23 - PATIENCE

[ PATIENCE ]

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"It'd sure be nice to have some sign that we're not just marching to our own deaths." A man said as they continued walking across the sand. It was silent for a moment.

   "We're not." Jaha told him. Murphy almost laughed.

   "Hey. Tell me if you know this one." The man beside Murphy spoke up.

   "Not again, please." Murphy rolled his eyes. The man had been telling terrible jokes for hours and Murphy had more than enough of it. He was fed up.

   "A Grounder and a Reaper walk into a bar," He begins, giggling slightly to himself. "Bartender looks to the Grounder, he says: 'We don't serve your kind around here.' The Reaper gets up and leaves." He starts to laugh, but no one does.

   "You get it? Reapers eat Grounders." He chuckled.

   Murphy was far from amused. "I will take Jaha's staff, and beat you to death with it."

   "John." Jaha scolded him.

   "Or this one," The man continued. "An Arker, a Grounder and a Mountain Man walk into a bar." Murphy glances up at the stars as he continued. "Arker says, 'I'll take some moonshine.' Grounder says, 'I'll take some too.' And then the Mountain Man, he says—"

   The man is cut off as a huge explosion blew Murphy to the ground. Murphy groaned, opening his eyes slowly. Then he saw it. A shoe, with a leg still inside, fell to the ground from the air.

   Suddenly, Murphy watched an arm fall down in front of the blonde woman (he didn't bother remembering the name of). She scooted back in fear and suddenly, another explosion: She was gone too.

   Murphy flinched, backing away slowly. He held a hand to his left ear, hoping to stop the ringing.

   "No one move!" Jaha ordered. "We're in the middle of a minefield."

   Murphy swallowed. "Well. . . anybody else want a sign?"

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   "How are you?" Octavia questioned as her and Sayah sit outside the Commander's tent while Clarke is inside with Lexa. Sayah keeps her eyes on the campfire in front of her.

   "My leg doesn't hurt as much anymore." Sayah sighed. "As if a small bullet wound could stop me." She joked.

   "That's not what I meant, Sayah." Octavia's voice turned soft. "At Tondc, when Lincoln and I were waking you up, I heard you say Murphy's name."

   Sayah licked her lips. "Yes, well, there you are: my subconscious betrays me." She drawled.

   "I'm serious." Octavia turned to face her properly. "If you need a break—"

   "What I need, is keep it out of my head." Sayah ran a hand down her face. "There's no time for mourning. He left, I let him, that's it."

   "And yet throughout all of this you still think about him, don't you?" Octavia raised her eyebrows. Sayah sighed.

   "You are relentless, Via."

   "Yeah well, when you hang out someone like you for too long. . ." She smirked. Sayah chuckled, rolling her eyes.

   Their laughter died down as Clarke approached them, taking a seat on the log opposite them. "Everything okay?"

   Sayah grew tense. Clarke still hadn't told Octavia that she knew about the missile sent to Tondc. Octavia should know.

   "I've been going over it and over it in my head just trying to figure out how, you're still alive." Octavia stated. Sayah crossed her arms, realising that, well, now was the time Octavia would know.

   "What are you talking about?" Clarke asked innocently. Sayah wanted to scoff but she didn't. She stayed silent, eyes on the fire in front of them.

   "I saw you in Tondc before the missile hit." Octavia began. "I know you, Clarke. Something's wrong. And then you and Lexa disappear and just happen to survive?"

   Clarke was silent and Octavia clenched her jaw. "Tell me you didn't know it was coming."

   Clarke glanced down, pursing her lips before meeting Octavia's gaze. "Octavia. . ."

   "You let all those people die." Octavia shook her head before standing up quickly. "You were gonna let me die." Clarke stood up too, stopping in Octavia's way.

   "Hey." Clarke outstretched a hand. "I did it to save Bellamy. So that we could win this war. Don't you see that? If we'd evacuated Tondc, Mount Weather would've known that someone tipped us off. They would've found your brother."

   "No, Bellamy would have never told you to do that. He would've found another way." Octavia argued.

   "I couldn't take that risk." Clarke replied.

   "Right." Octavia nodded. "Because you're in charge now, and you decide who's disposable." Octavia shook her head. "You'd have fit right in on the Council." Then she brushed past her.

   Clarke sighed before turning to Sayah, who shook her head. "Another time." She stood up and approached Clarke. "I understand your position, Clarke, I do. But. . ."

   Clarke nodded sadly. "I know." Sayah left quickly after that.

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   Murphy had his eyes shut as the sandstorm passed through them. They all sat silently with masks covering their faces.

   His mind wouldn't stop racing.

   He couldn't stop thinking of her.

   It was crazy how before he had left, only the day before their bodies were one and he had showed her just how much he loved her.

   Murphy couldn't help but stare at her while she slept soundly next to him, the covers just below her bare shoulders. He reached out and lightly brushed his fingers over her cheek. She couldn't be real. She couldn't be this beautiful and be his. How did she love him?

   Sayah shifted a little in her spot. "That tickles," She whispered with a small smile. Her eyes opened and Murphy fell even harder. "What is it, my love?" She questioned.

   "I never thought I'd feel this way with anyone." Murphy whispered admittedly. "I never thought someone would love me; I never thought I would be deserving of it."

   "If I could give you everything good this world had to offer, I would in a heartbeat, John." Sayah told him. "Because you do deserve it."

   "I have enough." Murphy replied. "You're all I ever need."

   "That's sweet of you, Sky Boy." Sayah giggled and Murphy loved the sound. He rolled his eyes at her sarcasm. She had been hanging around him too much.

   "Can't I be overly cheesy and get away with it?" He smirked. He glanced down at her shoulder, noticing several different small scars. The markings looked like welts on her skin as if she had been burnt. "What are those from?"

"They are kill marks." Sayah replied softly. Murphy scanned them with his eyes, counting. "Each mark signifies a kill."

"Eighteen," Murphy mumbled, brows furrowed as his fingers brushed over them lightly. Sayah hummed lightly in response.

"Do you feel guilt for them?" Murphy questioned her.

"Some," She answered honestly. "Others had to be done. It was either them or me." Murphy nodded at her words. He understood that better than anyone; surviving. That had been all he had done ever since he stepped foot on Earth. Then he had met Sayah, and realised that there was more to it than just surviving. There was people and things and moments, to live for.

   Sayah grabbed his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers. "I love you." She said suddenly.

   And Murphy couldn't believe it was real. He couldn't believe he finally had her. "I love you, more than anything else in this crappy world." Murphy told her honestly before leaning in to kiss her. When they pulled apart, Murphy smirked.

   "Round two?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively. Sayah laughed as he kissed her once more, so softly.

   Nothing else mattered.

   "It's clearing." A voice brought Murphy out of his thoughts. He opened his eyes slowly and took off his mask, scanning his surroundings. It was true, the sand had stopped. He got to his feet.

   "There," He pointed. "We have the light, and, oh, look," He gestured around at the ground. "Footprints are gone." Murphy sighed. They could see nothing, only sand. No path in it and no indication of where the mines could be.

"Sand, it blows." Murphy educated everyone sarcastically.

   Jaha was silent for a moment and Murphy thought he had actually, finally, given up. But then after looking around, he stopped. "Do you see that?"

Murphy followed his gaze to see something shining on the horizon, just over a sand dune. "The City Of Light." Jaha smiled.

"Emori was telling the truth," Murphy whispered in realisation.

"We are so close." Jaha breathed out with a smile. "You wanted a sign? Well, there it is. We have to push forward."

"Yeah, what about the mines?" Murphy inquired.

"We were meant to be here, John." Jaha nodded. "These mines are just another test of our faith."

"Yeah, well, I was always crap at tests, so, uh," He gestured forward. "Please, after you, Chancellor."

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As Jaha used his staff to test the sand, Murphy was on edge. They all kept a safe distance from Jaha, letting him lead the way. They shuffled in a line behind the trail he left, choosing the harder task rather than having faith and just sprinting through in hopes of avoiding the mines.

   Murphy's thoughts continued to race. He didn't want to die out here. He couldn't. Not with the way he left it with Sayah. They didn't even have enough time together. He hadn't had time to fully remember the colour of her eyes when she was close to him, or the sound of her laugh; he didn't get to make her laugh enough — he should've. He should've held held her tighter. Should've told her he loved her earlier, so he could tell her a thousand times over and she would never forget.

   He wonders if she did forget. He wonders if she had already forgotten him. Cleared him of her mind and moved on. It wasn't hard to do.

   Murphy felt sick to his stomach at the thought of another man holding her, kissing her, letting his hands roam her naked body—

   "I can't do this anymore," Richards shook his head.

   "Calm down, Richards." Murphy said, a hint of annoyance in his tone. "Who do you think it is, anyway?" He questioned, referring to the residents of the city. "They must have power." Murphy pursed his lips. "A shower would be nice right about now. Wash off the rest of Harris."

   "Sienna said it's a place where everyone is welcome." Jaha replied, scraping his staff cautiously through the sand.

   "Well, that'd be a first, wouldn't it?" Murphy muttered. His mind travelled back to what Sayah had said in the dropship.

   "There is no such thing of a world where everyone is accepted. Conflict is inevitable. Without it, there is no growth. It is what life is about."

"I can't take this! It's right there." Richards yelled before sprinting across the sand.

Jaha called out to him, telling him to stop before he chased after him. Murphy watched and waited for an explosion, but nothing happened. Even when Jaha tackled Richards to the ground.

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   After about another two hours (which to Murphy felt like a hundred), they had cleared the minefield. How'd they know? A literal sign had told them.

   "Another test passed." Jaha breathed in relief. "We made it. Come on." They they sprinted towards the sand dune. Murphy felt a small smile tug at his lips. They finally found it.

   And maybe Sayah could then join them.

   Murphy didn't care how his legs ached as he climbed, he just kept climbing. And once he reached the top. . . His smile fell. It was no sparkling, fancy city like he had hoped. "Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? This is it?"

   It was nothing but solar panels.

   "This is what we crossed a desert to find?" Murphy questioned incredulously.

   "It can't be." Jaha shifted in his spot.

   "Well, guess what. Your enlightened society, it's not a city. It's nothing."

   "I flew down from space." Jaha panted. "I defied death. It was all for a reason. It has to be."

   Murphy shook his head, running a hand through his hair. He had left his whole world, for this. All for nothing.

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   "How's your leg doing?" Octavia questioned as they walked beside each other through the forest. The Grounder Army along with the Sky People were on their way to the Mount Weather doors.

   "Fine," Sayah replied. "How are your nerves?" Sayah glanced at her.

   Octavia scoffed. "I'm not scared."

   "But you are a little nervous." Sayah reached to squeeze her hand. "And you're allowed to be, Via."

   Clarke suddenly spoke up from Octavia's other side. "Hey."

   "What do you want?" Octavia questioned.

   "I'm changing your mission." Clarke stated. "You're not going to the mines with Indra and Sayah. I'm placing you in the rear guard, where you'll be safe."

   "Like hell you are." Octavia replied. "I don't take orders from you. I take orders from Indra."

   "And myself, on special occasions." Sayah added in quickly. Octavia shot her an amused glance, trying to stay serious.

   "I'm trying to protect you, Octavia." Clarke stated.

   "Protect me," Octavia repeated in disbelief.

   "One day hopefully you'll understand what I did." Clarke told her.

   "Never." Octavia replied. "I'll fight this war with you because I want our friends back, but after that," She turned to her. "We're done."

   Clarke said nothing else as Indra appeared suddenly at Sayah's side. "The commander is looking for you," She informed Clarke, who nodded before walking off.

   "What was that about?" Indra questioned.

   "Clarke's trying to reassign me to the rear guard." Octavia explained.

   "You're a warrior. You'll be in the mines with me." Indra stated. "I know what bothers you. They knew about the missile."

   "You know too?" Sayah's eyes widened.

   "You know?" Octavia questioned Sayah. Sayah rolled her eyes.

   "How could you not hate them?" Octavia questioned Indra. "Indra, they almost killed you."

   "They didn't do anything. The enemy did." Indra replied. "Lexa's a great commander because she's ruthless. That's how we'll win this battle."

   "That's wrong." Octavia argued.

   "That's war." Indra told her before letting out a loud battle cry. Sayah and Octavia shared a look with small smirks before joining in.

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a/n

i feel like this story is getting boring. obviously sayah and murphy wont reunite til s3 so i hope u all stick around bc theyre not done yet.

ALSO. what if i told you that as im publishing this chapter, im currently also working on season 4 of this book 🤪 WOW

^ murphy seeing that blown up leg fall down after the explosion