Musical Confessions

Gerard's P.O.V

Paisley was getting better. I, on the other hand, got worse. I started doing drugs and almost every night, I was out getting drunk. We started a band, but we weren't sure on the name yet and I didn't want to ruin it for anyone so I decided to keep it to myself. I became addicted to the ivory lines and the alcohol that drowned me and made me forget about everything bad that's ever happened. I didn't want to remember. I never wanted to remember. I promised I would take care of Paisley, but who was going to take care of me? After school, I would go into my room and rummage through my drawer that held all my old art work. I would take out the small bottle of white and make a few lines and inhale it. I felt a burning in my nose the first couple times I did it, but after a while, I became accustomed to it. I was a mess and I was too afraid to admit it. I wanted to stop and I needed help, but I didn't want them to know how fucked up I was.

What was I suppose to do? What about the guys? What about our band? What about Paisley? What if she found out? I didn't want her to worry about my problems, especially when she was dealing with her own. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I blinked them back and tried to push everything to the back if my mind. I wanted to tell Paisley. I really did. I didn't want to keep it away from her. Besides, she might find out sooner or later. I got into an argument with myself, trying to decide whether I should talk to her about it or not. I came to the decision that I shouldn't and that it would only make things worse. I wasn't going to make everything seem all about me. I didn't want to make her sad or mad at me if she found out. I put my hands by my side and felt guilty that I chose not to tell her, but it was for the best. I lied down on my bed and plugged in my earbuds to my iPod, blasting my music to it's full volume until it felt like my ears were going to bleed. I sat up from my bed after listening to an entire AC/DC album. I took out my earbuds and paused the song I was on before setting it down on my nightstand. I had nothing to do. I didn't want to draw, I didn't feel like going downstairs. I took out a pencil and a piece if paper. I was going to write something.

About an hour of erasing, scribbling, thinking and frustration went by and what I thought was a poem, turned into a song. I tried to sing it.

'In the middle of a gunfight,In the center of a restaurant,They say,Come with your arms raised,High!Well they're never gonna get me,I'm like a bullet through a flock of doves,To wage,This war against your faith, In me,Your life,Will never be the same,On your mother's eyes,Say a prayer,Say a prayer,

Now!But I can't,And I don't know,How we're just two men as god has mad us,But I can't,But I can't,Too much,Too late,And just not enough of this, Pain in my heart,For your dying wish,I'll kiss your lips again,

They all cheat at cards,And the checkers are lost,My cell mate's a killer,He makes me do push-ups in drag,But nobody cares,If your losing yourself,Am I losing myself?!?Well I miss my mom,Will they give me the chair,Or lethal injection,Or swing from a rope if you dare!Well nobody knows,All the trouble I've seen!

Now!But I can't,And I don't know,How we're just two men as god has mad us,But I can't,But I can't,Too much,Too late,Or just not enough of this,Pain in my heart,For your dying wish,I'll kiss your lips again,

To your room,What they ask of you,Will make you want to say,So long,Well I don't remember,Well I remember,Yeah,Life,Is,But,A,Dream!For the dead,And well I,I won't go down by myself,But I'll go down with my friends,Now,Now now now,Now now now,Now now now-ye-a-ah,Ah! ah! ah! ah!'

I finish the accidental song that I wrote and I actually feel somewhat happy with myself. Putting away my song, I checked the time. It was only two in the afternoon. Today was a Saturday. I lied back down on my bed and heard a knock at my door not long after. "Come in." I say and the door cracks open, revealing the most adorable girl in the world.Paisley gave a small wave and I smiled at her and beckoned her over. She slowly walked over to me after closing the door. I've made sure to clean my room somewhat so that she wouldn't tell me how messy it was. Well, it was still messy, but it wasn't as bad as it used to be. She lied next to me on my bed and put her head on my chest. I wrapped an arm around her. "Gerard?" She asked, looking up at me."Yeah?" I questioned."What's wrong? Are you okay?" I looked at her. Her question was eating at me. I really really wanted to tell her and I hated lying to her or keeping secrets from her."No. I'm not." I replied.She hugged me tightly. I hugged her back. "What's wrong?" She asked.I took a nervous breath and decided that it was time to talk to someone about this. I sat up and pulled her into my lap. She looked at me. I could see how worried and concerned she was. I took her hand and traced the lines on her palm."Paisley," I started."I don't want you to judge me or hate me for telling you this, and please don't think of me as a bad person. I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid. I didn't want you to judge me because of it and I didn't want to worry the guys. I think I have a problem." She nodded."Talk to me." She said."I have a drug and alcohol addiction and I hate it and I want to stop, but I can't and it's making me worse and worse and I don't know what to do." I started to cry. She pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back."Shh..it's okay." She said while rocking me back and forth.She started to hum to me. It was a tune I never heard before and it was soothing. "What song is that?" I asked."Oh just something I wrote." She said."Could you sing it to me." I felt pathetic for asking her this, but I didn't care. I loved her even though I haven't known her for long. I wish I could tell her how I feel, but she might not love me back. She looked at me and smiled. "Okay. I'll only sing about half of it though." I nodded and she began to sing.

'These are the eyes and the lies of the taken,These are their hearts, but their hearts don't beat like ours,They burn cause they are all afraid,For every one of us,There's an army of them,But you'll never fight alone,

I just wanted you to know,That the world is ugly, but your beautiful to me,Well are you thinking of me now,

These are the nights and the lights that we fade in,These are the words, but the words aren't coming out,They burn cause they are hard to say,For every failing sun,There's a morning after,Though I'm empty when you go,

I just wanted you to know,That the world is ugly,But your beautiful to me,Are you thinking of me,Like I'm thinking of you'

As she sang, I could feel my worries wash away. Her voice was soothing and calmed me down. She was running her hands through my hair. I smiled. She stopped singing and I immediately wanted to kiss her. I looked at her and brought my face to hers. She understood what I was trying to do and we kissed. Her lips molded perfectly with mine. She put her arms around my neck and deepened the kiss. I felt a smile creep onto my lips.

-A Week Later

Paisley's P.O.V

I made my way into the kitchen to make some coffee. Gerard must've heard me get up and he was I trailing behind me, walking down the stairs.He grabbed my waist and pulled around, planting a small kiss on my lips. I giggled. "So what exactly does this make us?" I asked curiously."You tell me." He said, kissing me once more while I was making the coffee.He trailed kissed down my neck and brought his hands to my hips. "No seriously." I said as I pulled away from him to finish making the coffee."Well, I guess that you have no choice, but to be my girlfriend." He teased."That's too bad. I was really hoping Channing Tatum would walk through the door and take me to a secret place." I laughed.Gerard came closer to me to where he was almost touching my lips."Sucks for you because I'm the best your ever gonna get. Besides, I'm Gerard Fucking Way. All he is is Channing Tatum." He came closer and kissed me, again. I laughed at him and he gave me a devilish look."Uh-oh. Laughing? I'll have to punish you for that." He picked me up and sat me on top of the counter. He crashed his lips to mine and I could feel myself grow hotter. His fingers came to the hem of my shirt. I smiled. His tongue explored my mouth as he pulled my shirt up, enough to expose skin. I played with the jet black hair on the back if his neck. He changed it because he thought his black hair needed a break. Mikey came into the kitchen and saw what we were doing."Paisley, get your ass off the counter, I eat there and if you guys are going to have sex, there are perfectly good bedrooms upstairs." Me and Gerard laughed and I felt my cheeks go hot. "Hey Mikes." I said. "Who pissed on your bed sheets?" He looked at me."Nobody. I hate mornings." He replied."Oh well I never would have guessed." I rolled my eyes.Me and Gerard got our coffee and I turned to Mikey."Hey could you do me a huge favor?" I asked while Gerard made his way back up the stairs.Mikey looked at me quizzically and pushed the glasses up on his face.I went closer to him and started whispering to make sure Gerard couldn't hear."Could you get the guys together? I want to meet up with them. Gerard's birthday is coming up and I want to do something special for him."Mikey smiled at me and nodded. "Thanks Mikes." I gave him a hug before heading upstairs to drink coffee with Gerard. Gerard's birthday was on April 9th and today was the seventh. I wanted to do something for him. He's always been there for me when I needed him and I wanted to show him how much he meant to me.