Touché

Taylor Swift - Enchanted, Shawn Mendes -  It'll Be Okay, Jenna Raine - see you later

'Honestly,' I take a minute to gather my messed up thoughts. 'My mind was telling me to forget everything, to leave it all behind.' Why is it so hard to talk? I breathe in, out, and continue 'but my heart was secretly waiting...for him to appear around the corner, on the street, in public places, cafes.'  I brush through my hair with my fingers, trying to hold back any possible tears.

'Just because he didn't come yet, it doesn't mean that he won't.' Jenny's words give me hope. Damn it! I wanted to make it seem impossible, make myself believe so.

'Even if he does, how could he forgive me?' Jenny rolled her eyes at me as a loud sigh leaves her lips.

'What the fuck would he have to forgive you? Stop blaming yourself before he even did, which doesn't mean he will!' She pints her finger at me, to stop me from arguing. 'It takes two for this. Don't carry double the weight on your back.' I know that but I can't help myself. Can he even be held responsible if I don't even tell him? See, it's only me! 'It's like carrying all bags of groceries alone, they are heavy as shit, cutting into your hands. But if you only hold the half, it would hurt less. Agree?'

'Could you carry the other half?' I give her my best puppy eyes, hoping for her to give in.

'I'll drop it at his front door!' She says rather loudly, as if it's a command, firm decision on her own. We both burst out laughing, with both hands hurting, but at least we take care of our wounds for each other.

'I'm going to get you that appointment, after it, you can decide.' She says standing up. I know that there is nothing I could say to stop her from doing so.

I hear her greeting someone as she was leaving out of the room.

'How are you feeling?' I look up, her voice made me nervous. Nervous about what to say next.

'Oh, so nice seeing you here!' I give my best smile as I face Niall's mother. 'I'm better.' I try looking around, finding something to concentrate on but she just seems too kind to ignore or act rudely around.

'I heard that you are carrying a baby, so I wanted to congratulate you!' I almost choke on my own saliva as those words leave her mouth. Someone must be fucking kidding me! But what did I think, her working here wouldn't let her know I'm pregnant?

'That, yes, um, thank you.' I sound as if someone just told me the most devastating news, but I can't help myself. I can't force my body to be happy about it.

'Are you alone here? I suppose the father will be here as well?' This time, I can't control my body. I start coughing as if I've been just pulled out of the water, almost drowning. I think this topic still is too much for my nervous body. I feel sick. God!

'I'm so sorry!' She pats me on the back but I stand up, moving away from her. I do it slowly so I don't seem rude. ' I didn't mean to intrude in your privacy! Zayn told me you were with them but on your own. I'm just worried.' Why? I guess my face gave her enough answers as she continues.

'I apologise.' She moves back. 'I primarily came to tell you that Niall asked to see you, so if you feel better, you could visit?' My eyes widen in shock as a slight pain evolved in my head, spinning this whole room around. I shake my head and try concentrating on her words.

I simply stare at her with nothing to say, completely helpless.

'Should she come to you? I can bring her in here?' She looks worried.

'Huh, bring who?' What is she talking about?

'Gigi, the one that wanted to see you.' I must be going insane! What has gotten into me?

'Yes!' I make her jump as my suddenly low voice became way too high. 'I mean no! I'll go!' I look at her and see a perfect opportunity to just run out of this mess. 'Thank you, I'll go now!' I rush past her, only to get the fuck away!

Why did I hear that? I have to get him out of my head! Anyway, here I am.

'El!' Gigi screams as soon as I walk in. I haven't smiled this brightly in a while, not like in a funny way, but in a caring way. Seeing her this happy, them both happy, fills me with joy.

I sit on the chair next to her bed and take her hand into mine. I can see tears in her eyes, I'm pretty sure they were there this whole time.

'Do you feel better?' I ask, squeezing her hand tighter but still being gentle.

'God! I'm great.' She has the widest smile I have ever seen! 'We are great.' She puts her other hand on her belly. stroking it gently. All of our eyes are focused on her belly, and the baby inside it.

'I'm glad.' I say and mean it. A tear rolls down her cheek as a sign of happiness. I can't help but look at her with admiory, hoping that one day I could be this happy about a baby, about anything.

'You should rest for a bit, a doctor called for El, I'll take her there.' Zayn interrupts our moment. Take me where?

I stand up only to follow this fool once again, even if we went through a hell of a storm, he still does piss me off!

'Who am I seeing?' I ask as we walk out of there. He simply stops right there in the middle of the hallway, now facing me.

'Who is the father of your child?' You must be kidding me! I breathe heavily, trying to give myself some time to think of some stupid shit, trying to say something that would be convincing enough.

'He is my, I mean he was-' I stumble upon my words as my mind stops cooperating. What even was he? I moved past that conclusion already, we were so much but at the same time nothing.

'Does it even matter? I'll take care of it.' I say and try avoiding his gaze as his eyes shoot deadly stares at me. 'What about you, did you think about my proposition?' I mentioned the boys to him. Once briefly, I know he has to do it and more than anything, he wants to. I can see it but he hesitates so much.

'Maybe when Gigi gets better, but for now I can't.' Ah, excuses, excuses such funny things that we use to get away with something that we don't want to face. 'But stop changing the topic!' He goes back at it! God! 'Are you sure that I don't know him?' The expression on my face fades away. I tried holding back, I have to hold back!

'I'm positive.' I state, decisively! 'Just as you find it hard to talk to the boys, it's hard on me to.' I say and try making him sane. 'So don't push me if you can't do the same yourself.' I'm not rude or acting bitchy, it's the truth. But either way, don't we say that the truth is a bitch? Well..

'Touche.' He looks at me, completely understanding but still annoyed with me. 'I found this earlier, it fell out of your pocket.' He hands me the golden card. I completely forgot about it.

'Who gave you this?' What does he mean?

'He did.' I turn around the card showing him the name of the owner. 'Why?'

'I thought you worked for the boys.' His eyes narrow, seeming confused. 'Do you work for Dominic?' What does he mean? I don't even know what to do but now he made me recall that there are other opportunities that came across the way.

'I don't! He just told me to call, to see a different point of view in this industry.' I recall that night clearly, as he intrigued me.

'Will you?' He asks me pointing a finger.

'Will I what?' Why is he so worked up about it?

'Call him?' He is unnecessary worried, or just curious but either way, stop!

'I think-' Just as I tried making up my mind, Jenny walks in on our conversation.

'Tomorrow at 8 am.' She says as she reads the card in her hand. Thankfully my answer got to be postponed. I can only hope Zayn doesn't continue this further because I myself do not know what to do with my life yet. 'How is Gigi?' Jenny asks Zayn, taking his mind off me for a second.

'She is recovering quickly. Oh, I forgot, I have to pay the bills! Excuse me.' He turns around on his heels and walks up to the reception only a few steps away.

'Did you even talk to Louis since you came here?' I ask her, slightly angry.

'Wow, all of a sudden! He loves me so he understands.' She states all happily. God I can't with this girl, her duality is rather confusing, one moment she is so mature it makes you question her age but the second she makes you think she still wears dippers and calls for her mommy!

'But how did you even come here? I thought Louis would come with you, not letting you go all this way alone.' I once again question the expensive room and the whole situation, I doubt Jenny's father gave her money to see me!

'I totally forgot!' She slaps her forehead with her hand as she makes me shake my head once again as she acts childish. 'The guy that brought me your notebook came with me, I mean I came with him.'

'Who did?' Who would have my notebook? I lost it myself, not even remembering where!

'I can't even with their names! It was something like James?' She says although it was more of a question. As she tries gathering her thoughts, my eyes drift away to the reception where Niall's mom, who worked behind the desk, said my name. I feel weird, why is she talking about me? I look at the other person and spot a tall figure, wearing black pants, and a tucked-in white shirt, which he rolled up to his elbows. He moves the hair back, as he tries to understand what she's trying to say to him.

'Jimin!' I say loud and clear. Jenny claps her hands as she finally recalls the name she's been trying to think of. My eyes focus on him standing there, looking confused. He had my notebook? He even brought her here?

'Oh you must be the father, I mean boyfriend!' Niall's mom says loud enough for me to hear. But just as I did, Zayn right next to them did as well. I expected a different reaction from Jimin but somehow, nothing. He must be taken back. Wait! Dear God, he didn't know I was pregnant! Why do I care if he knows or not?

'God! Zayn could get the wrong idea now.' Jenny says silently, estimating this whole situation. I can feel my heartbeat speeding up as a wild thought came across my mind.

'What if it wouldn't be wrong?' I say back, trying to get her approval of my idea that might help me convince Zayn that it isn't Niall. I know he didn't say it directly but I know that he secretly suspects it.

This isn't the time to think! I take a few steps further.

'He is the one.' I say and soon after find myself standing right next to Jimin. My voice is low but loud enough for them to hear. It sound more like a cry for help than a saying. All heads turn to me, including Jimin. His eyes widened in shock as my answer even caught me off guard but as I can see, it did the same to Zayn. I bet that Jimin can hear my heartbeat, it feels as if it could explode anytime now! Even if I might pass out right now from this whole nerve-wracking situation, him standing here gives me some kind of hope, every time he appeared, he solved it all. Maybe, this time, he could be the solution as well.

He scans my face, trying to find any reasonable explanation for this right now, but as his dark brown eyes look into mine, his get softer. Maybe he saw my desperation, maybe he understood, but either way, he turned around, dealing with my shit all over again.

'I'm sorry to come this late.' He looks back at me. His voice is different, it's caring, soft, stroking my chest. Making my tension clear up. He doesn't break eye contact, making me feel as if we are alone as if all my problems disappeared in an instant. He is obviously acting along, but somehow, it feels real.

'Man! What brought you here?' Zayn's voice broke whatever that was between Jimin and I. As he stood behind Jimin, he was looking at someone past me. Jimin's head lifts up to look at the sight everyone stared at as of this moment. I am the last one to get my shit together and turn around slowly, trying to understand the confusion that this person brought along.

I spot Jenny standing at the door of Gigi's room, and right next to her is the person I hoped to never see me like this, a person I hoped would never find out about my state. Yet, here we are! His face is still, no expression at all, ice cold. He heard everything. I know he did.

Even if there was a possibility that he did not hear all of it, my eyes gave up on me. Because whenever our gaze would meet, everything would become clear. We never needed words to know the truth. That's what kept me connected to him. All the way from the first night at the concert. He didn't know me. He didn't know all that shit about my life, about what I did and what happened to me, but yet his eyes comforted me. I think that is what kept us connected, even when we didn't talk directly about what were we, our eyes flirted, fought, cried, laughed. They understand everything when we didn't understand shit! But that's what always made me blind. Even if my eyes saw everything, my mind was the one to tie a blindfold around my head. To act as if nothing was seen, heard or felt.

It only makes me wonder, would it all be different if I saw love, sadness, anger when I had to, instead of covering it all up? They say you don't know what you have until you lose it. I guess they were right. I never saw what his eyes told me, but from this very moment when they only look at me with darkness, it makes me crave everything I saw before but didn't recognise. It makes me realise how blind humans are. Weak people can analyse how to redo something, make it better, but strong people face it all from the beginning, the good and the bad. As I kept on running, closing my eyes at everything that mattered, I hoped things would be different this time around. And what now? Once again, I find myself in this fucking mess but what pisses me off, is the fact that even after everything, I find myself standing here, trying to think of ways to keep running. Even if everything brought me to him, this time I had the chance to make him hate me, forget me. Make him hurt so that our final destinations would never meet again. So the question lies in me, am I willing to keep on running?

The end.

Yours truly,DoTheBestOfYourLife