Chapter 55: Every Minute Mattered

*Joe's POV*

I flipped my hood over the top of my head before grabbing my carry-on out from the overhead compartment, rushing to get off the plane without looking suspicious. Going incognito was what I was aiming for, but imagine a man hiding his face with his black hoodie while quickly pacing through the airport with a medium-sized rose pink suitcase covered in stickers, weaving around anyone that came in the way. Definitely more close to crossing the suspicion line.

Slipping my phone out of my pocket, the giant numbers overtook the top part of my lockscreen before it automatically unlocked with facial recognition. I was really cutting it with the time.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I whispered under my breath, scanning around the terminal in the arrival section to find my driver to the private minicab I booked in advance, right before getting on my flight.

In a sea of people, a man dressed in a casual business suit held a sign near his lower chest that had my initials printed out. A wave of relief washed over me, having no more need to look any further, as we exchanged identification for safety protocol.

Once hopping in the vehicle, I drew my phone back out and sent a batch of messages to all my important people that I had landed in one piece. Physically, that is. Figuratively, my mind was looping around me in an antsy frenzy, pulling me in every single direction faster than my body could keep up.

After cleaning myself up, rinsing off all the germs I collected on my travel to London, I shoved my Halloween costume in a backpack. It was more convenient to change at Sophie's than to be wearing an itchy and uncomfortable costume all night. A cream wool sweater and a simple pair of medium wash denim jeans did the job much better, keeping it neutral until my festivity side came out while trick-or-treating with my daughters. A known fact about me was that I always went all out on Halloween, especially with my costumes.

Glancing at the clock, my foot pressed on the gas to speed up. The sunset was almost already gone, the stars in the sky starting to glow. Every minute mattered. Every second mattered.

Upon turning the key to unlock it after parking my car in the driveway, my backpack slung over one shoulder, I breathed a little lighter with an automatic smile as I heard high-pitched giggles and squeaky babbling while stepping inside. With Sophie already expecting me, knocking on her front door didn't matter either.

I tiptoed around the corner, entering the living room where all the commotion was, "Are those ghosts I hear tricking me, or is it my pretty princesses ready to go out and get some treats from the—"

My chipper smile faded with my playful jokes, observing all the candy scattered around them as they placed them in two piles. One pile that was their possession, anyone else's hand off-limits from merely touching a single sweet. Another pile that was up for grabs or for a trade-off with each other. Basically, anything they deemed to be offensive to their taste buds.

"And you already went without me," I gulped, pretending to put my smile back on as they ran up to wrap their little arms around me with excited squeals.

"Daddy, look!" Willa pulled away and twirled, her tiny fists gripping onto the ends of her dress, "Guess what I am!"

"Me too, me too!" Delphine jumped as she let me go, a chocolate smear sitting on one corner of her mouth, "Guess mine first!"

"With a tail like that, I'm going to say you're a mermaid," I used my thumb to attempt to wipe the chocolate off, but Delphine pushed herself away by running back to her candy bucket with a little stumble.

"And me?" Willa's brown puppy eyes stared up at me, the bright colors of her flowy dress stood out from the black base of the outfit as she lifted the corners to show off the wings, "I can give you a hint. I sleep in a cocoon and fly!"

"You're definitely the most beautiful butterfly my eyes have ever seen," my forced smile shifted into a genuine joy, picking her up and throwing her carefully up into the air as she playfully shrieked in a giggling fit.

Sophie stood up from off the living room floor and approached me once I put Willa down to run to her candy pile, lowering her tone in a hushed conversation just between us two, "It was getting late. They have school tomorrow."

"It's not my fault my flight got delayed," I replied between my teeth, keeping my eyes on my girls reaching the bottom of their pumpkin buckets as I crossed my arms firmly, "You couldn't have waited a little bit longer? One late night wouldn't have hurt them."

"Joe, routine is important," she adamantly said, her stare staying on me while crossing her own arms, "It's not like before where they'd be okay missing a day from not getting the sleep they need. Delphine? Maybe. But Willa? She just started primary school."

"I know, but," I blew out a deep sigh from my nostrils, turning my body to meet eye contact, "Thirty minutes wouldn't have changed anything except allowing me to make a core memory with them. You know how much I love Halloween. I even brought my costume with me."

She pressed her lips together, "We waited over an hour. They were getting impatient and cranky. I'm sorry, but it is what it is."

"It is what it is," I scoffed while blinking back the wet film that glistened my pupils, setting my backpack down on the floor before scooching down between Willa and Delphine, reaching for a small candy bar from one of Willa's piles, "Can I have this one?"

Willa barely glanced at it, then nodded, her focus more on trading a different candy bar with her sister. She used being the older sibling to her advantage, making up random excuses on why she needed specific sweets that she wanted from Delphine's piles. Delphine believed every single one, her innocent and naïve mind trusting her without any hesitations or questions.

Not only did they go trick-or-treating without me, but they also ate dinner beforehand, which was understandable. The only stomach that was grumbling in hunger was mine, opting on ordering myself a cheese pizza to take back to my place.

"I put their overnight bags over there," Sophie pointed towards the entryway as Willa and Delphine fetched their favorite stuffed animal of the week from upstairs in their bedrooms, "Not sure if you saw them when you walked in, but everything should be in there that they'll need. Drop-off is at eight, but their wake-up time is six. Their uniforms are on the top. Oh! They're probably going to beg you to French braid their hair, but a ponytail will do the trick and save up time—"

"Soph, I got it," I pronounced while hearing the pitter-patter of my little girls' footsteps coming down the stairs, adjusting my box of pizza in my hand to sling my backpack that never needed to be unzipped on my right shoulder.

"They're going to try to trick you into watching something before bed too," she rambled on, different than how Natalia did, "Bedtime story and that's it. No movie or an episode of their latest show obsession."

"Yeah, I know how to parent," I bit my tongue for the sake of my daughters now present, their costumes converting to pajamas, although if it weren't for Sophie, they would've convinced me that sleeping in their costumes was crucial, "You ready, girls?"

Willa clutched onto my free hand, the one that wasn't balancing my food, as Sophie picked up Delphine to carry her on her hip to my car. I took control of buckling them in their car seats while Sophie collected their bags she packed and stuffed them in the boot.

"Pick-up is at half-past three. Same time as your flight tomorrow," Sophie used up every second she had to keep me informed with their schedule, "Leave their bags at the school. It'll be way easier for me to get them there than having to take a detour that's in a completely different direction to your place."

"Wait," I shut the passenger door to deafen Sophie and I's conversation from our girls, "So I won't be able to see them before I leave? And they really can't take one damn school day off to have a father-daughter day? I barely get to spend physical time with them anymore."

"I already told you they can't miss school days, Joe," she sternly responded, following me to the driver's side, "You really want to make it harder for Willa to catch up on her learning?"

I scratched the side of my nose, not that it was in anyway itchy, and opened the car door, "No, of course not."

"Okay," she uttered, "Drive safe. I'll text to see if you can FaceTime them before your plane departs."

"Yeah. Thanks," I murmured, lowering into the driver's seat before starting the engine and reversing out of the driveway.

Willa was the more talkative one during the drive. In between asking me random questions, like why we call a multicolored arch a rainbow, she cooed in mumbled nonsense that made sense to her. Delphine, on the other hand, quickly began to drift off into sleep. Every time she felt her eyes close, her head bobbled back up in a terrible attempt to stay awake long enough to hear a lullaby or bedtime story. It was one of our many things. Our night routine.

I was glad neither one of them could view my face, only being able to look at the back of my head unless I twisted my upper body slightly around towards them. Time really was of the essence, and it was wasted even though none of it was in my control.

It was hard not to blame myself, wondering what my life would've been like if I stuck through our marital issues longer or sucked it up for the sake of keeping my family together. Then, my mornings would've been my little girls bouncing on the bed, pushing and pulling me in different directions begging me to make them a hearty breakfast made with love. Pretending to stay asleep never worked. They always figured out I was faking it by opening my eyelids for me, causing me to laugh. They knew how to wake me in a good mood. Always.

I slyly wiped a tear away from the corner of my eye with my index finger before it could drip down, trying to hone in on the roads with a broken beating heart. Each thump throbbed in my chest, all the way down into my empty stomach that stopped craving the pizza a while ago. Probably minutes after ordering it if I were being honest.

Willa and Delphine were my first priorities on carrying into the house. Once I knew they were safe and sound, I went back to the car and gathered our bags and the box of pizza.

I set down the bags near the dining table, right on the floor, before placing the food in the fridge. I decided I'd just reheat it tomorrow and throw the rest out before leaving for my afternoon flight tomorrow.

Unless I found a flight later that evening, giving me more time with Willa and Delphine.

Pulling out my phone from my pocket, I noticed numerous texts from my family since putting it on silent, mostly Nick since he was the one that held a surprise for our daughters. Surprisingly, there was only one from Natalia, wishing me positive energy and safe travels. She understood being present with them was of utmost importance than being glued to my phone.

"Daddy," Delphine tugged at my sweater, rubbing her eye with her other hand, "Can you sing me our song?"

"Of course I can," I picked her up after pulling out a dining chair and sitting her down in my lap, "But first, are you up for something really exciting? It won't be long. I promise."

She nodded, resting her head against my chest as I called for Willa to join us in the dining area. I felt guilty for keeping her up, but I knew she wouldn't want to miss this. Nor did I. 

I adjusted Delphine on one leg to give Willa room to sit on the other before clicking on Nick's contact, his goofy picture never ceasing to make me internally giggle. Our FaceTime rang. And rang. And rang. And rang one final time until it automatically ended with him unavailable to pick up.

The excitement disappeared, once again letting my daughters down, "Sorry, princesses. Uncle Nicky must be busy, but I'm sure tomorrow—"

His contact photo suddenly overtook the screen, a perfect interruption to falsify whatever excuse I was about to pull out of my ass to save them from any heartache or disappointment. I immediately hit accept, Nick's face appearing with a smile the second he took notice of his nieces in my lap.

"No way! Are those two out of my four favorite nieces I see?" he exclaimed, giving me a short wink only I caught on to, "I've missed you! Guess who else has missed you and has been asking to see you all day?"

"Aunt Pri-Pri?" Delphine piped up, her tone still expressing exhaustion from already staying up past her bedtime.

"She does too, but no. There's someone else that wants to say hi," he chuckled, walking through his New York apartment until he reached his living room, leaning down on his knees where a life-size dollhouse had been built and turned his phone, "Malti, look who's on the phone, baby!"

"Malti!" Willa and Delphine shouted unanimously, leaning forwards to close more distance between them and the phone screen.

They rarely got to see my side of their family since moving to London. Before then, they were inseparable, both Nick and I's daughters traveling on the road with us on tour for months. Granted, it was before school was in the picture, and it was during the summer when Sophie was busy in England shooting a movie and their older cousins could travel with us more than a few days at a time. It was also when they lived in the States, so their home at the very most was a five-hour flight.

"I was a ghost!" Malti expressed, "A spider ghost!"

"A spider ghost?" I inquired with a slight giggle, briefly glancing at Nick, "What's a spider ghost? Because I don't think it's what I'm imagining it to be in my head."

"A white dress with painted spiders on it!" Malti replied matter-of-factly, "Mama painted one on my cheek too, but I already washed it off."

"Oh, yeah. That's exactly what I pictured. My bad," I smirked as Nick held in a laugh, "I can't wait to see pictures though!"

"Guess what I was, Malti!" Willa leaned her arms on the table to get closer, taking over most of the screen at this point, "A pretty butterfly! With wings too that helped me fly in the air with Daddy's help. And Del was a mermaid, but I don't think she could swim in it. She still had her feet."

"I had feet because I wasn't in the water," Delphine frowned, "You only flew because of Daddy."

"Alright, enough, girls," I cut their little tiff short, "I think this is a sign it's bedtime. Say bye for now to Malti and Uncle Nicky."

Willa and Delphine waved goodbye, blowing them a sloppy kiss before hopping off my lap and racing out of the dining area. Their sibling fight hadn't ended yet until one of them "won" by who could get to their bedroom first.

"Uncle Go," Malti brought my focus back onto the screen where her and Nick were waiting for me to either keep the conversation going or end it, "What were you?"

"Um," I had a choice to lie, playing my rough evening off to save everyone the trouble of concern, but I already knew Nick caught on just by my hesitation and facial expression alone, "I was just me. Nothing special."

"You're like Gaga," Malti looked up at her dad, "You didn't dress up either!"

"I had Mama draw a spider on my cheek too," Nick playfully retorted before lightly kissing her forehead, "Go see where she's at, yeah? I bet you she's stealing your candy right about now."

"What?" Malti gasped, running out of frame. I could vaguely hear her repeatedly shout "No, no, no, no!" in the background, producing a smile that barely reached my eyes.

It was now just Nick and I. The silence between us loud with unspoken words.

He breathed deeply in and out, glancing back at me through the screen, "The fact that I dressed up more than you is an issue. So what's up? What happened?"

I lowered my gaze, unable to look at him as I slightly shook my head while recalling my evening so far, "They went trick-or-treating without me. This is exactly what I was saying I was afraid of. I'm missing all these milestones and core moments where they'll look back and wonder where their dad was."

"And they'll see that you've always been right there," he gently replied, "Yeah, sometimes it may be through a screen, or that you were a little late. But no matter what, Joe, you were still there. You still showed up."

"Yeah," I simply said, biting my lower lip to try to stop my chin from plainly quivering, "I'm gonna go put them to bed. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

It didn't matter what anyone said. This shit physically tore me up in ways I never thought was possible. I thought I knew what the worst heartbreak felt like until I was ripped apart from the two most important people to me in this world.

Blinking through a glassy vision, a few tears escaping down my cheeks I rapidly wiped away, I scanned through all the last-minute flights left available. The only flight that would've fit with the rest of my schedule was an earlier flight, departing just an hour after dropping off Willa and Delphine at their school. 

Without thinking any further, I took it. There was no need for me to wallow here alone. I opened the Find My app, locating Mikey was still in Miami and sent him a text he'd see at some point in his evening or night after making sure his equipment worked with no issues and DJ setlist was perfectly planned out.

Another bubble piqued my interest. Natalia's. She chose to share her location a little after I shared mine with hers, but I never once looked at it until now. Zooming in, I noticed she was in a neighborhood I now personally knew as her home. Well, new temporary home.

Without giving away any suspicion, I stared at the screen and waited for the three dots to appear after sending her a message she definitely wasn't expecting until I was about to get back on a plane to fly out of London: Hey, Babe. You up for a call?

Her voice would distract me enough to get me through the night. Right up until I felt myself drifting off into sleep. I unfortunately couldn't keep the call going while having my daughters in the house with me. It was too early for any sort of interaction between them.

The second those three dots appeared, my heart began to race with the anticipation, but it was immediately shattered as I read her reply: Not tonight. Bad day at physical therapy. I'm going to try to force myself to eat dinner my mom made, then head to bed early. Maybe tomorrow when you land? Maybe we can video call and have a dinner date if you aren't insanely jetlagged?

"Daddy!" I heard a small voice echo out, "Where are you?"

I left my phone on the table and made my way to Delphine's bedroom, "You want me to sing you that song now?"

She lifted her blanket up to her mouth, muffling out a little, "Please?"

I shuffled in her bed, wrapping my arm around her as she cuddled herself against me. She had no idea the power of healing she had over me as she placed her head right where my heart was, most likely hearing it beat in her ear without her realizing. 

I started to sing my song I had written for them, my voice wavering as the lyrics went on and Willa had now joined us, cuddling her little sister on the other side. Their fight deescalated naturally and without any intervention, just like most siblings.

Halfway through the song, Delphine and Willa had both fallen asleep with the sound of my singing soothing them. It was the last thing they remembered hearing that night. 

I lied there with nothing but a nightlight to brighten up our surroundings, feeling Delphine's body heat absorbing through my sweater and onto my skin. Every part of me wanted to stay there, fall asleep in that exact position, but my flight delay wasn't the only thing I couldn't control. 

Emotions began to take over, strongly and without warning. As tears piled up just like their candy, I slipped my arm out from under her and hurriedly snuck out to the dining area to grab my phone from off the table and then turned to skittered into the master bedroom.

After quietly shutting the door and plugging my phone in its charger, it was now just me. All alone with no one next to me or on the phone. Slipping my sweater off, throwing it onto the floor with no care, along with my jeans, I glided underneath the puffy white comforter and sunk my head into my pillow as if there was barely any support to it. Tears trailed down my cheeks with the help of gravity as I muffled any sound from coming out of my mouth, my hand covering it to stifle the sobs that matched my heaving chest.

I didn't dare bother anyone. They were making their own family memories or dealing with their own life's problems. I couldn't burden them with mine. It was up to me to cry it out for right now, then talk about it more in detail at a later time.

Okay, the second part was debatable, especially if I were to go with my sporadic plans. I'd much rather push it down and forget, using Natalia's coping mechanism which also happened to be mine too. She just didn't give me as much shit for it, nor had I shown her that part of me for quite a while or at a habitual constant.

It was better to give her the rundown of my new plans tomorrow right as I was about to board, when my mind was focused on partying in Miami with Mikey. I'd somehow make use of my Halloween costume one way or another. That couldn't be a waste too. Every minute still mattered.