Indulgence

Maybe I'm the stupid one? Chuuya thought as he sat in his bedroom anxiously tapping his feet on the carpeted floor.

It was a Friday, and thankfully, he hadn't run into Dazai today, he hadn't gone to school at all because he had begged Louisa to let him stay home from school. The only reason she obliged was that he informed her that he would be bringing a 'friend' over later that day, and Chuuya, clearly, didn't often obtain friends.

What was he thinking? Inviting his arch-nemesis over to work on a school project. Yeah, as if they were going to get any work done. What would they do instead? There was no way Dazai was actually interested in Chuuya. No, Chuuya had been nothing but unkind to Dazai, and for good reason. Besides, Dazai was straighter than a titanium pipe.

But what if he was, what if Dazai had different intentions? What would happen then? Making out? Sex? Chuuya couldn't figure out if he wanted that or not. Dazai had confused him because now he wanted Dazai. No. He craved Dazai. But he hated the bandaged idiot, he hated every part of his being. But no one had ever touched Chuuya like that before. It made him dizzy.

He heard the doorbell ring and his face flushed. He considered hiding or even running, but he knew his fate was sealed. He listened to Louisa greet the brunette and point him towards Chuuya's room, and within seconds he was watching his bedroom door swing open and a tall boy with bandages on his arms and neck stepped into his room. 

It was hot out today, so Dazai was in shorts and a band singlet, his skin was tanned and his hair had become more golden with the sun. His eyes seemed to glisten with curiosity.

"Joy Division," Chuuya heard himself mumble.

"Huh?"

"Your shirt," Chuuya gestured to Dazai, "It's of Joy Division. I like it."

Dazai glanced down and sighed, "What do you want, Chuuya?"

Chuuya shrugged, "I want to do the project."

Dazai leaned against the doorframe, "Are you sure? Because I thought you wanted me to stay away, why the sudden change?"

"Because," Chuuya stood up, grabbed his laptop from his desk, and threw it on his bed, "We need to get this project done."

Dazai sat down at Chuuya's desk chair, "Why now? We have all summer to do it."

"It was your suggestion. Don't touch that," Chuuya muttered when he saw Dazai fiddling with a picture frame.

Dazai put down the picture, inspecting the photo of a young Chuuya with a kind-faced woman for just a moment, "Yeah, I did, because it was the only way I could get you to talk to me since you told me to stay away."

"And I told you to stay away for a very good reason," Chuuya scowled.

"What," Dazai scoffed, "because I ruined your little 'revenge' plan?"

"Because you kissed me like a fucking animal in heat, you psycho!" Chuuya shouted.

Dazai stood up and took a step forward, "You were planning on ruining my entire life! Just because of some stupid grudge you have against me!"

"But why?!" Chuuya could begin to feel himself cry, "Why did you have to kiss me!? You could have beaten me, or threatened me, or blackmailed me even!"

"But I didn't want to do that!" Dazai's hands were clenched into fists.

"So you're saying you wanted to kiss me?!" Chuuya stared wide-eyed at the brunette.

"I-" Dazai stopped himself, "I thought it was the best option."

"Yeah, the best option," Chuuya pressed the palms of his hands to his temples, "Of course it was."

"Listen to me, Chuuya," Dazai took another step forward and stood in front of Chuuya who sat on the bed, "You are an insufferable human being."

Chuuya remained emotionless, "Thanks."

"And you have a tendency to blow things out of proportion like a child. You are selfish, and you only think for yourself."

"Well what about you," Chuuya glared up at Dazai as he towered over the smaller, "You act without thinking of others first, you let people get hurt and feel no remorse for it."

Dazai clenched his fits until his knuckles turned white, "That is not true."

"Yes, it is. So much so that your stupid decision got a kid killed!"

Dazai's eyes lowered in anger, "God, do you ever shut the fuck up?" Dazai reached down swiftly and grabbed Chuuya by his neck, letting his fingers lightly dig into the nape of it.

Chuuya gasped in surprise, willing himself to say something but all his breath had escaped his body. He was pushed backward till he lay flat on his back, Dazai hovering on top of him so they met eye to eye.

Dazai smirked, "I like you better like this," He leaned down to whisper in the redhead's ear, "When you actually stop talking."

Chuuya reached up and pried Dazai's hand from his throat, "You're the one blocking my airways."

Dazai chuckled, he twisted a strand of Chuuya's bright hair in between his fingers, "I must say, you look good. Pretty, like a girl," He ran his hand down Chuuya's face, "Silky hair, fair skin," He let his thumb run over Chuuya's lips, using his fingernail to pry Chuuya's bottom lip open slightly, "Soft lips."

Chuuya could feel his heart beating faster and faster, thrumming so hard he swore he could hear it.

"You," Chuuya heard himself whisper, "are an asshole."

"I'm only doing what I have to do to survive," Dazai smirked.

"So this," Chuuya spoke each of his words through a single breath, "is surviving?"

"No," Dazai leaned down closer until their lips were nearly touching, "not in the slightest"

Chuuya could feel Dazai's breath hot against his skin. Dazai's eyes were clouded and his skin smelled like honey and pine. Chuuya expected himself to feel hot, he expected his face to be heating up, but instead, he felt cold to the touch, and he shivered beneath Dazai's touch.

The two stared at each other for a while, studying each other's faces. Both of the boys were breathing heavily from their fight.

Dazai's eyes fluttered shut for a brief moment before they opened again, "I'm going to kiss you."

Chuuya clenched the fists that lay dormant at his side, "Shut up and do it."

He felt Dazai's breath shudder as he leaned in and pressed his lips to Chuuya's. The redhead kissed him back, lifting his head off the mattress to press his face closer to Dazai's, his hands found their way to Dazai's back, sliding beneath his stupid singlet, feeling the bandages below it.

At this, Dazai kissed Chuuya harder, using the full weight of his body to push the boy into the mattress. He let his tongue explore the redhead's mouth, reveling in his taste, it was sweet, and although his body was cold, Chuuya's lips were hot.

Chuuya flinched under Dazai as he felt a hand glide up his stomach, teasing his waist and pressing just below his chest. Dazai pulled away for a minute and pulled at the nape of Chuuya's neck with his teeth, leaving hickeys and bite marks on the pale skin.

Chuuya groaned at the dull pain, it felt like he was being eaten alive. Was this what kissing was supposed to feel like? The hand tugged at Chuuya's shirt, lifting it to show his bare stomach and chest, and Dazai's other hand tugged at the waistband of Chuuya's shorts.

Dazai cocked his head to the side, "Can I continue?"

Chuuya glared at Dazai, "Just fucking do it."

✰✰✰✰✰

About two years prior, at the party where Chuuya was outed:

Dazai watched Chuuya storm off into the midst of the party. He felt like he should say something, do something, anything. He felt useless.

He turned back to the room and eyed the Junior who remained in the room, his face was twisted in frustration.

"Don't get in the fucking way," The Junior glared at Dazai, "If you get in the middle again I'll fucking kill you."

Dazai opened his mouth to say something but thought against it. Instead, he turned to the girl at his side, she was flushed and blinking innocently up at Dazai. The brunette leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips. "You should head back, your friends are probably looking for you."

The girl was disappointed, to say the least, but she obliged.

Once she had left Dazai turned to the Junior, who was glaring at Dazai menacingly.

"Leave Chuuya alone," Dazai muttered, "I don't want him getting hurt."

The Junior scoffed as he pushed past Dazai, "I said stay out of it, pretty-boy."

Dazai shut the door behind the Junior as he left, pressing against it, blinking tears from his eyes.

How? Chuuya...

Dazai felt like an idiot. After all this time, everything had been for nothing. Every passing moment, every fleeting glance. Every time he had admired Chuuya, indulged in Chuuya. Hurt Chuuya. Was for nothing. There was no way now, he had his chance, long ago, and like always, Dazai fucked it up.

Ever since he was a kid, Dazai had believed that love was always there to hurt, and now he knew it was true.

✰✰✰✰✰

A/N:

Hey, so... Spice lol.

Hope you didn't hate it

:)