~𝟲𝟯~

I was still in the same position when the other boys came back to the dorms, and I sensed their tension as soon as they walked in. They all crowded around the couch, some coming to sit next to Felix and Seungmin, others standing behind the couch. A familiar pair of hands came to rest on my shoulders.

Chan came to stand in front of me. He looked down as he heard the paper crumple underneath his shoe. He bent down and picked the letter up, and I swear I could see the tension rise in his shoulders as he read it. When he was done reading, he crushed the paper into a ball in his fist, his face overcast with fury.

"You know, I'm getting really sick and tired of this ass being so arrogant," he said, throwing the crumpled-up letter across the room.

He knelt down in front of the couch, on his haunches in front of me. His anger dissipated, replaced with care.

"Ava, I promise you, if I get my hands on this man, he'll regret the day he ever hurt you. And I'm sure every single other person in this room feels the same."

He moved his gaze up to the boys, and I sensed them nodding.

"Please, don't hurt him," I said softly. All the attention in the room turned back to me. Chan looked confused.

"I don't want you guys to suffer the consequences of doing something rash because you all want to protect me. So, if he does show up, please don't hurt him."

My voice sounded a lot more tired and broken then it did in my head, and I scolded myself for not sounding more confident.

Chan gently took my hand, my gaze shifting back up to meet his.

"Listen to me, I don't care about my reputation anymore. If protecting a member of my team means that I could lose my job, screw it. Okay? The moment I have that man in my line of sight, I won't hesitate to kill him on the spot."

Even though Chan's words were harsh, his voice was completely level and serious, his face calm rather than angry. I wanted so badly to argue with him, but I knew I wouldn't be able to change his mind.

"I just don't think it's a good idea for you to kill a person for someone like me," I whispered, hoping no one heard it.

"Someone like what?" I heard Felix ask softly.

"Someone who has only caused problems and pain for the people she trusts the most in life. Someone who has risked her team members' lives for her own sake. Someone who ruined eight people's lives, who were so much better off without her."

I expected new tears to spill as I said it, but none came. My face stayed completely emotionless as I said it, staring at my hands in my lap.

"Ava, look at me," I heard someone say. I didn't listen, pulling further into myself. All the warmth from the people around me seemed to dissolve, leaving me shivering.

"Ava, please look at me," the voice repeated, but I shut it out. Until a hand brushed my cheek. The touch was so gentle, I doubted if it was really there. But it was. My skin tingled underneath it. That all-too-familiar tingle that only one person could make me feel.

"Ava, please look at me," the voice said again, softer this time. More desperate.

I slowly obeyed, finding Lee Know looking at me like his heart was just broken in two. I wanted to look away again at the sight of his sad gaze, but something forced me not to, my gaze glued to his.

"You haven't ruined anyone's life. In fact, you made all our lives better. We all smile at least ten times more per day just because you're here. And all that pain you say you've caused. I'm sure every one of us would go through all the pain we've ever gone through times ten if it meant you felt safe. You are a part of our lives that we are all so grateful for, and if I could take all the pain you've ever experienced away, I would do it in a heartbeat. You're part of our team. Nothing will ever change that."

My eyes became glassy because of his words, soft sobs slipping past my lips as I listened. His words made my heart clench. As he finished, the room became quiet, except for the sound of my crying. Lee Know gently rested his hands on either side of my face, wiping away the tears with his thumbs.

"Ava, look at me," he said for the fourth time that night, and I tried my best to obey as my body shook.

"You are loved. So very loved. And I wish you could see just how much we care for you. Like Chan said, if protecting you meant losing our jobs, we won't think twice about it. You are so much more important to us than our jobs."

My sobs got louder as he finished saying that. He gently folded his arms around my waist, bringing me towards him where he was on his haunches on the floor, hugging me against himself. He folded his legs, lifting me to sit on his lap. I tucked my head in underneath his chin and he rested his head on mine. He held me tightly as I shook and shuddered from crying so much. I clung onto him like my life depended on it. It probably did.

Another pair of arms wrapped around me and Lee Know, followed by another. And another. And another, until all the boys were on the floor with me, holding me tight. I soaked in the warmth, and even though I still felt like crap, somehow, they made me feel slightly more at home.

...

The rest of the day I mainly just stayed on the couch, too drained to do much. At one point I went to stand with Lee Know in the kitchen, watching as he made lunch. The rest of the boys were all busy, so it was just me and him in the kitchen. I rested my cheek against his shoulder as I stood next to him, watching him work. At one point he was waiting for something to heat up in the microwave. He turned to me, wrapping me in a hug. He started rocking slowly from side to side, gently moving me along with him.

Out of nowhere I remembered how a while back, he had said he was thinking about us. And at the time he had said it wasn't a good time for him to talk about it. I knew that it probably wasn't a better time to ask about it, but I tried it anyway, wanting to distract myself.

"Do you remember a while back when you said you were thinking about... us?" I asked hesitantly. Lee Know had stopped rocking me when I spoke, looking down at me.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, I know you said that it wasn't a good time to talk about it and now probably isn't any better, but I really just want to distract myself from everything that happened today, and not knowing what you wanted to say has been bothering me ever since you said it, so if you're willing maybe we could... talk about it... if you want?"

Lee Know seemed to hesitate, pulling away from me. He went to stand against the kitchen island, pressing on it with his hands like he had that morning. I stayed where I was, not wanting to make him uncomfortable. He wouldn't make eye contact. I waited patiently, curious about what he was going to say.

"Well, it was mostly just about... you know, the... I don't even know why I thought about it, it just..."

My brows drew together in confusion at his unfinished sentences. He noticed, sighing.

"Why is this so hard?" I heard him say under his breath. I took a few steps closer to him, going to stand next to him in an attempt of making him a bit less awkward.

"I was thinking about... our kiss. And what it meant for our... friendship. But I know you aren't really comfortable with titles yet, and it is still quite early. So, I didn't want to say anything yet because I didn't want you to feel pushed. And besides you were focused on Damian. I didn't want to split your focus."

I smiled slightly at him, instinctively reaching out to him. I gently placed my hand on his forearm that held up his weight as he rested against the island. I felt the veins under my palm, sparking tingles that ran up my arm into my stomach. But I ignored them, too focused on what he wanted to say.

"What did you think? What does it mean for our friendship?" I asked softly. He still didn't make eye contact.

"In reality, I shouldn't even have thought it. I mean, I assumed something that I shouldn't have. I should have talked to you first, but I..."

"It's okay. Don't force it. Just speak from your heart," I said as I saw the worried look on his face after he hesitated.

"I... what do you think the kiss meant? For us, I mean?" he asked, sounding unsure.

I felt butterflies in my stomach at the word us. It sounded so unreal. But I had a question to answer. So, I dragged my focus back.

"I... I think it meant something big... and I mean... well the next logical step would be to make it... official, I guess. I mean we both confessed to each other so..."

I felt confident before I spoke, but when I heard how shaky my voice was, all that confidence drained away, leaving me hesitant and stuttering. Lee Know moved the arm that my hand was resting on, my hand slipping into his. He intertwined our fingers, and like every other time he had done that, my hand tingled. He turned to me, and I looked up at him. He had a slight smile on his lips, but he seemed unsure.

"Are you sure about this? I don't want you to feel like we're moving too fast," he said softly. I nodded at him, smiling slightly. The unsure look on his face evaporated, being replaced by the cutest smile.

"Okay, but if we're going to make it official, I want to do it the traditional way. Like take you on a date, give you flowers, all of that. Because that's the least you deserve."

I stood on my tiptoes, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before smiling at him.

"Thank you. For everything you do for me."

He leaned down slightly, and I sensed he wanted to kiss me again. But I heard the stairs squeak, making me wrap him in a hug instead. When the person came into the kitchen I turned my head slightly, finding Felix there. He came over to me, putting a gentle hand on my back.

"You okay, Ava?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just needed a hug."

I slowly pulled away from Lee Know, and out of the corner of my eye, I could have sworn I saw Felix smirk. It made me suspicious, and I got the idea I would have to talk to him later.

"I'm making lunch, so could you possibly go get the rest of the boys?" Lee Know asked Felix. He sounded uncomfortable.

Felix nodded and obeyed quickly, going back up the stairs. It was quiet for a while, me and Lee Know just standing in silence. But inside of my mind, I was jumping up and down at the thought of Lee Know and I becoming an official us.

...

That night Lee Know agreed to stay at my bedside until I fell asleep. We waited for all the rest of the boys to go to bed, Chan excluded as he was in the training area, before going up to my room. I dragged the chair in next to my bed. Lee Know gave me a look as I did so, almost as if to say I should have done that, you know.

I slipped in underneath the covers, Lee Know pulling the covers over my shoulder before brushing the hair off my forehead. After that we just talked for a while. About nothing and everything. Eventually my eyes were falling shut every now and again, so Lee Know said goodnight and I switched off the lamp on my bedside table, letting sleep drag me away.

I had expected for my dreams to be worse than the previous night, but not as bad as they were. I had barely fallen asleep when the first horrible flashback replayed. Screams echoed in my mind. Every harrowing detail drifted around in my brain, clear as the first time it happened. The image started shifting, the old memories mixing in with the new things that had happened in the past days. The black letters on my wall. The letter in the mail.

It all swirled together, spinning faster and faster until a whirlwind formed. I couldn't breathe. The suffocating feeling yanked me out of my dreams, drawing me back to reality as I sat upright. I was gasping for breath, but nothing seemed to ease the pressure on my neck and the burning in my lungs. I clawed at my neck, still gasping.

"Hey, Ava. Look at me," Lee Know said, sitting in front of me.

I tried my best to keep my focus on him, but I still couldn't breathe. My vision was getting blurry.

"Okay, I know this is hard, but I need you to calm down for me. Can you do that for me, please? Just focus on me, okay? I'm right here, just focus on me."

I tried pulling my focus away from my neck and the searing pain in my lungs. I was still gasping for breath, but it seemed to be getting a bit better. Until my thoughts somehow sprang back to the flashbacks. My throat closed up again, and by then tears had started spilling from the corners of my eyes. Lee Know gently took my hand, placing it on his chest. I could feel his heartbeat through the thin material of his shirt, and his chest rose and fell slowly as he breathed. So, I zoned in on that, focusing all my attention on it.

Slowly, the pressure on my throat seemed to ease up. I just kept trying to breathe. The burning in my lungs was getting better too. I just sat there, my head hung low, sweat and tears dripping onto the sheets that rested on my legs as I tried to breathe. By the time I felt like I could actually breathe, I was clutching onto Lee Know's shirt. My breathing was still very heavy and laboured, but I got air into my lungs. I lifted my gaze to look at Lee Know, who seemed extremely worried. I gave him a slight smile.

"Gosh, you nearly gave me a heart attack," he said, moving closer to me and gently resting his forehead against mine.

My body still moved quite harshly as I tried to force air into my lungs, but his touch somehow made me feel slightly more at ease. My breathing calmed down more and more, and my lungs stopped burning. I slowly pulled away from Lee Know, resting my head on his shoulder and wrapping my arms around his waist. He seemed to get the message, moving in next to me and wrapping me in a hug.

He leaned back against the headboard, resting my head on his chest. He gently ran his fingers through my hair. I could hear his heartbeat, and it was faster than mine. Gosh, he must have been so worried for his heart to beat this fast, I thought.

"I'm so glad you woke up. You were whimpering and you seemed like you were in so much pain, and I couldn't do anything and it just... gosh you scared me," Lee Know whispered, pressing soft kisses to my hairline as he spoke.

"I'm sor-"

"Please don't apologise, you couldn't help it. I just got a fright, but everything's okay now."

I tightened my arms around his waist, snuggling further into his chest. We stayed there in silence for a while, and by some lucky strike of fate, I was actually feeling sleepy again. I yawned.

"Just tell me when you want me to leave. I don't want to keep you out of sleep."

"No, please don't leave," I pleaded, looking up at him. I hesitated before speaking again.

"Can you... Could you stay the night with me... please?"

I saw his eyes widen at my request, making my heart sink a little. I half expected him to say no, until a tender smile spread on his lips.

"If it won't make you uncomfortable, then I'd be happy to stay."

I smiled, shifting my weight off of him to let him get more comfortable. He pulled me onto his chest again, covering me with the sheets. His hand drew lazy patters on my back, calming me down even more. I fell asleep to the sound of his gentle breathing. And no further nightmares plagued my sleep.

---------------

A/N

heyy guys :)

another cute little chapter for ava and lee know with some very enjoyable angst in between :D honestly i'm surprised you guys haven't called me out for the amount of angst in this book. but anyway, hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and don't worry, i'm back for good now and i'll be updating every weekend from now on ;) see you in the next one <3