A deep sleep

-----------------------"What do I do when there's too much of me,To little of you.What can I say when I know your not here to stay"-Alina Baraz-----------------------

Thomas's POV:

"It's really left up to if she wakes up or not. That's the point we're at right now. And I-I'm really sorry. Now I have three documents here, I need you to sign for the procedure to go forth, obviously if you dont sign these we can't see exactly what happened, we can only guess. So this operation will help us determine what damage the fall has caused. Sometimes these little falls can cause big damage, or vice versa. So here's the documents-"

The nurse dumps a pile of papers into my stiff hands.

"-we need those signed by tomorrow when the procedure will accrue. If you have any other questions you need answering, please don't hesitate to ask. And I personally suggest taking the kids home and getting some rest. We see this a lot and it's usually fine. If she wakes up we will notify straight away. Don't stress"

The words stress linger in my head.

She looks us all up and down. Everyone who was at the house came.

"Also visiting hours are over in exactly-"

She looks at the clock on the wall.

"23 minutes. I'm sorry but it's necessary you leave within that time frame."

With that she lifts her feet and walks off. Dylan, hand on my shoulder, turns to me,

"Did you listen to what she was saying?"

"No." I say. My lips burn with the words. I feel so numb yet I can feel so many emotions. I feel so terrible. The kids. I have to take them home. I look down at my children. My beautiful children. Layla is trying to not look sad. Being the older one. She's only 7. And cameron, he couldn't hold it in. Tears stain his clothes and cheeks. It was his 6th birthday a month ago. Oh god. What if she doesn't wake up, what if-

"Okay we all need to go, if Lara was awake right now she would make everyone leave and go sleep. And look at these Angels. They need to sleep!" Ava hugs Cameron and Layla. She has always been so positive when it came to others.

I've been staring at the same wall for nearly three hours. I can't move. Ava looks at me.

"Tommy?" She hugs me.

"I'll take the kids in my car. We'll all leave. I'm sure you could stay for longer but please come back with us. The kids need you now." She looks at me. I waver my eyes from the wall and they fall unto hers. Tears immediately start developing in my eyes.

"Ok" I nod.

- - - - - - -

I'm lying in our bed, the windows open letting in a cool breeze. I heard some yelling before but it's probably just Ava yelling at Derek for something stupid. I focus on the breeze. One side of the bed is as empty as my chest. The other side is full of my emotions. That's all I am right now. A walking sack of feelings. But the most overwhelming, is numbness. I feel everything but nothing at all. It does not even make much sense to me.

There is this cricket. Just sitting on the windowsill, and every time a breeze comes in it spreads its wings and does a funny little dance. I've been watching it for an hour now. It looks so peaceful. Like finally it's found comfort in itself. It's so adorable.

I hear someone walking up the stairs. The door opens and in comes Ava. My beloved sister. She sits at the end of the bed. But gets up again because she left the door open and she has OCD. She sits back down again. She's wearing a pale pink night-gown and White slippers. She shivers and walks over to the window, she pulls down on the handles-

"No-" I manage to croak out but it's too late. That peaceful grasshopper was squashed. She ignores me and sits back down. She looks at the clock. It's about two in the morning. This time she shuffles up to me and hugs me.

"Everything's gonna be alright" she whispers to herself.

I'm fixated on the squashed insect. It's legs seem to be moving but it's no longer attached to its body. I drown in grief and turn to my sister.

"You know the only thing I never understood about you was, that when something bad happened. You would just tune out. Stop eating. Stop drinking. Stop bloody talking. I was forced to be the brave one and take control of both our emotions. I think it payed off though. It's just sometimes I can't do it anymore you know?"

Her British accent comes out. She adds another sentence,

"I'm sure it will work itself out" she mumbles to herself again. But she's not talking about lara. She's not talking about the incident. There's something she's not telling me,

"What happened?" I sit up, she moves over startled but then cocks her head and lies back down.

"Nothing Thomas." She closes her eyes and rolls over only her stomach for a split second. I see it straight away. There's hand marks around the back of her neck. And a huge bruise hiding behind her clothing. I soon understand and get up straight away and walk away from the bed, from what I just saw. She turns back around and notices that I've seen it. She knows.

"I choose the wrong men Tommy" she smiles sadly.

"No, no!" I yell as I walk over to the door. I know who did this.

A swelling anger rises in my throat causing me to cough and my stomach starts to churn. It's him? It was Derek. I'm going to murder him. I bash my way over to the corresponding room down the hall. I don't even bother opening the door I just kick it open. I can hear Ava rushing after me, yelling at me. I don't care. I don't fucking care anymore. I DONT CARE!

"You stupid little prick" I yell as I come running at him. He's standing at the window. I shove him into the wall. He's a muscly guy but he's no match for angry Thomas Sangster. He shakes at the sudden movement and I take the opportunity to punch him right in the nose. This hurts my wrist but I don't care. My hand balls into a fist and I punch him again. And again. And again. And again. I continue until I see a red liquid gush from his nose. Ava grabs my arms and yanks me away. Screaming at me,

"What have you done? Stop it stop it!!" She yells through tears. I hear others running up the stairs.

Before I know it I'm getting dragged back by Dylan and Poulter. Dylan's trying to calm me down. Derek is still conscious and he gets up, and stumbles over to the door. Where he runs down the stairs and exits the house.

My head is ringing. My fingers are stained with red. My ears are deafened and my eye sight goes blurry. Everything goes fuzzy. I start seeing little grasshoppers dancing around my eyes without legs. Everything just happened so damn fast. I shake so much my eyes pop out of my head and my brains ooze out of my ears. I pass out for yet the second time this week.

- - - - - -

I wake up in front of Ava and Dylan. Their sitting on the ground. I pull upwards and realise I'm lying on the coach, everything hurts. I look at them, Ava looks terrible. She has a bruise on her cheek and hand prints all over he head. Her neck is bleeding. I turn to Dylan who's head is in his hands. He's pulling his hair out with his hands. It's falling on the floor. But I just don't seem to care. He looks up at me and says only one thing,

"Lara isn't going to wake up."

My eyes stain with red tears and a burning sensation escapes into my throat and it blocks up. I start choking on air. Red tears surround my face and my eyes pop out of my head. I can't feel anything at all. I drown on my empty tears with a dry throat.

That's when I wake up screaming.

Someone grabs my arms and yanks them down. I catch my breath and come to,

"Thomas?! THOMAS!" Ava yells

I see my sister and Dylan sitting next to me, I'm on the coach. Exactly like in my dream- nightmare.

"Your okay buddy" Dylan's hands on my shoulder.

"Where is he?" I say. Implying Derek.

"He left after you bashed his nose in" Ava says without emotion.

"Yeah, you stuffed him up pretty bad Thomas." Dylan looks sad

"I don't care. I don't." I say, I sit up and wrap my hands into my hair.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you acting so bloody weird? You've passed out twice this week, and managed to possibly break my boyfriends nose. WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?" Ava yells at me getting up.

"Your boyfriend? Your not with him anymore." I say. Why would she imply that their still dating.

"I love him Thomas." She walks away. She's still wearing her pink nightgown.

"How could you love someone like that's? He abused you! He hurt you?!" I can't understand her. I will never let anyone hurt her.

"You-" she starts

"Stop!" Ki walks down the stairs. He takes another step forward and speaks,

"What would Lara say if she were here, I don't think she'd be very happy that her husband was passing out regularly, starving himself and bashing up people. We're all trying to cope with this. What about your kids? Have you even seen them since the first night at the hospital. Do you even know where they are right now? No, you don't. Because you haven't been there for them. You've been passed out on the couch, after abusing Ava's boyfriend last night. Your kids heard all about that by the way. They are dealing with grief. Your not dealing with it? Your fighting it. You can't fight grief! You have to work with it! So stop being so weak Thomas. Your wife isn't here right now, and neither are you. Right now your children are at the hospital. Trying to wake their mother up. Do you know who took them? Lara's brother will, he's been taking all responsibility for them, and yet he feels so horrible for what happened to her. Out of everyone he feels the most grief. He is not only blaming himself for it, so is September. In fact she left today. She couldn't handle it, she nearly had a break down. Oh and for the other Will, he's at the hospital every time the visiting hours are in place. Look at everyone around you. We are all struggling. Stop being so selfish."

Ki leaves.

- - - - - -

Author:I'm sorry but we needed to see what Thomas's dark side was like sooner or later.

-lily x