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Everything seems to go well, except for my sore legs, from the moment we wake up hugged to each other to the moment we start having breakfast together. It's just too good to be true, too good to actually last.

And I remember the last thought I had before falling asleep, and the first one I had when I woke up. I hate to think about that right now, not when we should be enjoying our time together after last night. But the thought of Jungkook being with someone else at any point from now on is taking me out constantly.

We could be talking about the most unrelated thing, but my head keeps going back to that.

—Okay —he finally sighs—. What's going on?

—What do you mean?

—You're making that face —he points to my furrowed eyebrows.

—What's with this face? It's my face.

—Yes, when you're thinking about something else —he squints his eyes, trying to guess what I'm thinking about.

—Okay, mentalist —I cut him off—. I was thinking about when I should be leaving.

—It's not that —he shakes his head—. Is it about last night? Did something bother you?

—No, everything about last night was great.

Not even for one second I felt uncomfortable or bad about what happened last night, and blaming on it that i'm spacing out would only make him feel bad -considering how he was hesitating to even kiss me properly at first.

He questions me with his eyes, trying to dig into whatever I'm trying to hide. And honestly, I just think it's fair to discuss it.

—It's about the deal —I admit.

—Oh, that.

The way he answers, and how he goes on with his cereal, convinces me I was definitely overthinking. I project onto him my own thoughts, and what I think he means with that answer, convincing myself he probably didn't even consider what we had as a deal, at this point. But he isn't done speaking.

—What do you want to discuss?

—The last rule —he keeps eating, while I'm unable to look anywhere else but him—. You know, the one about us not being able to see more people.

—What about it? —he frowns.

—Well, I know that rule was only because I was a virgin and you wanted to be the first one, but I'm not a virgin anymore.

—I know —he nods—. And just like we agreed, that rule won't exist from now on.

The way my heart sinks to my stomach when he says that almost makes me want to throw up. He stops eating, finally looking at me.

—So you want us to meet new people?

—No, I want you to meet new people.

I look at him confused at his words. Jungkook finally sets all of his attention on me, leaving the bowl aside.

—You need to hang out with other guys, go on dates, get to know someone else...

What a delicate way to tell me to get lost.

—What if I don't want to?

—Y/n, it's the best for you. You need to get out there, have options to choose from aside from me.

—Options to choose from? —I repeat, unbelieving of what I'm hearing— I already chose.

—You didn't choose. You couldn't ever choose because it was only me all this time —he pinches his nose—. All I'm saying is...

—Bullshit. All you're saying is bullshit —I cut him off—. So you're invalidating what I might want only because it started with a deal? —I stand up, frustrated with everything that's going on right now— It's easier if you just tell me you don't feel the same way.

—I like you, I do —he breathes before he continues—. And I care for you. That's exactly why I need you to do this.

He gets up from his place, walking to me as he tries to reach my arm with one of his hands, but I step back.

—You didn't choose me, this whole deal forced you to choose me —he tries to remain calm—. I chose you out of a lot of options, and you chose me because there was no one else. Do you see the difference?

—Why does it matter? —I hate how my voice sounds so shaky right now— I'm not telling you to get married tomorrow, I'm just saying... —I gulp hard, trying to make that knot on my throat disappear— You can't just tell me to go out and meet other guys now.

Basically because that'd mean the exclusivity we have will be lost, even if it's just from my side (which I doubt). And I'm not ready to lose that, to risk it all that way.

—So what? Do I go, date someone at ten and run to you past one? That's what you want me to do?

He steps forward in my direction, his hand trying to reach me in vain, because I move back as soon as I see what he's about to do.

—I'm just doing it for you.

—For me or for you? —I attack him— This sounds like an easy escape. Having me around, and if things don't work out, it won't be your problem, because I will potentially have somebody else on the side to deal with your mess. Is it?

Jungkook looks at me as if he were desperate to make me understand what this is all about, even if I probably just said it. My eyes burn when his eyes drop to the ground, avoiding eye contact.

It's still my choice at the end of the day. It'll be up to me to go on dates with someone else. But the fact that he's okay with this whole thing, no. Not even just being okay with it, but encouraging me to do it like it was nothing, as if it meant nothing at all.

—And when you change your mind, should I just mold to it and be okay with you changing rules just because you're jealous?

Like he did last time, when he basically scared that poor guy away when he was simply asking for my number.

Silence. That's all I get, and it pisses me off. Because there are a lot of words he could be saying, there are a lot of things I'd want him to say. But he never does. He simply stands there, waiting for everything to calm down. Maybe expecting me to give in and just sit back to have breakfast again.

But I can't do it. Not right now, not after this, not when I'm close to breaking down in front of him.

And I wish I could be walking in his shoes right now, empathize with what he means by this, but I just can't understand how he's coming up with all of this. The worst is that it isn't something he's just thought about, he's been thinking about this long enough to convince himself it was a good idea.

I'm not able to think straight here, so I start picking up my things. My bag and my shoes, and head to the door. But his hand around my forearm stops me.

—Will you also choose whether I should stay or leave? —I get off his grip.

When he licks his lips, I think he might say something, but instead he just nods slowly. Stepping back, he allows me to leave.

✸ ✸ ✸

I've been holding my sobs and whimpers on my way back home so hard that they burn my throat when they finally get out. I kept cleaning up every single teardrop that rolled down my cheek, I've been pressing my lips together, just making that knot tighter. And as soon as I crossed the door to my building, I wasn't able to hold it in.

I felt like I crossed the first door to my safe place. And that's probably why it's taking me so long for me to go upstairs, the blurred vision is making it harder for me to watch my own steps. Today, just today, it's the perfect day for the lift to be totally useless.

Am I just overreacting? Am I the one in the wrong and being childish for reacting like this? Because I really want to convince myself that this is what it is. I want to see the logic behind his words, but I find nothing but thin air.

"I'm into you only" "I like you, I do" But seems like not enough to leave the fucking deal and rules aside. How can you like someone, and then hope this same person meets other people?

"I like you, but I hope you fuck other guys from now on, so I don't have to pretend this is something serious" Basically.

In the middle of my mental rant, I see someone standing in front of my door. At first I can't picture who it is because of the long wavy light blond hair, but when she turns around I'm hoping a hole opens on my feet and makes me disappear.

—Holy shit, what happened? —her smile disappears when her eyes set on me.

—Nothing.

—Nothing? Have you seen yourself?

—Luckily not —I try to joke—. What are you doing here?

—I went to the hairdresser, and they gifted me that hair mask you said you couldn't find —she looks at me concerned—. Don't change the topic. What happened?

—Nothing.

—Oh, so the first thing in the morning you do is go running until you look like a mess like this?

—Tam...

—Y/n... —she mentions my name as a warning— We're friends. You can't just keep everything inside, and then go around with a smile. So let's go inside, and talk about it, alright? I have a lot of time until I have to open the bar.

—It isn't that deep.

—If it weren't that deep you wouldn't be looking the way you're looking.

Obviously when we're inside, she manages to get all the answers she was looking for from me. Every time it seems like I'm done explaining, she asks a new question to get deeper into the story. She manages to get everything from me after an hour, absolutely everything that's happened since I started going down the rabbit hole with Jungkook. The only missing information at this point is who I'm talking about.

—Y/n, gosh —she looks at me concerned—. Why didn't you tell me all of this?

—I didn't think I needed to —I shrug—. I didn't think you'd care. Honestly, I didn't even think of you as a friend until you introduced me to Soo as such.

—We spend eight hours a day together, we both know each other and what happens in our lives —she holds my hand—. Shit, y/n, you've comforted me and helped me more than other friends did. And I never invited you out because the friends I've had... Well, you've seen them.

Yeah. I've seen them. That's why I was surprised when she came up with Melanie, Lucas and Soo out of nowhere. It was a huge contrast.

—Are you okay about that other thing?

—Yeah. I mean, I'll work on it —I sigh—. I'll keep going to therapy, and I'll try to be more open about everything.

—Hope you know you can tell me everything you need to talk about —she holds my hand tight—. And I mean it.

I nod, giving her a tiny smile before I put my hand over hers. I think it'll stay like this, but there's still one thing pending: the conversation about the mystery guy. And of course she hasn't forgotten about it.

—What are you going to do with that guy?

—I don't know.

—So he wants to keep whatever you have going on, but also wants you to date other guys? —she raises her eyebrow— Will he see other hoes, too?

—I guess not. I mean, he said he wanted me to see other guys —I scratch my nape, unsure of what I'm saying—. But maybe he will.

—Hmm. He's confusing —she clicks her tongue—, but all men are dickheads just like that, so it's not that surprising. So he said he likes you, and by what you've told me, he's also shown it. But he's acting like he doesn't want anything serious now.

I wait for her to continue, because I know she isn't done yet.

—Either he's just playing with you, and doesn't know how to get out of what he got himself into, or he's really into you and only wants to make sure you're totally into him before being serious —her long waves move when she shakes her head—. Either are dumb as fuck.

—What should I do? I mean —I turn to her—, should I text him? Should I tell him what I think?

—Nothing —I look at her confused—. You like him —I nod, although she isn't asking anything—. He likes you, too —I nod again—. If the only problem is that he thinks he'll be able to handle you seeing other guys, then be it —she smiles at me—. He'll probably text you to meet up soon, so just leave it like this.

We move on from this conversation, because it's already giving me a headache just thinking about it. Clearly, I'm still pissed and disappointed at this whole thing. The fact that it's either this with Jungkook or nothing, and the fact that he was the one who came up with it, when I was expecting him to say something else...

Maybe I shouldn't have expected that much.

—What about you? —she turns to me, blank face while she tries to guess what I'm even asking— How's it going with that gym crush?

—Meh —she grimaces—. Nothing out of this world. He looked rough and shit, but when we finally went to bed, after four fucking months of flirting, he was the most vanilla person I've ever met. Fucking boring.

I nod, seeing her pissed off expression. Although it seems like it's just while she remembers that bad hook up, because her eyes open wide as she turns to me and claps at my thigh.

—By the way, remember that cute guy that shot his shot with you in the bar?

Of course I remember. It was all going great until a certain somebody decided to ruin it all by showing up and being an asshole. That nickname fits him like a ring.

—What about him?

—He showed up last night looking for you —her shoulder hits mine playfully—. Apparently he knows Mel, and she talked to him about you and how you're looking for a job related to your studies and shit —I nod, waiting for her to drop whatever it is she has to say—. He needs someone to work in his gallery as an art dealer.

—Tam, you're kidding.

—I'm not! I swear. He said he'd show up tomorrow, because I told him you were off yesterday and today.

I know the vacancy isn't mine yet, I haven't even talked to him directly about it, but just the idea is making me jump on my seat.

—I'll pay for the drinks on our next girls' night out if I get the job, so root for me.

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Jungkook regretting telling Y/n to meet other people in 3...2...1...