Chapter 28

A few days passed and Kendall was coming over again to spend the night. He had his bag with him and I had just said goodbye to Gabby who had stopped by with some important stuff. I hid it in my side table and then answered the door to let him in. He dropped the bag at the door and then wrapped me up in his arms. He started laying kissing on me as I giggled pulling away.

"What are you so passionate so quickly about?" I asked him pulling away, but keeping my arms around him. He then pulled out my list. He held it out for me. I took it and opened it. Everything had been crossed off but number two, four, nine, and ten.

"What?" I asked him. He pointed to number nine, 'a real boyfriend'. I looked up and smiled at him I used his chest as the hard surface to cross it off.

"The wall is five inches away, and you use my body as a desk." He said dramatically.

"I use your body for more than that." I teased folding up the paper remembering number four. It stuck in my mind since Gabby had just given me something to assist with number four.

"I know you do." He said loudly. I laughed.

"So, movies, dinner, bed right?" I asked him. He chuckled and nodded. We headed out and did as we had planned for our date night. The movie was sad, so that was a bit of a downer. The dinner was marvelous as I had hoped and expected. Then we were on our way home. I had a single rose in my hand as Kendall had bought me it from a woman selling them in the restaurant. I smelled it. "It's so sweet." I told him. He agreed and smiled at me.

"I have a question." I said as we got back into my apartment and I put the single rose in a glass full of water.

"What is that said question?" He asked me. I turned around as he was sat on the arm of my couch watching me. I walked slowly past him holding up one finger and then walking into the bedroom. I grabbed what Gabby had brought over and I sighed. I was nervous. But why should I have been? Back when I had planned the BTR party, he said he was planning on doing it for that night anyway with me. Maybe because I hadn't ever done it and I didn't know if he had either. I swallowed my nerves shoving them out of my head and into my nervous stomach.

I walked back into the living room where Kendall had walked over to the rose and was now smelling it. I walked slowly over to him holding the stuff behind my back. He turned around and furrowed his brow to why I was keeping my hands behind my back.

"Number four." I whispered holding up the contents of my hand. Kendall immediately started laughing. "What's wrong with this?" I asked him looking at the weed in the little Baggie. He grabbed my hand and walked us over to his bag he had dropped earlier. He dropped it on the back of the couch and unzipped one of the pouches and pulled out a similar bag.

"Great minds think alike." Kendall said. I then laughed as well. Kendall seemed to know what he was doing which confirmed my belief that he had done this before.

"You've done this many times I see." I said as I watched him process everything, grinding and then rolling pretty perfectly it seemed to me, but I hadn't ever seen one been rolled before. He shrugged.

"When you're a teenager in Hollywood, you learn a thing or two about drugs, alcohol, and rock and roll." He said then offering me what he just created. "Or do you want me to hit first?" He asked.

I nodded towards him, as he got the hint he was to be first, as I sat watching him. We had changed into pajamas and were now in my bed as Kendall's lighter lit the end of the joint. I felt like I was about to puke. He took a steady drag and then offered it to me as he coughed a little. Oh God, if he's done this before, I can only imagine how this would go for me. I took it and did as he had just done. I, however, started into a coughing fit. Kendall rubbed my back.

"You okay?" He asked slightly amused, but still concerned. I nodded and then calmed my throat. Kendall took another hit before raising a brow and nearing my face with his as he waited for me to part my lips so he could blow it into my mouth as we went in for a kiss. This was calmer on me, not causing me to hack up a lung. Eventually the entire contents of the bag Gabby had hooked me up with was gone. My head was spinning slightly as I felt a little clammy, like I was about to be sick. I hadn't ever done this before, and I think maybe I smoked too much of the bag, where Kendall had smoked the majority. I laid with my head on Kendall's chest as he played with my fingers once again of my broken arm. He was lost in his own world as I was lost in mine, yet we were right next to each other.

"You okay, babe?" Kendall asked suddenly as I lifted my gaze from his hand in mine. I looked up at him as I felt like my body was vibrating slightly, like I was nearing sleep, but also wide awake at the same time.

"I'm afraid to move. If I move, I'm worried I'll puke." I told him truthfully as he had a sad smile on his lips.

"Yeah, probably have a bit of green fever. We went through that bag pretty quick." Kendall admitted sounding defeated slightly. His eyes were red rimmed, which made it look like he was high as balls. Which he was. We laid there staring at each other, studying each other quietly as we both simultaneously leaned forward and pressed our lips to one another. His excitement grew as he lowered me back onto the bed as his lips sucked on my own, before they traveled to my jaw. I felt myself shiver at this feeling.

This however felt much, much different. It didn't feel like it was Kendall who was kissing my lips or my neck. It felt like he was off somewhere else in his mind. Like we weren't truly present.

"Kendall, no." I told him feeling a weird twinge in my stomach. It wasn't a bad thing, just, it didn't feel right that he and I were about to get intimate and I felt a mental block almost. It wasn't the same feeling as all the other times. I pushed his shoulder back slightly. He flung himself back on the bed and sighed exaggerating.

"Why?" He asked pouting, very out of character for him, so I chalked it up to being his high. I sighed then, smiling gently, as I rolled my eyes. I rolled away to face away from him. This wasn't what I wanted to do while high. It reminded me too much of when I was buzzed. It made me worry I wouldn't have control over myself again. Kendall seemed to have enjoyed it, which is great for him, I would just rather be sober when we did anything sexy.

"This isn't for me, okay?" I asked him hoping he didn't feel rejection too badly. He rolled over then, putting his arm around my waist, pulling my body in close to him, as he kissed my neck.

"Okay." He whispered as I would be able to explain it better while I wasn't high as a kite fighting off nausea of whatever kind of fever he said I had, as we both fell asleep relatively quickly.

The next morning we woke up and were starving. I laid next to Kendall's bare chested skin and watched him rub his eyes as I had been up for a little before him. I smiled to him seeing his beautiful eyes flutter alert for a moment. That was probably the best sleep I've ever had. I didn't know weed helped with sleep, but that was phenomenal. I hadn't been sleeping too great as everyone knew I was stressed, but I had been getting better since I quit school. But for some reason, the cannabis in my system made me loosen up, and I slept the entire night just fine, deeply rested.

"Staring." He said knowing what I had been doing as he quit rubbing his eyes and turned his head to look at me. His green eyes were sharp again as I studied them, and his personality was back where as last night, he seemed like he was lost in his own thoughts. I giggled looking up at him, shaking my head in disbelief that this hot man loved me, and then sighed, getting out of bed. I headed into the kitchen while hearing Kendall's feet pad across the floor after me. We moved in sync in the kitchen as we helped one another make breakfast.

"I don't like to get hot and bothered when we're high, I've decided." I admitted after making breakfast with Kendall. Kendall nodded holding my hand as we sat at my island in my kitchen. His eyes were completely understanding.

"I know, I figured as much. It's okay even if you don't like it in general. At least you can say you tried it. It's also another number to cross off the list." He said digging into his loosely hung jeans on his lower body. I smiled kindly, remembering there was yet another thing to scribble off the list, and took the paper that we had seen many times out if his hand. I grabbed a pen from the islands little desk set up on the end of it and then crossed out number four.

"Do you do that a lot?" I asked Kendall suddenly as I folded the paper back up. Kendall furrowed his brow taking the paper back.

"Do I smoke a lot?" He asked me shoving the list in his pocket once again. I sighed and leaned my head on my hand that rested on the island.

"Yes." I replied watching him. He sighed and then let go of my hand to run his hand through my hair.

"I used to a lot. Anymore, I do it socially, like last night. Or if I'm stressed to where it's almost hard to function, I will. Other than that, not really anymore. I've grown out of the habit." He said shrugging and moving all my hair to one side. I nodded listening intently to his words.

"Really stressed? How stressed have you gotten?" I asked him furrowing my brow. He sighed and looked away to the counter top. He then started to massage my hair at the scalp as I could've started purring like a cat.

"When I had doubts about Heffron Drive back in the day. When I had doubts about Big Time Rush. When I had doubts about my past girlfriends. Ya know, stressing over things that don't seem too big anymore." He told me sounding pretty sure of himself. I watched him a moment. He looked pained at remembering his struggles of his past, but I didn't know how to ask why he was distressed from memories.

"Why aren't they that big to you anymore? What's bigger than your bands, career, and past girls?" I asked not sure if I wanted to know since it had to do with my past comparisons. Kendall then looked down at me and held my neck gently and massaged with his fingers a little. I would love to have him do that all day, every day.

"Now, all I want is you. If I have you, and happiness, which is what you bring me, that's all I need now. I have you, Sophia, and I haven't had the need to smoke in a very long time." He said then letting a smirk play on the corners of his lips.

"Until last night of course when that was for pure experience for you." He smiled and then leaned down to kiss me gently. I smiled sheepishly and giggled.

"Well, I'm just a horrible influence, aren't I?" I asked him as he laughed and shook his head.

"Probably the complete opposite my dear." He whispered and leaned his head on mine before sighing.

"I slept really good last night." I told him with a shy smile. He chuckled and then nodded with his head still against mine.

"Oh Mary Jane, how she rocks you so smoothly into slumber." Kendall cooed as if he knew all too well about the advantages of smoking before bed. I giggled and kissed his lips again.

"I need to go to work." He whispered slightly pulling away. I smiled shyly and nodded.

"Okay." I whispered back.

"I'll miss you." He said. I smiled to myself.

"I'll miss you more." I told him most likely telling the truth. He chuckled and then kissed my lips before heading to the bedroom and getting dressed. He left shortly after as I kissed him once more before I shut the door behind him, and then I was alone. Two more numbers were on my list. One was simple, while the other I feared.