I was the one who changed your diapers." He smiles. "Now, tell me what's bothering you. Is it something about Hogwarts?"

I stare at my soft yellow wall, internally torn. One part of me longs to tell my grandpa about everything that's happened to me at Hogwarts, and the other knows that if I do, it will hurt him greatly. Although I tried to keep everything a secret when I was owling him from the castle, it's much harder when he's right in front of me. I decide to spill a little bit.

"Well, there is...one thing." I begin. "I met someone last term, and most of the times we just don't get along. Things were starting to get a little better with us, but then something happened that made everything worse again, and we haven't really talked since. I'm just nervous, I guess, to go back there and have to see him again. And I don't understand why I care about it so much."

I feel shocked as the words leave my lips. Obviously, I'd been talking about Blaise, which is something I don't normally like to do. Most of the times, I try not to even think about him. Yet, I'd just admitted that I care about what'd happened between us without even realizing it. Do I care about Blaise?

Abraham looks at me quizically. "Why don't you two get along?"

I hesitate. "He's never been that nice to me and - honestly, I don't know why."

My answer is truthful. I really don't know why Blaise and I have never gotten along, or why he's always been rude to me. My mind floats back to the first time we met, when I'd accidentally stumbled into his compartment on the Hogwarts Express. He'd been so vile to me, and that didn't change even after weeks of knowing each other, which I found frustrating. It had always been like that with me and Blaise - confusing anger, burning tension. I've always just accepted that. It never occurred to me to consider why it might be. 

"Well, Zoe, I've always taught you not to let anyone treat you unkindly. You deserve better than that." My grandpa says. "But you also know I believe that no one is born mean. People turn mean and cold because of something - something they experienced, or something that happened to them."

I gaze down at my lap, my heart feeling both light and heavy at the same time. It seems as though my thoughts have been a puzzle the past few months, and my grandpa's words are the piece that completes them. I'm unsure of how to feel about that.

"Maybe you just haven't found out what his something  is, yet."

***

The following day, I am sitting on the Hogwarts Express with Stevie by my side and Eric across from me. He's been gabbing on and on about his ex-boyfriend, Hank, for around two hours now, and I haven't listened to a word of it.

I can't stop thinking about what my grandpa told me last night. 

Maybe you just haven't found out what his something is, yet.

What does that mean? I'd never thought about why Blaise is rude to me, I just knew that he was. It was factual to me - Blaise was a dick to me a lot of the times, even though I'd never done anything to him. That's just the way things were. But maybe there's a reason why Blaise is the way he is. I have no idea what that could be, and I'm not sure if I'll find out anytime soon, but one thing is for sure - the next time I see Blaise, I won't be looking at him in the same dismissive manner that I used to. 

I've missed my grandpa since I hugged him tightly goodbye this morning, and I'm terrified to see both Julian and Flint again. However, something deep within me is eager to see Blaise. Of course, he'll always be Blaise, and he might not always be kind to me, but maybe there's a reason for that. 

"Blimey." Stevie says, pulling the thin newspaper she's holding closer towards her. "This is insane."

"Are either of you two even listening to me?" Eric snaps. He must've just noticed that both Stevie and I have been preoccupied with our own thoughts. 

"Sorry, Eric - but look at this here in the Daily Prophet." Stevie slides the paper onto the table between us, pointing to a collection of paragraphs towards the top. "Two hundred innocent muggles were murdered in a magical attack, and the ministry had to obliviate hundreds of bystanders. This kind of sounds like something that -"

She stops abruptly, her head snapping up towards Eric. The two of them stare at each other, their eyes filled with both terror and sudden realization. I'm beyond confused.

"Sounds like something that what?" I pipe up, trying to get Stevie to complete her sentence.  

"You-Know-Who." Eric says in a small voice, both of them still ignoring me. Stevie nods slowly.

"What's You-Know-Who?"

"Oh, Zoelle, you sweet and innocent little butterfly marshmallow. You're still so unexperienced when it comes to the wizarding world, and I forget that you still have so much to learn." Eric coos, finally turning towards me. "You-Know-Who is one of the darkest and most powerful wizards of our time, maybe even of all time. Everyone thought he was toast after the first wizarding war, but Harry Potter has been claiming that he's back for a couple of years now. Most wizards have been denying it, but this muggle attack seems right up his alley."

"Oh." I say, unsure of what else to do. I shift in my seat uncomfortably. The thought of an extremely skilled and dark wizard rising back to power makes me squeamish. I try to put the thought of You-Know-Who to the back of my mind, hoping we can talk about something else. 

The Hogwarts Express pulls into the platform by Hogwarts sooner than I'm ready for it to. Outside, a steady drizzle has begun, gently dampening the giant castle and the grounds surrounding it. We stand up, ready to exit our compartment, and my chest begins to tighten at the thought of what second term will bring.

Whatever it may be, I hope I'm ready for it.