𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

𝐎𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫

I stood in front of the mirror in Jake and I's shared bathroom. My eyes raked across my chest, observing the wound that had started to grow. After visiting Bella four days ago, I went to the clinic and got some antibiotics for it, but instead of the infection getting better, it got worse.

Right above my heart is where it started, small indentations of teeth created two crescent wounds on the top my breast. Usually when he bit me, the mark was completely healed within a week, but this time it hadn't.

The bite was red and raw with dark black veins running across my chest, staring at the bite and moving outward. The darkness stretched across to both shoulders and on the left it had started to work its way down my arm and up toward my neck. If it didn't stop soon, someone was sure to see it.

Gently I ran my fingers across the bit, flinching as the pain surged through me at the simple touch. It was a constant pain that got worse as time went on.

Its all his fault, I thought bitterly, my eyes welling with tears as I looked over the poisoned flesh. Why did he have to leave me? Why did he break our bond and run off? It wasn't likely that I'd get answers anytime soon, if at all. His phone line was dead, as was the rest of his family. They'd completely disappeared. 

I tore my eyes away from the wound, deciding it wasn't worth worrying over. He had sealed my fate when he broke our bond, I suppose I should just accept it. I sniffled, blinking away the tears that threatened to pour over.

My heart was aching more today than yesterday, my stomach feeling like there was a hole in it. I wanted to be mad at him, I wanted to hate him with every fiber of my being but I still missed him, I still grieved for him. Even as I stand here, slowly dying, I find myself hurting worse at the fact that I was all alone.

A knock sounded on the door and I quickly grabbed the crew neck I'd placed on the counter and pulled it over my head. "Just a second," I called, pulling on my sweat pants next. 

I pulled open the door in the next moment, coming face to face with Paul. I hadn't seen him in two days, he was doing round the clock patrol with Jared these last two nights and hadn't had a break until now.

At the sight of him I felt immediate relief, the pain in my chest dissipating to a bearable level. My body relaxed and I sent him a small smile, fighting the tears that still wanted to come. 

Guilt pooled in my stomach, filling the hole that Emmett left behind. I felt bad for the comfort I found in Paul Lahote. It felt like cheating, and I'd never been a cheater. He left, I reminded myself, he left so I was allowed to find comfort in whatever or whomever I wanted.

Paul reached a hand up, gently brushing a tear away as it dripped from my eyelash. "You're crying," he observed, his brows furrowing together.

I didn't respond and instead just stepped towards him and into his warmth. I wrapped my arms around his torso and buried my face into his chest. He smelled of the forest and the ocean, like salt spray and evergreen.

Paul didn't hesitate and wrapped his arms around me, warming my body instantly. "You were gone for awhile this time," I whispered, my voice low and muffled from his shirt.

Paul's fingers found my hair and lightly scratched against my scalp, sending chills down my spine. I hummed, my eyes falling closed as I enjoyed the soothing touch. "Sam wanted to keep me on patrol for longer, but I told him I had to check on you first."

I tensed, my eyes opening as I pulled back slightly, just enough to look at his face. "You have patrol again tonight?"

He shook his head, "no, not till the morning. Sam gave me the night off." I nodded before relaxing back into his arms, or trying to. Just as Paul went to play with my hair again, I thought about how intimate this was.

We were standing in my room, in the dark, holding one another while he played with my hair. It was something we'd never done before, not even when we'd been sleeping together. 

My cheeks heated as I thought back to when we were sleeping together. Why did I have to think about that? Now all of this felt more awkward.

In the month since Emmett left, Paul and I had become closer. Our relationship had started to change into something softer and I wasn't sure what that meant. The guilt in my stomach tripled in intensity, bubbling up until I almost felt sick.

How could I sit here in another mans arms only a month after my soulmate left me? It should take longer for me to even think about someone else. I should be comatose like Bella, I should be... I don't know, but I should be feeling relaxed with another man.

I pulled away from Paul, not able to look him in the eye as I moved over to my bed, wiping my palms on my leggins as I suddenly felt very guilty and very confused.

"Are you okay?" He asked, obviously confused by my sudden change in behavior.

I hummed in response, not wanting to say anything in fear that I'd word vomit and make things more awkward. 

What if I told Paul about my conflicting emotions and he laughed? What if he rejected me worse than he did last year when I'd first asked him what we were? I can't handle another man rejecting me right now. 

And it's not like I wanted Paul like that... not right now anyways. It was too soon, my heart break still so fresh, a pain I wasn't sure would ever go away--at least not completely. 

Not to mention I'm fairly certain I'm dying. My wound throbbed in response, clearly sensing the direction of my thoughts.

It was all too much. Too overwhelming. Too confusing.

If Emmett hadn't left things would be so much easier.

Why did you have to leave me?

"Liv, what's wrong?" Paul asked again, his hand came up to grab my arm but I quickly shrugged him off, trying to ignore the warmth of his touch. I started fixing my bed, fluffing my pillow that was already fluffed.

"Nothing," I mumbled, hoping he'd just drop it.

Of course that wasn't going to happen. "Tell me what's going on," he grumbled.

"I said nothing," I snapped, shooting him a look over my shoulder.

He rolled his eyes in response, giving me a look that had me grinding my teeth, why couldn't he just drop it? "Why won't you just tell me--"

"Why are you even here?" I snapped throwing my pillow down on my bed so I could fully turn to face the shifter. Paul's face shifted into one of confusion and that just made me more upset, more confused. "You helped me make it out of the woods and I'm fine now, so why are you still here?"

Paul's brows furrowed even more and he took a breath before responding, "I-I thought you wanted me here-"

"Well, you thought wrong," I didn't know what I was saying, just that I was mad. I was so mad and I wasn't even mad at Paul, but he was here and it was easy to let it out on him. "If you think that hanging around is going to somehow get me back into bed with you, then you thought wrong."

His eyes widened and I could see a fire start burning in his eyes. Paul had always been a hot head, it just took pressing the right buttons to get him fired up. "I'm not trying to sleep with you, Liv."

I threw my hands up in frustration, trying to ignore the slight throb in my chest, pretending that it was from the movement and not because Paul's outright denial of wanting to be with me. I shouldn't care. It shouldn't bother me.

"Then go," I shouted, my voice raising in volume before I could stop it. "I don't want you here!" I immediately wanted to take my words back, to swallow them up before they reached his ears, but I couldn't.

Paul's hands were shaking at his sides and I knew I'd struck a nerve. He was going to shift if he didn't calm down. And he'd never risk shifting in front of me, not wanting to risk hurting me the way Sam hurt Emily.

"Fine!" He snapped before turning and leaving my room, slamming the door shut on his way out.

I stood still for a moment, my heart pounding in my chest. I heard a howl in the distance and I knew it was Paul.

I got what I wanted. I got Paul to leave. I created space between us, space so that I didn't feel confused and overwhelmed.

So why did I feel so bad? Why was my guilt suddenly turned toward what just happened. And why did my heart ache for Paul in a similar way to how its aching for Emmett?

I didn't see Paul for the next two days, which I can only blame myself for. I had refused to call or text him, not wanting to admit that I was being a little irrational the other day. 

Also, I really didn't want to have to acknowledge any thoughts or... feelings... I'd been having since then. It felt wrong and left me feeling sick--or maybe that was the bite on my chest talking. Either way.

But damn it, I missed him. I missed his warmth and his comfort. I missed the way he always makes me feel safe and protected. It's a feeling I'd always felt around Paul Lahote and now that he was staying away... I missed it.

Still, it didn't matter right now because I was at Bella's house again, trying to coax the girl out of her depression. As promised last week, I showed up again. I wasn't going to let her wither away, not if I could help it.

I sat on her bed while she sat in her same spot as the week before, I was fairly certain her clothes hadn't been changed either. She didn't acknowledge my presence as I entered the room and she didn't even budge as I started talking to her.

"Paul and I got in a bit of a fight," I let out a breath, deciding I could still utilize her as a way to think out loud and vent. "Things have been weird, Is. I don't know what to do about any of it.

"I miss him," I whispered, "I miss all of them, and I know you do too. But I don't think they're coming back, and that sucks, it really does."

I left the words there to hang in the air around us. Of course there was no response from her, she just kept her gaze focused on that damn window, staring out at the world as it passed her by.

They had been gone over a month and she still had yet to do more than sit there. I took a slow breath. Her process of grieving wasn't for me to judge. I know I wasn't processing things in the most healthy way either, so I can fault her for her coping.

"Alright," I sighed, standing from the bed, "I'll come back next week. I love you, Is."

I gave her shoulder a gently squeeze on my way out and she didn't even flinch.

I made my way downstairs to see Charlie in the kitchen cleaning some dishes. The moment I stepped off the last stair, his eyes were on me. I could tell by the tired, worn look in his eyes that he was worried for Bella. And of course he was, what parent wouldn't be?

"Not a word," I whispered, hating that I had to deliver the same bad news I had to last week. News I'd probably have to deliver for more weeks.

Charlie's shoulders sagged and his face pulled down. I felt bad for the man, I can't imagine what it was like having to watch your daughter waste away into a deep depression right in front of you.

"It means a lot that you're checking in on her," Charlie voiced after a moment. "She'll appreciate it once... once she comes out of this."

I nodded, "I know she'd do it for me too, if roles were reversed. It's really no problem." I glanced at the clock above the calendar, reading the numbers 6:28PM. It was already getting dark and I hated driving at night. "Well, I'll see you next week. Bye Charlie."

The man waved me off as I left the house. 

I made my way down the front steps, moving toward my car that was parked on the street. Half way to the driver side door, I started to get dizzy, my head feeling slightly faint. I took a stuttering breath, trying to calm the sudden gallops in my chest, my eyes falling closed.

Giving myself a moment to shake away the feeling, I opened my eyes and felt okay enough to drive. I tried to ignore the worsening pain in my chest, not wanting to address it now, and definitely not wanting to think about how my pain was always worse when a certain shifter was absent.

It was hard not to think about, though, as I drove the empty roads that led home. 

The way that as soon as Paul wasn't around everything hurt worse. The hole in my chest seemed bigger, deeper. At night the absence of Emmett was suffocating to the point I couldn't breathe without feeling like dying. And the wound in my chest just seemed to spread faster whenever he was gone.

I'm not sure why that is, or if there even was a logical explanation.

Maybe it was the company. Maybe just having someone there at night and surrounding my thoughts, made it easier to cope with the loss of my soulmate.

That didn't sound right, though. Because I was never alone anymore, not really and not since Emmett left. 

When Paul was gone, Jake usually slept in the recliner in my room. He said it was because his bed wasn't comfortable but I knew my brother just wanted to watch over me in case I had another nightmare.

I'm not sure what it was about Paul Lahote that made my pain bearable, but I wasn't ready to loose him. Especially not over a petty argument. I knew it wouldn't take much to get him to stop staying away. All I had to do was apologize for freaking out on him and he'd come back.

It was that easy.

There was a part of me that didn't want to call him. A strange, dark part that wanted to test him. See how long he'd ignore me, how long he'd stay away before checking on me. It was weird, I'd never felt as toxic as I did when that thought passed through my mind.

I gave a sigh, pulling my phone out as soon as I pulled into my driveway, dialing the number and putting the device to my ear. I waited, the line ringing only once before it clicked. 

"Liv?" His worried voice sounded through the line and I felt my body relax in a way that was only brought by the comfort I found in Paul.

I rolled my lips into my mouth, biting on them before releasing with a sigh, "can you come over?"

"I'll be there in ten," his response was immediate and I smiled. He didn't need to contemplate or hesitate. At the drop of a hat, Paul would be there for me, no questions asked. He was too good for me. 

And even though the warm feeling in my chest scared the shit out of me just as much as it confused me, I decided I wasn't going to push him away anymore. He was my best friend and he made me feel better. That's all that mattered. Everything else can be dealt with when my heart and mind have the energy to do so.

For now, I'd just enjoy the comfort of a friend. There was no need to make things more complicated than that.