the first time i fell

BILLIES POV:( inspired on "skinny" )

i've been pretending i'm fine for so long, i think i forgot what fine actually feels like. the stage lights make me sweat. the cameras make me smile. and you... you're the only thing lately that feels real.

i've been quiet about it. of course i have. because what the fuck do you even say when you start falling in love with your best friend?

the first time it hit me, we were in london. hotel room. 2am. i'd just come back from press, mascara smudged, feet killing me, skin pulled tight by makeup and fake smiles.

you were in my bed already. sleeping in one of my hoodies. the one that says fuck you in tiny red cursive on the sleeve.

you always steal my hoodies. you don't ask anymore. you don't have to.

i stood in the doorway for a second. just... staring. watching your chest rise and fall. your lashes resting against your cheeks. your hand curled near your face, soft and safe and so fucking beautiful. and that was the first time i felt it like a slap to the chest. the love.

real, messy, terrifying love.

not some obsession or quick crush. not lust, either. just that slow, aching kind of love that curls around your ribs and doesn't let go._______________________________________________"you gonna keep staring at me or come to bed?" you murmured, eyes still closed.

i jumped. "jesus. you weren't even asleep?"

"was waiting for you."

that shut me up real quick. i toed off my skate sneakers and took off my clothes that were practically glued to my skin with sweat and nerves.

you didn't look away. didn't leer either. just... watched.

like you'd done it a hundred times. and maybe you had.we've shared hotel rooms before. beds. clothes. secrets. but this time? something buzzed under my skin. like your gaze was different. gentler. heavier.

i slipped into the bed beside you, my skin still warm from being under lights all night. your arm immediately curled around me like it belonged there. and maybe it did.

you whispered, "long night?"

i nodded against your shoulder. "press is a bitch."

"they ask about your body again?"

i laughed, dry and tired. "when do they not?"

you were quiet for a second. then you said:

"you looked tired in the photos."

i tensed. "thanks."

"i didn't mean it like that," you said quickly, shifting to face me. "i mean... you looked like you were pretending."

i blinked. heart skipped.

"i was."

"you don't have to do that with me."

and that was the moment i almost said it. the moment i almost confessed. but the words stuck to the roof of my mouth, heavy and choking and terrifying. instead, i just breathed you in.and fell asleep to the sound of your heartbeat under my cheek._______________________________________________the next day, something was different.

we were in the car, windows cracked, music low. i was wearing your hoodie again because it still smelled like you. you had your legs up on the dash, scrolling your phone lazily while humming along to tame impala.

i looked over at you, and my throat went dry. you looked so fucking alive. so untouched by the poison of fame, of expectations, of eyes always watching.

i wanted to kiss you. not because you were hot. not because i was horny. but because you made me feel safe.

"can i ask you something?" i said, my voice barely above the music.

you glanced at me, brow raised. "course."

"do you think i've changed?"

you tilted your head, studying me.

"you mean physically or...?"

i shrugged. "both."

you were quiet for a second. too long.

then you said, "you're... softer. not physically. just... inside."

i turned my face away, blinking fast.

"people think i'm happy just 'cause i got skinny."

you didn't say anything.

"but i'm not," i added, voice cracking. "i'm just... smaller. that's all."

i felt your hand wrap around mine.

and it wasn't some romantic moment with fireworks and music swelling. it was quiet. and raw. and real.

"you don't need to disappear to be loved," you whispered._______________________________________________that night, i cried in the shower. not sobbing. just slow, silent tears.because i realized i didn't want to be seen by the world anymore.

i just wanted to be seen by you. and maybe that's why i ended up knocking on your door at 2am again.

you opened it wearing nothing but a long shirt and sleepy eyes.

"can't sleep?" you asked.

i shook my head.

you pulled me inside.

and then we sat. on your bed. knees touching. the air buzzing between us.

"i think i'm in love with you," i said.

the words didn't even feel like mine. they just slipped out, too heavy to hold in anymore.

you blinked. "billie—"

"with a friend," i added, voice shaking. "for the first time."

you stared at me. like you didn't know if you were dreaming or about to pass out. and i couldn't take it.

so i leaned in. pressed my lips to yours. it was soft. tentative. a question.

and when you kissed me back, slowly, with fingers brushing my cheek—

i knew i wasn't asking anymore.

END OF CHAPTER 1 NEXT CHAPTER: the hoodie still smells like you✌🏽