S. F - 42

***

New.

The days without Tay went slower than usual.

"Oh, come on. What's with the long face?" White stuffed his mouth with popcorn before plopping down beside me.

I sighed as I scanned the entirety of my unit. I wasn't even sure if it was a home anymore. Everywhere I looked, I could see either used clothes or empty packs of food. I rolled my eyes as I saw two boxers hanging on the floor lamp.

They'd been using my unit for over a week already as they insisted that they rather stay over at my unit than in a hotel. And I might have regretted my decision of giving in to their request.

"Come on, guys. Can you at least keep your used clothes? They're all over the place," I couldn't hide the irritation in my voice as I pointed at the pile of clothes on a nearby chair.

"Oopsiees. We'll do that later. For now, let's watch some movie," Gunsmile, whose hands were occupied with soda and more popcorn sat beside us.

I rolled my eyes as some popcorn dropped on the floor as he plopped down on the sofa.

"By the way, your birthday's in two days. What's the plan then?" White asked as he entered the pin to my Netflix account and browsed through the movies.

"Nah, just the usual," I sparingly replied.

I was never fond of throwing parties on my birthday as I'd rather go to the club or some place to drink. But that was before.

The mere thought of Tay being away on my birthday didn't pique any interest in me celebrating it at all.

And thinking about the remaining days of him being away just made me miss him even more. If I could just fast forward the days so I'd see him already.

He was constant with his calls to the point I felt guilty whenever I saw the dark circles under his eyes. Considering our time difference, he always made sure to call me at my most convenient time.

"Okay, then I'm calling our colleagues to join us. Same club then?" White asked as he punched some words on the search bar and settled with a zombie film.

"Yeah."

I leaned back on my seat as I watched the Netflix logo on the screen.

He'd be coming home in four days, but for me, it was still such a long time.

I was in the middle of contemplating if I should celebrate my birthday or not when my phone rang.

I quickly got up my seat and dashed off to my room to answer Tay's video call.

I grimaced as I looked at the crumpled bedsheets, but decided to just ignore it.

"Hi!" I excitedly greeted him the moment I answered the call.

"Hi, baaabe."

I grinned as he beamed at the camera, showing his usual gummy smile that lit up his whole face.

"Tsss. Aren't you getting tired of calling me that?"

"No, I'm not. And I would never be. And besides, you've got to get used to it since I'll be calling you babe every single day of your life."

I tried suppressing the smile that crept on my face but failed as I completely blushed over Tay's proclamation. And I just couldn't wait to hear him call me that every day.

"So, what are you doing?"

"Just watching some movies with Gunsmile and White."

"Are you gonna sleep over there?"

"No. My mom wants me to go home to her."

"Then you better get going. Isn't it already late over there?"

"I'll be heading out in a few."

"New."

I raised an eyebrow when he used a warning tone on me. So what happened to babe now??

"As much as I don't want to control your decisions, but you have to get going after we end this call okay? I don't want you driving at such a late hour. You might doze off in your car or something."

"Fine. Fine. I'll get going after this call, okay. You're so overprotective."

"I'm just worried about you, okay? I'd probably lose my mind if something bad happens to you especially when I'm away."

"Tsss. I can take care of myself."

"Yeah, I know but I want to take care of you, too."

"Tsss. You and your words. Promise, I'll drive carefully, okay? No need to worry."

"Then we better end this call because you've got to get going already."

"Uiiiiii. We still haven't talked for five minutes."

"Call me when you get home, alright? I wanna see your face before I go to work."

"Oookkay."

"I miss you."

"Yeah."

"Don't you miss me?"

"I-I do."

"Then tell me. Tell me that you miss me."

"I-I miss you, too.... babe."

I chuckled when I saw him froze for a moment on the other line.

"God, New. Please, stop doing things that make me wanna go back there in an instant. Just wait until I get back. There's no way I'd let you out of my sight."

"Tsss."

"Call me once you're home, okay? And New, don't worry, I'll be home soon."

***

Weird.

That was what I thought of when Tay didn't call me the entire day.

"I guess he's just busy," I tried convincing myself though I was quite worried considering he never failed to call me every day.

I was heading out of my office when I saw Mild and Frank coming towards me.

"Hi!" Mild greeted with a smile.

"Hello, Dada."

I smiled as Frank ran towards me and hugged my legs.

"Uhm, I'm sorry for bothering you but Frank wanted to see you. I told him you're busy but he started throwing tantrums."

"Huh? Me? But why?"

"He hasn't seen Tay for days and when I told him he's out of the country for work, he just blurted out your name."

"Hello there Franky," I muttered as I picked him up and carried him in my arms.

"Hello, Dada. I mith you," he replied as he clung his arms around my neck.

"Wanna go eat?" I asked as I tousled his hair and he nodded his head continuously.

We ended up in a nearby fast food restaurant.

"I'm really sorry for the trouble, New," Mild apologized for the nth time as we settled at a vacant table.

"No worries. I'm happy to see him, too."

I glanced at Frank who was already happily munching on a chicken leg.

"I actually wanna talk to you, too."

I was actually caught by surprise for I couldn't remember anything that we had to talk about.

"About?"

"About Tay. I wanna say sorry for taking him away from you."

"Frank needed him that time. There's nothing to say sorry about it, Mild. Frank needed him more than I."

"I suppose Tay already told you everything, including our past relationship, right?"

"Yeah. We've actually talked about that already."

"I just wanna thank you for still accepting him despite everything, New. I knew I have hurt him in the past and he went through so much when my sister died. I'm just happy he found you. You make him happy."

"He, he makes me happy, too. May I ask why you broke up with him?"

I knew it was kind of awkward to ask such thing, but curiosity got the best of me so I ended blurting out my question.

She chuckled as she shifted her position, "We were still so young back then and I was pressured with my studies especially that we were about to enter college. So when he said he wanted to marry me someday, I got scared. Actually, he promised to give me a ring but it never happened for I broke up with him that same day."

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I glanced at the ring in my finger.

"It's his mother's engagement ring by the way, the one you're wearing."

I saw her smiling as she looked at my hand that was resting on the table.

"Wh-what?"

"He once told me his mother wanted him to propose to the one he loves using that ring."

"D-did he give you this when he proposed?"

"Tsss. Of course not. His mother gave it to him when he reached college. We broke up in high school. But he mentioned it to me after we broke up. We still became friends after though."

We both became silent for a moment. I didn't know what to say as I stared at the ring in my hand and remembered how I lost it before, not even knowing that it held such sentimental value.

"New, I know he loves you so much. I saw it with my own eyes when we were in New York. I was wondering all the time why he would lock himself up in his room and come out with puffy eyes the next morning, but he didn't say anything. It was a good thing Frank saw your picture in his wallet or I'd never know he left someone in Bangkok."

"Water, pleathe."

We both looked at Frank who just interrupted our conversation. His mouth and bib were covered with gravy, making him look a like a mess, a very cute mess.

"Here you go, buddy," I handed him his water bottle before turning back to Mild.

"Thank you, Mild," I smiled genuinely at her and she did the same.

***

"Tell me you're joking."

I clutched my chest tighter as I listened to Gun over the phone.

I found it hard to breathe as he told me the news I never wanted to hear in my whole life, not in this lifetime or in any other lifetimes.

"Arm just called Off saying Tay's plane crashed on the way back to Bangkok. The authorities are still retrieving the bodies. There's still no news if they're able to retrieve Tay's body."

I couldn't comprehend everything that Gun said. My mind was hazy and I felt dizzy as I stumbled to look for something to hold on to but found nothing.

"No, no, Gun. Take back what you said. You're just joking, right? It isn't funny, Gun. Take back what you said. He's not supposed to go back this early. He still has two days remaining in New York. He's not supposed to go home," my voice quivered as I begged Gun to tell me that everything was just a bad joke.

"I'm so sorry, New. I couldn't even believe it myself."

My hands quivered as I collapsed on the floor, trying to understand everything. I couldn't think properly as I stared into nothing. The only thing I knew was my heart was clenching so hard against my chest and I couldn't breathe.

"New. Hello? Are you still there? New. New? Where are you? I'll come there. Tell me where you are."

Gun kept talking on the other line but I was too numb to answer. Tears streamed down my face as I dropped myself on the floor, gripping my phone tighter in my hand and crying my eyes out as I curled myself in a fetal position.

How could this happen on my birthday? It was supposed to be a happy day. Did I do something in my past life for destiny to punish me this way. I hadn't even told him my answer. I still had to tell him my answer.

"What am I supposed to do now, Tay?? Are you just gonna leave just like that?? Why do you have to leave again?? I hate you! I fucking hate you! Why do you always have to leave me alone?! You promised me you'd come home to me!"

I cried my eyes out as I clutched my chest even tighter, hoping everything was just a dream and Tay was just working in his office in New York.

I was literally breathless and I found it hard to move at all. My hands were sweaty and my head was heavy as I poured every single tear I had in my body.

"New? New? Son are you okay??"

I gasped a huge amount of air as soon as I woke up and saw my mom looking at me with worried eyes.

"Are you okay? You're crying in your sleep," she asked as she started caressing my hair.

"Wh-What happened mom?"

"I heard you crying and calling Tay in your sleep. Was it a nightmare?"

I didn't say anything and just hugged her, quite relieved that everything was just a dream but for some reason, I couldn't eliminate the heavy feeling in my chest.

That was when I heard my phone rang.

"Gun? Is there anything you need?" I asked as I was quite confused why Gun would call at such a very late hour. My birthday would still be in an hour so there was no way he wanted to greet me.

"New. There's something you need to know but please stay calm, okay?"

I gripped the phone tighter as I listened to him. And for some unknown reason, I could feel my heart racing against my chest, especially after noticing the tone of his voice.

"Tay had an accident on the way to your house. He-he's in the hospital right now."

The phone just slipped from my hand as numbness took over my whole body.

I'm still dreaming, right? Please, someone tell me I'm still dreaming.

***