15

billie "yeah sorry" i said sarcastically. "i've been having a lot of sex"

"with your friend" drew shoved me playfully. "raelynnn"

"bro i'm just being sarcastic" i scoffed. "we don't even do that, the fuck?"

"billie" she sent me a look. "we all know you guys fuck on the low"

"but we don't?" i made a face at her.

"why can't you just admit you like her?" drew rolled her eyes at me.

"i don't" i huffed.

"on halloween you two literally snuck off to who knows where and came back with swollen lips and messy hair" she leaned back and crossed her arms. "and how last week on thanksgiving, you invited her family to come eat with yours"

"that's what friends do right?" i shrugged.

"and the last time we all hung out together, which was two days ago" drew sent me a look. "i literally caught you two making out and cuddling each other, but your dumbass pushed her off"

"we weren't doing shit" i mumbled while i wrote on my paper. "shut up and let me finish this assignment"

"admit it billie" drew groaned. "you like raelyn!"

"i don't!" i let out a huff and held my hands up. "i don't like her"

maybe i do...

"so you're just using her then" drew raised a brow up at me.

"i- no!" i made a face. "i'm not using her, we're just friends drew!"

"i've seen her get mad at you when you look at other girls" she shrugged. "are y'all really 'just friends'?"

"yes!" i groaned. "now leave me alone before i kick you out of my house!"

"just admit you like her and i'll leave you alone" drew told me. "i don't know why you're so scared to admit that you're basically in love with her"

"you're interrogating me" i sent her a look while throwing down my pencil. "shut up"

"so you are" drew smirked.

"i'm not!" i shouted at her. "i don't fucking like her nor am i in love with her! gosh!"

"mhm" she had a smug look on her face while she gathered her things. "well, i'm gonna leave. bye bil, tell your girlfriend i say hi"

"shut upp" i groaned. "she's not my girlfriend!"

drew left my house laughing at me. 

i finished up my work and put it all away in my bag. i sat in my living room while on my phone. i'm kinda annoyed right now because of drew.

i mean, she's right though.

i think i do like raelyn but i just don't wanna admit it. like i even tell her not to do certain things because 'i'll fall in love' with her.

at first it was a joke, but bro i don't think it's a joke anymore.

i don't wanna admit that i like her.

she probably doesn't even feel the same way. she gives me kisses though... and she cuddles me... and she holds me... and she makes me feel happy...

we basically do couple things without the label.

plus everything she does is probably in a friendly way and i completely took it the wrong way and fell for her.

fuck

raelyn is just so... she's so good to me.

we're just friends though.

i decided to text her because she makes me feel better whenever i'm in a pissy mood... thanks to drew.

i asked if she could come over.

mckay: idk

me: why?come pls :(

mckay: actually i may not be able to come for a bit. my mom said ihave to let this candle burn evenly since it's the first time burning it

me: what the fucj

mckay: yeah just give me like thirty minutes and i'll be over there

me: u have to burn a candle ?

mckay: billie u should know thisaren't you like obsessed with candles

me: yeah but that is the weirdest excuse

mckay: girl just let me burn this candle!i'll be there don't worry

me: fine hurry 🙄i miss you

mckay: just admit ur in love with me already omg 🙄

me: yeah i'm so in love with you 😫😫💔💗😩🙏

mckay: mhm 🫂

me: u wish lol hurry up

mckay: be patient eilish

i left her on read and went to go bother finneas. he was in his room doing his nerd stuff. "raelyns coming over" i told him while laying down on his bed.

"oh your girlfriend" finneas spun around in his chair and looked at me.

"she's not my girlfriend" i sent him a look. "why does everybody fucking say that?"

"you guys are basically dating" he made a face. "admit you like her already"

"i don't" i huffed.

"the way you look at her says otherwise" finneas smirked. "you guys are in love with each other"

"no we're not" i mumbled. "we are friends. how many times do i have to tell you this? friends is all that we are"

"friends don't make each other moan so fucking loud at two in the morning" finneas sent me a look.

"oh what-" i felt my cheeks heat up and redden.

"yeah" he shook his head. "you're not fooling anybody"

"blah fuck you" i scoffed and left his room.

i jumped on my bed and waited for raelyn to arrive. i don't know how fucking long it takes to burn a candle, but she's taking too long.

after an hour, raelyn finally arrived.

"you took so long mckay!" i made a fake angry face at her when we walked into my room.

"sorry" raelyn giggled. "i had to burn the candle"

"fuck the candle" i mumbled while pulling her down onto my bed.

we were laying down next to each other while on our phones. "oh my god what is that?" i turned to rae and looked at her.

"chapstick?" she made a face. "for my lips..?"

"it smells good" i told her. "what is it?"

"burts bees" rae smiled at me. "the vanilla one"

"kiss me" i pursed my lips out. "i wanna taste it"

"you can just put it o-"

i cut her off by grabbing her face and pressed my lips against hers. i pecked them a few more times and pulled away.

"mmm" i said while licking my lips and frowned. "it doesn't taste like anything. it just smells good"

"well what did you expect?" raelyn giggled.

"for it to taste like vanilla" i mumbled while nuzzling my face in her neck.

"you're an idiot sometimes" rae told me while i laid on her and slipped my hand under her hoodie.

it's actually mine but she doesn't ever give them back to me. i do the same thing though, i have like seven of her hoodies.

she doesn't know i have her travis scott hoodie though.

i heard her blaming it on maeve cause she couldn't find it, so she thinks her friend has it when it's secretly hiding in my closet.

i rested my head on her boobs and felt like falling asleep right then and there when she started playing with my hair.

"can i sleep for a bit" i mumbled while squeezing her waist.

"yeah of course" raelyn chuckled. "i don't know why you have to ask me though"

"just so you don't get upset if i fall asleep on you" i yawned.

"i wouldn't get mad" she made a face. "i-"

"nah" i cut her off. "last time i fell asleep you smacked my head because you were talking about something"

"well yeah" raelyn said while tugging at my hair a bit. "i was telling you about how i-"

"and it was boring" i cut her off again. "and then you smacked my head because i fell asleep"

"because i was literally talking and i look down and see you sleeping!" rae furrowed her brows together while she made a face. "that's rude"

"you were talking too much" i yawned and closed my eyes. "take a nap with me"

"i'm mad now" raelyn told me.

"why?" i looked up at her.

"cause you called me boring" she smacked my back.

"you're not boring mckay" i mumbled against her chest. "let's just take a nap together, please"

"whatever" she said while wrapping her arms around me.

the both of us fell asleep for an hour or two. it was already dark outside, so raelyn is contemplating if she should leave or not.

"how about you just stay" i sighed while walking up to her and titled her chin up. "it's dark and cold"

"like i've never drove outside in the dark" she let out a snort.

"i'm just saying" i held my hands up. "stay and we can cuddle all night"

"i do like the sound of that" she looked up at me and sighed. "okay fine"

"alright" i smiled while getting back in bed. "wait- where are you going?"

"to steal another hoodie" raelyn said while walking over to my closet.

"oh my god" i groaned. "you're always stealing my hoodies"

"and you aren't?" she turned around and sent me a look. "yeah be quiet"

raelyn was looking through my clothes and turned around with a familiar tan hoodie in her hands. "what's this?" she asked me while walking up to my bed.

"what's what?" i looked at her and hid my head under the covers.

uh oh

"you have my hoodie?" rae raised her eyebrows up at me. "you've had my hoodie this whole time?"

"no..." i said while i took a peek at her.

"i've been cussing out and going through maeves clothes for no reason!" she threw her hoodie down onto my bed. "you had it this whole time?!"

"nah" i said while taking my blanket off of me. "not at all, i've never had it"

raelyn got her hoodie and hit me with it.

"ow!" i fixed my hair after she hit me again in the face. "what the hell?"

"that's what you get for stealing my hoodie!" she hit me again. "all this time i thought maeve had it!"

raelyn kept on hitting me as we both laughed. i wrapped my arms around her waist and leaned back so she fell on the bed with me.

"why are you looking at me like that" i poked raelyns cheek when she turned to me.

"like what?" she made a face and smiled at me.

"like you're in love with me" i smirked.

"you wish" rae brought her hand up to my face and pushed my head. "you wish eilish!"

"and if i said i do wish you were" i raised a brow up. "what would happen then mckay?"

"thennn" raelyn looked away from. "i- i guess i'm so in love with you"

i let out a laugh while i wrapped my arms around her body as i rolled over. i heard her let out a sigh when i nuzzled my face into her chest.

"can i ask you a question?" she pulled away and looked at me.

"sure go ahead" i smiled.

"do you uh- do you like..."

"do i like what?" i giggled as i stared at her face.

she always looks nervous when she says 'can i ask you a question', i don't know why.

"do you like- uh fuck i forgot what i was gonna ask you" she sighed. "...sorry"

"it's cool" i chuckled. "do-"

i was cut off by my door opening. i pushed raelyn away from me so it doesn't look like we were just cuddling and holding each other.

"mom said to put pepper inside" finneas told me. "also hey raelyn"

"hi" she smiled at him.

"pepper can't come inside by herself?" i groaned while crawling over rae to get out of bed.

"it's cold outside" finneas just said. "mom told you to put her inside"

i mumbled somethings under my breath as i walked through my kitchen to open the door for pepper. she ran inside and went straight to my room.

when i entered i saw finneas and raelyn laughing and talking to each other.

they both turned around when they heard me walk in. raelyns smile slowly disappeared when i got back in bed next to her.

"alright" fin patted my leg and got up. "i'll leave you two love birds alone"

"shut up!" i shouted when he closed the door on his way out.

i turned to raelyn and she was looking at her phone, not giving me any attention.

"mckay" i poked her cheek.

she didn't answer me.

"rae" i poked her again. "raelyn"

"what?" she sighed while turning her phone off to look at me.

"what's wrong?" i made a face at her and pulled her into my embrace. "did i do something?"

she let out a sigh as she shook her head no and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"tell me what's wrong mckay" i told her. "please, there's something bothering you"

"i just find it funny how you treat me like a friend whenever people are around or whenever we're out in public, and once they leave or when we're alone you treat me like a lover" raelyn let out a chuckle. "it's fine- well it's confusing, but it's fine, no big deal"

friends out in public, lovers in peace

"sorry" i said quietly while holding her tight.

"no it's fine" she shrugged. "no big deal, right?"