21 - LIES

[ LIES ]

༺═──────────────═༻

   Once again, Murphy realised he hated another thing about Earth.

Besides running far distances, walking.

But he couldn't even complain. Not when his mind never strayed away from Sayah.

He had left her, and she had let him.

He internally slapped himself. He begged her to come with him. Why didn't she? They could've been free, in a place where they wouldn't have to worry.

But now here he was, walking through a hot desert with a crazy Chancellor leading him and 12 others. It was ridiculous.

He was ridiculous. How could he have let her walk away so easily? Did she even care? Was her heart aching just as painfully as his? Did she feel like she had been ripped into two; torn apart as well?

"Sir, do you recognise anything?" A man asked Jaha as they reached the top of a sand dune. Jaha was silent for a moment, panting.

"The tent, was near here." He pointed weakly. "I'm sure of it." Then he continued on ahead, slowly sliding down the sand dune.

Murphy brushed in between two men on his way down. "What's the matter?" Murphy questioned. "You guys got some place better to be?"

Murphy knew he damn well did.

As he reached Jaha, he paused. There was a cart a far distance from them. "You see anyone?" Murphy asked Jaha.

Jaha didn't respond, only made his way towards it. The suddenly, someone jumped out of the cart. They pulled out a blade and spoke in Grounder language.

"We mean you no harm," Jaha outstretched a cautious hand as two men flanked him, gun's raised.

"Do you speak English?" Jaha questioned the Grounder.

"What do you want?" The Grounder asked. Murphy narrowed his eyes. She was a girl.

"Nothing." Jaha replied to her. "It looks like you could use a hand. What are you doing out here alone?"

The girl put her blade away and took off her mask, revealing some sort of tattoo on her face. "My brother and I were on our way to the City of Light when Wastelanders attacked." She explained, her voice shaky.

"They took our horse. All our water, everything." She paused. "They killed him." Murphy's gaze flickered to the ground and then back up to the girl.

"This cart is all I have left," The girl added softly.

Murphy swallowed the lump in his throat at her words. They sounded familiar.

   "You. . . Octavia. . . you're all I have left." Sayah admitted in a whisper. "I can't lose you two as well." Her lip trembled. Murphy pulled her into his arms, rubbing her back soothingly.

"You won't." Murphy whispered to her. "I'm here, Sayah. I'll always be here."

   I'll always be here. It had not been a lie, and yet, here he was.

   "John." Jaha's voice brought Murphy back to reality. "Did you hear me? I said give her some water."

   Murphy began to take off his bag but the man beside him, Caspian, stopped him. "No, no, no. We barely have enough for ourselves here."

   Murphy leaned forward menacingly. "Touch me again and I'll end you."

   He turned away, only to see Jaha give him a disapproving look. He sighed, raising his arms in surrender as he turned back to Caspian. "In a non-criminal way." He added with a fake smile.

   He and Jaha then approached the girl as Murphy grabbed out the water bottle from his bag. "It's okay." He reassured her as he offered it. She took it hesitantly, before unscrewing the lid and taking a desperate sip.

   "We're on our way to the City of Light as well," Jaha explained to her. "What's your name?"

   "Emori," The girl replied. "Everyone in the Dead Zone is looking for the City of Light. Almost no one finds it. I can get you there."

   Murphy glanced over to Jaha. Jaha looked back at Emori as she added, "If you pull my cart."

   "Done." Jaha replied without hesitation. Murphy furrowed his brows before looking back over to Emori.

   "Caspian," Jaha called out. "You're on the first shift."

   Murphy snickered under his breath before turning back to Emori. "Thanks, for the water." She told him.

   "It's uh— It was no problem." Murphy stumbled over his words. She glanced at him one last time before turning to walk away. Murphy watched, pursing his lips.

   Sure, she had pretty eyes, but she wasn't Sayah.

༺═──────────────═༻

   "Azgeda," Indra explained to Octavia as she and Sayah followed her. "Last time they stepped foot here, we were at war with each other." They walk through the busy village of Tondc. "Now the twelve clans fight together."

   "Remember this day," Indra continued. "We may never see one like it again." Sayah nodded slowly in agreement.

   "You haven't heard a word I've said." Indra concluded to Octavia before glancing to Sayah. "You two are both distracted."

   "Sorry." Octavia replied for the both of them. Her and Sayah shared a look. "Bellamy left Lincoln in the tunnels two days ago." Octavia explained. "He should be back—"

   "Lincoln is no longer your concern." Indra cut Octavia off. Sayah frowned.

   "Look, I've done everything you've asked me to do, and I'll continue to do so." Octavia began. "But what you're asking now is impossible."

   "I'm not asking." Indra told her sternly. "We're at war, and a warrior does not mourn those she's lost till after the battle is won." Sayah glanced to the ground at her words. She was right, and Sayah had forgotten the words she had been taught since she was a child.

   "Go stand watch with the other seconds," Indra ordered Octavia. "Assassins from the mountain will try again. We need to be ready. Sayah, you stay with me."

    Octavia nodded to Indra before glancing to Sayah who sent her a reassuring smile before she left. Once Octavia was gone, Indra turned to Sayah.

   "You are distracted." Indra informed her.

   "You don't think I realise that?" Sayah rose a brow. Indra narrowed her eyes.

   "You need to be strong while Octavia is learning. She listens to you as much as she listens to me. You worrying causes her to worry." Indra said sternly.

   "It is quite difficult not to worry about my brother, Indra—" Sayah's voice grew angry.

   "As you have always done. I am aware of that." Indra told her. "But it makes you weak, and do not think I know nothing of your. . . relationship with the Sky Boy."

   Sayah's lips parted. "It is nothing—"

   "It is not nothing, Sayah." Indra spat. "I saw you two at their camp, I'm not foolish." Sayah locked her jaw tightly, glancing to her side for a moment. She did not speak, only clenched her fists.

   "Letting yourself fall for a Sky Boy." Indra shook her head. "That is foolish." She did not say anything else, only brushed past Sayah and walked away.

   Sayah stood there alone, inhaling deeply before letting out a sigh. Indra was right. It was foolish.

   But that did not mean she regretted it.

༺═──────────────═༻

   "So I gotta ask," Murphy began as he walked alongside Emori. "What made you ditch your home and risk your life to cross the beach from hell?"

   "It doesn't matter." Emori replied dryly.

   "Come on, take my mind off of all the fun we're having." Take my mind off of her, Murphy truly meant.

   "It wasn't my decision to leave," Emori admitted. Murphy turned to her.

   "Kicked out?" Murphy questioned. She didn't reply. "Okay, now I'm interested, what'd you do?"

   "If I told you, you would not look at me the same." Emori responded.

   "Maybe." Murphy shrugged. "Then again, I might surprise you." She glanced at him with something unreadable in her eyes. Murphy looked away.

   "What about you?" She questioned softly. "How did you end up in the Dead Zone?"

   I left her, I left her, I left her—

   "I could tell you the gory details, but since you're one of the few people on this planet who doesn't hate me at this moment, I don't think I wanna blow it." Murphy admitted.

   "Now I'm interested." Emori replied.

   Murphy tried to ignore the way she had said it, not particularly enjoying the way she looked at him, but he couldn't. He guiltily loved the attention.

   "Okay, you really wanna know?" Murphy asked. "I killed two people. Tried to kill two more. I had my reasons but nobody cared. . ."

   "All except one person, but that doesn't matter. I'm the bad guy." He added.

   'Doesn't matter'? 'Doesn't matter'? Murphy wanted to choke on the sand to stop himself from talking. What was he saying?

   "One person?" Emori questioned. Murphy stayed silent. Emori scoffed. "Oh come on, you wouldn't mention that unless it meant something."

   Murphy still didn't reply. Didn't even look at Emori. Her face fell. "It was a girl, wasn't it?" She asked softly.

   Murphy continued to look straight ahead. Emori furrowed her brows. "Did you lose her?"

   Murphy swallowed the lump in his throat. "Not in the sense of death."

   Emori was silent for a moment. "Then she doesn't deserve you if she let you go so easily."

   Murphy froze in his tracks and turned to her, his eyes dark. "Don't ever say that."

   Emori pursed her lips, taking a step back. Murphy clenched his jaw before sighing and walking forward again. "Keep moving, before Jaha gets his panties in a twist."

༺═──────────────═༻

   "Clarke, you made it." Octavia stated as Clarke got off her horse at the Tondc entrance. Sayah joined them as they walked together.

   "I need you to take me to Lexa." Clarke panted. Sayah furrowed her brows, eyes scanning over her anxious state.

   "Why? What's going on?" Sayah stopped her as a worried expression fell on Octavia's face.

   "What's wrong?" Octavia added.

   Clarke paused before she answered. "Nothing." She kept walking forward although Sayah wasn't totally convinced.

   "Is Bellamy okay?" Sayah questioned, sharing a look with Octavia. Octavia nodded, adding, "Is he ready? Did he get the acid fog down?"

   "He's okay, and he's working on it." Clarke replied as they approached Lexa.

   "Clarke of the Sky People has honoured us with her presence." Lexa spoke.

   "I'm sorry I'm late, Commander." Clarke apologised.

   "You made good time," Kane said. "I assume the kids at Mount Weather are okay."

   "For now." Clarke nodded before turning to Lexa. "Can we talk in private?"

   Lexa furrowed her brows slightly before nodding. "Yes. This way." She turned and began walking away, Clarke and her rider following after them.

   As Sayah watched them leave, she narrowed her eyes. "Something isn't right."

   Octavia glanced over to her. "I thought I was the only one."

༺═──────────────═༻

   "I'm sorry for what I said." Emori spoke lowly as she and Murphy helped pull the cart.

   Murphy grunted before answering. "Yeah,"

   Emori was quiet after that. Suddenly a voice called out to them. They glanced up, seeing a man on a horse, a rocket launcher in his hand.

   The guards around Jaha immediately raised their guns at the man. "Hold your fire!" Jaha ordered, arms raised.

   Before Murphy could do anything, Emori had grabbed him, blade to his throat and dragged him to the front of the crowd.

Are you kidding me? Murphy wanted to roll his eyes. Always me.

   "Everybody, put your weapons down and supplies in the cart, and nobody gets hurt." Emori ordered.

   "If we give you our supplies, we'll all die out here." Jaha argued.

   "If you don't, you'll die right here." Emori replied. Murphy could feel the blade shift a little closer to his throat.

   "Do as she says. Now." Jaha ordered, eyeing how Murphy struggled. After a moment, the others did what Jaha told them to, placing their things in the cart.

   The man on the horse called something out to Emori and she replied back in Grounder language.

   "How's your faith holding up, Chancellor?" Murphy called out to him, arms raised in surrender.

   "Shut up." Emori ordered Murphy.

   "Unwavering." Jaha replied confidently and Murphy controlled the strong urge to roll his eyes, chuckling a little.

   Jaha took a step forward. "You don't want to do this." He called out to the man on the horse.

   "Stop walking." Emori warned.

   Jaha ignored her. "We all came out her searching for a better life, same as you. Maybe we can find it. If we work together."

   "Thanks." Emori said softly and just for a second Murphy thought Jaha had convinced her.

   But of course not, because that would be just too easy.

   "But no." Emori finished. The man called out to Emori, most likely trying to rush her. "Now, everyone back away from the cart and get on your knees." Emori demanded. "Now!"

   "Do what she says." Jaha told them sternly.

   "You too." Emori ordered Jaha. Jaha got to his knees slowly, eyes never leaving hers.

   Emori turned Murphy around harshly and shoved him to his knees as well. "What a surprise. You're just like everyone else." Murphy glared at her.

   Emori leaned in and Murphy nearly flinched. She whispered something in his ear before pulling away. "Good luck, John." She added.

   Murphy very much disliked the way she said his first name like they were close friends. But before he could say anything else, Emori had knocked him out cold.

༺═──────────────═༻

   "John." A whisper.

   Murphy's eyes fluttered open slightly at the voice.

   "John." The voice repeated. Murphy opened his eyes. It was her.

   "Sayah?" Murphy's voice came out broken.

   "My love," Sayah smiled. Her voice was angelic. Perfect. He loved it; he loved her. Murphy reached up to touch her cheek, but he felt nothing. Just thin air.

   "Sayah—" Murphy furrowed his brows.

   "Why'd you leave me, John?" Sayah's voice was harsh. "Why'd you leave me?!"

   Murphy gasped as he woke up, two hands gripped his shoulders. "John." It wasn't her. It was Jaha. Murphy glanced around, checking his surroundings.

   It wasn't real. She wasn't here.

   "Come on, we gotta go." Jaha urged him. Murphy coughed, letting out a sigh.

   "There he's up. It's about time." Murphy heard the voice of Caspian.

   "Quiet, Caspian." Jaha turned to him before looking back to Murphy. "You alright?"

   Murphy closed his eyes for a moment. Jaha grabbed Murphy's hand, helping to get him to his feet. "If he's not, we're leaving him here." Caspian said.

   "I'm okay." Murphy lied. He wasn't.

   "It's time to go home," Caspian announced. Jaha turned to him as Murphy rubbed his eyes.

   "And where exactly is that?" Jaha questioned Caspian.

   Caspian approached Jaha, pursing his lips. "Sir, I know you're trying to take us to a better place, but look around. We've got no food, no water, and no idea how to find it."

   "Due north." Murphy's head ached as he spoke. "She said, 'Due north.'" He remembered what Emori had whispered to him before she had knocked him out.

   Fun.

   "What is due north, John?" Jaha questioned.

   "She was talking about the City of Light." Murphy explained. Jaha's head turned to Murphy.

   "Did she say that?" Caspian asked.

   "No." Murphy replied. Caspian sighed and shifted in his spot.

   "Did she say how far due north?" Jaha asked Murphy.

   Murphy sighed. "No, she didn't, but she wouldn't be sending us there if we couldn't make it."

   Murphy ignored how he started to sound like one of Jaha's optimistic, faith-filled brain cells. 

   "Who's that?" Caspain scoffed. "The liar and thief who robbed us and knocked you out?" It was silent for a moment until Caspian spoke up again. "Sir, I really hope you're not considering this." He spoke to Jaha.

   "John," Jaha began and Murphy just wished it was Sayah saying his name instead. "We have no weapons and no rations. If we go north, and you're wrong, then all of us will die."

   Murphy had died the moment Sayah walked away from him.

   "If we turn back now, we live." Jaha finished.

   "So that's it?" Murphy raised his eyebrows. "We've reached the point of no return? You just wanna give up?"

   "I didn't say that." Jaha argued.

   "You didn't not say it either." Murphy shot back. "I left everything, to follow you out here and now you just wanna go back?" His voice grew quiet at the end.

   Jaha frowned then pointed one finger up at the sky. "That is the North star." Murphy's head turned and the remnants of his heart crumbled even further.

   He loved the stars because of her.

   "After you." Jaha finally offered. Murphy took a moment. He had come this far, left her, and came this far. Would he give up now and go back?

   Go back after he had ruined them both?

   He pursed his lips before turning on his heel and heading north. As he continued he heard Jaha speak to the others about the decision they had to make.

   As Murphy climbed up yet another sand dune, he heard Jaha behind him. "I believe, this is what they call having faith, John."

   "Faith?" Murphy repeated before shaking his head. "Nah, just got nothing better to do." It was a lie. But it was also already too late.

   Forgive me, Sayah.

༺═──────────────═༻

   "I mean, she went in there with Lexa but it's been hours since." Sayah explained to Abby as they searched through Tondc for Clarke.

   Abby sighed, continuing walking. "She's so stubborn."

   "She's doing her best, Abby." Sayah reassured her. "Come on, we'll find her."

   But suddenly they didn't have to, because someone had grabbed both their arms and pinned them behind a building. Sayah immediately held out her blade, but her eyes widened at the sight of who it was.

   "Clarke?" Abby questioned, confused.

   "Mom, what are you doing here? I told you to stay back at camp." Clarke rushed out, her face filled with concern.

   "Enough. I'm the chancellor. I don't need your permission—" Abby began but Clarke cut her off.

   "No, we have to leave. Now." Clarke demanded, eyes wide.

   "Clarke, what is going on?" Sayah seethed, eyes darting between her and Abby.

   "We can't be here." Clarke let out a shaky breath, shaking her head. "I'm begging you two, please."

   "Fine, just. . . what about Octavia?" Sayah immediately rushed out. Clarke gulped, eyes searching around.

   "We don't have time." Clarke suddenly said, grabbing them both and leading them away.

   They sprinted through the woods when suddenly Abby stopped. "Wait!"

   "No. We can't stop. There's no time." Clarke pleaded.

   "I am not taking a step further until you tell me what is happening." Abby stated. Sayah nodded along with her.

   But before Clarke could say anything, something beight and large flew above them. Sayah's mouth dropped. "A missile." She realised. She turned back to the village.

   "Octavia—" She gasped out and tried to sprint but it was too late, the impact of the explosion reached them too quickly and they were thrown to the ground.

༺═──────────────═༻

   When Sayah moved, all she heard was ringing. A loud high-pitched ringing in her ears. She got up slowly, cradling one ear. She met the eyes of Clarke and she reached out towards her. Clarke grabbed her hand in hers.

   "Abby." Sayah tried to say but she couldn't even hear her own words. Clarke glanced down between them.

   "Mom? Mom, are you okay?" Clarke's voice was slightly muffled as Abby got up slowly.

   "Come on," Sayah heard Clarke say. "We can't be here."

   Abby turned to Clarke, her eyes reading something unrecognisable. "You knew," Abby breathed out.

   Sayah's eyes snapped to Clarke. She couldn't even speak as she looked at her. Clarke glanced between the two.

   "You knew and you let this happen?" Abby questioned incredulously.

   "We had no choice." Clarke replied.

   "Octavia. . ." Sayah breathed, meeting Clarke's eyes. "Octavia was there! You—" A shaky breath left her lips.

   "So many people," Abby glanced around them before turning back to Clarke. "Our people."

   "We had to protect Bellamy." Clarke tried to defend herself. "Without him—"

   "No. No, stop it." Abby got up quickly. "I don't wanna hear it."

   Sayah sat on the ground, staring at her hands. A tear ran down her cheek slowly. How could this have happened?

   "Mom—" Clarke tried to speak.

   "Tell me this was Lexa." Abby said to her. "Please, Clarke." Clarke didn't reply as Sayah heard the screams and cries of people. "Please tell me this wasn't you."

   "I wish I could." Clarke said quietly as Sayah got up.

   "You can't tell anyone about this. If anyone finds out we knew, the alliance of the twelve clans will break. We'll lose the war." Clarke spoke.

   "You crossed a line." Abby's lip trembled.

   "Mom—" Clarke tried to talk again.

   "Their blood is on your hands, Clarke." Sayah told her, glancing up to meet Clarke eyes. Sayah shook her head before looking back down.

   "And even if we win," Abby added. "I'm afraid you won't be able to wash it off this time."

   "But don't worry. Your secret is safe with us." Abby said coldly, turning and grabbing Sayah's hand.

   "Mom— Sayah! Wait!" Clarke tried to call out to them but they didn't listen.

༺═──────────────═༻

   "Octavia. Octavia!" Sayah cried out as she unlinked her arm from the injured villager.

   "Go, I've got him." Abby nodded and Sayah carefully handed the man over. She sprinted towards her sister, who eyes were as wide as Sayah's.

   They embraced eachother tightly and Sayah let out a small sob. "I thought you were—"

   "I'm right here. I'm right here." Octavia pulled away. "Are you hurt?"

   "No, you?"

   Octavia shook her head then turned it behind her. It was Lincoln. "Sayah." He let out a sigh of relief. Sayah moved over to him fast, wrapping her arms around him tightly. He embraced her back.

   When they pulled away, Sayah wiped her eyes. People, innocent people, crying, sobbing, whimpering, falling to their knees at their loss as they mourn, others carrying the injured.

   It was horrible. And she had let it happen.

༺═──────────────═༻

a/n

well well well.hello emori.goodbye emori.

murphy be like: hi i left my gf but also i feel like my hearts been ripped apart haha lol city of light tings😍

^ murphy when emori was like ShE doEsNt dEseRvE yOuGIRL SHUDDUP