2 | feel like shit

TW SELF HARM

A/N: Please vote! It really does help, and it lets me know that you like my story, giving me more motivation to write. I appreciate comments as well. Thanks for reading!

The next morning, I awoke to a world that felt heavier than usual. The events of the previous night weighed on me like a suffocating blanket, and as I dragged myself out of bed, every movement felt like a monumental effort.

I stumbled into the bathroom, the harsh light of morning searing into my weary eyes. The sound of water hitting the shower floor filled the small space, a comforting rhythm that did little to ease the turmoil raging inside me.

As I stepped into the shower, the hot water cascading over my body, I felt a wave of nausea wash over me. The memories of the previous night flooded my mind, threatening to drown me in their relentless assault.

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the pain, but it was no use. The images were etched into my mind, haunting me with their vivid clarity. I could feel his hands on me, his words echoing in my ears like a cruel refrain.

And then, without warning, the pain became too much to bear. I sank to the floor of the shower, the water beating down on me like a torrential rain. The world around me blurred, distorted by the tears that streamed down my face.

In a moment of desperation, I reached for the razor blade hidden beneath the sink. With trembling hands, I pressed it against my thigh, the sharp sting of metal against flesh a sickening comfort in the midst of my turmoil.

I watched in detached horror as the blood welled up from the wound, a crimson reminder of the pain that consumed me. Each cut was a silent scream, a desperate plea for release from the darkness that threatened to consume me whole.

And yet, even as I inflicted this pain upon myself, I knew deep down that it would never be enough. The wounds on my body were nothing compared to the scars that marred my soul - a constant reminder of the violence that had been inflicted upon me.

As I lay there, the water washing away the evidence of my self-harm, I felt a sense of numbness wash over me. The pain was still there, simmering beneath the surface like a dormant volcano, but for now, it was dulled by the haze of exhaustion and despair.

I tried to pretend nothing happened in the shower or in the bedroom. I put on my best smile and got ready for work.

As I arrived at work, I put on a fake smile, hoping to hide my true feelings. Tim, greeted me with a concerned look in his eyes during roll call.

"What's wrong, Lucy?" he inquired softly, his voice filled with genuine concern. I forced a small laugh, shaking my head.

"Oh, just didn't sleep well and i drank too much ," I replied, the lie tasting bitter on my tongue. Tim's expression remained troubled, but he didn't press further, sensing that something was wrong.

As roll call ended, I saw Chris waiting for me at the station. His arrival sent a shiver down my spine, and I braced myself for whatever torment he had in store for me today.

With a sneer, Chris approached me, giving a bottle of weight loss pills into my hand. "Here, take these. You're getting too fat," he spat, his words like daggers piercing my already fragile self-esteem.

"Ex -excuse me?" i said taking the pills. "You heard me the first time." he said.

I felt Tim was nearby, his concerned gaze fixed on me, but I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes. The shame and humiliation burned like a fire within me, threatening to consume me whole.

After Chris finally left, I almost ran to the safety of the bathroom, tears streamed down my face as I struggled to make sense of the chaos that surrounded me.

Alone in the bathroom stall, I allowed myself to finally break down, the weight of my pain too heavy to bear any longer. With trembling hands, I reached for the pills Chris had given me, deciding what to do with it.

I realized i still hade my blade in my pocket from this morning. But as i tried not to i couldn't stop my self. And once again i felt both relief and guilt for the blood dripping down my thighs.

I heard a sudden knock. "Lucy open the door. I know you are in here." he said concerned.

"Just a moment Tim!" i hurried back. "Lucy if you don't open the door right now i will take them down." he urged. I was left with no choice but to do as he said. I hid the blade and pulled my pant up.

He looked at me with his worried ocean eyes. He closed the stall door behind me and looked over me. We stood in a small place with barely any space left. He stopped his eyes on my fingers. I looked down and realized the blood was still there. I tried to hide them behind my back but he was faster and took my hand in his.

His touch was slow and gentle. Like he was scared. He took his look away from my fingers to my eyes. "Lucy what did you do? Did you hurt yourself?" he asked his voice filled with genuine worry. My eyes started watering again and tears began flowing down my face.

"Show me." he pleaded. I whispered a silent no. My eyes burning from the tears.

"Please Lucy i want to help you!" he said voice filled with fear and despair. I tried to look away but he squatted down so that he was looking me straight in my face. He took me by the chin and directed my gaze towards him.

I gave in and pulled down my pants, revealing my thighs. He took a deep breath and brushed his fingers over the cuts. I shivered and he noticed that. He looked me in the eyes with a concerned expression. "Oh Lucy.." he said sad.

I couldn't watch him seeing me like that and i started sobbing. I covered my face with my hands. "Hey hey Luce it's alright i'll help you get cleaned up." he said slowly patting my shoulder. He left the stall.

In the meantime i tried my best to gain back control over my body and stopped sobbing. The tissue i had was now completely wet.

He came back with first aid kit. He closed the door and kneeled down. He opened the kit and cleaned my wound very carefully, almost like he was scared to hurt me. He put on some bandages and looked up to my eyes.

"Thank you Tim" i whispered and smiled weakly.

"Lucy can i ask you something?" Tim stared carefully.

"Yes of course." i said interested in what he has to say.

"Is Chris hurting you?" he said slowly.

"No no!! no he is not Tim i swear." i denied. "It's just i still have this memories from you know- the kidnapping.." i swallowed. ".. and uhm sometimes it gets to overwhelming." i said. He looked like he wanted to say something but i interrupted. "Look I'm really sorry you had to see this and thank you for taking care of me but you know you are my T.O. you don't have to do that.." i said in one breath.

"I know Lucy. But i care for you. You're my friend." he said confessing. I know it was hard for him to admit it.

I smiled. "Thanks Tim." He smiled back. "Do you need anything else?" he asked concerned again. "A hug..?" i asked with low expectations. "Of course." he said. He didn't seem like a hugger so i was scared to ask him.

He wrapped me with his arms and i leaned on his chest. He had such a good smell again. I melted into his embrace. We stayed like that for a quite a while.