72

irl

at the beginning of the breakup, matt felt nothing but sadness and desperation. and as with any breakup, his emotions were all over the place.

he started sad and in a state of shock and denial, refusing to accept that this was now his reality, his everyday life.

he didn't sleep for the first two days partially because he cried too much he physically couldn't, and partially because if he fell asleep, it would be the first full "day" without her.

by staying awake, he could still say that he'd seen and been with her so recently that he hadn't even slept yet. obviously, he couldn't keep that up forever, but he tried.

after the state of shock and denial and him feeling like the whole thing was a practical joke and a fever dream and he'd surely wake up soon, it transitioned to just sadness.

he accepted that there was likely nothing he could do to get her back, he tried everything and just could not make himself understand why she felt so guilty about hurting him months and months before then that she felt the need to break up with him.

once he had accepted the breakup and gave up trying, there was a period that lasted about a day where he tried to convince himself that he should be mad at her, that he should be angry and blaming her for breaking his heart.

but he knew the truth was that she was doing what she genuinely and truly believed was the right thing to do. she wouldn't leave him for no reason, he did know that. he just didn't understand why.

he very quickly moved on from trying to be mad at her, now he's just trying his absolute best to live a normal life. at very least cherishing that he once had the most beautiful and true love with the most beautiful girl ever, not many people could say that.

kaia was in a similar boat, but from the opposite perspective. she felt so guilty that she would cry so hard to the point she'd have to sit in the bathroom knowing that she would accidentally make herself throw up from the crying.

she was still so madly in love with him but she just could not bring herself to reach out to him because of how long it's been and how awkward it would be.

she didn't fall out of love or change her feelings about him for one second, her emotions towards matt still felt like they were dating.

everytime that she would've normally texted him about something, she just looked at the picture in her locket and told it the story.

she spent every second of every day in some piece of clothing that was his, her laundry loads were very small. she had always done her own laundry, though now with how little time she spent outside of her room, her mom began offering to do it just to make her life one crumb easier.

her days felt like an endless time loop. she wakes up (if she even slept at all), she scrolls through her phone, she cries before she messages anyone, and she now is going to the bathroom every morning because her doctor told her she had to or she'd have organ failure.

the guilt at times did make her want to die, but being dead means she no longer breathes the same air as matt. plus the fact that she knew they were both very much still in love, and she thought about how shattered and devastated he would be if she died.

she would not be able to live in a world without him, even if they didn't speak. given the fact that he liked her long before she realized they could ever be anything more than bestfriends where they started, she knew how bad he would miss her.

after she got home from hanging out with chloe that day, kaia sat around her living room since her mom was at work and she had to watch willow.

she stared at matt's contact, wanting to text him and ask him to come watch willow with her, but knowing she can't just do that.

neither of them ever changed their contact names from "my love ❤" and "kai 💋", the situation from the first time they stopped talking being totally different than now.

the first time, she was really mad at him but also confused about her feelings for james vs matt. she was so hurt that he just yelled at her in the car then tried to kiss her, now she would do anything for him to kiss her again.

she feels like she neglected him and didn't appreciate their time together enough, she only now understood how lucky she was now that he's gone.

the first time they stopped talking, matt was crushed and upset, but he hadn't fully accepted that he was in love with her yet, so it did hurt, but not nearly as bad.

this time around with how in love they were and how intimate they got, neither of them could ever let go of the memories or ever be mad at the other.

matt looks back on the fact that he dated her and fell in love with her, in shock, because merely a year ago, they were just bestfriends the same as nick and chris, and she was out dating other people.

kaia would never be able to even look at another man ever again, if she wasn't able to get back together with him, she would choose the single life until her very last breath.

she currently had ratatouille on the tv while willow ate cut up apple slices and sat on her little chair watching the movie.

kaia couldn't help but think about how cute matt would find this, he loved how willow would kick her little legs and watch tv with such innocent bliss behind her little four year old eyes.

about half way through the movie, anne got home from work and saw her girls in the living room.

"how was work, mom?" kaia asks from the couch as anne sets her things down in the kitchen.

"not awful, just boring and my feet hurt. how was willow?" she asks.

"she's been good, i just cut her some apple slices for the movie." kaia answers.

"that's good, sweetie." anne smiled, entering the living room.

kaia thinks about how matt always used to offer to make willow snacks, she especially loved when he would make her apple slices, that's why kaia offered today.

"i have a bit of a headache, i think i'm gonna go upstairs for a little bit." kaia said, standing up from her seat on matt's corner of the couch.

"okay sweetie, did you eat dinner?" anne asks.

"i didn't, i made willow pasta, though." kaia answers, standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"want me to make you something? i can throw some garlic bread or something in the oven. it's a little past 8pm, you should really eat something." anne offers.

"sure, i'll have some garlic bread. i'll be downstairs in like half an hour." kaia nodded politely.

"okay, baby." anne smiled, walking back into the kitchen.

she had managed to keep a straight face through the whole conversation, not breaking and crying mid sentence like usual when she would think about matt around other people.

she made her way upstairs and into her bedroom, closing the door and flopping down on her mattress.

she didn't fully sob, she just let the tears flow while she curled up into a ball ontop of her blankets.

several minutes after she stopped crying, she was still laying in the same position when she hears a tiny little knock on her door.

"come in, willy." kaia sits up, drying her eyes.

willow happily prances into the room carrying her ipad.

"what's up, munchkin?" kaia forces a smile.

"mommy said you were sad and this would make you happier." willow exclaimed after climbing onto kaia's bed and pressing play on a video on her ipad.

the full long version of adore you by harry styles began playing on youtube, and willow looked confused.

"i don't know why a girl is talking, mommy saw this on my screen and said you like this song. this is not even a song." willow rolled her eyes.

"it is a song, there's just a long introduction on this version. it's still harry." kaia assured willow.

"this is harry? i want to see harry." willow frowned.

"me too, baby. don't you still have my old harry magazines? i gave you them to look at the pictures." kaia asks.

"no, mommy took them away because i got a papercut." willow pouts.

"oh, i'm sorry willy." kaia pats her back.

"will you drive me to the grocery store so i can get a new one? pleaseeee, you can sit with me and i promise i won't cut my finger." willow begs her sister.

kaia thinks about it, and if she agrees, this will be her first time driving her new car since her and matt broke up. the only times she left the house, either her mom or chloe was driving.

"sure, but i have to switch your carseat into my new car." kaia agrees, swooping up willow in her arms and carrying her downstairs.

she enters the kitchen with willow to see her mom making her own dinner.

"hey, mom. i'm gonna take willow to the store to get a new harry styles magazine. i promise i'll watch her, she won't cut her finger." kaia starts.

"it's raining, so just be careful on the roads. wait, you don't want food first?" anne asks.

"no, i'm okay." kaia answers.

anne gets willow in her little rain jacket and boots while kaia was outside taking willow's carseat out of her mom's car and putting it into her own.

she came back inside to grab willow, saying goodbye to her mom and packing willow into her seat.

she forgot how nice the new car is, she's excited to finally get out of the house and drive it.

she backs out of the driveway and begins driving to the grocery store while willow sat in the backseat counting how many cars she saw drive past them.

1731 words