Chapter 19: KGB (Kancelled Girl Boss)

Joseph Stalin was in a floating, glowing void with pixelated hearts and ✨sparkles✨ where the voice of his arch nemesis Leon Trotsky cackled in grim delight.

'You act like you're woke, comrade,' Trotsky drawled, sipping from a levitating mug labeled 'Leon's Hot Takes☕️'.

'But your relationship with Hitler? It's romanticising imperialist mustache discourse.'

Stalin's eyes widened with horror. 'You... you're reading Shitler - A Hitler x Stalin Fanfic???'

Trotsky raised an eyebrow. 'It's in my top ten least favourite things. Right under exile.'

'B-but y-you're dead! I killed you! I-'

All around them, the air shimmered faintly with glowing text boxes. Hovering. Spinning. Buzzing with strange coded language. They blinked at him, omnipotent little eyes of light.

@AnarchyAngel1917: Stalin getting smutty with literal fascists?? #NotMyComrade #TankiesTakeSeveralSeats

@FidelDidNothingWrong: Che and I are blocking him on every platform. Again. #NotMyComrade

@RosaLuxxie1919: imprisoned for the cause, assassinated for the cause... meanwhile stalins out here giving nazis führerndship bracelets and bjs. cute. #AntiFascistMyAss #ShitlerIsOverParty

@JordanBPeterson: When ideologues abandon individual responsibility, they make pacts with tyrants. Clean your room before eating out the Führer.

@TrotskyMainAccount: i was exiled for ✨principles✨ and he's out here playing kissy face with hitler. someone ice pick ME again

@SocialistSlayQueen: mans really like 'adolf i want you' and thought that was okay 💀#NotMyComrade #ShitlerIsOverParty

@MarieAntoinettemeout: literally lost my head for less than this.

@Poland: Bruh...

@LeonTrotskyAlt: love how the guy who literally photoshopped me out of our pictures is now in bed with fascists. the audacity. #DeletedFromHistory #BlockedIRL #CommunistCatfish #StalinExposed

@Churchill_Smokes: Even I think this is a bad look, and I colonised half the map...

@TrueMan4Prez: FR we do NOT condone this ship. I'm unfollowing #ShitlerIsOverParty

@SpaghettiSupremacist: at least I didn't sign a pact with my situationship. I kept it toxic and distant. Like a real dictator 💅

@KarlMarxGhost: i didn't die for this. literally didn't 📜😭

@jk_rowling: As someone who has also been unfairly vilified, I see troubling parallels here.

@Everyone: girl what

'What is this' Stalin muttered, stumbling backwards from the strange apparitions. 'Pamphlets? Posters? Capitalist psy-ops???'

'They're tweets, comrade,' said Molotov emerging into this strange, almost electric space, 'you're being cancelled...'

'No...'

From outside came shouting. A mob of protestors. Waving flags. Someone in a Che Guevara crop top screaming: 'Deplatform the dictator!' while holding a megaphone shaped like a mushroom.

'Vyacheslav...

I'm not trending, am I?'

...

Stalin awoke with his nightmare, cold sweat dripping from his skin. For a moment, he simply lay there, heart pounding like artillery fire, his eyes darting around the room as if expecting to see Trotsky standing in the shadows with a strange metal device and a sinister smile. He shouted out for an aide, but no help came. He screamed for Molotov to send all of his aides to Siberia. Silence.

Then he remembered where he was... It was funny - he always had the strangest nightmares on trains. 

'It was just a dream...' Joseph whispered to himself, watching as the words formed little bursts of condensation on the window. He rolled over, trying to shake the sense that somewhere, somehow, Karl Marx was subtweeting him. He would be in Moscow in five hours. He had to pull himself together. But the dream had awakened him up to something that been tugging at the back of his conscience for a while. He had to decide what he truly wanted. He had to decide if he was really willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING for the skinny man with the mustache...