30

Matt's POV

As soon as I walked out from the back Brian and Michelle quickly stood up.

"Hey man, she okay?" I heard Brian ask.

But I just shook my head as I kept walking with them following me, "I gotta get out of here."

As soon as we were outside I leaned against a wall then bent over and put my hands on my knees.

"Matt? Bud, what's going on? Something happen to Joella? Did she find out something terrible?" Brian questioned.

But I couldn't answer him, I was too upset to say anything over the fact of the news we just found out and now I had treated Joella. God, I'm such an asshole.

"Matt, come on sweetie, what happened?" Michelle rubbed my back.

A few more minutes of silence went by before I was able to finally choke out, "I'm sorry." I rubbed my fingers over my eyes then down my face as I stood back up while I sniffled.

"Nah, you're good. What happened?"

"She uh." I cleared my throat, "She had a miscarriage. That's why she bled like she did, then passed out from the pain and loss of blood."

Brian's eyes bulged, "Fuck man, I'm sorry."

"Me too." I nodded slightly, "I know I shouldn't be upset but I am you know?"

"Why shouldn't you be? It's perfectly understandable to be upset over hearing something like that. Did you guys know she was?" Michelle shook her head.

I shook my head, "I didn't know and she says she didn't know. It's just, I have a hard time believing someone didn't know they're pregnant. And it's not like this is her first so you would think she'd know some the signs."

"Wait, she's had a kid before?" Brian asked.

"Not exactly. She's been pregnant before. Years ago, before she met us but she ended the pregnancy. Shit I shouldn't really be telling you this. I don't know if she even wants anyone else to know." I rubbed my hands over my face. Fuck, Why'd I just spill all of that, that's Joella's story to tell not mine.

"It'll stay between us." Michelle shook her head then smacked me upside my head, "You're an idiot, how could possibly think that way of her. It's definitely possible for any woman not to realize they were pregnant, especially in the early stages. And then with all the traveling, and shit, it's easy not to think about stuff like that. Maybe there wasn't any symptoms you jackass."

"Fuck, I'm such a fucking asshole!" I groaned as I put my head in my hands. "I took everything out on her."

"Is that why you're out here and not in there comforting her?" Brian motioned towards the hospital.

I just looked at him and nodded, "After we got into it, she told me to get out and I don't blame her. Come on, let's get out of here." I pushed myself off the wall.

"Okay, so not going to go up and apologize? Seriously?" Michelle groaned. 

I'd love to but I doubt she'd hear a word I would say, "Probably not a good idea to go back in there. I'll uh I'll give us both time to chill off more. She's pretty mad with me and I don't blame her."

"Yeah I don't blame her neither." She shook her head, "But you better get on your hands and knees as soon as you can to beg her for forgiveness Matthew."

Joella's POV

Later that morning it was time for me to be able to leave but I had no idea what I was going to wear because the clothes I had on was stained, well mainly my pants. And I didn't want to talk to Matt but all of my stuff was in the room we were sharing. He was the last person I wanted to see and talk to right now.

"Hey Jo-Jo." Johnny answered his phone when I called his phone.  I can tell about the tone of his voice that he knew. 

"Hey John boy." I said softly then asked, "Where's Matt? Although I haven't tried getting a hold of him. He's not around you right now is he?"

"No, last I knew he was talking to Larry about an interview he's got to do in an hour. What happened between you two? I mean besides the loss you went through."

Yup, he knew. Which is fine, they we're my friends too and I also knew that if they didn't see me they'd questioned where I was and I know Matt wouldn't lie to them especially about all what's going on. 

"I don't want to talk about it right now. Look." I rubbed my fingers over the bridge of my nose, "Is it possible for you to have Lace get me some clothes then you and her come get me? Please?"

"Yeah I'm sure we can, but don't you want Matt to come get you?"

"No." I quickly said then sighed, "I'm not too happy with him right now. That's why I'm calling you. "

~~~~

"Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?" Lacey gave a sympathy smile when her and Johnny walked into my hospital room.

"Hey Lace, I'm better than earlier." I barely smiled as I sat on the edge of the bed, "That my clean clothes?" I motioned to the bag on Lacey's hands.

"Yes." She hands the bag over to me, "Need any help moving around?"

"No, thank you though. I'm still in a little pain but I'll manage." I slowly stood up, grabbing the bag and went to the bathroom. Once I was changed I came back out. "I had the staff throw my other pants away." I told them as I had grabbed Matt's shirt that I had been wearing that was sitting in a bag on the counter. "They were nasty from the bleeding, thankfully Matt's shirt didn't get damaged. Don't need him mad at me for that too."

"I'm sure he would have understood if it did." Johnny spoke up. "Want a wheelchair? I can go get you one."

"No, I need to walk." I shook my head than scoffed at what he had said about Matt, "Yeah right, just like he understood the miscarriage wasn't my fault." I rolled my eyes as we began walking out.

"I don't think he actually meant it Jo. He was just upset and well Uhm Matt, he tried getting out of this interview but had no luck." Johnny told me as we got into a cab.

"Doesn't matter, I'd rather you guys come get me than him." I shrugged, "He thinks this is my fault, he said so himself."

"I'm sure he didn't mean it Joella. He was probably just upset and said it." Lacey repeated what Johnny had said.

Doesn't mean he had to go blaming me for it.

When we got to the hotel, I started quickly gathering my stuff up, I wanted to get out of there before Matt showed up. I know it's a coward thing, to leave before he gets back but I don't care, he doesn't deserves a goodbye from me and I also didn't want to stay on this tour so I made the decision to go back home. But right as I getting ready to head to the door though, Matt walked in.

He looks at me then the suitcase, "Where you going?"

"Home, I can't stay here on this tour."

Matt walks over to me as soon as those words left my mouth, "Please don't leave. Let's work this out. I'm sorry for what I said."

"I just need time, away from everyone. Away from the guy who blames me for this. I love you Matt I do, but I can't look at you and not have what you said replay in my mind. I can't stick around on this tour because I know damn well everyone is going to feel sorry for me, everyone's going to treat me differently, you included. And I won't be able to deal with that."

"I'll talk to Larry, cancel the rest of the tour so we can go through this together. Ells I love you and I don't want to lose you over my asshole remark."

"No! No do not cancel the shows. The fans will be disappointed over it and then they'll also hate me because their favorite band canceled because of what I went through."

Although I wouldn't care what the fans thought about me. But this band is his dream, his passion and I won't pull him from that. I don't want to be the reason they cancel the tour.

"They won't hate you. They'll understand, because they know how much family mean to us."

"You're not canceling, I refuse to let you. Goodbye Matt. Enjoy the rest of the tour."

Continuing the tour might be a good distraction for him and the rest of the guys anyways.

I then grabbed my stuff and walked out. I had to do this, I had to leave. It'll help us both get past this, as individuals and as hopefully a couple. But I wasn't exactly sure where we stood in that area anymore and I didn't really care at that moment.