21) Patching Things Up

After all my health work had been done, I was finally able to take a well needed nap. It felt good but now that I've woken up, I'm starving. I never knew just how much giving birth would work up an appetite.

I told the nurse about my grumbling stomach so she headed out to get me some food. In the meantime Marshall came walking in with our new baby in his arms.

I smiled gently as he pulled a seat up to my bed, taking a seat. As he held Gia in his arms, she became relaxed. It was a beautiful site to see.

"Hi." I finally greeted in a soft tone.

"Hey." He responded back, a little awkwardly. He cleared his throat. "Look uh, can we talk?"

"Sure," I shrugged. "It's not like I'm going anywhere anytime soon." I joked while motioning my hand at the hospital room. He chuckled.

"Look, I-" he cut his sentence short while looking up at the ceiling. He silently thought to himself for a moment. "God, how do I even start this?... I guess I-, I just wanna talk about us. You know, about earlier today.."

"Marshall, please. Now's not the time." I strained while leaning back into the pillow.

"Tori, you can't say that." He whined.

I rubbed my left eye and moaned.

"And why not?"

"Because. You tore off your engagement ring right in front of me and then gave birth to our love child soon after. You can't expect me to just be ok with that--"

"I don't but--" he didn't let me finish.

"I wanna know where the fuck we stand right now 'cause it's killin' me." He paused. "Do you even love me anymore?"

"Marshall." I rubbed the side of my forehead with my fingertips then released a heavy breath. "I- I don't know--"

"Whaddya mean you don't know?? It ain't a trick question. You either love me or you don't, that shouldn't have been hard to answer--"

"Keep it down you'll scare the baby!" I hissed in a whisper. "Anyways, of course I still love you."

"Oh sure, that's why you couldn't even give a fuckin' straight answer. The fuck shit is that?"

"Please stop yelling. And I only said that because I do love you, but I feel like I shouldn't. It's complicated." I sighed.

"Why the hell--" He noticed my scowl after raising his voice, then attempted to lower it back. "Why would you feel like you shouldn't?"

I turned my full head towards him. "Look, it may not seem like a big deal to you, but those lyrics you write about me when you're mad really hurt. Especially if you were planning on using them for your album...I don't like the way you portray me. If people only hear your side to problems, they'll all hate me. I mean half the time we fight I'm always right--"

"I don't even care about who's right anymore. Fuck that. I just wanna know that you're still my girl. Look, I promise never to write about you again. How's that?"

I reached my arm out for Marshall's hand. He extended his arm out, interlocking our fingers. I then caressed the the back of his hand with my thumb.

"It's sweet that you'd do that for me. But it's not that easy." I pushed his hand back away. "I'm still upset you even wrote them. And besides, I don't want to hold you back. If that's the kind of person you already are, I can't help that. You write those things to vent out, and if it was fine for you to say those things about me before I said anything, then what does that show? I mean you clearly didn't feel bad writing it."

"That was before I realized exactly what I was doin'. I mean to me there's no limit to what I can and can't say when rapping. I'm just exaggerating shit to express what I feel. I say what I feel at the time, and half the time, it's me blowin' off steam. Man, if only you knew just how much you really mean to me."

I didn't know what to say. I looked at him. His eyes were all glossy, but not in a way like he was about to cry. He just looked emotionally distressed. I looked down at Gia, who was silently sleeping in his arms. Did I really wanna complicate her life? Even though she was a few hours old, I could tell she was going to love her father more than anything once she gets older.

"Well, I guess it's just something I gotta get use to....It's just...hard." I paused and thought for a minute. "I mean, anytime we fight, I know, you'll just throw shit on my name for anyone to hear... What kind of person would I be if I just accepted that? Do you get what I'm saying? It just won't work out between us if that's the kind of person you'll become for fame."

"Tori, I feel you, 100%. And that's why I'm cool with not mentioning you in lyrics...Ones that I put out at least. If I'm real pissed I might record somethin' but keep it to myself, you know? But that's it. I mean to vent out is one thing but to expose our personal relationship to a bunch of strangers is another. Plus, my anger towards you isn't pertinent. Aight? If I'm angry wit you for some dumb fight we had, I'm most likely gonna be all right in few hours. I love you baby, no fight can ruin that."

"I love you too Marshall." I reached out for his hand again. "Look I really do wanna live a life together. I'm just scared of what's gonna happen to us when the fame kicks into our lives."

"Baby I promise, if I do mention you in a song, I'll ask for your approval first and if anything, it'll only be good shit. That's my word is bond." I bit down on my lip then raised my eyebrow.

"And what about the girls? Depending on how popular you'll get, you might have a whole sworn of girls following you at all times. Can I trust you when I'm not around?"

Before Marshall could answer, the nurse came walking back in with my food. I could see the tray she was carrying from here. As she got closer, I could depict that my meal consisted of a wheat bread roll, a salad, and some apple slices. Not the most appetizing thing but I figured my bowels would thank me later.

"Now after you eat, it's important you breastfeed your baby." She ordered politely before heading back out.

"Alright, I'll make sure to do that." I nodded my head. "And thank you for the food."

She smiled and waved to both Marshall and I before stepping back out.

"Breastfeeding? I can't wait to see that." Marshall joked while wiggling his eyebrows pervertedly.

"Very funny." I scoffed while taking a bite of my salad. "Now anyways, back to what I was saying."

"Oh right. Them groupies." He laughed. "Baby you know I won't pay no mind to them hoes. In fact, I won't even look at 'em, I'll be thinkin' of you whenever I'm away. I promise."

I rolled my eyes and waved my fork at him.

"Ok that's just ridiculous. You're a guy. It's like guy instinct to check out girls."

Marshall laughed.

"But seriously," I continued. "You can look .5 seconds max. But that's it."

"Damn baby girl you're so generous." He joked sarcastically while I laughed.

The room grew silent as I finished up my food.

"Aight but forreal," Marshall said, breaking the silence. "We good now? Like, no more fighting?"

"Yes." I confirmed. "And I promise you honey, the minute we get home, I'm putting that engagement ring back on."

Marshall leaned over to me and gave me a kiss.

"Thank you baby."

I smiled and finished up my last bite of my apple slices.

"Alright, hand her over to me. I gotta breastfeed her."

"Say no more." Marshall laughed in excitement while handing her over. I rolled my eyes.

"Hi precious!" I squeaked in baby talk. I could feel Marshall still staring at me. "Uh-uh" I shook my head. "You are making this way too awkward. Turn around."

"The fuck? Why??"

I blushed intensely.

"You're making me feel uncomfortable, now turn away!" I directed once more. Marshall rolled his eyes and did what I said.

"I do not get women, man. I've must've seen you naked over a gazillion times already but as soon as you flash one tit, it's considered a problem?"

I couldn't help but laugh.

"I'll repay you in no time don't worry." I giggled to myself as I watched the back of Marshall's head. Even though I couldn't see, I knew he was smirking big time.

"Fuck baby.. You talkin' tonight?"

"Hell no. I've been in labor all day, I'm way too exhausted for sex."

"Oh c'mon." He begged. "Look I'll do all the work. You won't even have to move a muscle. Jus' leave it all to me."

"I said no. And I think you're forgetting we got a baby to take care of." As Gia finished up, I released her from my breast and wrapped her back up in the blanket. "You can turn around now."

"Damn, you know just for that. You owe me super big time." Marshall scolded jokingly.

"Yeah yeah, we'll see." I giggled.