Ch. 13

Olandria

I'm choosing you.

Olandria kept repeating Nic's words over and over in her head. He was choosing...her. She couldn't wrap her mind around it. She was happy–of course she was–but it almost felt too good to be true. There had to be a catch.

"Why?" she blurted and Nic's eyebrows bunched in confusion.

"What do you mean why?" he asked and Olandria didn't fully know how to explain her apprehension.

She went with the words that were on the tip of her tongue even though they weren't much of an explanation at all, "it just...it feels too easy."

Olandria had never had a man fall for her this effortlessly before. She couldn't think of one thing she'd done for Nic to make him choose her over someone he'd been getting to know for a couple of weeks now. The more she thought about it, she couldn't think of anything she'd done for Nic at all.

Their friendship had happened almost without her realizing it. In the first week in the villa, Olandria quickly became the go-to person when anyone needed advice or a place to vent. It hadn't surprised her; she knew she exuded 'eldest daughter' energy: capable, reliable, always available. But playing everyone's emotional anchor came at a cost. Sometimes, she just needed a break from it all.

And somehow, Nic always seemed to appear when she needed that break. She'd perk up, ready to be a listening ear, and he'd just sit with her. Sometimes they'd talk about trivial things but most of the time they'd just sit silently beside each other, huddled close to give the appearance they were in deep conversation, and it would deter the others from asking her for anything for a little while.

It took her a while to realize what he was really doing: giving her space, offering her peace in a place where privacy didn't exist. It was something only a friend would do and that's when she realized that, at some point, he'd become her friend. He'd become her friend and hadn't asked for anything from her in return.

Similarly to how he'd chosen her just now without her having to do anything for him to make that decision. She had internalized the belief that love had to be earned, that if she did enough, gave enough, proved herself enough, maybe then someone would choose her. That belief had shaped everything over the last few weeks with Taylor. She had given him everything: energy, time, attention, vulnerability, all because she thought that was the price of love.

And he had chosen someone else.

But Nic–someone who she hadn't had to work for–was right there, being vulnerable, giving his time, and choosing her. She'd given Taylor everything she had and it hadn't been enough so how could Nic, who she'd barely given anything to, want her this badly? It didn't make sense.

Olandria hadn't realized she'd completely retreated into the depths of her thoughts until she came back to the present moment and realized Nic had gotten up and brought his chair to her side of the table. At some point, he'd turned her chair so that she was facing him and he was holding her hands, rubbing his thumb gently across her skin.

When he realized she was back with him, he gave her hands a squeeze. "I need you to give me more, Olandria," he encouraged and it almost sounded like he was pleading for her to help him understand.. "I need you to tell me what you mean when you say it's too easy."

Nic

Olandria stared at her hands in Nic's and whispered, "I haven't done anything to make you want me like this." Her voice was so quiet that Nic had to strain to hear her but when her words landed on his ears, he began to understand what was happening here.

Olandria could not fathom that he wanted her simply because she existed. Couldn't fathom that she didn't have to do anything for him, to want nothing more than to sit in the shadow of her beauty and be a witness to her life. That simply being her was enough.

"Look at me," Nic said in gentle command. Slowly, Olandria lifted her eyes to meet his gaze and he saw a pool of tears threatening to fall. He felt his chest tighten at the sight.

"You don't have to do anything for me to want you. Look at you! I've wanted you from the moment I walked into the villa and laid eyes on you and I didn't even know your name." He reached up and brushed away the tears streaming down her face.

He hated seeing her cry but he needed her to understand that she, without doing anything, was enough so he kept going. "Everything I've learned about you since, every laugh we've shared, every ounce of your attention and time you've graciously spared, has just made the desire grow stronger. I want you because you're you."

Olandria was fully sobbing by the time Nic finished and he scooped her into his lap and held her. "That's enough? Me just being me?" Olandria asked into his chest.

"More than enough, gorgeous." She sobbed harder and Nic had the sense that this conversation was pressing against a deep wound.

Olandria pulled back and studied Nic's face, "so, let me be clear. I have done nothing for you and you are still choosing me?"

"Maybe I'm not explaining myself well enough," Nic took a moment to think about how he wanted to express this to her because something was telling him it was important that she fully understand the point he was trying to make.

"You don't have to convince me of your worth," he lifted his hand to cup her cheek. "I'm not a fool; I already see it. You're the fucking prize. I mean, you're unbelievably beautiful, yeah, but you're also brilliant and incredibly genuine, and fucking hilarious. I want you exactly as you are."

Olandria gave him a small smile so he kept going in hopes of making it bigger, "Everything about you, the type of woman you are, that's why I chose you. You don't have to overextend yourself or work for my desire, baby. It's yours."

Olandria wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her forehead against his. "Thank you," she whispered. "I guess I'm just used to being loved because of what I do for other people-"

Olandria jumped back and stared at Nic in horror. "Not that you love me or anything," she said quickly, "you know what I'm trying to say." She buried her face in Nic's neck and Nic wanted to say I don't know if I love you yet but I know that I could one day if you'd let me.

Instead he just rubbed her back and made an affirmative noise, "yeah I know what you're trying to say."

Olandria sighed, "I'm sorry if I ruined what was supposed to be a really romantic moment with my unresolved trauma."

Nic kissed the top of her head, "you didn't ruin anything." And she hadn't. This conversation had been illuminating; it showed Nic that he was going to have to work hard to show Olandria she was worthy of more than transactional relationships. Good thing he'd never shied away from hard work before.