Chapter 49 - Ella

The afternoon sun beat down on the training field as I oversaw the knife drills. The air smelled like sweat and dust, the clatter of blades against training posts steady and sharp. Daryl had finally managed to finish a bow in just two days, but until he made enough for everyone, knives were the order of the day—and somehow, I'd become the de facto leader of this group.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Sasha and Rosita should've been here. But instead, they'd taken off on their suicide mission to kill Negan.

When Enid and Jesus finally told us—after catching Sasha packing—I'd been livid. Furious at them for sneaking off, furious at them for not trusting us enough to help. Now, all we could do was wait and hope they came back alive.

I prayed they'd succeed. I prayed harder that they'd come home.

"Whoosh!" Ian's voice rang out, pulling me back.

I turned just in time to see him swinging his dull practice knife like it was a toy airplane.

"Ian," I said sharply, leveling him with a look. "What do we say?"

He groaned dramatically, shoulders slumping. "Knives aren't toys," he muttered.

"Exactly. You want your daddy to give you one of his lectures about weapon safety?" I teased, arching a brow.

His eyes went wide with horror. "I'll be good!"

I hid my laugh as he refocused, gripping the knife the way I'd taught him and mimicking my movements from earlier drills. It still felt strange, teaching my five-year-old knife defense—but he needed it. Carol had shown him the basics back at the prison, and in this world, that knowledge might save his life one day.

If he ever ended up alone out there—God forbid—he had to know how to fight.

The sharp clang of metal from the watchtower cut my thoughts short.

"Cars incoming!" the guard called down.

My pulse jumped. Ian immediately sheathed his little knife and ran to my side, slipping his small hand into mine.

We didn't hide; we didn't need to. The Saviors didn't roll up like this. Still, I stayed on edge, scanning as the gates swung open.

Relief hit me like a wave when I spotted Rick's familiar patrol car rolling in, Michonne in the passenger seat.

"Alright, that's it for now!" I called to the training group. "Lunch break—go eat!"

The others scattered quickly, leaving the field quiet just as the car parked. Rick and Michonne stepped out—and then I saw him.

Carl.

My breath caught.

He climbed out of the backseat, his hat tilted low, his shaggy hair longer than I remembered—and taller. Was it possible he'd gotten taller in just three weeks?

"Ellie!"

I didn't have time to answer before he broke into a sprint, his boots pounding across the dirt. I barely braced myself before his arms wrapped around my waist, hauling me clean off my feet as he spun me in a circle.

I laughed, clinging to his neck, tears stinging my eyes.

"I missed you so much," he murmured against my shoulder.

"I missed you too," I whispered back, squeezing him tighter.

When he finally set me down, I refused to let go, tugging his face down so I could pepper his cheeks and forehead with kisses like I had when he was younger.

"Look at you!" I gasped. "How the hell are you taller? You're fourteen! You're not allowed to keep growing like this. I swear, I'll chop you down at the knees." I shot a look past him at Rick. "You feeding him growth hormones back home?"

Michonne laughed as she came over, pulling me into a warm hug. "Feels like it. Kid's shot up half a foot since I blinked last."

"He's almost as tall as Daryl," I sighed, giving Carl an exaggerated once-over.

"And twice as handsome," Carl quipped, grinning that crooked grin.

"In your fuckin' dreams, kid," Daryl drawled from behind us, shoving Carl's shoulder playfully before sliding an arm around my waist.

Carl laughed and shook his head, already turning to ruffle Ian's hair.

"Hey, squirt," Carl said, crouching to meet him. "You been giving your mom a hard time?"

Ian grinned, throwing his arms around Carl's neck. "Only a little."

I watched them hug, warmth blooming in my chest. In moments like this, it didn't matter how broken the world was—it felt whole again, even if just for a heartbeat.

As Rick headed off with Maggie and Jesus, Daryl pulled me close, his lips brushing my temple.

For the first time all day, I breathed easy.

Carl was here. We were together. And for one sweet, fleeting moment, it felt like home.

The afternoon sun still burned hot on my shoulders as we gathered in the courtyard. Carl stayed glued to my side, one arm looped around me in that lanky, too-tall way of his. He'd grown again—I could feel it in the way I had to tilt my head back just to meet his eyes now.

Rick stepped forward, voice carrying over the small crowd. "We've got a lead. Tara's been sitting on it for a while. Settlement out on the coast—women only. They're armed. Guns, ammo, more than we've seen since before all this."

"Women only?" I repeated, brows lifting.

Tara shifted uncomfortably. "I stumbled on them when Heath and I were on that run. They almost killed me. Let me leave alive only after I swore not to tell anyone. I didn't think it was worth the risk when we came back, but if we're gonna fight Negan... we need them."

"Damn right we do," Michonne said, folding her arms.

Rick nodded. "Me, Michonne, Tara, Jesus... Daryl, Ella." His eyes cut to me and Daryl. Then they landed on Carl. "And Carl's coming too."

My stomach twisted instantly.

"What?" I turned sharply, staring at Carl.

He just met my gaze with that same stubborn, steady look that was all Rick Grimes. "I'm going, Ellie."

"No, you're not—"

"Ellie." His voice was calm, but it had that edge to it. "I'm not a kid anymore."

I opened my mouth, but Rick spoke first. "He's going. He's proved himself. We need him."

I clenched my jaw, fighting the instinct to argue. Carl wasn't wrong—he wasn't a little boy anymore. He'd been through hell and survived it. But damn it, that didn't stop the knot in my chest from tightening.

Beside me, Daryl's hand pressed to my lower back. "Ain't like we'll let him outta our sight," he murmured.

Carl smirked faintly, knowing he'd won. "See? Daryl's fine with it."

I shot him a glare. "You're lucky I love you, kid."

He grinned.

Rick glanced at Maggie. "We head out first light. Maggie, we'll need you to keep things steady here while we're gone."

Maggie adjusted Ruby on her hip and nodded firmly. "You got it."

I looked at her, worry etched deep into my face. "And the kids?"

"I've got them," Maggie said, steady and sure. "You don't need to worry, Ella. I'll keep them with me."

My voice dropped. "And Beth?"

"She won't come near them," Maggie promised, sharp enough to cut. "Not while you're gone. I'll see to it myself."

I exhaled, the knot loosening slightly.

Carl tugged at my sleeve, voice softer now. "Ellie. We'll be careful. I'll stick close to you guys and my dad. I promise."

I cupped his cheek, my thumb brushing along his jaw, still faintly boyish under all that growing-up-too-fast. "You better. You hear me?"

He grinned. "Loud and clear."

Rick clapped his hands once, snapping the moment back to reality. "Pack light. Be ready. We leave at dawn."

As the group began to break apart, Carl lingered at my side, and I hugged him tight—one arm around his shoulders, his chin resting on top of my head.

"You know," I murmured, "I still see the kid who used to follow me around asking for snacks."

Carl laughed softly. "Pretty sure I still do that."

I kissed his cheek. "Yeah, well. You're still my kid, whether you like it or not."

He hugged me tighter. "Good."

Because tomorrow, we'd walk into danger together. And I'd be damned if I didn't keep him safe.

The trailer felt fuller than it had in weeks, and I couldn't stop smiling because of it.

Carl sat cross-legged on the twin mattress we'd shoved into the corner for Ian, his hat tipped back, a lopsided grin on his face as Ian climbed all over him like a puppy.

"You've gotten heavier, dude," Carl teased, pretending to struggle as Ian latched onto his arm.

"I'm stronger," Ian argued, flexing his little arms dramatically.

Carl snorted. "Sure you are. What have you been lifting, spoons?"

"Bows!" Ian shot back proudly, making Carl laugh so hard he nearly toppled over.

Daryl leaned against the counter, arms crossed, watching them with that small smirk he got when he was trying really hard not to let anyone see how much he loved moments like this.

"Kid's gonna show you up soon, Carl," Daryl drawled. "Be taller'n you before long."

Carl scoffed. "He wishes. I'm still the cool one."

"You ain't never been the cool one," Daryl fired back, smirking.

Carl grinned and leaned back on his hands. "Says the guy whose vest smells like a barn."

That earned him a sharp, "Watch it, boy," from Daryl, but I caught the glint of amusement in his eyes.

Ian cackled. "Carl's cooler than you, Daddy!"

Daryl snorted. "Only 'cause he gives you sweets when Mom and I ain't lookin'."

Carl smirked at me. "And that's why I'm the favorite."

"Oh my God," I groaned, flopping down on the bed with Ruby in my lap.

Ruby, of course, chose that moment to screech happily, slapping her drooly little hands against my chest before lunging toward Carl.

"See?" Carl said, holding his arms out to her. "Even Ruby agrees."

I handed her over and watched as she settled against Carl's chest, staring up at him with those big hazel eyes—so much like her father's it nearly made me ache.

"Hi, trouble," Carl murmured, bouncing her gently. "You miss me?"

Ruby cooed in response, then babbled out a string of nonsense that almost sounded like, "Ca."

My head snapped up. "Did she just—?"

"Did she say my name?" Carl's grin split wide, eyes bright.

Ruby drooled on his shoulder and squealed again, "Ca-ca-ca!"

Ian gasped. "She said Carl!"

"She said somethin'," Daryl muttered, though I saw the corner of his mouth twitch upward as he crouched beside the bed to ruffle Ruby's hair.

I pressed a hand to my heart. "Oh, that's it. First words are coming. Any day now."

Carl puffed his chest out. "And I'm the one she's practicing on. Favorite confirmed."

"Don't get cocky," Daryl teased, plucking Ruby up out of his arms and holding her aloft. "She's gonna say 'Daddy' first, ain't ya, sweetheart?"

Ruby blew a spit bubble in response.

Ian howled with laughter. "She said pbbbt!"

I grinned so wide it hurt. For a few minutes, the world outside didn't exist—no Negan, no missions, no fear. Just us. Our little patchwork family, crammed into a trailer that suddenly felt too small in the best way possible.

As the night stretched on, Ian eventually curled up against Carl's side, babbling about knife practice until he finally drifted off. Ruby was asleep in Daryl's arms not long after, her soft breaths puffing against his chest.

Carl glanced over at me, quieter now. "It's nice, y'know? Feels like before."

I reached over, brushing his hair back like I'd done when he was younger. "Yeah, it does."

And for one sweet, fragile night, it almost felt like it really was.

~

The pale gray light of dawn slipped through the trailer's thin curtains, barely cutting through the fog in my chest. I hadn't slept much—every time I closed my eyes, I saw Ian's freckled little face or Ruby's gummy smile.

I pulled on my jacket, checking my gear for the third time: knife belt secure, quiver full, bowstring tight. My fingers moved on autopilot, but my heart wasn't in it.

This was going to be days. Days away from them. I hadn't been apart from Ruby this long since she was born, and even then, I'd only ever been a building or two away. Now, I'd be miles from them—days from them—and my stomach twisted so tight it almost hurt.

Outside, Maggie waited in the early light, calm and steady like always, Ruby perched on her hip, still drooling sleepily. Ian clung to Maggie's other hand, his hair sticking up in every direction, boots untied as usual.

I crouched down immediately in front of him, smoothing his wild hair. "Okay, buddy. You remember what we talked about?"

He nodded seriously. "No climbing the fences. Listen to Aunt Maggie. Watch Ruby."

"Good." I kissed his forehead. "And eat all your food. Don't you dare pretend you're full just to get out of vegetables."

Ian wrinkled his nose. "But carrots are gross."

"Then chew fast," I said, smiling despite myself.

Daryl chuckled low behind me.

Then my gaze shifted to Ruby. Maggie passed her into my arms, and I hugged her so tight I could feel her tiny heartbeat against mine.

Her warm little hands patted my cheeks as she babbled nonsense, drool trailing down her chin.

"Oh, sweet girl," I whispered, kissing her chubby cheeks again and again. "Mommy's gotta go for a little while, but I'll be back before you know it."

Ruby squealed happily and gnawed on my collar.

My throat tightened.

"She's fine," Maggie said softly, like she could hear every thought in my head.

I swallowed hard. "Her bottles are in the fridge. Labeled. Enough for—"

"An army," Maggie finished with a patient smile.

"And if she fights her naps—"

"I'll hum to her," Maggie interrupted gently.

"And Ian still can't tie his shoes right—"

"I'll double-knot them," Maggie reassured.

"And if—"

Maggie squeezed my arm. "Ella. I've got them."

I nodded, but the words tumbled out anyway. "She still wakes up once a night sometimes. Her teething's been bad this week. And Ian's been chewing his sleeves again—don't let him, it stretches them out—and make sure he—"

"Breathe," Daryl murmured behind me, his warm hand pressing to the small of my back.

I let out a shaky breath and kissed Ruby's head one last time before passing her back to Maggie. My arms felt instantly empty, wrong.

I bent down to Ian again, cupping his cheeks and peppering kisses across his freckled face until he giggled. "You be good, alright? Help Maggie. Keep an eye on Ruby for me."

"I will," he promised, hugging me so tight his little arms trembled. "Come back fast, Momma."

"Always," I whispered, holding him one more second before forcing myself to let go.

Carl stepped up beside me, his hand resting on my shoulder. "Hey. I'll keep an eye on Ian too. Promise."

I looked up at him, my heart aching. His blue eyes were steady, so much older than they had any right to be. I reached up and smoothed his hair back, like I used to when he was smaller. "You better watch yourself, too."

He smirked faintly. "You're stuck with me, Ellie. You know that."

Daryl slung an arm around my waist then, grounding me.

Rick's voice cut through the air from the trucks. "Time to move!"

I kissed Ian one last time, Ruby's forehead once more, then looked to Maggie. "You'll keep Beth away from them?"

"She won't get within ten feet," Maggie promised.

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat.

Daryl squeezed my hand. "C'mon, baby."

I climbed into the truck with Carl beside me, twisting in my seat to keep my eyes on Ian and Ruby until the gates closed behind us.

Ruby reached toward me as Maggie bounced her on her hip, Ian waving wildly with both arms.

The distance grew until they disappeared from sight.

Carl shifted closer, resting his arm lightly against mine. "They'll be okay," he said softly.

I blinked hard against the burn in my eyes. "I know."

The road stretched out like an endless ribbon of cracked asphalt, flanked by trees gone skeletal with winter's bite. The hum of the truck was steady, lulling but not soothing.

Daryl sat beside me in the backseat, broad shoulder pressed against mine, warm and grounding in the chill. Carl had the other side, his hat tipped low, one long leg stretched out awkwardly to make room for my quiver between us. Up front, Rick drove in steady silence while Michonne sat coiled and alert, her katana resting against her knee.

We'd been on the road for hours, and still, my chest ached with the hollow emptiness of leaving Ian and Ruby behind.

I stared out the window, fingers drumming absently against my thigh, every thought circling back to my kids. Ruby still wakes at night. Maggie will hear her, right? Ian forgets to drink enough water sometimes. Did I pack enough clothes?

"They'll be fine," Daryl murmured beside me, reading me like always.

I glanced at him, his jaw sharp in the morning light filtering through the trees.

"You don't know that," I whispered.

He gave me a look that was steady and certain. "Yeah, I do. Maggie ain't ever let us down. Ain't about to start now."

Carl leaned over from the other side, his voice softer than usual. "Ellie, Ian's tougher than you think. And Ruby... she's got everyone wrapped around her finger. Maggie's probably spoiling her right now."

I cracked a small, reluctant smile. "She'd better not be."

Carl grinned and bumped my shoulder. "You know she is."

Daryl's hand slid over mine, his calloused thumb tracing idle circles against my skin. "They're good, baby. You keep thinkin' on 'em, it's gonna eat you up."

"I can't help it," I admitted, leaning my head against his shoulder. "I keep picturing Ruby crying for me, wondering where I am. And Ian—he can't even tie his shoes right without asking me."

Carl laughed softly. "Yeah, he can. He just likes making you do it because it's faster."

I turned to glare at him playfully. "Oh, so now you're an expert?"

He smirked. "Please. I was Ian's age once, remember?"

I rolled my eyes, but it eased some of the tightness in my chest.

Rick cleared his throat from up front, glancing briefly in the rearview mirror. "We stick to back roads 'til we hit the coast. Should be a two-day ride if we don't hit trouble. We keep quiet, we keep low."

Michonne nodded. "And when we get there?"

Rick's hands tightened on the wheel. "We talk. Show 'em we're organized, we mean business. Tara says they're cautious—good reason for it—but they got guns. If they don't wanna join, maybe we work something else out."

"They ain't gonna just hand 'em over," Daryl muttered.

"No," Rick agreed. "But we've all seen what Negan does. They will too, sooner or later. Maybe we get ahead of it."

Carl shifted beside me, arms crossed. "If they see what we've been through, what Negan's done, they'll understand."

I reached over and squeezed his arm. "You sure you're ready for this?"

He met my eyes without hesitation. "I've been ready."

And I believed him. God, I hated how much I believed him.

The truck hit a bump, jolting us lightly. Ruby's laughter echoed in my head at the thought—her little squeals when Daryl bounced her on his knee, Ian's wild giggles when Carl chased him around the yard. I clung to those sounds like lifelines.

Daryl leaned in, brushing his lips against my temple. "We'll get through it. Then we go home. To them."

I exhaled shakily, nodding as Carl rested his head lightly against my other shoulder. My boys flanking me on both sides, steady and solid.

"Alright," I whispered. "Let's get this done."

We pulled off the road just as the last light bled out of the horizon, the woods swallowing us in shadow. Rick and Michonne cleared a small patch for camp while Daryl got a fire going with his usual quiet efficiency. Carl dropped his pack next to mine with a groan.

"I swear," Carl muttered, flopping onto the ground dramatically, "my spine's going to snap from that truck seat."

Daryl snorted. "Ain't even been a whole day."

"Yeah, well, some of us aren't made of leather and gristle," Carl shot back, smirking.

I bit back a laugh, sinking onto my bedroll. "Carl."

"What? I'm just saying."

Daryl smirked, tossing him a half-hearted glare. "You keep runnin' that mouth, boy, I'll make ya sleep in the truck."

Carl gasped in mock offense. "Pretty sure I could take you now, old man."

Daryl barked out a laugh. "Old man, huh?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, hiding my smile. "If you two don't knock it off, I will separate you. Don't test me."

Carl grinned wickedly. "Spoken like a real mom."

I threw him a look. "Don't you forget it."

That set Rick and Michonne chuckling from their spot near the fire. The smell of burning wood filled the air, mingling with the cold bite of the evening. For a fleeting moment, it almost felt normal—like camping trips before the world fell apart.

But when I lay down later, staring up at the stars through the canopy of branches overhead, the quiet came crashing back.

Ruby's little face popped into my head instantly: her gummy smile, the way her hands reached for me when she babbled, her soft baby giggles when Daryl tickled her tummy. And Ian, he was probably asking Maggie for three bedtime stories and finding new ways to avoid sleep.

I pressed my arm over my eyes, swallowing the lump in my throat.

Daryl shifted beside me, his bedroll close enough that I could feel his warmth. "You ain't sleepin'," he murmured.

"Ruby needs me," I whispered before I could stop myself. "She's probably crying and wondering where I am. And Ian... what if he tries to sneak out, or—or he can't sleep without me humming, or—"

Daryl's hand found mine in the dark, rough fingers warm and steady. "They're fine, Ella. Maggie's got 'em. Ain't nothin' gonna happen."

Carl's voice drifted from his spot on my other side, softer now. "Ian fell asleep on me half the time back at Alexandria. He'll be fine. He's probably telling Maggie that stupid frog joke he loves until she begs him to stop."

I huffed out a laugh despite myself. "God help her."

Daryl squeezed my hand. "They're safe. You do this, we go back, and we give 'em a world where they don't gotta grow up holdin' knives and lookin' over their shoulders."

I turned my head toward him in the faint firelight. His eyes met mine, steady and certain.

I nodded, exhaling slow. "I know. I just... miss them."

"I know, baby," he murmured, leaning over to kiss my forehead. "But we're gonna get home."

Carl shifted closer, resting his head lightly on my shoulder like he used to when he was younger. "We've got this, Ellie. All of us."

I wrapped my free arm around him, holding him close while Daryl's hand stayed in mine. My boys on either side, the fire crackling low, the stars scattered like diamonds overhead.

For the first time that night, I let my eyes close.