S. F. - 37

**

New.

Silence engulfed us as we sat on the opposite ends of the sofa. He didn't say anything for a while and that made me uneasy at some point.

I wanted to hear the truth from him, but I wasn't sure if I was really ready.

"New. I wanna be completely honest with you because I don't wanna lose you ever again. And I'm hoping you'll listen to me."

I tightened my grasp on the cup of warm chocolate milk he prepared for me as he started talking. I shifted my position on the sofa as I readied myself to listen to whatever he wanted to say. I was nervous so I decided to not look at him so he wouldn't notice.

"I-I had a relationship with Mild for three years way back in high school."

Okay, I didn't expect what he said. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I tried so hard to stop them from quivering after his sudden revelation.

"I met Aom every time I visited Mild and during special occasions, but I never saw her as something more that time. We would talk casually, but that was it. Then Mild broke up with me on our senior prom. I-I got devastated. That was when I promised to not fall in love with anyone again. When I entered college, Aom became one of my professors and that was how we got close. She was actually the one who inspired me to become a teacher, a profession I've always wanted but I couldn't take as I was bound to take over the company."

I could feel his stares at me, but I didn't spare him any. I fixed my eyes on the cup of chocolate milk as I tried to comprehend every word he said.

"I was in my second year when I realized that the reason I got nervous whenever she was around was not because she was my professor, but because of something more. But I knew I didn't have a chance with her as she already had a boyfriend that time and I didn't want to ruin her relationship with him and her profession as well. I-I loved her in secret and that was when I realized that the love I had for her was even greater than my previous ones."

I felt him shift his position on the sofa as he cleared his throat and for a moment I sensed the hint of sadness in his voice.

"And then I found out that her boyfriend got her pregnant. That moment I realized that I completely lost the fight that hadn't even started. I was ready to give her everything I had that time, but I guess destiny must have planned something else for the both of us. Her sudden death devastated me. I wallowed in sadness, in alcohol, and I was ready to follow her to the next life. That was when Kao entered. We were batchmates and he somehow became my comfort. But it was not enough to make me completely heal until I found you again years after the night I first saw you."

I furrowed my eyebrows as he mentioned our supposed first meeting, which I didn't have any recollection at all, for the nth time.

I flinched when he scooted closer to me and took the cup from my hands before placing it on the coffee table.

"New, I'm so sorry for keeping it from you. I was thinking what happened in the past doesn't matter anymore. It's nothing significant. I swear, Frank is not my son. We can have a DNA test if that will make you believe in me."

I looked at our hands as he started fiddling with my fingers. His hands were slightly sweaty and cold. He must have been as nervous as I was.

"Please believe me, New. I swear to heavens my intentions for you are genuine. God knows how much I want to be with you, New."

"M-Mild. You're still with Mild," my voice cracked as I mentioned her name. The fact that he still had interactions with her bothered me at some point. Three years. They'd been together for three years. That was quite a long time, too.

"It's all in the past, New. I swear nothing is going on between us anymore. We're just friends, okay. It was just another case of puppy love. We were just teenagers back then. We didn't have any idea how love really works. We were impulsive and couldn't even distinguish love from mere attraction."

I remained silent as he brought my hands to his lips and started kissing them. A part of me wanted to believe him, but I couldn't deny the fact that I still had doubts. The mere fact that he went to New York with his ex-girlfriend and his first love's child was very unsettling for me.

"I-I don't know. I still need more time to think about this. I-I have to go," I pried his hands off mine and headed towards the door, but he grabbed me into a hug.

"I love you, New. I really do. You may doubt me, but please don't doubt my love for you. I'd understand if you won't believe me for now, but I swear my feelings for you are real. I don't wanna lose you again, New, but if you want to stay away from me for a while, I'd totally understand. I'll give you space and time to think. Just promise me you'll take care of yourself while I'm not around to take care of you."

I swallowed hard as he broke our embrace and placed something on the palm of my hand.

"I still want you to keep this until you make up your mind, okay?"

"Wh-where did you find this?" I gasped as I saw the ring which I thought I lost forever.

"It doesn't matter anymore, okay? Just keep it with you until you get your answer. And when you've finally decided, please come to me, okay? I'll respect whatever your decision will be," he muttered before placing a soft kiss on my forehead and for a moment, I swore my heart skipped a beat. 

***

Six days. I hadn't seen Tay for six days. He kept his promise and didn't even showed himself to me.

I touched the pendant of the necklace I wore around my neck. It was the ring he gave to me. I was afraid I'd lose it again so I decided to wear it in a way he wouldn't know.

I heaved a deep sigh as I straightened my suit and fixed my tie. I'd be seeing him again. As much as I wanted to avoid meeting him for the meantime, I had no other choice. Gun would definitely kill me with his bare hands if I missed his wedding.

"Okay, New. Let's fucking do this," I told myself as I hid the necklace underneath my suit.

***

Everyone cheered as Off and Gun sealed their marriage with a kiss and I couldn't help but smile as I looked at Gun who was staring lovingly at his husband whilst the sun sets in the background.

They both opted for a beach wedding as Gun had always loved the beach. Being the social-recluse that Off was, it was actually a surprise that Gun was able to convince him to do such kind of wedding.

I held my breath as I caught a glance of Tay who had his eyes on me. I had no clue how long he'd been staring at me, but I could sense the intensity of his stares.

He looked thinner and the circles around his eyes were darker. It seemed that he hadn't had any sleep for days.

I quickly evaded his gaze and looked back at Off and Gun.

Several of our batchmates were present and I couldn't help but be sad over White and Gunsmile's absence. Apparently, both of their families had prior commitments so they weren't able to fly to Thailand on the wedding day.

"Are you okay?" I jolted as Earth spoke behind me.

"Hey, can you not sneak on me!"

"I'm sorry. You were spacing out so I thought you need something to wake you up," he chuckled as he placed his arm on my back.

"Tsss. Whatever."

I caught a glance of Tay and I saw the grim look on his face. I casually shifted my position so Earth would remove his arm from me.

"They look good together, don't they?" he commented as he eyed Off and Gun who were approaching the guests' tables.

"Yeah. They do."

"Do you think we'll also look good on our wedding day?"

Earth chuckled as I rolled my eyes at him.

"Hey, I'm just kidding, okay. I know I don't have a chance with you anymore."

"Earth. I—"

"It's okay, New. The moment I saw that ring on your finger I already know I lost. You don't just buy an engagement ring for yourself, New."

"Tay and I are not together. We're not in a relationship."

"Yet. I know you still love him or you wouldn't wear that thing around your neck," he replied as he pointed at my chest.

"H-how did you know?"

"Saw it when I visited you at your office the other day."

"I-I just-"

"You don't need to explain, okay. Let's just enjoy the night," he smiled as he slightly pinched my nose.

I stealthily glanced at Tay who was talking to Off.

I missed him.

I would be lying to myself if I said that I didn't miss him. For six days, I busied myself at the company, trying my best to not think of him, but I failed.

There were times when I would cry myself to sleep, wishing that he'd come to me, but I knew that he was giving me the space that I needed.

"Thanks, New for coming," Gun pulled me into a hug when the event ended.

"Congratulations, Gun. I'm so happy for you."

"I wish you'll find your happiness, too, New."

"Come on. Are you saying that I'm not happy?"

"No, it's not what I meant. What I'm saying is, there's someone who can make you happier."

"Tsss. I'm perfectly fine being alone, okay. Don't need to worry about me. I gotta go. My mom's being clingy nowadays. She won't even sleep until I get home."

"Take care. Message me once you get home."

I waved at him as I headed towards the parking space. Earth had already gone home ahead of me because he still had a flight the next day.

I was in the midst of composing a message for my mom when I noticed that someone was following me. I quickly turned around to see who it was and almost dropped my phone when I saw Tay standing behind me.

"N-New."

I took a step backward as he advanced towards me for I was afraid that I'd break down the moment he closed the distance between us.

He continued advancing whilst I do the opposite. There were only a few steps between us and I could feel my heart racing.

"T-Tay, what are you doing? Holy shit!" I cursed as my back hit my car. Tay saw that as an opportunity as he completely closed the distance between us and grabbed me into a hug.

"I miss you," he whispered and I almost broke down the moment I felt his warmth again.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as he tightened his arms around me.

"I miss you so much, New. I'm sorry for breaking my promise of giving you space, but I just really need to feel you right now. I just need to feel your warmth so I'd know you're still here, that you're real."

I didn't say a word, but I didn't push him away either. I just let him hug me in the middle of the parking space.

I wanted to hug him back, but I fought my own will. I had to fight my urge. I still needed time to think. I still needed time to heal.

"I-I'm sorry. I-I'll be off then," he apologized as he let go of me and headed back towards his car.

And for a moment, I regretted not hugging him back.

***

"What are you doing here?" I furrowed my eyebrows at a soaked Tay Tawan the moment I saw him standing right at our front door.

After Off and Gun's wedding, he didn't show up just like what he promised.

And seeing him in front of our door on a Friday night just stunned me.

"Oh my gosh! You're soaking wet! Come here. New, get some towels and some clothes for Tay. Why are you standing like you just saw a ghost there??" my mom slightly pushed me aside as she checked on him.

I gave Tay a dangerous glare before stomping towards my bedroom to get him some clothes to change into.

"What the hell is he doing here??" I uttered nervously as I slammed the door behind me.

"Holy shit! I look like a mess!" I exclaimed as I saw myself on the mirror. I quickly fixed my hair that had gone disarray as I was lazying on the sofa before he came.

I was grabbing some clothes from my closet when I thought of something.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. You picked the wrong date to appear at my front door, Tay."

***

I stifled a laugh as Tay came out of the common bathroom wearing a fitted pink Hello Kitty shirt. White and Gunsmile got it for me to piss me off and never had I worn that shirt ever since. And seriously, why would I??

"Newwiieee, why did you give him that??" my mother exclaimed whilst I tried my best to not let out a laugh.

"Newwiee?"

I froze as Tay repeated what my mother called me. And it was my turn to blush.

"Yeah, that's his nickname when he was young. It's cute, right?"

"Yeah, it sounds cute, as opposed to its size."

I gritted my teeth as I heard him snicker. Ugh. What a pervert!

"Honey, you should get Tay another shirt. That's too small for him. And seriously, pink??"

"I-it's okay, ma'am. I'm quite comfortable in this."

I raised an eyebrow at him as he lied to impress my mom.

"Okay, if that's the case, then make yourself comfortable first while Hom and I prepare the table, okay? And by the way, it's mom for you," she tapped Tay's shoulder before strutting back to the kitchen.

I pretended to scroll through my phone to avoid talking to him as he took a seat across me.

"Newwiee."

I huffed a huge amount of air as I ignored him and continued scrolling through Facebook when in fact, my mind was wandering elsewhere.

"Okay, I'm sorry for breaking my promise but I couldn't turn down your mom's invitation for dinner."

Tsssss. Why on earth would my mom invite him over for dinner??

"Newwiee, Newwiee, Newwieeeee, Newwwiiieee, Neewwwiiiieeeeeee."

"What??!" I blurted out as he was starting to annoy me.

"Don't you miss me? I miss Newwiee already."

"Ughhhh! Why are you so annoying??"

"Can you ju—"

"Dinner's ready!" my mom called us out cutting my words short.

I shot him another dangerous glare as I stomped towards the dining room.

***

"I'm so happy you accepted my invitation, Tay. We owe you so much. If it weren't for you, we would have lost the company and the house."

"It's nothing, mom. You can always come to me when you need help."

"Thanks, son."

"Tsss. Who really is your son here, mom??" I whined as she placed a slice of meat on Tay's plate.

"Ohhh, Newwiee is sulking. Here, have some of this, okay?" mom chuckled as he placed a slice of meat on my plate, too.

"I didn't know Newwiee knows how to sulk."

I glared at Tay who was grinning at me.

Ugh! Pervert!

"Oh, he's always like this. He doesn't have any siblings so we tend to baby him."

"I'm not a baby anymore, mooom."

"Of course you are. You're my one and only baby."

I scowled as mom tickled my chin whilst Tay was grinning from ear to ear.

"But what if some else wants to baby him?

I raised my eyebrow at Tay. I kicked him under the table but he just ignored me as he waited for my mom to answer.

"Well, they have to get through me first. But well, if New wants to be with that someone, then who am I to stand in their way."

Okay, I didn't like where the conversation was going. It made me nervous for no apparent reason.

"Mom, I actually have another intention of coming here. And I hope you'd give me your permission."

I tried distracting myself as I projected my anxiety on the piece of meat, shredding it into several pieces.

"Oh, what is it? Anything for you, dear."

I didn't know what he wanted from my mom but his statement did cause me palpitations and I could feel my neck pulsating.

And true enough, I choked on my own saliva as he blurted out the words I didn't expect to hear that night.

"I want to court New."

***