9

saturday morning, sierra is up and moving at 8am. she deep cleans her apartment with lauryn hill playing in the back. she dusts her windowsills and vacuums underneath the couch. she changes her bedding and scrubs her bathtub until it gleams porcelain white.

her phone ringing makes her drop her gloves and scrub brush into the tub, and she quickly gets off of the floor and runs into the living room to answer her phone, picking it up on the last ring. "hello?"

"ooh, do i need to speak to your ass! i thought i'd give you a day and let you live, but that day is up," rayana says, making sierra roll her eyes.

"what, ray?"

"you wanna explain to me why that nigga was in your house—sitting on his ass like he runs the place?" she asks. sierra can hear outside noise, which lets her know that she just dropped her kids off at their dads.

sierra puts rayana on speaker phone and takes her into the bathroom with her. "first of all, i don't have to explain that to you. and second of all, he doesn't run shit," sierra says.

"girl, fuck you. but i thought you said you were done with him?" rayana asks.

sierra sighs a heavy sigh. "i don't know. we went out, and then a week later we slept together— you what?" rayana interrupts, her voice loud and shocked. "sierra, please don't play with me right now. come again?"

"you heard me. we went out when i called you at work last week, but i stormed out because it was too much. and then i went to the club and saw him there with another girl... and then he came over the next morning. then cole had this thing and he was there, and he took me home and i invited him in and we fucked. and he stayed the night. and apparently was there all day," sierra explains. rayana is quiet for a long time and sierra asks, "are you still there."

"yes, im still here. i can't fucking believe you, dude. have you told mommy?" rayana asks. sierra lets out a loud laugh.

"and get my ass beat? you're funny, rayana," sierras mom wasn't fond of jack towards the end, but it all started when he missed sierras 21st birthday dinner, but showed up to the real celebration a few day later. it was a small event—sierras mother, her sister, and her two friends, and of course jack, but he didn't show up. sierra tried to not be so sad, but everyone could tell that she was miserable. she didn't stay at her apartment that night, afraid of being alone being that that she could legally drink, and stayed in her childhood home with her mother. she heard her crying on the phone to jack as he apologized profusely, and then ultimately told her "what do you want me to do about it, sierra?", and her mother had had enough.

rayana snorts. "true."

"and dont you fucking tell her either, rayana," sierra threatens, her voice turning serious quickly.

"chill, i won't. but what are you gonna do about jack. do you want to be with him or not?" rayana asks.

"i do. but i'm scared," sierra says. rayana hums and sierra sighs and starts venting about all of her fears when it comes to being with jack. she hates feeling like and option and not a solid choice, and that's how jack started to treat her—like he could have her whenever and wherever he wanted, at any given time. and because she loved him so much, she was always there until she wasn't. "and he just doesn't fight for me. he'll just let me walk away when i'm pissed, and call me the next day. he lets me walk out." she says, her voice cracking at the memories.

it was near the end of their run. they were arguing in his house after going out. she was upset about the company he was keeping, the women he encouraged his friends to bring around. his reassurance wasn't convincing to sierra, and after awhile he changed his narrative; calling her crazy and jealous, telling her she needed to calm down, which only set her off even more. she told him to go to hell and grabbed her stuff and left, and he didn't follow her. he called her the next morning and she cussed him out and then he pulled up on her, but still. it was the fact that he let her go in the first place.

rayana sighs. "well, you already know how i feel about the situation, but if your heart and head want the same thing, then i can't stop you. but don't give it up so easily, sierra, damn. make him drop a couple bands, make him work for it. don't give him a reason to go right back to the way he was."

-

jack sprays cologne on his wrists, neck, and once on his red crewneck. he pulls on a nice jacket and clasps his rolex on his wrist, grabs his keys and wallet, and then heads downstairs.

he checks his house quickly before exiting and locking the door behind him. he jumps into his mercedes and peels out of his driveway and heads towards sierras apartment. druski calls him a few minutes into his drive, and he answers on his cars bluetooth. "what up?"

"whats up, nigga. you driving?" druski asks.

"yeah."

"where you going?" druski follows up. jack can't hold back the smirk that spreads across his face.

"you already know," jack says. druski sucks how teeth and starts that low, sarcastic chuckle he does in his skits. "don't do that."

"i didn't even say anything. you gon hit again, or what?" his friend asks. jack rubs his chin with his free hand and lets out a breath.

"nah, man. imma let you go, though, cause i'm almost at her place. peace, brother."

"aight then, man, i'll holla at you," they hang up and jack parks in the space that he always does. he texts sierra that she's outside, and a few seconds afterwards, he honks the horn a few times.

sierra swings open the door after the third honk and flips him off, rolling her eyes and flipping her hair over her shoulder. jack gives her a shit-eating grin from the car, pleased with himself.

"you're such an ass," sierra says and she gets into his car. she slams his door on purpose because she knows that he hates it. she used to do it whenever he pissed her off, which pissed him off, and so they just had attitudes for the rest of the day.

jack doesn't say anything about her slamming his doors, just backs out of his parking space. "so ive been told. you said you want to go shopping, right?" jack asks, glancing over at her and dropping his eyes down to the cleavage she's sporting for a moment.

sierra nods, not looking at him. she doesn't like to ask for things—she basically told him that she needed to buy scrubs and a few other things, and he didn't question her when she told him, just said he'd pick her up and take her wherever she wanted to go.

"you want to play something?" jack asks.

"sure," sierra messes with the bluetooth like it's her own car. her name is at the very bottom of connected phones; urban is next, then druski, and few names she doesn't recognize. right above her is the name "kelsey", and she considers saying something, but doesn't. "you want to hear anything?" she asks, scrolling through her music on spotify.

"nah," he says. sierra shuffles the album "channel orange" by frank ocean for the duration of the ride.

ten minutes later, jack pulls his benz into a parking space and turns off the car. sierra puts her phone in her purse and jumps out of the car. jack follows quickly after her and places sunglasses on, not to be necessarily hidden, but because they match his outfit.

sierra walks a few feet ahead of him and he focuses his gaze on the way her hips switch when she walks. he wants nothing more than to put his arm around her and walk around like a real couple, but he knows he cant do that. she still won't even look at him—he's not about to risk way too much getting handsy because he feels lonely.

she leads him through the mall all the way down to sephora, which is conveniently next to the place where she buys her scrubs. jack hesitantly follows sierra inside, getting flashbacks to all of the times she used to drag him in here and swatch makeup on his skin when her hands were all covered. "i just need a few things," she says, glancing back at jack for the first time since he picked her up.

they lock eyes and sierra looks away before her heart can beat any faster and before jack can hold her gaze for a little too long. she pulls her hair over one shoulder and toys with the ends to keep her shaky hands occupied.

sierra picks out a new NARS foundation and concealer and then goes to find highlighter and lipgloss. "come here," she says to jack.

"not this shit again," jack says, but he walks over to her and holds out his hand anyway. sierra unnecessarily grabs his wrist and swatches a baby pink highlighter on his hand, followed by a golden one.

"which one do you like?" she asks, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear and then rubbing the glitter on her own hand.

"get them both," he says simply. sierra looks up at him and he gives her that infamous smile that mother's and grandma's fawn over.

sierra drops her gaze and his wrist. she drops the highlighters into her shopping bag and says, "okay." jack pokes his tongue on the inside of his cheek at her reaction. if they were on different terms, he'd tease her until he got her off her game, but because they aren't on that level anymore, he lets her live.

she places her shopping bag on the counter and the cashier starts scanning her items. jack slides behind her, placing his hand on her bare, lower back and moves to the side of her. his hand lingers a few seconds too long before he removes it, and miniature goosebumps arise on her skin.

"your total is $67.95," the cashier says. sierra pulls the zipper of her baby louis open, and by the time she gets out her wallet, jacks card is already handed across the counter and the cashier is running it.

"thanks," she says, putting her wallet back into her purse as protests arise in her head. make him work for it, rings in her head and she forces herself to be okay with him paying for her things. sierra has never liked people buying or paying for things unless it was her birthday. she didn't mind being bought food, but things like makeup or shoes, or gifts in general make her uncomfortable because she knows she can buy these things herself.

jack liked to spoil her, a lot. she never asked for anything, but he would buy her things anyway, take her on random shopping sprees and claimed it was because he was proud of her whenever she asked why.

he only nods and takes his card back. he grabs the sephora bag and the two of them thank the worker and exit the store. "you didnt have to do that," sierra says, walking across the way to the scrub store.

jack shrugs. "it ain't a thing," sierra smiles to herself and gives a polite nod to the employee. she beelines to her normal section, jack following closely behind her. "what colors you getting?" he asks.

"black and blue, but i kind of want maroon too," she says, finding her size in the first two colors. she searches through all of the racks before moving to the drawers and digging through. sierra gasps as she digs through the garments and finds the maroon scrubs she was talking about. "i'm gonna try these on."

jack sits outside of the dressing rooms, on his phone, while sierra gets changed. he texts druski and urban, but looks up when he hears the curtain get pulled back. sierra stands outside of the dressing room and looks at herself in the full length mirror to the left of jack. she turns to the side, and his eyes drift to the curve of her ass that seems to get fatter in scrubs. "you look good," he compliments, tugging at his beard.

"imma get them," she says decidedly. she turns back into the dressing room without looking at jack or thanking him, and he pretends to not pick up on the fact that she refuses to look at him.

several minutes later, they're out of the mall and back into his car. "you hungry?" jack asks.

"ooh, can we get that place on lynn street? the one with the smoothies?" she asks. the first time they went was together, and usually she orders lunch from there once a month.

jack nods and starts driving them in that direction.

-

jack bounces his knee anxiously as he stares at sierra from across the table. it's starting to bother him at the lack of attention she's showing him. she has looked at him a total of three times today, and it's pissing him off. he's taken her everywhere today—he'd like some type of acknowledgement. "sierra," he says.

she lifts her head up from her phone. "hmm?"

"we need to talk," jack states, holding her gaze. she crosses her arms over her chest and glances off to the side.

"about?"

jack scoffs in annoyance. "i need you to be real right now, because you have me confused. i blow your back out and we cuddle all night, but then you wanna leave without saying goodbye? you wouldn't even look at me, and still arent, so whats up?" jack says, throwing his hands up and dropping them at his sides. he needed to get it off his chest.

sierra bites the inside of her cheek guiltily. she didn't expect all of that from him, at least not today, not now. she didn't even expect for him to notice that she won't look at him.

"jack, the other night was a mistake—" sierra starts, but he cuts her off with a scoff.

"a mistake? wow, sierra," he says, letting out a bitter laugh.

"yes, jack, a mistake. i shouldn't have slept with you—shit, i shouldn't have let you in," she says, finally looking at him. his face is hard, but she can tell he's upset, and she feels guilty. "i'm not sure if we can do this." she adds, touching a hand to her throat nervously.

jack drags a hand over his face. "are you serious? you didn't even give me a chance!" he says, throwing his hands out to the side exasperatedly. "ive spent all day with you, took your where you wanted to go. i'm trying! you told me you wanted this."

"and? i can change my mind," she says, attitude laced in her voice, but she trembling. sierra faces him head on and clenched her jaw to keep her bottom lip from wobbling.

"be real with me, sierra, don't lie. i don't want to play this game. i miss you like hell, but if you're being serious, let me know," he says, anxiously rubbing his hands together.

sierras eyes gloss over and she blows a shaky breath out from her mouth. she tells herself not to cry, but it only seems to make her eyes well up even more. jack watches her intensely, his eyes searching for hers even though they're refusing to look at him. again.

"i'm scared."

her voice cracks and tears slide down her cheeks. sierra covers her face with her hands in an attempt to keep herself together. her shoulders shake as she quietly sobs, all of the emotions she's felt from the last week and six months pouring out of her.

"what you scared for, hmm?" he asks, sliding into the both next to her and slinging an arm around her shoulders. he pulls her hands away from her face and wipes her tears with the table napkin.

sierra slumps against him and sighs. "because i know how you are. you're going to say all these nice things that i want to hear, about how you've changed and how it'll be different, but i know you and i know your life. i can't afford to go through that again," she says, wiping underneath her eyes and pushing off of jack. she backs herself into the corner of the booth and fans at her eyes.

"you know, you still pretty when you cry?" he says.

sierra sighs and rolls her neck to the side and looks at him. "jack— i know, i'm playing but i'm serious. and i heard you—i know how i felt when we ended things, and you can think what you want, but it was hard for me. i knew you needed space, so i left you alone. i even asked your girls for advice, and they told me to give you time, but it was killing me to leave you alone and to lose you. i know what i want, and it's you. if you don't want the same, cool. i'll deal with it, but i know the love that i have for you, and i want to be with you." jack says, grabbing one of her hands, and she lets him.

sierra considers his words. if she backs out on him and missed what could be a good thing, she'll be sick. and the more she's considered it, the more the riskier side of the situation seems appealing. she knows the love that she has for jack—she knows she'll probably never stop loving him. sierra licks her dry lips and dabs at her under eyes.

"okay. can we just take it slow, though? but i'm willing to try—for real."

"i'll go as slow as you want."

——

hella long for no reason tbh but yerrrrr hopefully u like it! i started to ramble lolll i like giving backstory!