ch. 37

"just wanna go home."

-i'm so tired

"hey eunbi, are you okay?"

the girl lifts up her head from the table to meet her friends' worried gaze, small frowns on their faces.

"i'm fine," she reassures them with a forced smile. "i'm just tired, that's all."

"but you haven't touched your lunch," mingi points out, concern laced in his tone. "everyone has finished theirs except you."

her eyes divert their attention to the pink lunch box before her, the food still perfectly intact in the container. her chopsticks are still in their little capsule with no specks of food on them. she looks around the table to see that her lunch is the only one out on the table.

"i guess i'm not hungry," she reasons.

her words say one thing, but her appearance says another thing.

dark eye bags hover underneath her eyes as her skin becomes paler every minute. she has been smiling less often and she appears skinnier than before. whenever the boys tease her, she does not rebuke back with the sassiness in her voice.

she hasn't been herself lately, and that is making them concerned.

wooyoung, who is sitting next to her, reaches over to her lunch and pulls out the chopsticks from their container. taking a piece of the fried shrimp, he brings it over to her mouth while holding the lunchbox underneath it so he does not spill.

"you should eat," he says, trying to convince her. "it's not good to skip meals."

she shakes her head and turns her face away from the food. "i told you, i'm not hungry."

he ushers her once more by bringing it closer to her. "come on, just one bite."

she can feel everyone's eyes on her at this point, making her tremble with anxiety.

for some reason, the black-haired male has been by her side ever since the night of the showcase. he walks her to class, escorts her to lunch, helps her carry her belongings, and tries to feed her numerous times during lunch. he continuously asks her if they want to hang out after school, just the two of them, and she always declines the offer.

she has been giving him signs constantly, but as the dense person he is, he never acknowledges them and continues to persist.

and she's finally had enough of this.

suddenly, a slamming sound echoes throughout the cafeteria, which attracts all the attention to their table. eunbi stands up from her seat with a fury written all over her, her hand still lingering on the table she has just hit. her breathing quickens its pace while her eyes blink with frustration.

realizing her doing, she softens her expression a little and collects all her belongings, including her lunchbox, and rushes out of the cafeteria.

whispers are now being thrown around as she passes by them, her ears picking up every comment.

"did she and wooyoung just have their first couple fight?"

"she's such a bitch for lashing out on him like that; he was just trying to feed her."

"first, yunho. now, wooyoung. who's next? yeosang?"

"i don't understand what he sees in her; she's nothing but a slut."

she can feel the tears slipping from her eyes with every step she takes away from all those people. her hands make their way to her face so they can wipe the sadness, but more keep escaping into the surface.

she's stressed out.

she's stressed out because everyone keeps placing expectations on her.

she never asked wooyoung to like her.

she never asked wooyoung to choose her as his dance date.

she never asked wooyoung to act like her boyfriend.

she never asked everyone to ship them together.

she never asked everyone to pressure her into liking him.

she never asked everyone to think that she is taking advantage of his feelings for her.

she never asked for any of this, and the guilt inside of her continues to eat her happiness away.

her feet take her to the familiar place of the school, where the bright colors of the flowers lighten the mood with their dancing. as always, there is the consoling feeling of the breeze embracing her as it places small kisses on her face.

this place makes her feel safe.

with no one around, she feels sheltered from all her problems. all the weight she carries at the moment are lifted by the wind and disperse into thin air, a smile tugging her lips. when she looks up to the sun, an image of a person appears in her mind.

san.

her sunshine.

she wants san be by her side at this moment.

with his best friend trying to get closer to her, he has been distancing himself from her for some reason. they barely talk to one another and initiate any hugs or conversations ever since the day at jongho's house. also, his name hasn't been appearing on her phone notifications lately.

she still believes they are close friends.

but her heart says otherwise.

maybe he will come and find me here, she hopes silently. just like how i always find him here.

and so she waits.

she watches the flowers sway against each other, imitating their little dances, with a beaming smile on her face. a song plays in her mind and she bops her head to the beat.

a few minutes have passsed, and there is no sight of the male.

he will come, she convinces herself. he will come.

she begins to predict the reaction he will have when he finds her here, imagining how the situation would play out. he would settle himself next to her and check if she's alright, asking her questions that will eventually break her exterior barrier. she would break down before him and be engulfed in his comfortable hugs she loves.

she is positive that he will come.

yet another ten minutes have passed, and he still hasn't appeared.

he's probably searching with the others, she tells herself once more. if i'm patient enough, he will come.

but as time flies by, she can feel her heart crack within each minute until the school bell rings throughout the campus. reluctantly, she picks up her backpack and leaves the courtyard to head to class.

instead of attending class, she informs mrs. hwang that she is not feeling well and receives permission to spend the rest of the school day in the infirmary. when she enters the office, the nurse leads her to an empty bed and notifies her that they have to leave the place for a while.

being all alone in the room, eunbi lays on her back and places her hands on top of her heart. she grips her grey sweater in pain and the tears arise to the surface, suffocating her with sadness. all she can hear is her pitiful sobbing resonating in her ears.

she should have expected this to happen after learning her lesson once already.

she should have expected that boys only want her to attend their needs, and not vice versa.