Nightmares

1964

They had been married for six months, but he had kept a distance from her. He wasn't ready for their relationship just as he hadn't been ready for their marriage. He had been the strange husband who never touched his wife even after six months of sleeping on the same bed. As for her, she didn't seem to mind that a lot either. Sindhuja was still quite young, and somewhat childish too, so she did not seem to mind just sleeping on the bed and was rather relieved about the fact. However, sometimes she did feel that he looked so handsome while being asleep that she would have loved to hug him and sleep.

They always dressed up in the bathroom or closing the room door, so they had been living comfortably except for a few awkward moments when the door wasn't locked properly. 

During one such awkward moment, he noticed Sindhuja had some marks on her back which were usually covered by clothes. It was hardly a second that he saw her back, but he suspected they were not just marks, but scars. However he never asked her anything about it.

One night, Sindhuja hadn't been feeling well so she went to bed earlier. He came in the room after dinner and saw her already asleep. They both had realised by now that there was no point fighting each other unnecessarily, they couldn't go on like this for the rest of their lives. So they had at least started tolerating and adjusting to one another for a while.

He went up to her and checked her forehead for fever. It was slightly warm. He turned the lights off and laid on the other side of the bed. Later in the middle of the night, he was woken up listening to someone talk. He opened his eyes to see Sindhuja tensely blabbering something in the dark. She had sleep-talked like this before and gone silent or woken up after it, but it seemed much louder this time. He tried to call out to her.

"Sindhuja??! Sindhuja!"

She blabbered again. "No!..No Please!.. ShyamaMaa... Please!..."

"Sindhuja! Wake up..."

"Please Don't.... I'm... Sorry... Please!"

He touched her forehead. It was searing hot. He shook her shoulders calling out and she sat up with a start. He also sat up and she immediately shifted away from him at the corner of the bed. There were tears in her eyes now, which really made him concerned. 

"Sindhu?..." He had never called her by this name which usually only Kaka and Kaki used, but it didn't matter right now. He tried to reach out to her. But she backed away farther and stuck out her hands to stop him.

"ShyamaMaa... Please!.. Please Don't.... I'm sorry!.."

"Sindhu, its me!..."

"I'm so sorry ShyamaMaa!... Please!..."

She was in no state to listen to anything, so he rushed to the switch and turned on the lights. 

"See?! It's just me..." He sat in front of her slowly, as she tried to regain sense of what's going on.

"You... Aren't ShyamaMaa?!..."

"No Sindhuja!"

"So... You wouldn't beat me right?..."

"Of course not! Why would I??"

"ShyamaMaa beats me if I make a mistake... Sh-she was here, with a stick... Oh no! She... She must be around!... Please save me, please!!"

"Sindhu, Sindhu!... Look at me." He cupped her tear-stricken face in his hands and looked in her terrified eyes.

"Listen. There is NO ShyamaMaa here. It's just you and me. No One else. No one is going to beat you here. Okay?"

She stared into his eyes.

"Do you understand? There is no one here to harm you."

She blinked and looked away from him, taking in all that he said. He left her and got a glass of water from the bedside table.

"Here. Drink some water."

She grabbed the glass and gulped down the water. As her panic reduced, she closed her eyes shut and sighed, trying to breathe evenly. He touched her forehead again. The fever was still there. 

She opened her eyes at his touch and he held her hand.

"What happened?"

She took a moment to answer. "Nothing. Just a feverish nightmare. I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Feverish nightmare. Do you keep getting fever every few days? Because I know you get this nightmare every few days."

Her eyes welled up. "I- I don't-"

"Don't even try lying to me... I want an honest answer. What is it?"

Tears that welled up in her eyes now ran down her cheeks again. His hands left hers to wipe them off, but as he came near, she involuntarily hid her sobbing face in his chest and hugged him.

He stiffened at this sudden act, but looked down at her clinging to his kurta. He somehow couldn't dare to move her aside. So he awkwardly held her with one hand stroked her hair with the other. 

After some time Sindhuja somehow found her voice, "She... She would beat me with a stick, if I did something wrong in my household chores..."

"Who?"

"ShyamaMaa."

"Your stepmother?"

She nodded in his chest.

"And your father didn't say anything?" 

"He couldn't. She wouldn't listen to him... Besides, our house, money, all the things were from ShyamaMaa's brothers... That's why my father agreed to your marriage proposal even when it was within so less time. He wanted to get me out of there as soon as possible."

" Hmmm." Now he understood it all.

There was a long pause.

"But I'm happy here. I have you all. You all take care of me. You all don't beat or starve me if I make a mistake. You're very good people."

He looked down at her face and she looked above.

He didn't know what to say on this.

"Sindhuja... we aren't anything special."

"You all are. I'm very fortunate to come in this family." And she smiled, her eyes shining bright like stars. These innocent eyes didn't deserve to have tears because of such a reason. He stared into them, speechless. 

She looked down and left his embrace, straightening her saree. "I'm- sorry."

He slightly smiled. "It's alright... So, are you feeling okay to sleep now?" And he checked her fever again. It was fine now.

"Yeah."

"Good. I've got to go to the bank tomorrow too. I'll turn off the lights, but you tell me if you feel unwell again."

They laid on the bed in the dark. He turned to her. "Sleep Sindhuja."

"I'm trying..."

"Just so you know... You're nightmares wouldn't turn into reality ever again. You'll slowly forget these dreams too. It will never  happen again. Hm?"

I would never let it happen.

Her voice crackled, "I know. Thank you."