Standard Schemes

Soon, the workday was over, but Roy's suspicions were not. He was determined to find out what this new work colleague of his was up to, and use whatever means necessary to uncover the truth.

He made sure to wait until after Jen had gone home, pretending to have a few extra things to do—although it was rather hard to convince her of this as he neverhad any extra things to do, and even if he did he wouldn't do them—in order to get some time with Imogene. She was also staying a bit late to finish something, though Roy had no idea what. He figured it was fanfiction. Sometimes she would churn out quick chapters during her lunch break, her fingers typing furiously at her keyboard and her eyeballs superglued to her screen. It was like she was a slave to the monitor. He could stare at her for hours.

Well, maybe not hours. One can only stare at a Marvel-obsessed zombie for so long before they begin to feel bad about themselves and the state of the human race.

Right when Moss was zipping up his jacket to go home, Roy pulled him aside and whispered the plan in his ear. "Moss, once you two are alone, you have to go ask Imogene what's going on."

Moss's eyes widened and he quickly darted towards the door, but Roy grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"No, Roy!" Moss whispered. "I won't do it! I won't! Why does it have to be me?"

"She likes you, Moss! You're the only one who can!"

Moss stopped for a second. "What do you mean, 'she likes me'?"

"Well, you're definitely her favorite out of all of us."

"Do you mean as a friend?"

Roy put on the biggest, falsest smile he could. "How will you know unless you go over and talk to her?"

Moss scrunched up his mouth. "I'm not helping you indulge in your suspicions, Roy. Especially if Imogene likes me the best."

She looked up from her desk. "Are you guys talking about me?"

"Oh, no!" Roy laughed. "We're talking about—"

"Cheese making!" Moss yelled.

"Yeah, that." Roy nudged Moss's shoulder, then went to grab his jacket. "I think I'm heading out. Moss, don't forget to finish that thing for tomorrow."

He frowned. "What thing?"

Roy rolled his eyes. "That thing that I just told you about! Literally three seconds ago!"

"Oh. You mean the birth control version of Donkey Kong where he whips condoms at Mario? Yeah, I can have that done in five minutes."

"NO! For God's sake, come here."

Roy went over to him and whispered it in his ear again. Moss cried, "Oh, no! Not that!"

"You know what? Just forget it."

"You two are so funny," Imogene giggled.

Roy gave him another look and then left. "Have a nice weekend, Moss."

"Thanks, Roy," he responded quietly.

Moss and Imogene were left alone to exchange awkward and nervous glances with each other.

"Are you really going to make a birth control version of Donkey Kong?" she asked.

"Yes," Moss said quietly.

"Would it really take you five minutes?"

"Maybe ten."

"That's...not very long. I mean, something like that would probably take me weeks." She paused, licking her dry, chapped lips. "What were you and Roy whispering about?"

Moss's eyes widened and he began glancing from side to side. "Uh..."

"Oh, never mind. It was obviously private. I should mind my own business. Silly me. Weird little Imogene, always being so nosy!" She faux laughed, then looked back at her computer screen. "Hey, um, I'm worried Peter is too OOC. And, you know, you're my best reader–you're like my only reader–so, uh, I figured you would know...Would you mind looking over this chapter for me?"

"Not at all."

Moss came back behind her desk and began reading the text in his head. She blushed a little in the awkward silence. After about a minute, he asked, "Could you scroll down a bit?"

"Sure. It's really wordy, sorry."

More silent reading, then, "This is the Tom Holland incarnation of Spider-Man?"

"Of course it is. All the other ones were crapballs."

"Agreed. Although, Tobey Maguire was adequate."

"Tobey Maguire was too gloomy. But at least his villains were interesting, especially Sandman and Venom."

"Oh! Remember when Spider-Man had to fight Sandman and Venom and enlist the help of Green Goblin? Brilliant."

"I know! I liked that part, too. I cried when Harry showed up. So what do you think? Is he in character? Or does he need to be more nervous-high-school-kid?"

"I think he's an extremely nervous high school kid."

"Oh." She paused. "Really?"

"Yes. However, Kitty is a bit bland. You could spice up her dialogue a bit."

"Ugh. I know. I just have such a hard time hearing Elliot Page's voice in my head. I keep getting Juno and not Kitty."

Moss suddenly had a serious look in his eye. "Lend me your swivel chair."

She stood up reluctantly. "Sure..."

Imogene stood over Moss as he slid off his backpack and set it on the floor next to him. He scooted into her desk and set his fingertips gently on Gregory's keyboard. "The scene is set. The portal to Earth one-zero-zero-zero-five has been opened, and most of the X-Men have leapt through. However, one still has to go—Kitty Pryde A.K.A. Shadowcat, who is using her final minutes in this dimension to confess her enduring feelings for Peter Parker A.K.A. Spider-Man, a love that transcends space-time."

"God, when you say it, it sounds so much more exciting!"

"Oh, it is exciting. I'm excited just thinking about it! I feel like a spy, getting all this inside information before the chapter's posted. This is better than a leaked chapter of the next Harry Potter!"

"Aw, thanks."

"You're very welcome. Alright, let's get to it. This patch of dialogue right here where Kitty is confessing to Peter."

"Uh-huh."

"This is where it gets boring. Kitty is just saying the same thing over and over again. 'Peter, I love you. Our love transcends all things. I will love you until the Earth blows up and there won't even be dimensions to go back to. We're soulmates.' It gets a bit repetitive. So, what I suggest—"

"Wait one second! I have an idea. Move over."

She reached down to the keyboard, and Moss swiveled aside as she typed something in and then quickly stood back up again. He read the patch of text and said, "Yes, much better than what I had in mind! That's absolutely brilliant! I'm flattered you asked me for help, Imogene, but I really can't work magic like you. Chairman Wow!"

"I'm the one being flattered. You're way too nice to me. Now, where else does it get screwy?"

"Over here." He scrolled down a bit. "The kiss scene."

"Oh, yeah. They don't relish in it enough, do they?"

"No. She's leaving to a different dimension, for flip's sake. Odds are they'll never see each other again. You have to make the moment last."

"Ooh. I don't know. Any ideas?"

"Well, let's try..." He deleted a section of text and quickly typed something in. "There."

"Wow. That was fast." She squinted to read it. "Peter looked into Kitty's big brown eyes, eyes the color of trees in a forest, of the soil of the Earth he walked on, of the soil of the Earth she would soon be returning home to. Wow. That's...something else. He caressed the soft cheek he'd desired so many times, letting his touch linger there for just a moment, and then leaned in just slightly so that her lips could more easily connect with his. Peter had never been kissed like this before, like their lips were universe meeting universe, gods touching man, meteorites crashing into a planet. He gripped her like he was holding onto life itself, for she was life itself. Peter knew he'd never find anyone quite like Kitty Pryde again. It was when she disconnected that he knew for sure it was true. Oh. That's so sad! I think I'm going to cry."

"That is the objective, yes."

"That's some killer description, man. You should write fic."

He bowed his head. "Thank you. But I learn from the best, of course."

Roy came back into the room. "I forgot my scarf—what are you two doing?"

"Moss is helping me with As You Don't Like It!" Imogene exclaimed.

"What?"

"I think this chapter is ready to be published," Moss said.

"Would you do the honors?" Imogene asked.

"It is not my place." He gestured to the mouse, and Imogene clicked the button in the corner. "Our work here is done. All we can do is hope for the best."

"Phew!"

Roy frowned at them. "Moss, what about that thing I told you to do? Did you finish it yet?"

"Oh, uh..." His eyes were wide as he glanced from Imogene to Roy to Imogene to Roy to the computer to Imogene to Roy. "I've been a bit busy."

Imogene frowned. "What is it? Can I help?"

Roy shook his head. "You know what? Never mind. It can wait."

He grabbed his scarf from his desk and left. Imogene looked down at Moss again.

"Walk me home?" she asked.

"I'd be honored," he replied. "I live in the same direction as you. It's only practical. Besides, I'd love to discuss the last chapter with you."

"Anything for my biggest fan. Besides, two heads are better than one when it comes to these things."