C37

Joss and Gawin starts hanging out more. Even though the expectation from each other is on a different note. One hangs out as a friend and one with the hope that someday or the other he might get his love back.

Joss also starts helping out Gawin's parents with Gawin whenever he got some free time. His daily routine became very uniform. Wake up, go to work then come back, help out his father, and help out Gawin's parents whenever there's some time left.

No dating, no going out, no hanging out with his other friends. Only Joss can do something like this very passionately. The same routine over and over again.

But even when there's nothing new happening in his life, he's still satisfied with how things are going. His heart that bled until there's no more blood to bleed is starting to heal. It's like applying medicine and wrapping a bandage around an open wound.

For Gawin, there's things other than work and family. He's dating so obviously even if he likes it or not he gotta hang out with his girlfriend from time to time. In the process, he goes to new places at least once a week.

One day, Joss got off work early so he went to Gawin's office instead of going back home to wait for him. He notifies Gawin through a text and waits for him to get off work in his car.

"I'm waiting for u down in the garage. Come down after work, let me drop u home."

Gawin saw the text.

"Um."

Gawin can feel where things are going between them so he plans to make it clear to Joss that it's impossible between them. Not today, not tomorrow not in the future. And he also plans to introduce Danni to Joss taking this opportunity.

After work is done, Gawin came down to the garage throught the elevator along with Dani. The door of the elevator opens, Gawin sees Joss standing in front of his car with a wide smile which slowly drops the moment he sees Dani.

From the other side, Joss sees Gawin with a woman beside him with her hands around his arm. To him it's not about the gender but it's the very fact that someone is standing beside him. The woman is smiling from ear to ear.

Gawin steps outside with Dani and walks towards Joss with a smile.

"U must be tired from waiting."

Gawin strikes a conversation which caught Joss off guard startling him as he's lost in his own thoughts.

"Huh! Oh! No, I'm not tired."

'Gawin...he's the....' Dani stutters with eyes wide open.

'Say hi Dani, he's Joss, a friend from my college.'

A FRIEND FROM COLLEGE.... this words like a blade cuts deep into Joss's heart. It seems the wound that's not completely healed yet starts to open up. His heart starts bleeding again. The medicine couldn't stop the bleeding anymore. The red colour slowly starts spreading on the bandage. The wound is opening.

If he just doesn't came to pick him up. Only if he just gives some time for the wound to heal some more. Only if he didn't wrong him before.

'Oh...hello sir my name is Dani, Gawin's girlfriend.'

'Hi, I'm Joss. Nice to meet u.'

'Nice to meet u too sir.'

Joss smiles through pain. Gawin can see it clearly written on Joss's face the uncomfortableness he's going through. So decided to end the conversation shortly cause he's worried Joss might break down again.

'Uh, Dani then see u tomorrow. We have something to discuss so we'll be heading back together.'

'Ok.' Dani nods.

"Let's go." Gawin walks towards the passenger seat side of the car.

'Ok, see u again Dani.'

'Kha.'

They drove away. Dani is still waving them goodbye until their car is out of site.

Inside the car :

There's pin drop silence inside. No one dares to strikes a conversation. Joss becomes too depressed to talk and Gawin feels too awkward to talk.

Throughout the journey, there's complete silence.

The car parks in front of Gawin's house.

"Thank u for dropping me home."

"No problem."

Gawin undo the seat belt and gets down from the car. He closes the door and walks around the car to Joss's side.

"Mind if u come inside for a sec?" Gawin bends down over to the window.

"I don't." Joss replies. Gawin opens the door from outside for Joss closing it back after Joss gets down from the car.

Gawin walks first, Joss just follows him from behind with an expressionless face. He knew this will come one day but he's just not ready for it yet. Gawin opens the door and both of them walks inside.

The light is turn on.

"Take a seat. What would u like? Tea, coffee, juice or water?"

"Water please." Joss sits down on one of the chair.

"Ok wait a sec." Gawin walks inside the kitchen.

Gawin took a glass pouring some water in it. He walk outside from the kitchen and hands it to the man sitting on the chair.

"Here."

"Thank u." Joss takes the glass with a smile and gulps it down in one go. The water cools his mind down a little. But it couldn't cool down his heart that's burning with sadness and regret.

Gawin sits down besides him. Joss puts the glass on the table and turn his body towards Gawin. Gawin also slightly turns his body towards him.

"So...u have something to tell me?" Joss starts talking first breaking the silence.

"Oh...um yes I have." Gawin looks a little off guard.

"What is it...?" Joss asks hesitantly. He knows what he's going to tell him. He's not ready yet to hear about Gawin's relationship from his own mouth but he also couldn't bear to not hear him out.

How can he avoid his it? He can't run away from reality can he?

"It's just...." Gawin starts talking but stops midway.

"Hmm ?"

"U know...after u left." Gawin looks down and starts opening up. Joss becomes more attentive slightly moving his body closer to Gawin.

"After that, it was really hard for me. I couldn't move on at all. It's hasn't been long since I gathered myself up and starts going out in the world." Gawin slowly talks looking down and fidgeting his finger.

The face of the man hearing him consumes with regret. His heart starts hurting. A sharp pain coming from now and then. But he didn't say anything. He didn't want to disturb the flow.

"Dani...she and I also started dating not long ago. She approached me first. At first, I wasn't willing to give her a chance but as time goes by I could always see her beside my side. So at last, I thought maybe I should give her a chance."

"So...u don't...like her ?"

"I like her but it's not in a romantic way. I just like her as a good friend. That's all."

"Then why do u date her ?"

"I know it's selfish of me but I thought maybe she'll be able to help me in moving on from my past."

"Did I...come back in the wrong time ?" Joss looks down. Gawin doesn't reply anything back. That's the answer. "I'm sorry. Maybe i should go back." Joss gets up from the chair swiftly.

"Don't worry!" Gawin exclaims suddenly. Joss stops walking standing still in fron of Gawin with his back towards him.

Gawin continues. "I will take care of my feelings so u don't have to worry."

"What ?" Joss turns around.

"I know it's ridiculous but I can't seem to love anyone after that incident. But that doesn't mean I still have love for u. Even if there is, I don't want to let it grow and consumes me."

Gawin slowly gets up and looks straight at Joss.

"I have let u go a long back so there's no need to return back cause I won't accept even if u do."

"G...." Joss takes a step closer but Gawin takes a step back. Joss gets stunned by it.

"It's getting late." Gawin utters quickly. "U should go back."

Joss still has a lot of things to say but he didn't utter another word before coming out from their. His head is throbbing and his heart feels like it's been split into many pieces.

So many things he wants to tell his love. So many things he needs to tell him but he doesn't have any energy left inside him. His body feels like it would give up then and there.

He turns around towards the door and walks out dragging his feet against the ground, eyes straight with a blank expression.

'Just until I reach the car....the car....' Joss thinks to himself so that his body doesn't give in to the exhaustion. He doesn't want to disturb the man behind him no more not even for a second.

He walks wobbly to his car, his legs about to give up. He sits inside the car leaning his head back and lets out a breath closing his eyes.

The big hands shake, the legs becomes numb and the headache becomes severe.

He took out his phone and call Lee.

Lee picked up the phone in an instant.

"Lee, come pick me up. Trace my location." Joss hangs up and throw it away to the side.

'Is this what our love is? Is it only upto this? Is it really over?' Joss whispers to himself.

<see u on next chp>