Chapter Fourty Four

  "Come on, Sasuke." Sakura groaned, as the young man that clung to her, couldn't seem to unlock his bedroom door. The reception at Sakura's lake-house resulted in Sasuke drinking a few too many, and Sakura was the only one sober enough to walk him to his room on the top floor.

"Just take it." He said with a laugh, making her take it from his hand, and unlock the lock with ease. When the door opened, he fell straight to the hardwood floor, because she didn't realize that he was leaning against it. "Shit," He groaned making her laugh a little, and sigh deeply as the door closed behind them.

"Give me your hand, Sasuke," She said while out stretching her arm, only for him to take her hand, and pull her down to the floor with him. The blush on his cheeks from the alcohol only deepened as she hovered over him, with a smile on her face as she laughed. "Can I get you into bed?" He sighed deeply, while wrapping his arms around her, and pulling her closer. "I've been waiting for you to say that all night."

A giggle left her lips as he said that, "Seriously, Sasuke, I need you to sleep." He shook his head, "I'm comfy right here though." She shook her head, "Your back is gonna hurt if you sleep here all night, Sasuke." "I've slept in worse places."

"Sasuke." She said with a sigh, making him smack his teeth, "Fine." He said while letting go of her, so that she could get up. Though she tried to help him up, he brushed her off while saying, "I'm not even that drunk." Rolling her eyes, she let go of her grasp on him, so that he could prove that he was capable of walking to his bed that was a few feet away. "If you say so." She said while he walked to his bed with a goofy grin. "See? I'm perfectly fine."

Though he said that, as he bent down to untie his shoes, he almost fell head first into the floor. Catching him before he could, Sakura pushed his shoulders back, so that he fell against the neatly made duvet. "Just sit still." While bending down to take off his shoes, she asked him, "Do you have PJ's?" He nodded, and pointed to his suitcase. "Can you change into them?" He shrugged, "I could, but I'd rather you do it."

"Why?" She asked, making him shrug again. "I miss your touch." Once he said that he slapped his hand over his mouth and his drunken blush only deepened, "I didn't mean to say that."

Though she wanted to laugh at his cuteness, the blush to her face, and the butterflies in her stomach didn't allow her to. "Sa...Sasuke." She stuttered while bringing her hand to her forehead, trying to calm her quickening heartbeat, "I-I'll get them for you, and you can just change while I use the restroom, okay?" He nodded, making her take his shoes in her hand, and set them on the floor, next to his suitcase.

As she unzipped it, Sasuke watched her move with a smile on his face. His drunken state caused his lips to move, partially without him even realizing it. "You looked really beautiful today, and your smile....I-it was beautiful."

Though he couldn't see her face, he could see that she was blushing by the way her shoulders rose, almost as if she was surprised by what he said. "You seem...happy, and I'm happy that you're happy."

Subconsciously twirling her hair, she shook her head with a small smile on her face, while grabbing the plaid pants and his shirt. "Here you go, Sasuke." She said while avoiding his gaze, as his onyx eyes stayed on her.

"You change, and I'll be in there, okay?" Sakura said while pointing to the bathroom door, and he nodded. Watching her hips sway, as she walked into the bathroom and closed the door, Sasuke sighed deeply while falling back against the duvet.

On the other side of the bathroom door, Sakura leaned against the sink counter, sighing herself with her face in the palms of her hands. She was exhausted after the day she had, and though it was her birthday she hadn't gotten a single moment of rest.

A part of her was glad for that, because she knew that if she did then she would've been left alone with her thoughts, and that was the last thing she needed. The year started with her unconscious, and although she had vowed to not have such a pessimistic view on life, it had gotten increasingly harder lately. She had been clean for over two months, and though she should've been proud of her self control; Sakura couldn't shake the feeling of being weak, even when she tried.

  Constantly she would repeat affirmations to herself in front of her bathroom mirror, telling herself that she was loved, and become stronger as the days went by, only they didn't seem to be working.

Pulling herself from her thoughts, she looked into her own emerald eyes through her reflection, and gave herself a smile while saying softly, "I stay in control; I don't give away my power."

The affirmation was written on her bathroom mirror back at home, and though it was in relation to giving her power away to drugs, she more realized that it meant her holding her ground in her relationships.

She loved Sasuke, and sure she wanted to kiss him, maybe even more than he wanted to, but she knew that it would only have a negative affect on their relationship. With a final sigh leaving her lips, she walked out of the bathroom. Sasuke saw her walk out of the door as he laid underneath the warm sheets.

"Okay, now that you're all set, I'm going to head out. Will you be okay?" Sakura asked him, and he nodded while looking up at her. "Y-yeah." He answered, making her give him one last smile before turning her back towards him. "Wait." He said while sitting up and grabbing her hand, making her turn around. "Yes?" She asked him, "Stay with me." Shaking her head she said with a smile, "You're so drunk."

"I just miss you, Sakura. At least lay with me until I fall asleep." As her lips parted, to tell him no, he interrupted her, "Please. Just this once." With a sigh leaving her lips, she slid off her slippers, and got into bed with her ex boyfriend. The pair laid next to each other, and the mere feeling of his arm against her's, brought a blush to her face. Though she was the furthest from comfortable, as she laid there in a dress that she constantly had to pull down, for a moment she didn't mind as she saw his chest rise and fall in unison with her's.

The room was full of silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. "Can we cuddle?" He asked, making her blush deepen. Unable to form any words, she nodded, making him lay his head against her chest, and drape his arm over her waist, pulling her closer. It made her smile, because she forgot how cute he was when he was the little spoon.

Bringing her hand to his soft hair, she ran her fingers through it, making a sigh leave his lips. "Are you comfortable?" He asked her, "You can have my shirt." "You'll be cold." Sasuke shook his head and rose up from his pillow while saying, "No I won't."

"Are you sure?" She asked as he pulled it off, revealing his toned stomach. "Here." Taking it from his hand with a blush on her cheeks, she mumbled, "Thank you." Before she could reach to unzip the back of her dress, Sasuke's hands delicately moved the zipper downward.

His eyes lingered on her bare back for a moment, before she stood up from the bed, and put the shirt on over her head. The shirt covered the dress, and her semi-nude body, because she oddly didn't want him to see her nakedness. "I've seen you naked before." Sakura shrugged while trying to wiggle out of her dress, without exposing him. "Close your eyes."

Sasuke laughed, "Fine, but I'm just going to be picturing you naked." She gasped dramatically, before throwing a pillow at his face. "Don't do that." He shrugged his shoulders, with his eyes still closed. "It helps me sleep at night." He admitted shamelessly, "N-no way." She said with a laugh.

"Yes way. Not to compare you to the other women I've slept with or anything, but you're the best I've ever had." His drunk rambling made her laugh, as she lovingly looked at the young man in front of her. He still hadn't opened his eyes, even though she had been done changing long ago, and for a moment she admired his handsome face.

"Thanks, Sasuke." She said while climbing into bed, making him open his eyelids, and smile at her. "Can I kiss you?" Sakura shook her head and laughed, "You're just drunk, Sasuke." That made him shake his head, "No! I've wanted to all day. I-I just wasn't sure how you felt about it. We haven't really talked since that party and all."

His drunkenness caused him to talk rather loudly, without him even realizing. Sakura nodded while pulling him closer, "Shh, you're talking really loud, but yeah we haven't, I just wanted to give you your space. Ever since you started hanging with new people, and after everything you said, I figured it was what you needed. Was this too much?"

Sasuke shook his head, and tried to speak quieter, "No, I missed you. I know I said I needed space, but honestly space has only made me feel worse than before." He admitted honestly, while looking into her eyes. "O-oh, I'm sorry, Sasuke." 

With a sigh leaving his lips, he laid his head back against her chest. "I love you." He said softly, and she blushed while changing the subject. "You got pretty drunk tonight, Sasuke." He laughed a little, "Y-yeah I did. I guess I've been doing that a lot lately." She nodded, "You have, are you doing okay?"

When she asked that, he didn't answer for a while, and she knew the answer to her question. "I'm so sorry, Sakura." Sasuke said softly, as he laid against her chest.

"Sasuk-" He cut her off, "No, I really am. I'm sorry for everything I said, for not telling you, and I'm sorry for being too late." Just the thought of that late December night brought tears to his eyes, but he wasn't drunk enough to actually let them fall in front of her.

"Y-yeah, I talked to my mom about that not too long ago, and she told me that she told you not to tell me. You should've told me that, Sasuke. Maybe things wouldn't of gotten so....." As she searched for the right words to say, he answered, "Fucked?"

They both chuckled, while their legs intertwined from their closeness, and their hearts started to beat in unison. "Yeah." Sakura said, making him nod in agreement. "Yeah, maybe? I just have so much on my mind all of the time, and at the time it was just too much to handle."

"I get that." She said softly, while feeling his hand as it caressed her beautiful face. "The night you overdosed, my brother was dying in my arms, and I told you this when you were in your coma, but I finally forgave him." He said softly, making her look down at his handsome face as he told her the truth.

"And you were right, I didn't really love you then, not until I learned to forgive the person that I hated for most of my life. I realized that when I got to you, and it felt like my heart had been ripped right from my chest. You scared me, Sakura." The thought of how he felt at that time made his heartbeat quicken, but as he felt her hand caress his face, it gradually went back to normal.

His words brought tears to her eyes, but she tried not to let them fall as he continued to vent to her. Though she hated that he had to be intoxicated to be so honest, she was glad that he was finally expressing himself.

"I'm glad you didn't die though, because I've seen what that can do to people, and I don't think I could handle losing you right now, ever honestly. You're really my only sense of hope." He felt a weight lifted from his shoulders as he was so honest with her, and it made him continue talking. A long sigh left his lips as he continued to speak so freely.

"When Itachi was thirteen, his best friend died by suicide, and that was the first time I saw my brother cry." That made her tears fall, because as he reminisced about his brother, she started to see that he really meant it when he said he had forgiven him.

"ShiSui and my brother had been best friends since they were babies, and though he tried to act as if he wasn't effected by his death, I know that he was. When I was a kid, I thought the sudden withdraw was just because he was an ass, but now I realize that he was just depressed." He said with a dry chuckle leaving his lips, as he subconsciously held Sakura closer, loving that he could feel her heart beating.

"I never wanted to become him, and when I seen you in that hospital bed, I-I finally understood my brother." He cleared his throat, remembering how insane he went, and having remorse for his actions.

"I finally knew what it meant to love someone so much that you'd do anything for them. I almost killed a man, and though he would've deserved it, what scares me the most is that while Sasori laid there, unconscious and bleeding to death, I couldn't stop. If Naruto hadn't gotten there when he did, I-I don't know."

Though he didn't know what she would say, she surprised him by staying calm, and running her fingers through his hair in a comforting way. "I think I was so unhinged because I was just so unstable. During those five days, I got a total of five hours of sleep, but I didn't even care, because when I was awake, I would just watch you sleep, and it made me feel better."

He said with a smile, remembering her beautiful face. "You just seemed so peaceful, and the way your nostrils flared, just made me happy, because though you were unconscious, you were still here with me, and I need you here with me, for the rest of my life. I just think that everyone has one true love for their lifetime, and you're mine, Sakura. I know you are."

His kind words brought a smile to her face, and she shook her head in disbelief. "The time you spent unconscious allowed for me to tell you things, that I wouldn't of been able to say to anyone else, and you helped me mourn, Sakura. I hate that we broke up, really. I miss you so much." She sighed deeply, hating that he kept saying that, because she would give in.

"I'm sorry." She said, and he shook his head, "I know you are, but I promise you it's okay. You are healing, and you're sobering up. I'm sure that's a full time job, so I'll let you do that, just know that I'm waiting for you, and I'll keep waiting until you're ready for us." Her tears fell against his flesh, and it made him turn over, to look up into her eyes.

"Why are you crying?" He asked with a soft smile, while bringing his hand up to her beautiful face. "I was being so selfish. I just never realized how much my actions would effect you, and even our friends. I'm sorry for making you worry."

He shook his head as his thumb caressed her face, "Don't apologize, Sakura. I know what it feels like to question your self worth, and I don't think you were being selfish at all, I think that you reacted the best way you knew how to." Sasuke reassured, while getting off of her, only to hug her tightly.

Her arms wrapped around him as she cried, partially because she felt bad, and partially because him expressing his feelings filled her with the clarity she needed. Though he gave her clarity, they both were far from receiving closure, and things only got worse when she pulled away from his grasp, and kissed his lips passionately.

They both smiled as they kissed, and oddly saw sparks fly while their steady heart beats fastened. Sakura pulled away first, and Sasuke smiled at her while wiping her tears away from her beautiful face.A laugh left her lips as she said, "You were right when you said I should've been taking my own advice, because I didn't even love myself enough to live."

The pair sat facing each other in the comfortable bed, with Sakura's legs wrapped around his waist, and as Sasuke held her, while hearing her speak so freely, he realized that he finally knew what true intimacy felt like.

After bearing his soul to her, and her genuinely listening, he realized that he had finally felt seen. Though he had friends that listened to his problems, in that moment, he saw what Naruto had always said about Hinata.

When he spoke about his feelings, he always said that she made him feel validated, and though Sasuke would always brush it off, as he sat there with someone who genuinely wanted to hear him talk about himself, he saw just how important that was. So, he did the same, and for another hour they spoke to each other about their raw feelings, both bad and good.

~

Heyy baessss this book is coming to its end, and I want to thank you all for reading/interacting!! It means a lot :))))

I plan to continue the idea, maybe make a sequel or two? I'm heading to college soon, so life may get in the way, but I'll make sure to keep you guys updated!

Thank you!