~𝟱𝟬~

I sat there with wide eyes as Hyunjin turned to me, worry etched into his brows. My mind tried processing what I just heard, but for some reason what he said just didn't want to make sense, no matter how many times I replayed it.

"You almost kissed Geneviève?" I asked, trying to get my brain to work.

"Well, not exactly."

I looked at him, my brows furrowing with confusion.

"She actually came onto me."

"So, she almost kissed you?"

He nodded.

"Okay, wait. Can you explain the whole story to me please?"

"Okay, so, she was at the dorms. She was in the kitchen and I was in the training room. She was waiting for Lee Know to come to the dorms so she could take him out for lunch. Then I came out of the training room all sweaty, and she just stared at me like she'd never seen me before. It creeped me out so I just went to the stairs. But she stopped me. And then she just leaned in and tried to kiss me. I luckily pushed her away and then I went up to my room...You and Felix are the only people who know."

I sat there in silence, my brain needing a few seconds to digest the new information I received before coming up with an answer. I shook my head and took in a breath before speaking.

"Okay, woah... I did not expect that. But now everything kind of makes sense. Lee Know told me that he broke up with Geneviève because he thought she was seeing another man. Technically his suspicions were right. At least you pushed her away, right?"

He nodded at me. I took his hand, gently squeezing it. He stared at my hand wrapped around his like it was the most wrong thing on the planet for me to hold his hand, before slowly pulling his fingers out of my grip. It confused me, but I breezed past it. I started fidgeting as I waited for a while to ask the question I actually wanted to ask. After a few moments, I turned to him again, looking into his eyes.

"You ready to talk to Lee Know yet?" I asked.

"Yeah... I actually think so, yeah."

I nodded at him before getting up and heading towards the sliding door. I slid it open, and saw Lee Know looking my way. I smiled, even though I thought he wouldn't be able to see it. I went to sit down next to him and somehow he could sense where my hand was, taking it in his almost immediately and rubbing his thumb over it.

"Hyunjin is ready to talk, if you are."

He stayed silent for a while before giving my hand a soft squeeze.

"Then I'm ready too," he answered.

He got up; my hand still clasped in his. I walked back inside through the sliding door, letting go of his hand and going to sit down next to Hyunjin again. Lee Know came to stand behind me. Hyunjin looked up at Lee Know behind me before looking at me again, turning his body so he could fully face me.

"Are you going to tell him?" I asked Hyunjin, to which he nodded.

He took in a deep breath to calm his nerves but doing that probably didn't prepare him for the answer Lee Know gave.

"Geneviève tried to kiss me. While you two were still dating and-"

"I know."

Both Hyunjin and I were stunned into silence, both of us looking up at Lee Know.

"She let it slip around me how much of an idiot you were. I couldn't get the full story from her then, but I knew for sure something happened between you two. She started acting weirder and weirder after that. Then I asked her about it one day and she spilled the whole story. I mean sure, she made it sound like you came onto her, but I knew you wouldn't do that. A week later, I broke up with her."

Hyunjin and I shared a look before Hyunjin spoke.

"So you knew this entire time? Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Because I trusted that you would open up when you were ready. And I was right, wasn't I?"

Hyunjin nodded slightly before looking at the floor. I started thinking about what Hyunjin had told me and the more I replayed it, the less it made sense.

"Okay, wait. What does that have to do with the fight you two had earlier? How is it connected?" I asked, turning to Hyunjin.

Hyunjin snapped his gaze away from mine, suddenly very interested in the tiny thread on his jeans. When he made no effort to speak again, I gently took the hand that was busying itself with playing with the little thread, making him look at me. I sensed Lee Know shifting behind me but ignored it. I gave Hyunjin a reassuring smile. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"Lee Know is not going to like this," he mumbled before opening his eyes again. He still wouldn't look at me when he spoke, instead staring across the room.

"I find you attractive, Ava."

I heard Lee Know move from behind me, stretching my hand out to the side to stop him, the back of my hand pressing against his abdomen. I looked up at him out of the corner of my eye, trying to calm him down.

"I got defensive when I saw the way you and Lee Know were acting around each other. I was trying to protect you. And probably trying to snuff out my guilty conscience. I'm sorry. I should have acted differently. I should have known better."

I looked up at Lee Know after Hyunjin spoke, him looking down at me. He seemed calm, concerned even. I took his hand and gave it a squeeze before turning my attention back to Hyunjin.

"Hyunjin, it's okay. It happens. And what's important is you told us."

"I can understand where you came from, I mean I practically did the same not too long ago," Lee Know said, surprising me when he spoke to Hyunjin.

Hyunjin nodded slightly, taking in a deep breath. He looked at both me and Lee Know, giving us both smiles. Then his smile morphed into a smirk, making a suspicious streak swirl in my mind.

"So, how long has this thing between the two of you been going on?" he asked.

My gaze snapped up at Lee Know before pulling away again, staring at my feet. I touched the nape of my neck, feeling the heat creep up to my cheeks.

"There's... really nothing between us. We're... we're just friends," I stuttered, not making eye contact with either of the boys in the room.

"Okay... I won't tell anyone, I promise."

I could hear the smirk laced into Hyunjin's voice as he spoke, making the red on my cheeks brighten up even more. I brushed a hair behind my ear as he stood up. I looked up slightly, only to see him still smirking at us over his shoulder as he walked out of the living room and into his room. I let out a breath, dragging my hands down my face. The couch dipped as Lee Know sat down next to me.

"Thanks for taking the lead on that, I don't think I would have been able to sound so calm if I had said all that," he said.

"Oh, so you're fine with me trying to hide it?"

"Yeah. I realised that there isn't really a point in telling everyone if we aren't both sure about the relationship yet. So when you want to tell them, we'll tell them. But until then, we can both help each other to keep the others in the dark."

I smiled at Lee Know, grateful for him being so open minded. I leaned my cheek against his shoulder, wrapping him in a hug. He adjusted slightly, my cheek moving onto his chest instead of his shoulder. He wrapped his arms gently around my shoulders, making me smile against the fabric of his shirt. I melted into the hug, feeling content. Until a thought started gnawing at the back of my mind. I pulled slightly back from the hug, looking up into his eyes.

"Would you still like me if I turned out to be something completely different from what you think I am?" I asked softly, my voice trembling slightly.

"Of course I would. I fell in love with the person you are around me and the members, not with your past. Nothing could change that."

"Are you su-"

"I'm sure. So sure I'd even go as far as betting my life on it."

He gently leaned his forehead against mine, pulling me tighter into the hug. When he pulled away, I smiled up at him, my eyes teary. I leaned into his chest, his heartbeat like a soothing melody to my tired body and racing mind. And before I knew it, I was drifting off into darkness.

(Third person, Lee Know's perspective)

Lee Know watched as Ava's eyes slowly fell shut, her body going limp against his as she drifted off into sleep. He sat with her leaning against him for a while, making sure she was fast asleep before he tried moving. When he was sure she was fast asleep, he gently picked her up bridal style, carrying her towards the stairs.

She started clutching onto his shirt, mumbling incoherent words. He slowed his walk a bit, trying to keep her asleep. He realised she was just dreaming. He kept walking slowly towards her room, until he heard something that made him stop in his tracks. And made his blood run cold.

"No, stop. You're hurting me," Ava mumbled.

Lee Know looked down at Ava's face, the pain there heart-breaking to him. He moved as quickly as he could to her bed, wanting to tuck her in so she could hopefully stop dreaming. He gently put her down on the bed, covering her in the blanket. Until she shot upright in bed, nearly knocking her head into his.

"Hey, it's okay. It was just a dream. You're safe now," Lee Know said softly as he saw the fear in her eyes. He sat down on the bed facing her and took her hand.

"Just breathe. I'm here. It's okay."

He could see her breathing become less erratic. It calmed his racing pulse. When Ava calmed down a bit, she spoke with tears in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, are you okay? Did I hurt you?" she asked with a trembling bottom lip.

"I'm fine. The better question is, who hurt you?"

She stayed quiet, looking at her hand clasped in his. She didn't answer for a long time. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her free hand around her legs. She gave a shuddering sigh before speaking in a broken voice.

"I... I can't. It..."

"Shh, it's okay. You don't have to tell me."

He stood up and scooted in next to her, pulling her into a hug. She clutched onto his shirt, burying her face in his chest. Her shoulders heaved as she breathed through her tears. He held her tightly against himself, gently stoking her hair. And in that moment he promised himself that he would fight to protect her, even if it meant losing his life in the process.

(First person, Ava's perspective)

I woke up early the next morning, the sun just barely starting to throw it's orange light in through my window. I shifted onto my other side, feeling for the source of warmth I vaguely remember from the night before, but finding nothing. My mind started clearing up and I remembered Lee Know sitting next to me, holding me as I cried into his chest. I was sad that he didn't stay, but the thought conjured up memories that made me forget about it. Memories of him lying next to me, holding me tightly. Before everything went to hell three years ago.

I sat up in bed, brushing my hair off my forehead and looking out my window. The sun was barely above the horizon. I got up and got dressed into a T-shirt and shorts, walking down the hall and out through the sliding door, onto the sand. I walked to the water, stopping when it reached up to my ankles. I looked at the blue waves stretched out in front of me, feeling a lump form in my throat and my breathing become shaky.

I took in a staggered breath before screaming out into the open, the sound drifting off into the wind. I screamed again and again, until my voice cracked and the scream ended in a broken sob rippling past my lips. Tears streamed down my cheeks, dripping down into the water I was standing in. I clasped my hand over my mouth, my palm soaked with my tears.

I only managed to partially muffle the sobs ripped from my body. I slowly backed out of the water, sinking to my knees on the sand. I rested on my hands and knees, staring down at the sand through my tears. I watched as drop after drop fell onto the sand, staining it darker. Until the droplets started getting less. And the darker spots started drying up.

I sat back onto my legs, tilting my head up and closing my eyes. The gentle breeze brushed over my wet cheeks, almost as if to try and wipe away my tears. I opened my eyes again, my view still slightly distorted with tears. I wiped the tears off my cheeks and sniffled, standing up. When I turned around, I saw all the boys coming towards me. I smiled slightly and trudged over to them. Chan was the closest to me, looking concerned.

I walked up to him, resting my head on his chest. He slowly wrapped me up in a hug, the rest of the boys joining in on the hug as well. And in that moment I was certain, I was going to tell the boys everything I was hiding. Every little secret. Every horrible detail. I knew it would be hard and I would probably shut down halfway through, but I had to try. They deserved at least my honesty. So, I mentally squared my shoulders, and started unlocking the deepest, darkest caverns of my mind, letting all my demons loose.

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A/N

heyy guys :)

this is the first of the extra chapters i promised... i hope you enjoyed it! let me know your thoughts in the comments.

i just wanted to let you guys know that there will be a trigger warning in the next chapter. if you want to skip the entire chapter, you're welcome to, but if you do want to read the whole chapter or just skip the part with the specific trigger warning, i will repeat the trigger warning just for that part as well.

anyway, see you in the next chapter <3