t w e l v e

  We had decided to get married in summer. Though it was still November, I had started doing researches with Irene for event planning and of course my wedding dress. When I told my mother she sounded genuinely happy, after my filthy father left her.

  Jaehyun landed his first modelling job last week and today was the day. You're going to do just great Jaehyun. Don't feel so nervous. I told him, enjoying my quick morning  time with him in the kitchen. I'll see you later. Or else, I'm going to be late. He exclaimed giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. Deep inside, it quite scared me that he had got into that kind of business. What if he'd lose his mind? What if he'd get bored of our normal life? But he loved me and not long ago he had asked me to marry him. I had said yes.

  I heard the door bring unlocked. It was a quarter to twelve, at night. He looked tired. How did it go? What took you so long? You've been gone all day. I'm sorry. They just made me do four photoshoot and then I met this guy, Jongdae and we went for a couple of drinks. Missed me? He said, lying next to me on the couch. Yes, I did quite miss you. I grinned. What is it? He asked. Jaehyun, please don't put me aside. I said, my voice slowly but steadily cracking. Are you crazy? I'd never do that. Don't think about it. He said, kissing my forehead. Did you like it? I hesitantly asked. He nodded. He understood I didn't want to talk about it. I was acting so immature. I promise you, I would never do that. He looked me in the eyes, giving me a passionate kiss. Fuck me. I whispered in his ear and he took me to the bed. Making me scream out his name. Four times. Straight away.

  Hey Y/N, Jongdae is throwing that party at his house. We're invited. Jaehyun mentioned, as we're out for dinner. Nice! When is it? I asked, pretending to like it. On Saturday. Oh, I'd promised Irene to go to the cinema. Can I bring her too? Of, course! I'll tell Mark too. I'll give you the address, for you to come after the movies. He said, smiling. He was so happy. About something I clearly was not. I wasn't jealous. I was afraid he was slightly changing.

  I arrived at Jongdae's party, greeted by Mark and Irene. Hey guys. Where's Jaehyun? Irene looked around, questioning the same thing. I swear he was here, like 5 minutes ago. Irene said. Quite drunk though. Mark added, drunk laughing. I headed to the guest room to leave my things, when I heard something that caught my attention. In the guest room's bathroom there was something intimate happening. I could hear a hard breathing, which for an instant moment I thought I recognised it. Ah yes... I heard the voice belonged to the heavy breather and at that moment I wasn't sure if I wanted to burst into the bathroom or ran away crying. I had lost the ground beneath me, as I met eyes with the girl that was blow-jobbing Jaehyun. I couldn't help but let out a small crying scream followed by hard sobbing and my heart breaking into trillions of pieces. I felt like a child, fighting  with betrayal for the first time. Unfortunately, as painful as it was for me to watch it, it became even worse when his tired, drunk, high eyes met mine. He suddenly realised what was happening and shouted out my name, only to me there were only loud echoes of hatred. I ran out of the house crying, not knowing to where I was heading. Y/N! Y/N ! Stop, please! I heard his voice, but I couldn't even bear looking at him. His running footsteps trembled my body, as his hand grabbed my arm. What are you doing? I screamed in exasperation drowning in my tears. Y/N, they gave me pot. I didn't know what was happening. I didn't have notion of what was happening. Until, I saw you. He said, his eyes swollen from crying, or should I say cumming. How do I even know you're not high right now? I screamed, letting go of his painful touch and walking away. Y/N, please... Don't even say my name, Jaehyun. I said, approaching him and pointing him with my intex finger. Go the fuck to your blow-jobber. I shouted and slapped him. His face remained to the right, with closed eyes trying to contain what seemed as... crying. I can't live without you Y/N. His voice cracked. At that moment, my heart cracked too. Too bad for you Jaehyun, you've already lost that possibility. I told him in disgust. His hand warmly touched mine not letting me to push him away. He gave me a kiss on my lips, making me crave for what I was about to lose. You're right. I'm no good for you. He said, quietly. He carresed my cheek and put a trace of hair behind my ear. But, it feels so good when I'm with you. I'm no good for wanting you forever. For wanting you just for myself. I'm selfish, but it's true. And if you no longer want me... He paused, his voice cracking at the last sentence. I wanted so freaking bad to believe him, but the previous scenes kept being replayed in my head. He, then pumped his fist in the air and put his head in his hands. I can't lose you Y/N. I love you. He said and put his lips on mine, showing me what love really meant.