xxi

3rd Person's POV

Normally, Luna Saito would be devastated about her recent Short Program score at the NHK Trophy.

It wasn't the case though.

She wanted to feel something. She knows she messed up and it wasn't something to be happy about. Even though its disappointment, anger, sadness, she still wants to feel something. Anything.

But no. Nothing. 

Luna Saito is numb. From another person's perspective, everything that happened was not her fault, nor anyone's for that matter. 

However, something flipped a switch in her brain, messing up her emotions, saying that she ruined someone's life because she is a burden.

Honestly, she felt the exact same way when she learned about her condition. Luna remembers vividly how she wanted to disappear at the thought of having to worry her family and becoming a burden.

Its been years since she felt like this. She thought she recovered from it but her inner demons are messing with her head. Now, not only is she fighting with her physical condition but also with her conscience. 

"You ready, Luna?" Uncle Brian asks. Sitting at 5th place after yesterday's disastrous short, she awaits her turn after Mirai Nagasu of the US.

In silence, she gives him a small nod with her face void of any kind of expression. This makes his Uncle sigh deeply before hugging her for comfort. 

"Its okay, Luna. Its okay. I know its hurting. But Yuzuru is fine. You're fine." He whispers softly, patting her back. 

"I'm not asking." Luna replied. 

Though she answered coldly, her eyes tell a different story as one, two, three drops of tears fell from her face. She immediately grabbed a tissue, pretending to blow her nose but actually wiping away the tears. The last thing she wants to happen is for the world to see her cry tears that are not of happiness. 

As Uncle Brian was about to talk again, he was cut off.

"Next skater from Canada. Please welcome, Luna Saito."

Despite the disappointment of a program, as Luna describes it in her head, the crowd cheered louder than yesterday. Probably to show more support and to cheer her up.

Pity. They are cheering for me out of pity. Luna thought deep inside, or more like her inner demons are. 

However, she, once again for the nth time in a span of about 3 days, she flashed a phony smile. A smile that even though he can only see through the small, rectangular contraption, Yuzuru knows is fake.

Luna... even though its only been a few days, you're still as breathtaking as ever. Yuzuru thought as Luna glides across the rink to take her position.

With her eyes dull and lifeless, Luna started her free skate better than how she started her performance yesterday. 

Throughout her performance, its as if the only thing that's lively is how her costume freely flows with the wind, making her already graceful movements more elegant. 

I cannot collapse in the middle. Not now. Luna thought as she was halfway through her performance. She is tired.

Yesterday, she had probably one of the worst attacks ever since she started skating again. Her heart felt tight, her breathing shallow, lightheaded and ready to collapse. It happened right after hearing the scores as they go backstage. Sky was there to support her as she felt her knees buckle. Uncle Brian immediately noticed and asked what's wrong to which Sky replied "She just needs to take a seat. This girl practiced late last night so its probably overfatigue. Don't worry. I*'ll take care of her." Sky knew what to say. He knew Luna wouldn't want anyone to think she was getting worse. They had an agreement.

As Luna said, she was ready to let go.

Today was different though. Luna felt more exhausted than yesterday. Not letting her fatigue take over, she started visibly panting harder trying to gasp for breath. As she take off for her next jump in the second half. a combination quad loop-triple lutz, she felt her heart skip beats, making her fall once again as did all her prior jumps during the first half. 

To the audience, it seemed like their favorite is sick and feeling under the weather. However, people who know her condition are growing more and more concerned. Uncle Brian saw Luna looking out of it as she stood up and continued with the performance. 

Filled with worry and about to tear up, he was about to signal to halt the music and for Luna to forfeit. As he was about to, a hand from behind stopped him. 

Of course, it was Sky. Sky gave his Uncle a sad smile and slightly shook his head 'no'. Uncle Brian stared at him for a few seconds before looking back at Luna.

There she was in all her glory, despite her movements becoming sloppy and all over the place, Uncle Brian still felt the passion and determination emanating from his niece.

And he was proud. Proud to be her coach and proud to be her family. Though it was painful for the people who know Luna to watch, they believed that she will finish strong.

Meanwhile, Yuzuru's eyes were filled with tears of worry. He wanted to run and remove whatever was connected to him in his stupid hospital room. He wanted to run towards the venue, hug Luna and ask her to stop. But he knew very well she would hate him more if he did. In the end, all he can do is watch from afar. And it pains him deeply.

Is this what Javi wanted to say? What exactly is the problem? Does she have asthma like me? He thought to himself, his heart aching because if that was the case, he knows how she feels. 

Luna's last jump, a triple loop, had an unclean landing before her final combination spin. From there on, her consciousness was holding on for dear life. 

After the final pose, she stumbled a bit but regaining her balance as she bowed and smiled to the audience. Rounds of applause echoed through the hall, carnations and RJ plushies tossed onto the rink. She looked down at her right ankle which was heavily taped due to yesterday's mishap in the short, whispering a small thank you to it for hanging on.

Despite the booming cheers from everyone in the gymnasium, Luna heard nothing. It was like she was underwater and the sounds she hears are muted and low. 

Skating back towards the Kiss and Cry seemed like slow motion. To her at least. 

Just a few feet away from reaching the Kiss and Cry, everything turned black.

And all Yuzuru could do was widen his eyes at the sight of Luna laying flat on the ice looking lifeless, Sky sprinting towards his sister, and Coach Brian calling for medic.

- 3 weeks after the NHK Trophy - 

The news about Luna Saito collapsing after her long program spread throughout the skating community like wildfire.

Headlines and assumptions by sports analysts blasted through the news and the Internet. 

"What happened to Luna Saito?"

"Was Luna Saito from Canada sick that day during the NHK Trophy?"

"Has it something to do with his boyfriend, Olympic Gold Medalist, Yuzuru Hanyu?"

"Is it the same reason she retired in her Junior years?"

However, until now, not a single one has been confirmed by anyone from Luna's Team as per her request.

What happened right after the incident, you may ask? Luna was taken to the same hospital where Yuzuru was confined. 

-flashback-

It was a frenzy. Everyone in the arena was in shock of what they had just witnessed. THE Luna Saito, being carried by his brother backstage rushing towards the medics with a stretcher. The competition was put on hold for about 45 minutes before resuming with Rika Hongo performing next. 

As much as Zhenya wanted to go, she was stopped by Coach Brian firmly and she had no choice but to stay. She was left with Coach Tracy who said that they will immediately go to the hospital straight after her performance. 

As for Jason, he still had enough time to spare before the Men's event so he went with Coach Brian. After all, Luna was like a sister she never had.

Yuzuru, on the other hand, was trying to get away from Javi who was blocking his way. Yuzuru wanted nothing else but to run to Luna, be by her side, even if it means further injuring his already damaged ankle. He didn't care anymore.

Not even an hour after, Sky came in Yuzuru's room.

"Hey, Javier. Let me talk to him." Sky greeted Javi, Javi nodding in reply and closing the door behind him.

Silence. There was nothing but a deafening silence. 

"I-I'm sor-" Yuzuru was about to speak up when he was cut off.

"She's sick." Sick?

"Oh. Fever? Cold and cough? Was she given medicine already? I hope she feels okay in a couple of days. Can I go see her?" Yuzuru rambled, struggling to stand up and he attempts to go out of his room once again. 

"No, Yuzuru." Sky replied, looking down at his feet. His voice shaking, Yuzuru noticed, tears falling from Sky's face one by one.

"No? What do you mean no?" Yuzu asked slightly changing the tone of his voice.

As if on cue, Sky's knees buckled and he was sitting on the floor sobbing quietly, his hands covering his face. This time, Yuzuru actually stood up, not minding the hellish pain from his ankle. 

He kneeled down and grabbed Sky by his shoulders. Though they may have only known each other for months, he deeply cares for the brother of the one he loves. He's like family already. And it worries him how this is the first time he's seen the man breakdown so suddenly.

"What's wrong?" Yuzuru asked, thinking that he might regret asking.

After seconds of silence with nothing to be heard but sniffles, Sky finally shouted.

"Luna's sick, Yuzuru! She's dying! She's dying and there's nothing I can do!" He looked down at Yuzuru as he stood up saying this. 

She's dying!

She's dying!

She's dying!

She's dying!

She's dying...

"No..." It was Yuzuru's turn to say no.

Sky always thought Yuzuru was the one for his sister ever since they met. And it brings him more pain as he heard Yuzuru's heart crack into millions of pieces. Sky not bearing to see the look of utter pain in Yuzuru's face, he looked up the ceiling, hands on his waist, letting the tears fall freely once more. 

Meanwhile, Yuzuru just stayed in his position not knowing how to respond. 

Why was the world so cruel? Why is it so unfair?

Besides family and skating, it was Luna who pulled him out of his comfort zone and made him the better man that he is now. 

And now, he's losing her.

Despite feeling his heart ache, Yuzuru spoke up.

"Since when?"

"Since she started skating again."

There it goes again. His heart and shoulders feeling heavy as he clutches his chest as if it would take all the pain away.

"And I didn't notice. What kind of... what kind of a person am I?" Yuzuru said, finally letting go of the tears he's been choking back for the past few minutes and probably, days, since she hasn't talked to her.

"No one knew, Yuzuru. Not even my parents. Not even me. Not even Uncle. It was nobody's fault." Sky whispered, his voice getting low.

And she fought through this alone? Yuzuru thought still trying to process everything.

At the thought of Luna enduring all the pain and hardships for the past months, he never felt so useless in his life. He was her partner and he didn't even noticed. Even if he did, he didn't bother putting all the pieces together.

"Where is she?" Yuzuru asked, finally standing up, face stained with tears that are still falling.

"I'll take you to her." 

-end of flashback-

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Some angst for the 21st chapter HAHAHA. Tell me if you guys teared up or something or should I do better next time. 

Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. Don't be silent readers tho. Leave a comment and vote!!!

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Stay safe and stay golden, my lovelies! ✨