ch. 53

"i hate that i love you."

-i hate you, i love you

"san, we need to talk."

the black-haired male turns around to see his best friend standing behind him, a stern expression plastered on his face as his grip on his shoulder tightens. he can tell that he has something urgent to say with that eyebrow raise and that eye glance, and so he excuses himself from the lunch table.

drifting away from the crowded cafeteria, the two boys travel the stairs and enter the rooftop, where no one can overhear their conversation. crossing his arms against his chest, san impatiently taps his foot as he waits for the other male to speak up.

"so? what did you want to talk about?"

wooyoung simply sighs while shaking his head. "you're such a dick."

"excuse me?" his eyes widen at the sound of that insult. "i'm a dick? why would you say that to me?"

"because of what you did this morning."

the boy with the cat-like eyes raises his chin a little, his gaze no longer soft as before. a hard glare is bestowed upon his friend and a scoff leaves his lips.

"i was simply stating what i saw that night and nothing more."

"no you weren't," he firmly states. "i don't remember seeing siyeon crying that night. she was literally having the night of her life at the dance."

a few seconds of silence overcomes the conversation since san has nothing to say against that- it was true after all. he lied about finding the slightly blond girl weeping with sorrow; in fact, he never witnessed anything that night. siyeon asked him for his help and he found himself lending a hand.

his ears twitch when he hears wooyoung's voice speaking up once more.

"do you know how hurt eunbi was when she saw you on the other side, siding with someone you once hated so much for all the pain they inflicted on her? to think that one of her closest friends would betray her right in front of her."

"well you're no different," san argues. "don't pretend that you didn't partner up with siyeon so you could-"

"yes, i know."

wooyoung raises his hands up in surrender, although his serious gaze never leaves the boy in front of him.

"you don't have to remind me about that," the black-haired boy sighs regretfully. "but i learned my lesson; she literally lectured me until i started crying."

a painful sensation blooms in san's heart when he recalls the memories similar to his friend's description, always being scolded for not thinking he was good enough.  all those nights hearing her soothing voice compliment him was something he will never forget.

she may not know it, but she has always had a way with words.

"sounds just like her," he subconsciously whispers, a soft smile pulling on his lips. realizing what he has done, he immediately covers his mouth to prevent any more words from leaking out or any facial gestures from betraying him.

but that phrase and that smile are the only things wooyoung needed to confirm his suspicions.

"you're in love with her, aren't you?"

there is a pause in san's reply.

"absolutely not," the boy in denial answers. "if you haven't noticed, i'm making a move on soojin."

"yeah sure." wooyoung runs his hand through his hair. "don't lie to me- i know you haven't moved on. you're just trying to distract yourself."

san raises an eyebrow at his friend's peculiar response, confused by his sudden change of character. he used to tell san to get himself a girl no matter who it was, but now he's convincing him to stay loyal to one girl.

that one girl who broke his heart so many times.

he tilts his head to the side. "what is wrong with you? you seem... different."

the slightly long-haired boy shrugs. "eunbi has a changing effect on people, and i happened to be one of them."

with a finger, he lifts up his hand to point at the male in front of him. "you too, san. she changed you- for the better or the worst."

he's right.

throughout the time of his friendship with her, san was slowly drifting away from his past self.

confidence.

motivation.

positivity.

those were some things he never had before he met eunbi, and to only know her for a few months has opened his eyes to new things in life. he has become happier around everyone, always looking forward to the time he will spend with the girl.

but look at them now, shattered like a broken mirror.

"i can't believe you gave up on her after i asked her to be my date to the dance," he hears wooyoung sigh. "everything i did was practically worth nothing."

scrunching his eyebrows together, san flashes him a confused look. "what are you even talking about?"

wooyoung puts a shoulder on his best friend's shoulder and locks eye contact with him. "the dance proposal, the kitchen and school interactions, all those nights of talking about her... majority of that was an act."

san's eyes widen when he takes in all that information.

"excuse me?!?" he shouts unintentionally. "all of that was fake?!?"

"i wanted you to be selfish for once!" the slightly long-haired male explains. "it's great to be selfless for your friends, but you need to think for yourself sometimes!"

san pushes the boy away from him, anger written on his face. "i do think for myself! i decided that i should move on because she deserved better!"

"see?!?" wooyoung pinches the bridge of his nose out of frustration. "did you not hear yourself?!?"

"you're giving her up because you think it's for the best for her, not because you want to!"

once again, silence overcomes the tense situation as the two males stare at each other, their chests quickly rising up and down. their eyes never leave their gaze and their hands are clench into fists while they grit their teeth.

"i give up!" wooyoung snaps. "if you don't get your feelings sorted out in time, you're gonna regret it!"

and with that, he leaves the rooftop for san to stand alone with his conflicted thoughts. a loud exhale rings through his ears and he shuts his eyes to immerse himself into darkness, the gentle breeze kissing his skin.

this feeling reminds him of the times where he sat with eunbi in the courtyard as they ate lunch together. they would joke around and point out the beauty in the scenery before them. the wind played around with their hair as they enjoyed each other's company.

her gentle touch, her ethereal smile, her contagious laughter...

to be in her presence was the most beautiful moment of his life.

yet he was the reason behind their downfall.

and now, the craving for her is growing out of control.

opening his eyes to the cloudy sky, a tear streams down his face as his hand reaches for the unattainable.

i hate that i love you.