Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Theodore had not set foot in his house since he had freed Abiageal from Senior's clutches. He practically lived at Adrian Pucey's — he had his own apartment — and Theodore had never felt better in his entire life ( except for the times he was with Abiageal, in which case he was the happiest man alive ). He had no one to yell at him from morning to night. No one to remind him what a disappointment he was to his family. No one to blame him for choosing Abigeal over the man who had raised him and put a roof over his head and given him everything in life. Theodore was finally free.

But, as nothing ever lasted very long, Theodore's happiness had not lasted. It had started when he had gone to Abiageal's house and her father had spoken to him like he was a no-mark, like he was a piece of shit. All he wanted was to make sure that Abiageal was okay and that she was recovering from her injuries and especially from the trauma caused by his father. Nothing more. But Mr. Raglan had not even given Theodore time to say a single word before blaming him for everything that had happened and then shutting the door in his face.

Maybe Mr. Raglan was right, maybe Theodore was to blame for everything that had happened. They had been bad for each other for years. Theodore had never been a good friend, that had been obvious after his mother's death when he had wantonly attacked Abiageal because she was there and it was easy to blame her for everything when she had nothing to do with the drama he was going through. He had even been violent with her during that time, for Merlin's sake! Later, at Hogwarts, he had let his new friends convince him that Abiageal was weird and that he should not hang out with her anymore and that he could never be one of the "cool kids" as long as he was friends with her; and what had he done? He had dumped Abiageal just to be cool because that was all that had mattered to him at that time. He had been selfish and for the wrong reasons. And when he had told her that he never wanted to become a Death Eater like his father, he should have known that she would jump on the bus to save his life, she had always been like that, it was so obvious, but he had not been able to hold his tongue and this is where it had led them.

The second thing that had definitely put an end to his good mood had been the letter Abiageal had sent him. He had read it so many times that he could recite it without looking at it once.

First of all, I wanted to thank you for what you did for me and for coming to save me. I know that standing up to your father must not have been easy, it took a lot of courage ( you were always the bravest of the two of us ). Thank you for taking me to the hospital and staying with me, you have no idea how much that means to me.

If only she knew that he had not slept the entire time she was missing and that he had moved heaven and earth to find her. He had even set foot in a morgue for her, but he would never tell her, Abiageal would feel guilty for asking him for forgiveness a million times.

Next, I want to apologize for the behavior my father had with you earlier. I can not ask you to forgive him, he was pretty rough with you...but do not hold it against him too much, please...he is still having a hard time processing what happened to me...I know it is not fair to you because you did not do anything wrong but unfortunately he can not separate you from your father, again, I know it is not fair to you. So let me apologize on his behalf.

He did not blame Mr. Raglan ( well, he did, but it was complicated and he did not want to dwell on the subject ), he too still had trouble believing that all this had really happened and that it was not just a bad dream he had. On the other hand, he had a grudge against the fact that Mr. Raglan could think that he had something to do with his father. Theodore Nott had nothing to do with his father. He never wanted to be like him. And now he had the confirmation that no matter what he could do, Mr. Raglan would never see him as Theodore Nott, a person in his own right with a personality and character different from that of Theodore Nott Senior and that the only thing the two men had in common was their first and last names.

These words are hard for me to write, but I think the best thing for both of us right now is to not see each other anymore. At least until school starts again in Sepember. I need to let my wounds heal, my parents need to come to terms with everything that has happened and you need to focus on yourself. You need to worry about yourself first because I guess life at home with your father must not be easy since you betrayed him. I know you do not like to think about yourself first so allow me to do it for you. You need to think about yourself and put yourself in safety and watch your back, we both know what your father is capable of. Do not underestimate him.

Honestly, if Abiageal had decided to rip his heart out of his chest, Theodore was sure he would have felt less pain than reading these lines. He did not want to stay away from her. He could not. Did she not understand that she was his only reason for living? Without her he was nobody, he was only a shadow of himself. Without her, he had to be someone he did not like, even hated. She was vital to him if he did not want to sink into this dark place that made him believe he was good for nothing and that if even his own mother had not fought to stay alive for him, why would someone else choose to stay in his life? He needed her, was it so complicated to understand?

He did not need to worry about himself. His job was to worry about her, to take care of her, and to protect her. His father could do whatever he wanted to him, he did not care, only she mattered to him.

Take care, my precious Theo,

Remember, this is not goodbye, this is simply see you later.

With all my love,

Your Abby.

Abiageal may have written it as just a "see you later" but it definitely sounded like a goodbye. Theodore's instincts told him that things had changed irrevocably between them and that this time nothing would be able to fix their relationship. Their respective parents had finally succeeded. After all the time they had tried to separate them, they had finally succeeded and Theodore could not believe that they had won so easily. He especially could not believe that Abiageal had given up so easily, and to think that she had never given up on anything in her life...

"With all my love" this sentence made Theodore laugh, if she loved him as much as she claimed, she would never have written him such a letter to tell him that she did not want him anymore.

But at least she had said something true in that letter, she was his Abby and no one could ever change that. Just like he was her Theo.

Theodore had made the decision not to answer Abiageal; in reality, he had not really made the decision, it had happened all by himself, the night he had received the letter Adrian had decided to invite other friends to come to his place, Theodore had spent the night drinking and smoking everything his friends had given him. The next day, his hangover had nailed him to bed and he had barely had the energy to hydrate himself. The next day, he had not felt like doing it, he did not feel like answering because he knew that Abiageal would end up being so worried about him that she would send him another letter to make sure he was okay. He was going to prove to her that they could not be separated from each other anymore.

It was not very nice, he knew that. But, as Draco had once said in fourth year when he was chasing that girl with the weird name who already had a boyfriend: in love, anything goes. And he intended to live up to that adage, he would stop at nothing to make Abiageal realize that she could not end their friendship, that it was a mistake, that they were meant to be together and that it could not be any other way. He was not going to accept any other outcome. They had to be together.

Theodore had realized he was in love with Abiageal after drinking way too much, she had monopolized his thoughts and Adrian Pucey had told him he had spent an hour and a half talking exclusively about the young brown-haired witch. Adrian and Marcus — who had spent the night at the first boy's — had spent the whole next day making fun of him but Theodore was not ashamed of his feelings, he fully assumed them.

Six days had passed and he still had not received a letter from Abiageal. This was not normal, she should have given in and asked him for news already. She should have tried to contact him by now. This was not normal. This was not normal. This. Was. Not. Normal.

So he drowned his frustration in alcohol and his newest addiction: cigarettes. During that time, he did not think about Abiageal and the fact that she insisted on ignoring him. How stubborn she could be when she wanted to be! It was unbelievable!

Theodore did not want to admit defeat. He did not want this to be the end of their relationship. He especially did not want to admit that this was how their story ended, because it was impossible. It was simply impossible. After everything they had been through, after everything they had done together, it was incomprehensible to Theodore. They deserved better. They deserved a better ending than this.

How dare she do such a thing to them? Theodore was so angry. He was angry at the world. He wished he could scream, yell, and smash everything around him to express his anger and frustration, but he knew that it would not change the situation. Maybe Adrian could convince Abiageal to come and calm him down if he decided to release all the rage he had inside him; however, that certainly did not mean she would change her mind. Abiageal was so stubborn that she never changed her mind. She had said she did not want to see or talk to him until September and he knew she would stick to it no matter what.

Theodore had to come to terms with it. This was final, even if it was only temporary. He had to accept it and learn to live without her for the two and a half weeks he had left to spend without her. Still, eighteen days could be a hell of a long time. Especially if he was left alone with his demons.

The hardest thing for the young Slytherin was that he could not try to move on, there was constantly someone asking him about Abiageal. Daphne and Pansy sent him three to four letters a day just to tell him about Abiageal and to ask him a million and one questions about her. Draco and Blaise came especially to Adrain's apartment to see if she was recovering well from her injuries and if they could visit her soon. The more he told them he did not know, the more they asked him questions. It was like he was talking to a wall, none of his four friends listened to him when he spoke. And he would not say anything about Adrian and Marcus, they were the two worst.

Theodore had a feeling his friends were doing this to help him, while they were there talking to him — or sending him letters and forcing him to answer them — he was not drinking or smoking the junk that Adrian and Marcus' friends brought him every day. Little did they realize it was having the opposite effect. The more they told him about her, the more he wanted to throw everything away and go back to his two favorite activities.

One morning, when Theodore had the apartment to himself, he sat down at the kitchen table, a piece of paper and a pencil in his hand. If Abiageal was not going to make the first move, then he had to. He was going to fight for their friendship.

Dear Abby,

I know you said no contact until September, but I can not resist the temptation. I miss you too much and I can not ignore you any longer. I need you like I need oxygen to live. But you are too blind to see it.

I care about you more than I can ever express. You make me a better person ( as evidenced by the fact that since we last saw each other, I have thrown my life away, drunk more alcohol in that time than my father did in his entire life, I have smoked as many packs of cigarettes as I have spent years on this earth ). However, I think you are right about one thing.

I think we should stay away from each other and not just until the end of summer vacation but permanently. I'm toxic to you, I'm only making your life more complicated than it already is. I have been hurting you for years now but you are way too nice to point it out to me and demand that I treat you better. You deserve better than me, Abby. You deserve someone whose father won't kidnap you for revenge. You deserve someone who won't turn on you every time he gets a little angry. You deserve someone who can love you unconditionally. You deserve the best in life, Abiageal Raglan and that is not me. It's never been me.

We must take different paths, my sweet Abiageal, for both our sakes.

I hope that we meet in another life, one that will be favorable to us, a life that will be more tender with us.

I'll be forever yours and you'll be forever mine,

I love you alzays,

Your Theodore.

Theodore folded the sheet, before slipping it into an envelope. He wrote the first name on the front of the envelope and left it on the table before leaving.

He did not notice when he came home in the evening that the letter was no longer on the kitchen table. Adrian had sent it as soon as he got home from work.