Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Abiageal was confined to her room. She had not been allowed to leave the Manor — not even to go out and enjoy the sunshine in the garden — nor had she been allowed to have friends over to help her pass the time. The days were long and time passed extremely slowly, and she felt like she was trapped in a vicious circle, a hellish routine. The first week after she returned home, her parents had her bedridden, and she was barely allowed to get up to use the toilet. Then, the following week, they had let her out of her room for only an hour before forcing her back to bed. For only a few days she had been allowed to wander around the manor as she pleased, a house elf followed her — under Mrs Ragaln's orders —, for the sake of her sanity, Abiageal pretended not to notice the little shadow that followed her everywhere she went and that created an invisible barrier when she tried to go into the garden while her parents had their backs turned.

Abiageal pretended to be fine, she acted as if what had happened to her did not affect her, but she was not fooling anyone. Her parents heard her screaming at night when she finally fell asleep. They saw her jump and flinch in fear as soon as one of them approached her. She had nightmares every night, and the slightest draft scared her. Besides, she had not said a single word since she got home from the hospital. She did not know why but inside she was unable, every time she tried, the words got stuck in her throat and refused to come out.

She had not even been able to bring herself to attend the Death Eater meeting three or maybe it was five days ago — even though her parents had been firmly against it, but if they had not, she knew she would not have had the courage to go, she would have surely found an excuse to stay home and probably to stay in her room.

There was a knock at the front door of Raglan Manor, Abiageal went to open the door, a big smile appeared on her face when she saw Theodore. She was going to throw herself into his arms but her father, who had just arrived, forced her back before ordering her to go up to her room.

"Stay away from my daughter and never set foot in here again," was all Abiageal heard before closing the door to his room.

Abigeal sighed sadly, she wanted to see her best friend. She wanted to be with him more than anything else. She needed him and her parents were keeping her from him.

On the other hand, she could understand. Believe it or not, it was not easy for her either. She needed Theodore, she wanted to be in his company. But at the same time she could not forget that he was the son of the man who had kidnapped and tortured her for several days. And Abiageal suspected that it could not be better for his parents. His father already had a grudge against Theodore, the recent events had done nothing to improve the situation.

Abiageal sat down at his desk before starting to write a letter to his best friend. He had the right to know what was going on and to understand his father's behavior. He did not deserve to stay in the shadows and believe that he was to blame and that he had done something wrong when that was not the case at all.

My dearest Theo,

First of all, I wanted to thank you for what you did for me and for coming to save me. I know that standing up to your father must not have been easy, it took a lot of courage ( you were always the bravest of the two of us ). Thank you for taking me to the hospital and staying with me, you have no idea how much that means to me.

Next, I want to apologize for the behavior my father had with you earlier. I can not ask you to forgive him, he was pretty rough with you...but do not hold it against him too much, please...he is still having a hard time processing what happened to me...I know it is not fair to you because you did not do anything wrong but unfortunately he can not separate you from your father, again, I know it is not fair to you. So let me apologize on his behalf.

These words are hard for me to write, but I think the best thing for both of us right now is to not see each other anymore. At least until school starts again in Sepember. I need to let my wounds heal, my parents need to come to terms with everything that has happened and you need to focus on yourself. You need to worry about yourself first because I guess life at home with your father must not be easy since you betrayed him. I know you do not like to think about yourself first so allow me to do it for you. You need to think about yourself and put yourself in safety and watch your back, we both know what your father is capable of. Do not underestimate him.

Take care, my precious Theo,

Remember, this is not goodbye, this is simply see you later.

With all my love,

Your Abby.

At the end of the letter, three small drops of water came to put the final touch. Abiageal had cried before sending this letter. She did not want to part with him, but she knew that it was the best they could do for the moment. The situation was temporary, she had to keep that in mind to avoid losing her mind completely.

Her owl flew away and even though she already regretted writing that missive, she knew she had made the right decision. She and Theodore had to stay away from each other if they wanted to put the past events behind them and never think about them again — even if the marks on Abiageal's body were going to make things harder for her — and then be able to start over in September.

Mrs Raglan entered her daughter's room a few minutes later, as if she knew what she had just done. The matriarch remained in the doorway, her gaze was tender and her smile was comforting.

"You made the right decision, my dear."

If it was the right decision, then why did it hurt Abiageal so much? And why did she already regret it? It made no sense to her. That was exactly what her gaze conveyed and her mother understood it perfectly.

"It's temporary, you'll see. It will pass with time. The right decisions are always the hardest to make, believe me."

Abiageal did not want it "to pass with time", she wanted to get better right away! She wanted to get rid of her trauma and get better! She wanted everything to go back to the way it was before. She wanted to be normal again — well, as normal as she was a month ago.

"Theodore will understand too, don't worry."

She hoped so with all her heart. She had already lost him once, she could not bear to lose him a second time. She would never say it enough, but Theodore was the person who mattered the most to her, he was the only one who understood and accepted her, he was the only one who could make her smile and he was the only one who had managed to make her laugh. He was the only one who could take her hand or hug her, he was the only one who had the right to touch her. He was the only person she loved. Theodore was vital to her survival, just like the air she breathed.

With one last smile towards her daughter, Mrs Raglan left before closing the door behind her. Abiageal sighed before going to lie down on her bed, she was exhausted.

She could not sleep, her brain refused to let her alone, she could not stop thinking about Theodore and what he must be going through right now. Senior was not someone who forgave easily — he never forgave, in fact. She prayed to Merlin that Senior had not raised a hand to Theodore, because she would never forgive herself if she had caused him trouble.

Abiageal did not know if it was just an impression or if it was reality, but she had the feeling that since they had met again, she had caused him a lot of problems. When they were at school, Theodore had gotten into fights — and ended up in detention — because he defended her against the other students; he had lost a lot of friends because no one understood how he could choose to be seen in public with someone like her; and now she had just destroyed the relationship he had with the only parent he had left. In the end, maybe all those people were right...she was not a good person. She had tried to be, though.

The hardest part of this whole story was that she was in love with Theodore, this revelation had just hit her in the face. She could not love him, it was impossible...if just by being friends she was ruining her life then she did not even want to imagine what would happen if she confessed her feelings for him. She had to keep it a secret at all costs. And, she had to stay away from him, it was for the best. Theodore would understand with time, she was sure of it.

In order to stay away from him, she was going to have to go back to being cold and emotionless like she and Theodore had been when they were not talking. It should not be hard — it would be, she did not want to be that person anymore, but if she had no choice, she would do it without hesitation.

Her mother was right, the right decisions were never the easiest to make; but she was determined to do what was right, no matter the price she had to pay or no matter how much she suffered in the end. Theodore's well-being and survival was the only thing that mattered to her.

Theodore probably had to agree, he had not answered her letter even though she had sent it to him over nine hours ago — no, she had not counted the hours that had passed since she had sent her owl to the Notts ( and she knew he had received her letter, her owl had come back to her without the missive ).

So there was no regret to be had. Yet, it did not help Abiageal fall asleep that night. She would spend another sleepless night.

The next day, Abiageal sat by her window, waiting to see if Theodore would send her a letter. He had not.

Nor the next day.

Or the day after.

Or the one after that.

Abiageal was starting to worry. Theodore had not contacted her in a week and she did not know if he was okay. She knew she had been the one who had said that they were to have no more contact with each other, but she had still hoped for a response from him, at least just to tell her that he understood and that he was okay. Therefore, she did not know if she had the right to send him a letter back to see if everything was okay with him or if she should stick to what she had said and pray to see him on the train or on the platform.

Abiageal hated being so indecisive, the answer should be obvious! She should have sat back down at her desk and written to him and demanded that he reassure her that he was safe and that his father had done nothing to him. But it was not that simple unfortunately. Nothing was simple anymore and she had to make her peace with that fact...