Fifth

Kyungsoo

One thing was becoming abundantly clear: I really liked Jongin. 

I wish I could say it was in a platonic sense, but I would be lying and I don't like lying. I won't bother trying to explain the emotional process because I still don't entirely understand it myself. In the simplest terms, the more time we spent together, the more time I wanted to spend with him. Of course, I tried to deny it at first because being attracted to guy in any capacity had the potential wreak major havoc in my life. But at this point, there was no more denying it. 

Jongin was hard to read, though. He had definitely warmed up to me more, that much I could tell. Sometimes, he would even smile at me a little when he came into class, which was a lot more than I had ever expected from him. But that did mean the feelings were mutual? Not necessarily. I had convinced myself that even if he was into me, his explanation for not doing anything about it would be "I don't have time for dating." And the trouble was, knowing that he was basically raising his little sister, I couldn't even say that wasn't a valid reason.

Still, despite the generally negative outlook on the possibility of us being anything more than friends, a small smile would make its way across my face whenever I thought about him--which was a lot. 

"Earth to Kyungsoo," Baekhyun said one afternoon after our third class of the day. I arose from my trance and looked around a little, seeing that him and the others were staring at me almost suspiciously. "Why were you smiling?" he asked slowly.

"N-No reason," I said, sitting up in my seat more. 

"No, I know that face," Luhan cut in, shaking his finger at me. "You were thinking about someone weren't you? Who?" 

"I'm not thinking about anyone. Leave me alone," I said, huffing a little and looking away. Luhan just smirked, clearly not believing a word of what I said. He dropped it anyway, though, which allowed me to exhale in relief.

"Look who finally showed up," Baekhyun said, causing me to turn my head toward the door to see Chanyeol walking in the room. 

I only really recall seeing him in school a few times a week, sometimes not at all. And in true judgmental fashion, that made him the perfect target for Baekhyun's criticism. 

He went over and sat in front of Jongin in the back corner, the two sharing a brief handshake. "Figures," Baekhyun scoffed as he rolled his eyes. "Those two would be friends."

"Oh come on, don't start with this shit," Xiumin said. "It's annoying and you sound like a pretentious douchebag."

"Well I'd rather be that than a drop out," he said unapologetically. 

"Technically, he's not because he's here right now," Xiumin shot back. 

Baekhyun rolled his eyes again. "You know what I mean."

"No, I don't think I do. Please explain it me." Baekhyun didn't, or couldn't rather, say in response, which made me chuckle. I glanced over at Jongin and our eyes met for a split second, causing me to promptly look away. I closed my eyes for a moment as I tried to prevent any kind of blush from spreading to my cheeks. So much for being subtle.

*******

Classes ended and my plan was to go to after-school lessons since Jongin and I didn't have any tutoring plans that day. But as it does sometimes, life handed me an opportunity I couldn't pass up.

As I was on my way out, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I spun around to see Jongin, making my eyes instantly become wide. 

"Did you have fun checking me out today?" he asked with a grin pulling on the corner of his mouth. 

"Oh, I-I wasn't....that was just, uh," I stuttered, looking around for some reason. He just laughed. "I just wanted to say that I had fun hanging out with you yesterday, you know, when we weren't studying. N-Not that I don't like studying with you, but you know. it was nice to do something else...you know." 

"Yeah, I think I know," he said with another laugh, which made me laugh nervously. "We can do it again some time, you know, after tutoring or any other time you want. I mean, I'd have to make sure someone can watch my sister, but I'm usually pretty free otherwise."

Was he asking me out? I wanted to think he was, but it was hard to tell. I'm more inclined to think he was now, but getting him to admit it was entirely different thing.

"S-Sure. I'd like that," I said, trying not to smile too much. "Y-You can bring your sister along any time you want or need to. I don't mind."

"Thanks, but you don't have to say that," he said, shaking his head faintly. "I love her, but hanging out with a seven-year-old isn't all it's cracked up to be."

I laughed, adjusting my backpack strap. "I mean it," I said, trying to come off as sincere as possible. "I know how important she is to you. P-Plus, I'm sure it's not always easy finding someone who can watch her."

He just stared at me for a few seconds, which made the whole trying not to blush thing a lot more difficult. "You free right now?" he asked.

"W-Well, I'm supposed to be going to an after school thing. It's like extra classes," I replied.

"As if you need those," he said with a quick eye roll. "Come on. Ditch it. You just spent most of the day cooped up in a classroom. You need some fresh air."

I sighed and looked away for a second. When I looked back at him, he was still staring, which one, made me almost go weak in the knees and two, made it harder to want to say no. So I simply just didn't. 

"Okay, I'll skip it. But just for today," I said, making a wider smile appear on his face.

"Cool, let's go," he said.

I followed him outside, glancing around to make sure none of my friends would see us leaving together. I wasn't embarrassed to be seen with him, but I was usually embarrassed by them and knew they would cause some sort of scene. We ended up at a local park about five minutes from school. There was a short trail that circled it, so we just walked it slowly, conversing here and there and just enjoying the outdoors silently other times.

"I have a question," I said as we passed a large block of tall trees. Jongin paused temporarily to look back at me. "What would you do if you didn't have to look after your sister? You know, would you go to college? Or travel maybe?"

Turning back around, I saw his shoulder sink down as he sighed. "I don't know. I don't think I've had the luxury of ever thinking about it," he answered, slowing down and allowing me to catch up to him. "From the moment my mom told me she was pregnant with her, I knew she'd slowly but surely become my responsibility. My mom would try to get clean for the baby, but once the postpartum hit, she'd inevitably find refuge in drugs and alcohol. My dad wouldn't be much of a help either. And then there would be me, the eleven-year-old who was suddenly forced into parenthood." A sad look came over him, but then he let out a small laugh. "I think I changed more diapers by the time I was 15 than my mom ever has."

I tried to laugh too but found it hard. "So what are you gonna do after high school?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Get a job wherever I can, try to save as much as I can for Taeyoung in case she wants to go to college some day," he answered. "I have some set aside right now from my part-time, but since my parents can't seem to keep a job for more than a month, it's hard with the bills and what not." He sighed again and tilted his head toward the sky. "I just want her to be okay. I want her to feel safe and not have to worry about anything. I want her to have a real childhood, full of happy memories. I want her to not be like me." Jongin looked at me again. "Once I know she'll be okay, I think then I can start thinking about myself."

I had to look away or else I had a feeling I would do something embarrassing like start crying or try to give him a comfort hug. "I admire you," I said, putting a smile on instead. "I can see you're doing the best you can and I'm sure she does, too. She's lucky to have you."

He looked down at the dirt and gravel path. "Thanks," he said, his voice coming out as a soft mumble.

Just then, I heard what sounded like faint foot steps coming from behind us. Kai must have too because he stopped in his track and turned around. A worried look came on his face very quickly. 

"What is it?" I asked, starting to look in that direction. He didn't answer, but instead grabbed me by my wrist and pulled me towards a nearby tree. He pushed my back against it and my eyes widened. I opened my mouth, as to say something, but he put his hand over my mouth before I could even get a sound out. 

"Shh," he said without looking at me. He kept looking in the direction of the foot steps with the same worried expression. I turned my head slightly to see if I could tell what he was looking at. I saw three guys walking in the direction we were. They were talking about something, but they passed by quickly enough that I only caught the tail end of one of their sentences. I turned my head back and I could slightly feel his short breaths on my face. Eventually, once he knew they were gone he removed his hand and sighed in relief.

"Who were those guys?" I asked, keeping my voice low still anyway.

"Some guys my dad owes money," he said as he took a few steps back and ran a hand through his hair. "They've been hanging around a lot more, even at Taeyoung's school."

"That doesn't sound good."

"It's not." Our eyes met for a moment and I slowly removed my back from the tree. "Sorry about my hand. I just didn't know want them to hear anything. No need to drag you into my father's shitty mess."

"It's okay," I said, my voice still coming out soft. We stood there for a while more and then he cleared his throat.

"We should go. They might come back," he said. 

"Right, y-yeah." I just nodded and then waited for him to start walking to follow.

But even as we walked, the silence around us now tense and awkward, my heart was racing at full speed with no sign of slowing down. I tried to comprehend what had just happened. 

Was he feeling flustered, too? Was his heart racing like mine? What did all of it mean?

Baekhyun 

It was getting dark outside as I was walking back from after-school lessons, unable to control my yawns. I was so tired that I somehow strayed from my usual walking path, ending up in the section of town my parents always told me to avoid. While I was turning frantic trying to figure out how to get back, I ran into a bench, making some of my books fall to the ground and an instant pain spread throughout my knee. 

"Are you okay?" I heard a low voice say. I looked up and saw it was that Chanyeol kid. 

"I'm fine. I just hit my knee," I said with a slightly annoyed exhale as I tried to stand again. But my knee was not about to let me leave and I ended up on the bench. 

"You're bleeding," he said with no particular tone in his voice. "You need to clean that up. Come on. My place is just over here." 

Without even letting me reply, he picked up my books and helped me up. The walk wasn't that far, but every step made the throbbing sensation hurt even more. He opened the door with his free hand once we got up the steps, and then he brought me up to his room. "I'll be right back," he said after he sat me on his bed. 

I sighed and looked around. His house didn't look as bad as some of the other houses, much to my surprise. I still would have rather been anywhere else but there, though. He came back with an ice pack, a small towel and a first aid kit. He wiped some of the blood off with it and then opened the kit, taking out a bottle of antiseptic. I winced and pulled my leg away when the cold liquid came in contact with my cut. 

"Hold still," he said with a short breath. He applied some more and then pulled a band aid out next. As I watched him do all this, I tried to figure out why he was doing this. Why he would take someone he barely knew into his house just because he was a clumsy, sleep-deprived idiot? 

"This should numb some of the pain and stop some of the swelling," he said, glancing at me as he moved the ice pack closer to me. I just nodded slightly. "I would leave it on for a little but and then you should be good to leave. I can call you a cab," he said as he stood. 

"It's fine," I protested. "I can find my own way back."

"Evidently not if you're here," he shot back quickly. "I'm calling you a cab." Then, with one last glance, he left the room. 

I sighed, slightly frustrated. I ran my fingers over the band aid. I didn't really know how to describe what I was feeling. I never expected Park Chanyeol of all people to be the one to help me. He didn't strike me as the particularly helpful type. But just maybe I was wrong about him. 

I picked up the ice pack and gently laid it on my knee.