ch. 64

"turn the page maybe we'll find a brand new ending."

-lost stars

eunbi can't sleep.

she has no idea how long she has been awake, but she does know that a few hours have passed because the sound of everyone adjusting themselves into a comfortable position has stopped for a while now. hugging her body for warmth, her eyes focus on the ceiling of the room as hana's soft snores resonate in the peaceful silence.

why am i still bugged by what happened earlier?

she tightly presses her eyelids together as she embraces the warmth lingering on her skin. all eunbi wants at this moment is to get a good night's rest after all the fun she had with her friends, but her body does the opposite of what she wants.

she's definitely going to be grumpy in the morning.

with a heavy sigh, the brunette quietly slips out of her futon and grabs her blanket and her jacket before leaving the room. opening the screen door, she looks up to the sky and is greeted by the sparkling stars and the moon lighting up the darkness. she tip-toes to an empty spot on the lawn and plops herself onto the grass before wrapping the blanket around her body.

"it's beautiful tonight," she whispers under her breath, her gaze still glued to the sky. her eyes stare in awe at the beauty of the sea of dazzling lights above her as her nose takes in the fresh air of the outdoors. this is a relaxing experience for her, to have a moment just by herself.

being in the mood to sing, she opens her mouth to let her voice ring through the silence.

"looking for star,

looking for love,

you are my star."

a person comes to mind, and a smile pulls on her lips.

"i will always make you shine.

forever you're my heart."

gently, she moves her body side-to-side along with the beat of the song that she is singing.

"looking for star,

looking for love,

so that no sorrow can come here.

i will protect you forever.

forever you are my star."

closing her eyes, she appreciates the moment of silence again. it's lovely to be all alone, to be immersed in her own thoughts without anyone being around her. her voice brings her peace to her troubled mind, a sigh of relief leaving her lips.

"that was beautiful."

startled by the sudden voice, eunbi slightly flinches in her spot and turns around to see a familiar black-haired male standing behind her. with his shiba inu plushie in his arms, an awkward smile decorates his lips as he hesitantly points at an empty space that is a few inches away from her. "is it okay... for me to sit there? i couldn't sleep, so i decided to take some time watching the stars."

the girl looks at the spot before returning her gaze back to the male and nods in confirmation. being granted permission, san takes a seat on the lawn and starts gazing at the sky without saying another word, the uncomfortable quietness seeping in between them like always.

she can feel him shoot glances at her from time to time, but she ignores them as she enjoys the sight above her.

"i'm sorry."

eunbi quickly shifts her head to the side to face san, who absent-mindedly spoke the words that she never thought she would hear from him. "what?"

a heavy breath is exhaled from the lips of the black-haired male as he repeats himself, hands fiddling with the grass underneath him and eyes facing upward. "i'm sorry... for all the things i have done."

at first, he takes a minute to contemplate on his next few words before bringing his gaze to the girl sitting beside him. "i'm sorry for saying those hurtful words to you."

thump-thump

"i'm sorry for not being there for you when you needed it."

thump-thump

"i'm sorry for breaking your trust."

thump-thump

"i'm sorry for being a jerk to you."

thump-thump

"im sorry for ruining the connection we shared."

thump-thump

at this point, the only thing that eunbi is focusing on is her heart pounding against her chest. her eyes don't break eye contact, and neither does his.

this is obscured.

san would never admit his faults, after all he is a person of pride. she remembers vividly how he threw those knife-stabbing phrases at her, how he never left his spot when she gave him the chance to take back what he said, and how he deliberately ignored her whenever she was around.

and at the time at the cafe, what was that all about?

she must be going insane.

"you're lying," eunbi scoffs quietly, looking away from the male. "you don't mean anything you said."

there's a moment of silence between the two of them. the brunette then glances to make eye contact with san again and looks deep into his eyes, searching for any glint of deception lingering in his gaze. despite being a forgiving person, she doesn't want herself to get hurt again by the person who brought her the most pain.

however, all she can find in his gaze is sincerity and guilt.

"i'm not lying," san replies, voice filled with tenderness. "i meant every single word i said."

he scoots closer to her until their shoulders are practically touching, their warmth intermingling with one another. gently, he grabs her hands and caresses her palms with his thumbs as his eyes look down to the ground. "the friendship that we had was something special to me, but i let it slip out of my hand. i let my jealousy and my pride get to me and because of that, i've hurt you so much."

eunbi feels something wet land on her hands and before she can say something, she sees that san has lifted up his head to make eye contact with her once more. tears drip down his cheeks, and he doesn't bother to wipe them away.

regret.

that is what she is witnessing at the moment.

"i-i really wish that i could take back everything i did that hurt you." the black-haired male squeezes her hands and lets out a shaky breath. "i spent countless nights reflecting upon my actions, feeling ashamed of myself for what i have done to you. you were someone who was always there for me, but i was never there for you when you needed it the most. i was someone who you trusted dearly, and i broke that trust because i was selfish."

his hand leaves hers to cup her cheek, holding her as if she is a fragile flower. "i know that i don't deserve this, but will you forgive me?"

for once, it feels like her heart has been healed.

she didn't think he would have the courage at all to admit his faults, but here he is. he has no idea how long she has been waiting to hear those words from him, and a flutter of joy erupts from her stomach.

it pains her to pretend like nothing happened, when they made so many magnificent memories together. but now, everything can come back to normal.

eunbi buries her face into his hand as tears slowly stream down her face. her hand overlaps his and a smile pulls on her lips, causing the male's heart to race at an insane pace.

"i forgive you."

san's eyes widen at the answer, his fingers trembling out of shock. "r-really? you mean it?"

he receives a slow nod from the female, and immediately the black-haired male embraces her. a quiet squeak leaves the girl's lips, but she returns the gesture nonetheless. he nuzzles his head into the crook of her neck, a sob making its way up his throat.

for a few minutes, they stay in this position with no words exchanged between them. they take the time to appreciate the mending of their friendship, the longing for each other's touch finally being satisfied, while the stars above shine brighter than before. the sound of the wind rustling within the trees and bushes reminds them of the happy moments in the school garden, bringing a smile to both of their faces.

this will be an unforgettable moment between the two of them.

pulling away from the hug, san recalls something in his mind and hesitantly looks at the girl before him. he debates whether to say what's on his mind or stay quiet about it, not sure if it is appropriate to speak up about it.

but then, wooyoung's voice rings in his ears.

"if you don't get your feelings sorted out in time, you're gonna regret it!"

a heavy sigh escapes his lips as he begins regretting what is about to slip from his mouth; however, he may never get this moment to tell her about this with yunho always being around her. with that, he reluctantly lets out the words that have been bugging him for a while now.

"the songs you sang at the dance and the public evaluation.. those were for me, right?"

eunbi's body stiffens when she hears that, not expecting him to figure that out so quickly. biting her bottom lip, she tells herself to not say anything in regards to this topic as it may result in embarrassing herself. she doesn't need him to know about the feelings she had for him back then, especially now that they are starting over as friends.

not earning a response from her, san asks her another question.

"did you... like me back then? not as a friend, but as a potential lover?"

once again, the girl does not say a word, which he expected from her.

she must be uncomfortable talking about this since she has probably moved on from him, but he still wants to take the chance to tell her. it's okay if he doesn't get the answer that he wants, as long as she knows about this, he will be at ease.

closing his eyes and inhaling a breath, he musters all the courage from within and leans forward. eunbi, who notices his actions, reclines away from him until her back touches the grass, allowing him to hover over her. placing his two hands beside her head, he looks at her in the eye and says the words that he can never take back.

"what if i told you that... i can return those feelings?"

at the very moment, snow begins falling for the first time this winter.