35: Sirius Black - Harsh Memories

Warning! Slight one time domestic abuse. Nothing too vicious or scarring.

House: Hufflepuff

Requested by: rubythethirdd

 "Sirius for Merlins sake, it's Nymphadora's birthday!" I shouted angrily at my boyfriend of three years, storming out of the bedroom where our argument had begun. Sirius and I got together in our last year of Hogwarts and decided to move in together as soon as we had graduated as he didn't want to be a burden on James' parents. We had bought a small house together in a village near James and Lily so that we could see our closest friends whenever we wanted.

"I don't get why we have to go!" Sirius shouted. We had just received an invitation from Andromeda asking if we'd like to come and celebrate her daughters birthday with them this coming weekend, but Sirius seemed adamant about not wanting to go.

"She's your cousins daughter Sirius! And anyway, I thought you said you liked Andromeda!" I said, folding my arms dramatically.

"I do but you know who I don't like? Her sisters! Or her parents! All of which would probably be there!" He shouted and I scoffed.

"I highly doubt that! Why do you think she invited us? It's because we're the only family she has that aren't death eaters!" I exclaimed and he scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Plus Ted's side will be there, and they're all nice!"

"We're not going (y/n)!" He shouted, snatching the invitation from my hand and ripping it in two making me gasp.

"Nymphadora drew that invitation herself!" I shouted, feeling furious with him.

"You think I care?!"

"You should care! There's only a handful of people in your family that would consider inviting you to gatherings and Andromeda is one of them! She wouldn't dare invite anyone who's turned to the dark side, she hates them just as much as us! Ted's muggle-born after all! She's been shunned just like you have, she's probably reaching out for a friend!" I shouted but Sirius scoffed again, shaking his head and turning away.

"We're not going (y/n) and that's final," he said firmly and I let out a dry laugh.

"'That's final'?! You're impossible! You're not even giving her a chance!" I was shouting at him louder than I had ever done before but I was so blinded by anger. "Dora's turning eight, she'll notice if we're not there and she'll ask why!" I snatched back the now ripped in half invitation, looking down at the adorable drawings that were ruined thanks to Sirius. "Give me one good reason as to why we shouldn't go."

"Because it'd be so awkward! And what if Narcissa's there, and Lucius? I bet Cygnus and Druella will be there!"

"Please, can you see any of them coming to an eight-year-olds party?" I scoffed.

"You don't get it!"

"No I get it perfectly! You're just being a coward."

"For once in your goddamn life will you just shut up! You think everything's so perfect, you and your family are so prim and proper that you don't even understand for a second the hell I went through! Seeing Andromeda after all this time would just be awkward," he used as an excuse and I felt insulted.

"Andromeda's the only one who's ever been on your side! You and her are the only ones who have gone against your families horrid traditions! How can you not trust her after the sacrifices she's made for the greater good!"

"You can't get it through your thick skull can you?! I don't want to go!" He yelled louder than before. My whole body was trembling with anger as we stared at each other with deadly glares.

"Fine! You may not want to go and support the only family you have left, but I do! So I'm going without you, and I'll tell them that you didn't want to even bother coming to see them," I scoffed, storming towards the study to fix Nymphadora's invitation, shoving Sirius out of the way as I walked however I didn't take into account where we were already stood. We were at the top of the stairs and suddenly Sirius was falling down them, crashing to the floor in the hallway downstairs. I let out a yelp and immediately ran down to his aid. "Sirius! Sirius are you okay?!" I yelled, completely panicked as I crouched beside him, seeing a wound on his head. "Sirius!" I shook him but he didn't wake up from the unconscious state he was in. Immediately I checked his pulse and once I felt that it was beating normally I ran to the kitchen to retrieve the first aid box.

Tears were welling up in my eyes as I realised that this was all my fault. He was laying unconscious in my lap with a head wound that was bleeding all because of me. I kept on muttering apologies under my breath despite the fact he couldn't respond as I cleaned the wound desperately, my hands trembling as blood got onto my hands. "Sirius please wake up, I'm sorry!" I cried, and thankfully then I saw his eyes begin to flutter open. "Sirius!"

Suddenly however he pushed me away from him, knocking me backwards onto the floor. He stood up briskly, looking as though he was going to collapse as his whole body shook. He turned and pulled open the door, storming out of house. As quickly as I could I scrambled to my feet, desperately calling after him, tears of guilt streaming down my face however before I could run up to him he had disapperated.

- Sirius' POV -

As I landed on the familiar pavement I couldn't stop myself from throwing up either from the rough apparition or from the head wound. All that was whirling through my head was visions of my dad pushing me brutally down the stairs at Grimmauld Place, followed by my mothers cruciatus curses. The horrible memories were playing on repeat inside my head, the darkness and pain washing over me. When I awoke moments ago I expected to feel the pain of the cruciatus curse and just had to leave, not even remembering how I had ended up at the bottom of the stairs. All I could see were the bruises on my arms, them being exactly the same as those my parents would give me.

I dragged myself to the front door of James and Lily's house that stood in front of me and knocked repeatedly. "Hello- Sirius! Sirius, what happened, why have you got a plaster on your head?" He asked quickly and I furrowed my eyebrows, reaching up and feeling a large cushioned plaster on my forehead. "Come on in," he wrapped my arm around his shoulders and dragged me into their lounge, sitting me on their sofa.

"James, who was that- Sirius!" Lily exclaimed as she walked into the lounge however all I could do was stare at the floor.

"Mate, tell us what happened," James said, kneeling in front of me but I remained quiet. "Lily could you make him a coffee?"

"Yeah, yeah of course," she said, hobbling to the kitchen given the size of her baby bump.

"Do you remember what happened?" James asked softly.

"Dad pushed me down the stairs," I whispered, as all I could see was the vision of him laughing as I tumbled to the floor.

"Wait... what? But you live with (y/n)," James said. "What were you doing at Grimmauld Place?"

At the mention of (y/n)'s name a little bit of light came into my memories as I thought hard. "She was there... (y/n)," I muttered and James looked confused. "It wasn't Grimmauld Place... it was our house..."

"Your dad was at your house? Why?" James asked but I shook my head.

"N-no... I think... (y/n)... by accident," I muttered, as slowly things came back to me. Lily came back in and handed me a coffee, then sitting beside me.

"So (y/n) accidentally knocked you down the stairs?" James asked and I nodded, wincing at the pain that suddenly shot to my head.

"Why would she do that?" Lily asked.

"We got into a big fight... she didn't mean to... I lost my footing and fell... the last thing I remember is waking up in her arms. I pushed her away because I... I expected a cruciatus curse to hit me..."

"I think you're suffering from a little bit of PTSD," James said. "Perhaps the fall triggered it and all you remember from after falling like that is being hit with a curse?"

I shivered at the thought and nodded, knowing he was probably right. "What initiated this argument?" Lily asked and I sighed.

"We got invited to celebrate Andromeda's daughters birthday with them. (y/n) wanted to go but I... I didn't," I mumbled. "Oh Merlin... we were both so horrible to each other... this is it isn't it?"

"No, not necessarily," James said quickly, rubbing my back. "But why didn't you want to see them? I thought you got on with them?"

"Well I got on with Reg until our stupid family turned him, and look what happened to him! He's just vanished, I don't know if he's even alive! I don't know who in my family to trust, the only people I can truly trust is you two, Remus, Peter and... and (y/n)..."

"Then you need to tell her. She'll understand," Lily said soothingly.

"But she made a good point about the fact Andromeda married a muggle-born. She's been shunned by our family too... there's no reason for me not to trust them yet- I don't know, I guess I'm just confused. It's been a while since I've been a part of family events," I mumbled. I winced a little as the pounding in my head began to get worse.

"It's okay, you need to rest," James said, however as soon as he said that there was a sudden pounding against the door that made all three of us jump.

- (y/n)'s POV -

Tears raced down my cheeks as I slammed my fist against the front door of the Potters house repeatedly. I was a trembling mess, more and more heavy guilt piling on my body with each passing second. If Sirius wasn't here I wasn't sure what I was going to do.

The door suddenly opened to reveal Lily who smiled in what looked like relief. "Please tell me he's here!" I begged and she nodded, stepping aside and letting me in. I stumbled into their house, Lily leading me to their lounge where Sirius was sat on the sofa with James. "Sirius!" I cried out, collapsing in front of him and wrapping my arms around me tightly. I was too caught up with my overwhelming feelings that I didn't care he wasn't hugging me back. "I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry, please forgive me," I begged, holding onto him tightly. He remained silent however and it was then that I realised he wasn't holding me back.

"We'll give you two a moment," James said, standing and leading Lily from the room.

"I'm really sorry Sirius, I never meant to hurt you," I whispered, my voice cracking. I pulled away from him, kneeling in front of him and cupping his cheeks in the hopes he'd look up at me but he didn't. I bit my lip in an effort to stop the sobs I was trying to contain escape.

"You hurt me," he whispered, not looking at me. I ferociously wiped my eyes, the feeling of shame adding to the immense amount of guilt I was feeling.

"I didn't mean to Sirius, I swear it, and I'm so sorry! I love you so much, I'd never do anything to hurt you- I-I mean I know I have done but I swear it was an accident!" I exclaimed, trying to get him to look at me which he finally did. There was sadness in his eyes that hurt my heart but I refused to look away from them. "P-please don't- don't leave me," I begged.

"I'm not gonna leave you (y/n)," he whispered, finally holding me back by wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close. "I know it was an accident as well. It was just a stupid argument that got out of hand," he whispered and I nodded into his neck.

"I know your relationship with your family is difficult, we don't have to go. I'm sorry I tried to force you into it, that was unfair of me," I whispered, hoping more than anything he'd forgive me.

"It's okay, I forgive you," he whispered and I sighed in relief, a slight sob leaving my lips. "Please stop crying," he added, pushing me away and taking ahold of my shoulders.

"Sorry I just- I guess I'm just feeling a whirlwind of emotions right now," I said and it was true. Guilt and shame was still weighing me down completely but relief that he had forgiven me made me feel a little better. "And we don't have to go and see your cousins, it was unfair for me to force that-,"

"I'd like to go," he said, catching me off guard.

"You would?" I checked to see if I heard right.

"You were right, Andromeda, Ted and Nymphadora are the only people left in my family who aren't involved in the dark arts. I need to see them again, talk to them again... they're good people and I shouldn't shun them and use my families dark past as an excuse to ignore them," he said with sincerity.

"I-I only want to go if you feel comfortable with it Sirius," I whispered.

"I think I do. We can buy Nymphadora a present tomorrow," he said with a genuine smile that made my heart melt. He suddenly winced again and brought his hand up to the large plaster I had put over his head wound.

"I know you told me not to apologise but I am so sorry Sirius, I can't believe I hurt you like this," I said, trying not to cry again.

"It's okay, it'll heal. I just need to lay down for a bit I think," he said and I nodded, gently helping him lay down on the sofa. "I know something you can do to make the pain go away," he said.

"What? I'll do anything," I said quickly.

"Kiss me," he said simply. I was admittedly flustered by his request but I happily did it, pressing my lips against his lovingly. Warmth spread through my body like wildfire as we kissed sweetly, pulling apart but remaining close. "I forgive you (y/n), for everything. You've no reason to apologise any more," he said definitively and despite thinking I needed to do more to earn his forgiveness, I nodded.

"I'll leave you to rest a little," I whispered and he nodded, his eyelids already closing slowly from tiredness. I let out a sigh of relief and left the lounge, seeing both Lily and James eavesdropping by the door.

"You okay?" James asked quickly and I nodded.

"I don't deserve his forgiveness," I whispered.

"Sirius isn't the type to get hung up over something like this especially if it's something that can be sorted out and especially when it comes to you. He loves you (y/n), and I think what happened this evening might've strengthened your relationship," he said.

"I know you'll still feel guilty but his injuries were just an unavoidable accident. The only reason he ran away was because we think it triggered slight PTSD from when he lived at Grimmauld Place," Lily said and I nodded, having guessed that was the case.

"I feel so horrible," I said, hiding my face with my hands.

"It's okay, he's forgiven you. He loves you (y/n). He was even scared that you were going to break up with him over this argument you guys had," Lily said and I shot my head up to look at the couple.

"Really? Why?" I hissed and the pair of them shrugged. "I'd never leave him."

"That's what we tried to tell him," James said.

"He's currently asleep on your sofa," I said, pointing to the lounge door.

"That's okay, you two can stay as long as you like," Lily said and I nodded with a smile.

"Thank you... both of you," I glanced between them, taking turns to hug them. I then went back to Sirius and sat on the floor beside the sofa, watching him sleep peacefully. The guilt and shame still lingered and I imagined it would for a while, but I loved Sirius with all my heart and made a vow to myself to never let him go through any pain again.