~𝟰𝟮~

"You sit down, we'll get you warm," Felix said, leading me to the couch.

I sat down, him taking off my shoes for me and covering me in a blanket. I pulled my legs up to my chest, resting my feet on the couch. I snuggled into the soft material of the blanket, pulling it tighter around my shoulders. I closed my eyes, suddenly exhausted, but as soon as the darkness enclosed around me, it felt like I was being suffocated, making me snap my eyes open again.

I breathed in deeply before turning my gaze to the kitchen, trying to get my mind of off everything by watching Chan and Felix move around like two chefs at rush hour. My gaze caught Hyunjin leaning against the wall, watching me. I gave him a small smile, him returning it and moving over to me. He sat down next to me, making sure to sit a considerable distance away from me.

"How are you feeling now?" he asked softly.

"I'm better. Still a bit cold, but better."

He nodded softly, but kept his gaze on me, eyes seeming to scan over every inch of me. I watched as his brows furrowed when he saw something near the top of my head. He reached out towards me, but I flinched away. He retracted his hand, looking down, and I felt another pang of guilt.

"I'm sorry-"

"No. You don't have to be sorry at all. I should be more careful. I just saw a twig in your hair and wanted to take it out, but it can wait."

I reached up and felt along the top of my head until my fingers touched something thin and rough. I pulled it out and looked at it before handing it to him.

"Why are you giving this to me?"

"Keep it. As a memento."

"You make it sound like you're leaving."

I stayed silent, knowing that if the commander found out about the night's events, he'd surely fire me. When I didn't answer, he scooted a bit closer to me. I still didn't answer, instead leaning my head onto his shoulder. He tensed up slightly before relaxing again, resting his head on top of mine. We sat in silence for quite a while, my eyes fluttering shut every now and then. Until they closed completely, and I was lulled into sleep.

(Third person, Lee Know's perspective)

Lee Know watched Ava from a distance as she slept, Hyunjin having left to help Chan and Felix make her some food to warm her up. He leaned against the wall near the stairs, not moving from the spot. He watched as her shoulders moved in sync with her breathing. She seemed so small and fragile, like at any moment she would shatter into a million shards of glass. All because he couldn't control his anger. All because he scared her into running out of the house. All because he made her relive those terrible memories from her past that he knew still kept her up at night.

The look on her face kept flashing in his mind; the raw fear in her eyes breaking his heart. He wanted so badly to just go back and do it all over again. He would do it so differently. He didn't even know why he got so defensive. All he knew was that he couldn't lose Ava. Not when there was so much he had to say to her. He slowly pushed off the wall and walked over to her, eyes glued to her tiny figure curled up on the couch. He stopped in front of her, looking down at her.

She started stirring in her sleep. Her brows drew together, and her hands wrapped tighter around her body underneath the blankets. Lee Know was about to put a hand on her shoulder when Chan cleared his throat next to him, making Lee Know take a step back. Chan knelt down in front of Ava, gently placing the back of his hand on her cheek to measure her temperature. Her brows relaxed at his touch, making Lee Know feel even more guilty. He took a few more steps away from her, Chan getting up and following him.

"You know, you both made mistakes. But if you want this to ever go back to normal, you're going to have to make the first move," Chan said, pulling a hand through his ginger-coloured hair.

"I know. And I will. Eventually."

Lee Know watched as Chan walked back to Ava, gently touching her shoulder to wake her up. He helped her sit upright and she rubbed her eyes. Chan went back into the kitchen to get her some food. Her eyes slowly scanned around the room, until they settled on Lee Know. He took in a breath as their gazes connected. He could see the hurt and utter exhaustion hiding behind her eyes. He dropped his gaze, turning his back on her and moving up the stairs. He could hear her calling after him, but he ignored it, no matter how much it hurt him.

"I hurt you. I don't deserve you. You're better off without me," he said softly, so softly he thought he only heard it in his head.

But those words hurt his heart more than most things ever had. And it made him sick to think she was scared of him. So he vowed to make sure she never felt that way again. Even if it was the only thing he could do for her.

(First person, Ava's perspective)

After I fell asleep, my mind didn't cease to conjure up some new blood-curdling nightmares. The usual ones swirled around my mind, flashing into view before dissipating a moment later. But one nightmare stayed glued to the front of my brain. One I had never seen before. It was of Lee Know. All the things that happened to me three years ago, he was doing to me.

It was like I was trapped in a maze of memories, every vision more grotesque than the last. I tried getting away from it, but my screams seemed to follow me wherever I went. I collapsed, falling to my knees. It echoed around me, seeming to drive away the horrible visions my mind came up with. It became dark around me. And cold. So very cold.

Another vision came to me, projected in front of me. Again, it was Lee Know. But this time, he wasn't hurting me. Instead, he was the one looking hurt. In the vision, he started talking. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but I could tell from the look in his eyes he was deeply hurt. By me.

I tried reaching out to him, but it felt as though my hands were glued to the floor. He turned his back on me, and I felt like I could cry. Until I felt a gentle touch to my cheek. It was warm and soft, dragging me out of my nightmarish world. Suddenly, I wasn't in the dark anymore. I just drifted around.

A bit later, I felt a hand on my shoulder, pulling me from my drifting state. I fluttered my eyes open to find Chan smiling at me. He helped my sit upright before leaving again. I rubbed my eyes and yawned. My eyes travelled slowly around the room in an attempt to get me feeling less groggy.

However, all the fog cleared from my mind when my gaze met Lee Know's. I saw his shoulders and chest rise as he took in a breath. He seemed so hurt. Or sad. It made me want to reach out to him and wrap him in the tightest hug I could muster. And for the first time, I noticed that I could never actually be afraid of him. I trusted him too much.

He turned his back on me and walked up the stairs. I called after him, but he didn't seem to hear me. When he was out of sight, I felt a tug in my chest. Not like the tug I felt when he was talking to Geneviève. This one was different. Stronger. And it made my vision blur with tears I had no way of controlling. And no way of knowing why they happened.

A single tear slipped over my cheek as my gaze stayed glued to the spot where Lee Know disappeared from my sight. I didn't know why, but I couldn't look away. Maybe it was some sub-conscious longing for him. For him to come back to me so we could talk, and he could hug me again. Like he used to. That all-consuming fuzziness from his hugs was only a distant memory.

Another tear slipped over my cheek, and this time I moved my gaze to the floor. I let the tears fall. I sat there, silently crying, waiting for something - anything - to happen that would drag me out of my state of disrepair. I almost didn't notice when Felix came to sit next to me, a bowl of what I presumed was soup placed on the table in front of him. He gently brushed his fingers along mine, and I took his hand.

"Can I give you a hug?" he asked softly.

I didn't even answer. I just slipped into his arms, head resting on his chest. Even though I gripped him tightly, his arms were gentle around me, drawing soothing patterns on my back. Long after I had stopped crying, I stayed in his embrace, too tired of the fear around me to let go yet.

"You should eat something," he said after a while, pulling away from me slightly.

I nodded and pulled away from him. He picked up the long-forgotten bowl of soup from the coffee table.

"Surprisingly enough, it's still warm," he said, handing me the bowl.

I took it, the aroma filling the air around me. I took the spoon he handed me, slurping up a tentative spoonful of the cream-coloured substance. It warmed my body as it slipped down my throat, making me smile slightly.

"That good, huh? Well then, I guess I should leave you. Enjoy."

He had just gotten up when I grabbed his hand.

"Don't go."

His eyebrows rose slightly at the two words, and he sat down next to me again. I didn't look at him. I could feel his careful gaze scan over me. After a while he spoke.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

I wanted to shake my head, but something stopped me. And I could hear Lee Know's words from earlier ringing in my ear. We won't know, now will we? It's not like you're going to tell us anytime soon. I took in a breath before clearing my throat, trying to get my thoughts in order.

"You know, it's actually so stupid. I should just never have said anything. Then this whole mess wouldn't have happened. Now... I've lost him, haven't I? He's never going to forgive me."

"Don't say that. You haven't lost any of us, and you never will. He loves you like his own little sister. You two will be back to normal in no time."

I heard Felix hesitate during the sentence, but he wouldn't look at me or give anything away as to why he did. It was strange to me, but I brushed it off. I had more important things to worry about.

(Third person, Felix's perspective)

It took everything in Felix not to let slip what he knew. What he said was a lie. Sure, the team did think of Ava as a little sister. But for Lee Know, it was so much more. Felix was sure of it. He saw the way Lee Know was around her. And how sad he looked whenever she spent time with Hyunjin or the other members instead of him.

It was so obvious. And yet Felix wasn't sure he was right. He wanted to do some more investigating before telling anyone anything. He just hoped he could keep the secret hidden while doing so.

(First person, Ava's perspective)

That night I didn't sleep. I couldn't. My brain was too busy tearing me down inside. I sat on the edge of my bed, watching the moon through my window. I listened to the heavy breathing coming from the room next door, wondering if Lee Know was asleep or tossing and turning because of what happened between us. When Felix said that he loved me like a little sister, it had hurt somewhere deep in my chest. I couldn't figure out what it was, but the more I thought about it, the less I wanted it to be true.

I sighed and closed my eyes. I whipped around when I heard a soft knock on my door. To my surprise it was open, Jeongin standing there in his fleece pj's. Just like the first night I slept at the dorms. He came in and came to stand near me. When he didn't sit down, I patted the matrass next to me. He slowly came over, taking a seat next to me.

"This feels familiar," he whispered after a long stretch of silence. I nodded.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

I hung my head, shaking it.

"No. But there's nothing I can do about it. So I guess I'm screwed."

"You know, in all the time I've known you, I've never heard you say that you aren't okay. You've always told us that you're fine. But I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to tell me that you aren't okay," he whispered after hesitating for a few seconds.

I didn't say anything after that, partly because I didn't know what to say. Partly because I had so much to say but had no idea how to say it. I just sat there next to him, staring out my window at the moon.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked after a while, breaking the silence.

"Sure. What do you want to ask?" Jeongin asked.

"Have you ever liked someone? Like, really liked someone?"

He hesitated a moment before answering.

"Yeah. About a year ago. She was my best friend. But then she moved away. Or that's what she told me. I don't think that's true, though. I think her parents forced her to stop seeing me. They never did like me."

"Oh, Jeongin. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. I'm over it. But why do you ask? Do you like someone?"

"I don't know. That's why I asked... How did you know you liked her?"

"When she said she was moving, it felt like she was ripping my heart out of my chest. It wasn't just the loss of a friend. It felt like I was losing a future. But now I realise, if I had somehow ended up with her, I don't think I would have met you."

I smiled softly at him. The moonlight made his already fare complexion shine. His eyes seemed to sparkle in the darkness.

"So, who is it you think you like? Am I allowed to ask?"

"I can't tell you just yet. First I want to be sure. About my feelings."

"Okay. Just don't wait too long. You might lose them if you wait to be sure before doing something about your feelings."

I smiled, wrapping him in a tight hug. His hair tickled my cheek and I giggled.

"Thank you. For making me feel better."

"No problem. Get some sleep, please? I think you need it."

I smiled again, climbing in underneath the blankets. Jeongin stood at my door frame, smiling at me, dimples seeming extra deep because of the dark shadows of the night.

"Good night, Ava."

"Good night, Jeongin."

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A/N

hey guys :) i seriously feel like i'm in a fantasy rn. we just hit 1K today! when i started this journey, i honestly never thought i would get this far. so thank you to everyone for your support. it has really helped my confidence in writing grow.

anyway, i hope you guys liked this chapter and i'll see you guys in the next one :P