57

As I sat there on the couch reading, Matt walked up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders and kissed the top of my head.

"What are you reading babe?" 

I showed him the book, "What to expect when expecting."

"Ah, are those actually helpful? What's the point of them anyways? I mean can't you ask our friends and family that's actually had kids?"

"Yeah I can, but these are helpful Matt. It's all done by professionals and the book has been out for so many, many years. But anyways, are you getting ready to head to the studio for a bit?"

"Yeah." He nods as he came around to the front of the couch.

"You are going to be back here in time for my appointment right? It's at 3 this afternoon." I stood up this way I could give him a hug and kiss goodbye.

"Yes I am, don't worry. I'll make it back, I promise."

"Good because this is our first official sonogram, and we'll be able to tell if we're having a boy or girl. So don't be late." 

"I won't, I won't. I promise you, I'll be here to take you okay?" He says as he wraps his arms around my waist then kisses me.

"You better be." I said after I kissed him back then poked his nose.

"Well I've got to go, I love you."

"I love you too." 

He then leans down, lifts my shirt and kisses my stomach, "I Love you too lil peanut." 

"Well baby is actually bigger than a peanut, it's basically the size of a grapefruit." I giggled.

"Those aren't that big." He chuckled, "Okay, I've seriously got to go. I'll see you later."

"See you later." 

With that he walked out, he better be here. He's told me that he wants to go with me to every one of my appointment's, although most of them aren't going to be as important as this one. I smiled, sitting back down as I ran my fingertips across my stomach. 

"I can't wait till we find out if you're a boy or a girl this way we can start choosing a name for you." 

I stared down at my bump, all the pictures I've seen of women at this stage of their pregnancy seemed smaller than what my bump is now. So that made me a little more self conscious of my body because my belly being a little bigger than theirs. But of course I knew every pregnancy was different. And Matt has been amazing through this journey so far, he's constantly telling me how beautiful I am when he could tell I'm a little down because of the extra weight I've been carrying. 

I didn't realize I had sat there and fell asleep until I woke up and seen it was around 1pm, shit, I didn't mean for that to happen. I got up off the couch and went straight to the bathroom, I needed a shower before my appointment even though I still had roughly an hour before needed to even leave.

After I got out of the shower, I decided on leggings since those were the most comfortable to wear but I couldn't decided on the top I was going to wear. My shirts are a little snug anymore so I opted for one of my shorter dresses. At least even though those are snug, they're longer so it won't show my belly. I'm so going to have to go shopping for bigger clothes, ugh I hate this crap.

Once I finished, I realized I had a bit of time to get something to snack on until Matt got home to take me to my appointment. I made me a bowel of cut up banana's and strawberries and as I looked at it felt like something was missing, I smiled as I grabbed some chocolate syrup and added some to it.

"Mm." I said to myself as I took a bite.

After I was done I looked up at the clock and seen it was 2:30, shit, where the hell are you Matt, I grumbled to myself. I went and slid on my flats, I needed to be there a few minutes before my appointment time to check in, and it didn't help my appointment was on one of the upper floors of the medical building. 

He knew it was at 3, I reminded him multiple times, and I've even told him that we had to leave and be there before the appointment time. I had tried calling him but had no luck reaching him.

Since Matt had yet to show up, I gave up waiting and decided I'm just going to take myself. Be time I got there, found a parking spot and went up, I had 5 minutes to spare. I groaned when I looked at my phone and seen no calls or messages from Matt then shut my phone off. 

But during my appointment, I got the shock of my life, one that I should be happy about but I was scared shitless. This is the moment I needed Matt with me, to tell me everything was going to be okay, that we'll get through this, that we could handle this. But of course, he couldn't be bothered to show up. 

After I walked out of the doctor's office, I turned my phone on to see I had 3 missed calls and a couple of messages from Matt, which I didn't even bother to call nor messaged him back, why should I? He couldn't even make an effort to be on time so why should I make an effort to reply back to him. I just sat in my car, leaning my head back and let the tears roll down my cheeks. Thankfully my windows were tinted so no one could see me crying, unless they looked in the windshield. 

A few minutes later I composed myself and was able to drive but I didn't go home. No, I decided to do some shopping, I needed bigger clothes.

When I did get home, a couple hours after my appointment, Matt rushed straight to me.

"Baby, I am so sorry. I lost track of time. I meant to be here I did, I promise."

"Right." I shrugged, "If you truly wanted to be here you would have. I waited and I was almost late for my damn appointment." I groaned as I set the bags down.

"I truly am sorry. It's just the guys and me, we got to jamming and recording some of the songs we're putting on the album and before I realized it was passed time we needed to be there for the appointment."

"It's okay." I shrugged, "The band needed you, this band is your top priority. It's your career, your passion. Hell you had the band long before me and the babies came along so it's fine." I sighed and bit my bottom lip at what I just said.

"But you and our little one is my priority too."  He said as he put his hands on the sides of my bump.

"If we was your priority than you would have been there Matthew!" I groaned, okay so he didn't catch on to what I had said. 

"I know! And I'm sorry babe, I am. Did the appointmentgo okay though?"

"It's whatever, shit happens." I walked away and grabbed the shopping bags, "I'm going to put these away." I looked at the time, "And yes, me and the babies are just fine. Everything else went great." I then went up to our bedroom with the bags.

I was halfway through putting everything away when he finally walked in.

"Hold the fuck up, did you say babies? As in more than one?"

He finally caught on to what I said. About time, I only said it multiple times. I know I could have just came out right and say we were having twins but if he would have been there like he promised he would have found out exactly like I did.

I bit my bottom lip as I looked at him and nodded. "I did, twice." 

"So...so we're not just having one baby? We're having more than one?" 

"Yes." I nodded slowly and sat on the edge of the bed.

Fuck, how are we going to do this? Go from not being parents to having to take care of two babies at once. And then with him having the band too, I don't know if we'll be able to handle all of this.

"Babe this is, wow." 

"I know, I don't know how we're going to do it. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I've never taken care of babies before." I stated as tears stung my eyes. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm going to be a bad mom, I just know it."

The tears finally rolled down my cheeks as the realization hit me.

"Baby." He leaned down in front of me and grabbed my hands, "We can do it, I believe in us, I believe in you. You are a strong willed woman, you can do this. You won't be a bad mom, and you're not going to go through this alone. I'm here, our family is here." He kissed the backs of my hands.

"But you've been busy with the band so you're not always going to be around."

"Yeah right now, but I've talked to Larry. I'm not going anywhere, I'm going to be here especially after the babies are born. We still have a little while before this album is even done, and we're not even going to tour as soon as it's done okay? They know I that I want to be around for months after our baby, I mean babies, are born. Besides me not showing up is that what's got you upset? You're afraid I wont be around because of the band?" He asks as he rubs his thumbs back and forth on my knuckles.

I slowly nod, "Yes, partially anyways. And I shouldn't feel that way, it's selfish I know and I'm sorry for feeling that way because this band, it's been your baby since before you even met me. And I'm not asking you to choose, that's the last thing I want you to do." 

"I know you're not, and it's not selfish to think that, it's logical to think that way, especially since you're pregnant, with my babies, our babies. Yes, this band is my love, my passion, my world but so are you and these babies." He kissed my belly then kisses me on the lips, "But at the same time, a band is something replaceable, you are not. Our babies aren't replaceable neither. But on a different note, You're going to be a great mother Joella."

"You think so?" I asked as I pulled my hand from his and wiped my cheeks off.

"I know so. And you want to know how I know? Because you have a great influence, your mother. I've seen how your relationship is with your mother, and its a fantastic one. You're going to be a great mother, just like she's a great mother to you."

"Thanks." I sniffled.