Alone

Joey's POV~

I woke up the next morning with the taste of Shane still in my mouth.

I rolled over onto my back, extending my arms out around me and yawning. A quick glance at the clock revealed it was a little before noon, and beside the clock was a folded paper with my name on it. I sat up, crossing my legs and retrieving the note, reading it quickly.

My dearest Joey,

I had to run out this morning to sign some papers for Lauren. I'll be back shortly after lunch. I love you so much, and don't you ever forget that.

Your loving boyfriend,

Shane

I sighed and hugged the page to my chest, my heart filling with love. I had the be the luckiest guy in the world.

I got up and slipped on some clothes, venturing out into the kitchen to fix myself something to eat. Sawyer was sitting over by the front window, staring out the world passing by. "Hello," I smiled, opening the fridge, "would you like anything for breakfast?"

Sawyer said nothing, not even a movement to acknowledge I had spoken. It was kind of eerie. I grabbed a smoothie from the refrigerator door and closed it, walking around the island counter and clearing my throat. "I'll start again: hello, do you want something for breakfast?"

Sawyer turned halfway and cast his eyes downward. "Sorry, I... I'm not feeling too good this morning."

"Well?" I asked, jutting out one hip to the side and resting my hand on my waist. He looked up, meeting my gaze for the first time this morning. "Am I making you breakfast or not?"

"No, 'm not hungry," he twisted back to the window, resting his chin on the palm of his hand.

I furrowed my brow. It wasn't like Sawyer to be like this. Although he did have a deeper side to him,  there was something about his hunched posture, his slumped shoulders, that let on that something was bothering him. I took a sip from my smoothie and sat down on the sofa behind him. When I did speak, I kept my voice low and gentle. "Sawyer... is everything alright?"

"Yes," he curtly stated, his voice shaking a little as he spoke. "I just didn't sleep much last night."

"Oh, I'm sorry," I frowned, crossing my legs.

He put his head in his hands, silent for a moment. Then, "I could hear you guys."

A blush leapt to my cheeks and the need to apologize rose again, "I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to be loud--"

"It's not your fault," he shook his head. "I should be happy for you, but..." When he raised his head to meet my gaze, his eyes were red. "...It just feels like everyone has found love except for me."

My eyes widened. "Oh, Sawyer, I... I didn't know you felt this way..."

"'Course you didn't," he muttered, digging the heels of his palms onto his eyes. "You've got enough on your plate as it is. I wouldn't want to bother you with my... stupid problems."

"They aren't stupid," I placed my smoothie down on the table and leaned over, wrapping my arms around his shoulder and giving a squeeze.

"Just... seeing you with Shane all the time... it hurts me..." his chest heaved with dry sobs. "I don't want to sound selfish, but that's the truth..."

"It's gonna be ok," I rubbed the side of his arm up and down, scooting closer so I could hug him properly. "I was in the same place as you a few months ago. I thought that nothing would ever turn out alright, but it did, and if it did for me, it will for you, too."

Sawyer kept his face down, his arms tight around the pillow that he clutched to his chest. "For some reason, I find that hard to believe," he muttered between heavy breaths.

I sighed. Although he was one of my best friends, I just couldn't get through to him. Seeing him all torn up with self-hatred made my stomach clench with sadness. I had been in his place before, and no one deserved to feel like that.

I tried a different approach, "Just look at you. You're so funny, and talented, and not to mention gorgeous..." He laughed flatly into the pillow, but I squeezed his knee, "No, I'm serious! Who wouldn't want to date you?"

He looked up, meeting my gaze with steely blue eyes. "It's not that I can't get a date... it's that I can't ever see myself finding love..."

"Well, don't worry," I patted his knee. "I'm here for you, no matter what, and I'm willing to do anything in my power to make you feel better."

Sawyer looked at me for a moment, his brow creased with pure emotion, then he crumpled forward and wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder and pulling me into a bone crushing hug. I didn't mind, though.

I hugged him back as tightly as I could, stroking his back as the tears started to flow now. Mostly for him, and a little for me. Sawyer has never really dealt with emotion before, and all that pent up anger and angst he'd built up for all his life, probably, just flooded out.

We must've sat there for a good five minutes before either of us spoke again. Sawyer leaned back on the couch, hugging his knees to his chest and casting his eyes down. A cloud drifted over the sun, casting the room into shadow. He turned his head to look at me, his voice even more hoarse than ever. "You know, I've never really classified myself as gay or straight... I've only ever loved one person..."

"Aww, that's sweet," I clasped my hands in my lap, forcing a smile. "I never knew you were such a romantic!"

He looked up, his face a picture of solemnity. "Is that what you like?"

"Well, yeah," I raised my eyebrows, shifting a bit with uneasiness about the way he angled it toward me. "Who wouldn't want that?" I nudged him with my elbow. "Y'know, gentle and a gentleman?"

His brow furrowed as he changed the subject. "What do you see in Shane?"

"Um..." I sat back. "Like, you know Shane. He's very sweet. And he can always make me laugh. Like... he makes me happy--"

Sawyer twisted on the couch so he could face me, cutting me off, "He doesn't deserve you, Joey. He is fake and stupid, a-and a waste of your time. You're too good for him. You're the most incredible person I've ever met, and I can't stand the thought of you throwing away your life with him!"

"Sawyer!" I scolded, my voice rising. "Leave Shane out of this! This isn't about him--"

"No," he grabbed both my hands in his. "It's about you."

I fell into silence, my breath coming heavily. Sawyer cocked his head, his eyes gleaming with a mix of sadness and lunacy. "Come on, Joey. Shane doesn't need you. I do."

"Sawyer..." I bit my lip. "I can't."

His grip on my wrists tightened. Our eyes were locked. The tension was as thick as rubber. "You can," Sawyer shakily said. "Remember the way you felt. Back before Shane." He inhaled unevenely, "Because that's how I feel every time I see you."

"Sawyer," I repeated again, "I would never wish that feeling on anyone. But this isn't something I can do."

He stared at me for a second before reaching up with one hand to stroke my cheek. His palm was slick with sweat. When I shyed away from his touch, he grabbed the side of my neck with his other hand, holding me still. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing, but the contact of his skin on mine was too much to ignore.

"Joey..." Sawyer whispered. When I didn't react, he squeezed my neck and repeated my name. "Joey."

"Yes?" I mumbled, keeping my eyes lidded as my breath spread up.

"Kiss me," he ordered. I could feel his breath, hot on my face. My heart pounded and sweat beaded on my brow.

"I-" Before I could speak, he pressed his lips to mine, holding my head firmly in both his hands. It felt so different from Shane; the thin layer of stubble on his cheeks scratching me. My stomach twisted with a feeling of unfaithfulness to my boyfriend.

I tried to pull back, placing my hands on Sawyer's chest to push him away, but he grabbed my arms in his hands and held me in place. "Don't you see, Joey?" He leaned in so our faces are inches apart. "This is how it's supposed be."

He tried to kiss me again, but I reeled back and stumbled off the couch, slamming my elbow on the coffee table and letting out a cry of surprise. I scrambled to my feet and backed away, holding my hands out in front of me for protection.

"Joey, don't be like that..." he reached out to cup my face in his hands but ended up with his fingers corded around my neck.

"Sawyer!" I gasped, "Can't you see you're hurting me!?"

"I..." His grip slackened for a moment as real concern crossed his face, but the emotion was replaced by the same blank madness. "It can't be any other way." 

The first punch came as a shock to me. I yelled his name as his fists struck my chest and stomach. I crumpled in two and fell to my knees, curling my arms around me. I felt a blow to my face, and the tears started falling; hot and fat, coursing down my cheeks. I started babbling, the words falling from my mouth with the teardrops. "Sawyer, please, please stop, it-it hurts so much... you don't know what you're doing, I-I can't..." 

I covered my face with my hands and succumbed to sobs. When the hits subsided, I brought my fingers down and saw blood. I raised my eyes to Sawyer, who was panting, his hands reddened with my blood and eyes glinting with an animal nature. "This isn't you," I murmured, my voice but a whisper.

"Shows how much you know," he dryly stated before turning and walking away, leaving me broken on the floor.

~~~

A/N: I AM BACK!! Just seeing how popular this story had become really inspired me to come back. A bit of a thank you for you all. And I WILL try to update after this! I love you all, aaaaaand if you comment, I might update sooner! :D