36 - GOODBYES

[ GOODBYES ]

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"Becca's journal is amazing." Raven gushed as Sayah rested her head tiredly against the Rover wall. Although it was hard to relax where there were bumps every two seconds.

"At 26, she found a pathway to access a human mind." Raven turned a page in Becca's book.

"That same year, she had to lock up Alie, because her answer for what was wrong with the world was "too many people". She was 27 when it launched the bombs."

"What did she write about the flame?" Clarke turned around from her spot in the passenger seat to look at Raven.

"Alie 2.0." Raven told Clarke. Clarke nodded as Raven continued. "She saw it as a way to atone for her sins. She designed it to not just access a human mind, but to merge with one. It could never wipe us out because it would be one of us. She would put it in herself first, alter her genes so her body won't reject the implant."

"Becca Pramheda, the first Commander." Sayah furrowed her brows. It all made sense.

"The gene made her blood black, didn't it?" Clarke questioned Raven, tilting her head.

"Yeah." Raven nodded.

"How did you know that?" Octavia asked.

"Nightblood. That's where it came from. Somehow it became hereditary." Clarke explained. "Luna has it. That's why we have to find her. If she can access Alie-2. . ."

"She can tell us how to stop Alie-1." Octavia finished.

"Becca Pramheda gets her second shot at atonement," Sinclair muttered.

"Get back to the mind pathway," Monty spoke up from beside Sayah as he examined the chip in his hand carefully. "If Alie uses it to upload our minds to the City of Light, then there's a chance my mom's still alive."

Sayah watched as Raven pursed her lips. "That depends on your definition of 'alive'." Monty didn't reply after that.

"Eyes sharp. Weapons hot. We're almost home," Bellamy announced.

"Good to see you still have that leader voice, Bell." Sayah drawled. "Very demanding." Sayah heard everyone around her chuckle a little.

"Don't make me come back there." Bellamy called back.

"You're driving." Sayah reminded him, brows furrowed as she looked at him. He didn't answer and Sayah knew he had rolled his eyes.

Bellamy grabbed the radio attached to Rover, bringing it to his lips. "Miller, come in." There was radio silence. "Harper, you there? Your ride's two minutes out." Still no answer. Sayah watched as Bellamy and Clarke shared a look.

"Good start." Jasper mumbled.

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"We left two days ago," Clarke noted as she and Bellamy walked beside the Rover as they approached the Arkadia walls. Sayah, Octavia and Sinclair followed along on the opposite side of the vehicle. "Why haven't they fixed the gate?"

   "Maybe 'cause there's no one here to fix it." Jasper answered from his position up at the turret.

   "It's like a ghost town." Octavia mumbled as they entered  the camp slowly. Sayah heard Bellamy mutter into his radio to Miller.

   "Maybe they got chipped." Jasper suggested.

   "If they got chipped, they'd have been waiting for us at the cave." Bellamy replied.

   "Maybe they saw the open gate and went for Lincoln's book." Jasper sighed. Sayah eyes glanced around nervously. Completely abandoned.

   They wouldn't have to had come here if she just remembered where Luna was. She had seen her once with Lincoln, but that was a very long time ago.

   All they knew was that she was near the ocean. But they couldn't get there without Lincoln's book. Not even Sayah could guide them.

   She hated how useless she felt.

   "Maybe you should stop saying "maybe"." Octavia replied to Jasper.

   "If they are chipped, Alie already knows we're coming." Clarke stated as they neared the Ark. Sayah watched as everyone beside her and Octavia faltered in their step, their gaze down. She furrowed her brows before following their eyes. On the muddy soil was blood. But not just anyone's blood, Lincoln's blood.

   That was where her brother was shot in the head.

   She felt Octavia tense up beside her as she took Sayah's hand in hers. "Let's get his book and get the hell out of here." Octavia demanded.

   "That's a plan I can support." Jasper muttered before Octavia and Sayah raced off ahead, hearing the Rover follow after them. Both girls moved out of the way, letting the Rover go through the large doors of the garage first.

   "Close it up." Bellamy ordered once everyone was inside. "Turn the Rover around. We may need to get out of here quickly." The large garage doors closed with a loud thud.

   Sayah examined around as everyone else did. It was just. . . abandoned. Food half-eaten were on plates placed on tables and tools were still out as if they were in the middle of being used.

   "It's like they just got up and walked away." Clarke furrowed her brows, eyes scanning over the tables.

   "We're in and out." Bellamy announced clearly. "Pack as much gear as you can into the Rover."

   "Octavia and I will get the map." Sayah nodded before they rushed off. Sayah faintly heard Jasper mutter something about joining them.

   Sayah didn't think about the fact she was going into Lincoln's room. All she wanted to do was get in, grab the map and leave. She didn't want to linger. Not when she knew he'd never be able to return. But she did.

   She stood there, breathing shakily as she looked around. His things were untouched — thank God — and were neatly placed. Perfect, almost. It reminded her so much of a time where they would play fight in their small home, and he would scold her for jumping to close to his things. She always laughed at his excessive worry, telling him that she would never break any of his belongings. He would simply smile at her, and she would smile back, knowing that she would always be safe with him.

   Jasper leaned awkwardly against the doorframe, not saying a word. Sayah turned to see Octavia holding Lincoln's guard jacket in her hands. Her heart sunk.

   She watched as Octavia brought it up to her chin and inhaled, cherishing the smell of Lincoln before her body shook and she threw the uniform on the ground, then threw all of the other objects on the table at the wall. Sayah flinched at the loud sound of it all making contact.

   Sayah closed her eyes shut, clenching her jaw. "Find the book, Via." She ordered, wanting to leave immediately. She couldn't stay here. She couldn't be in this room.

   "A warrior doesn't mourn the dead until the war is over." She heard Octavia remind herself quietly and Sayah pursed her lips, knowing she, of all people, should follow that too.

   "I'll wait in the hall." Jasper mumbled to the two girls before leaving them alone.

   Sayah's eyes moved slowly over to the uniform that sat on the floor. She picked it up slowly, ignoring the sound of Octavia's loud shuffling through Lincoln's things, looking for the book. Sayah ran her fingers lightly over the material in her hands before she gripped it tightly, her knuckles turning white. Then she relaxed, letting out a sigh before folding it carefully, holding it to her chest for a moment and placing it neatly on the bed at the wall. Her hand lingered on it for a moment until she heard Octavia pause.

   "You find it?" Sayah cleared her throat.

   "Yeah." Octavia replied quietly before turning to Sayah. "Let's move."

   Before both girls could leave however, Jasper entered the room, his forehead bleeding. Sayah's eyes widened as he stumbled and muttered, "Grounder.", before falling to the ground.

   Sayah bent down to help Jasper up but then she heard a grunt and suddenly Octavia was on the floor as well. She turned, but too slowly, and her attacker already had his arm around her throat in a chokehold. She gasped and choked, struggling in the attacker's hold, but it was no use. Sayah saw black dots cloud her vision before she was out.

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   Sayah wanted to kick Emerson in the balls.

   And then perhaps kill him. Yeah, she wanted to kill him.

   "Emerson," Clarke's voice rang out through Emerson's radio as Sayah struggled in her restraints as she sat beside Raven. "I know you're listening. We need to talk."

   Sayah eyed the distance between her and Emerson. If she could just get this stupid gag out of her mouth, she bet her spit could reach him. If she really put power into it.

   Yeah. It could reach him.

   "I don't need to do anything." Emerson spoke into the radio. "You should've killed me when you had the chance."

   Sayah rolled her eyes at the words. The amount of times she had heard that phrase from men before she did in fact, kill them, was too many. Emerson needed a better response.

   "And now you're here to kill me, is that it?" Clarke's voice crackled out of the radio in reply.

   "Something like that." Emerson answered.

   "Then let my friends go." Clarke demanded. "Do that and you can have me."

   "You're brave, Clarke." Emerson told her. "I'll give you that. They're lucky to have a friend like you. Come to the airlock. No weapons. Right now."

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   It was awfully silent when Clarke turned the corner, hands raised in surrender. Sayah tried to move, tried to see if Bellamy was there also, waiting, hiding.

He had to have had a plan. They both did.

"I held up my part of the deal. You turn." Clarke said to Emerson who stood by Octavia, blade in hand. "Let my friends go."

"Tell Bellamy to show himself first." Emerson replied emotionlessly and Sayah would've sighed loud and heavy if there wasn't a gag in her mouth.

"I don't know what you're talking—" Clarke didn't get to finish before Emerson had harshly punched Octavia in the stomach. She let out a grunt of pain that was muffled by her gag and Sayah struggled in her spot, eyes narrowed.

"No!" Bellamy appeared from behind Clarke, gun raised.

Sayah watched as Emerson grabbed Octavia by the hair and pulled her back, placing the blade beneath her chin. She let out a choked cough and Sayah shook violently in her restraints.

"Good." Emerson stated. "Now, take the clip, throw it down the hall, put the gun on the ground and get inside." Octavia let out a muffled sound of protest, shaking her head slighty. Sayah looked back to Clarke, eyes wide.

"Please. You wanted me." Clarke said shakily. "I'll get inside once you let them go."

"I was talking to Bellamy." Emerson replied, knife edging closer to Octavia's throat before he put pressure on and sliced just below her collarbone. Blood spilled from the wound and Sayah twisted in her spot.

"Okay, okay. Just. . . just stop." Bellamy rushed out quickly. Sayah heard Clarke protest to Bellamy but he was already doing as Emerson had ordered. Sayah watched as Bellamy entered the airlock slowly, before cuffing himself to the wall. Emerson then pulled out his handgun and pointed it to Clarke.

"Get on your knees, Clarke."

Clarke did so slowly. What was the plan?

"Put your hands behind your head."

Sayah's eyes darted between Clarke and Bellamy. What was the plan?

Then when Emerson stepped out of the airlock, shutting the doors, then slamming Clarke against them, to watch, she realised, there was no plan.

This is how she would die.

Then when the room lit up with a dim crimson colour and a computerised voice spoke, "Airlock Five." She let out a whimper. "Oxygen venting."

This is how she would die.

Her eyes met Bellamy's first, then Octavia's, then Raven's — each and everyone of them. She said goodbye. She said goodbye while the air in her lungs was ripped out and she gasped, and she choked, and she struggled.

   This is how she would die.

Weak girl. Stupid girl.

John Murphy. John Murphy—

Her eyes caught the sight of Emerson and Clarke fighting.

John Murphy. Bellamy Blake. Octavia Blake. Lincoln kom Trikru. Indra kom Trikru—

Clarke struggled as Emerson got on top of her.

Clarke Griffin. Raven Reyes. Monty Green. Jasper Jordan. Nathan Miller—

John Murphy. John Murphy. . .

She felt her eyelids droop, and then, she had felt what she always wanted to feel.

Nothing.

But it was short-lived.

She felt air flow back through her lungs and she inhaled sharply — as best she could with this stupid gag — her eyes shot open.

Still alive.

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Sayah dropped her to knees when Bellamy placed Lincoln's body down before her. She noticed Octavia kneel down on his other side but she wasn't paying attention to her. Her eyes searched over the white cloth before she hesitantly pulled it away, revealing his face.

The face of her brother.

For a very long time, he had been the only one she had. She had saved her, took her in, protected her, taught her, loved her like his own blood. And now he was gone. She let a quiet sob, hands shaking as they lightly cupped his face. He was gone. He was gone.

Sayah pressed her forehead against his. "Yu gonplei ste odon." It was more of a broken whisper. "Thank you." She added. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." The words died out and it felt like she lost her voice. She kissed his forehead softly, her tears landing lightly on him. She stayed there for a moment, her hand lightly on her brother's cold cheek. It was slow as she moved away, eyes glancing to Octavia to give her a moment.

When she got up, she took a few steps back. Sayah looked up, meeting the eyes of Bellamy. He didn't have to say anything, only stepped forward and Sayah understood. She walked into his arms and he embraced her tightly, rubbing her back soothingly as she dipped her head into the crook of his neck. She had lost her brother, but had also gained another one long ago.

They burned both Lincoln's and Sinclair's bodies soon after before Sayah, Clarke, Jasper, Octavia and Bellamy left Arkadia — the others had chosen to stay to do their part. Sayah couldn't completely grieve, and she didn't fully understand why. But there was no time.

Time to find Luna.

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a/n

i miss lincoln .

i really think you guys will enjoy the next chapter, or maybe you won't... i enjoyed writing it so,i hope you guys like it.

it will bring up lots of questions... :)edit: nvm. its the chapter after

^ all of us. just. . . all of us.