Chapter 38

Lilly's POV

2 1/2 years ago

I hadn't seen Cross in almost two weeks, since my birthday weekend. My parents had come home from their trip, and my dad said one of the families that live in our neighborhood asked him if I was okay, because they saw me coming home late one night while they were away.

Needless to say that pissed him off, because he didn't want anyone to be asking questions about me, or my well-being. So I was currently spending my Christmas break trying to let my face and backside heal from the beating it took.

Just like last year.

The bruising was very nearly gone, only looking a light yellow now. I could probably cover it with make up and no one would notice. But truth was, I was fine with just holing myself up in my room. Losing Sutter always seemed to hit the hardest around the holidays, because we had always spent them together.

And now that my little one was gone too, I tortured myself with what they would have been like, had she never passed away and Sutter would still be here. We could have dressed her up on Halloween and showed her off to everyone. At Thanksgiving, Sutter's mom probably would have bought her a sweet little outfit, and on Christmas we would have spoiled her with way too many gifts.

But none of that was going to happen, because I was alone. And I know some of that was by choice, because all my friends would have spent every second of the day with me if I let them.

Unfortunately, they just weren't the ones I was wanting to be surrounded with at the time.

Cross's handsome face had popped up in my mind quite a few times, way more than necessary. I wasn't sure what to make of that, so I tried not to dwell on that too much. It was late at night and I was trying to lose myself in a book, or anything to stop my mind from wondering.

I suddenly heard a 'ping' sound hit the glass of my window. I look over confused, maybe thinking it was just something blowing from the wind into my window. But then while I was looking, I saw a small object fly through the air before making the same sound again.

Who the hell was throwing rocks at my window? My heart sped up as I felt hope surge inside of me that it was Sutter, and that he was coming back to me. Back to get me.

He was the only one who ever used to climb through my window, it had to be him.

I launched up off my bed and ran as fast as I could to my window, not worrying if my steps were too loud and would displease my father. If Sutter was back, I'd never have to worry about another punishment again.

     I lifted up the window seal and leaned out and looked down, a smile so wide on my face it was making my cheeks ache. "Sut-" I start to say, but then I see Cross standing there, with a pile of small pebbles in his palm. "Oh..hey." My voice sounds completely deflated.

     "Hey, is this not a good time?" Cross asks, obviously hearing that something is wrong. I'm guessing he didn't hear the name I almost called him. Or he's polite enough not to acknowledge it.

      "No, it's not that. I just thought you were someone else." I decide to be honest and tell him, not having the energy to come up with anything else.

     "Who..oh." Realization flashes across his face, I can even see the pity look he gives me with how dark out it is, and how far below me he is. "I forgot he used to come through your window sometimes. Should I knock on your door?" He asks, and starts to walk around the side of my house to where my door is.

     "No no!" I yell, not wanting my dad to ask any questions or be pissed off that I'm speaking to someone while I'm grounded. "Just wait there, I'll come down."

      Unsure of what he wants, I move around my room quietly and do my best to be as stealthy as possible, not wanting to wake my mom or dad up. I descend the stairs without an issue, and then go out the door furthest from their room, which happened to be a sliding glass door that was in our kitchen.

     I make the small trek around the house to where my room is, and see Cross looking in the direction of the front door, where he assumes I'm coming from. "Hey." I say quietly, trying not to scare him but he still jumps a little, causing me to giggle softly.

       "Hey." He says, and looks me over thoroughly. It's cold out, and I have on my pajamas, which consists of little shorts and a T-shirt.

      "What's up?" I ask, still unsure of why he's showing up to my house at 11:30 at night.

      "I just hadn't seen you in a while, wanted to check on you."

      "Oh, well I'm good. Just been grounded." My heart races when I think about if he was looking for me at parties the past couple of nights. I had secretly hoped so, but didn't want to dwell on it.

       "Grounded for what?"

       "One of my neighbors saw me sneaking back from your house apparently, and told my dad about it."

      "But you always leave in the mornings, why would they think anything of that?" He asks.

       "I don't always leave in the morning, I just leave at whatever time I wake up. The morning she saw me, I'm assuming is the night I was walking home and it was like 4:30 in the morning." I explain.

      Cross doesn't say anything for a minute. "You walked home from my house at 4:30?" His voice is low, almost angry.

     I just nod my head at him.

     "Why wouldn't you wake me up? Do you realize how unsafe it is for someone of your size to be walking all alone, in the dark?"

     I don't like being patronized, even if it's coming from a good place. "I made it back just fine, didn't I?"

      He shakes his head, and let's out a sound that tells me he's irritated. "Why can't you wait until the morning when it's light out, or until I wake up and can drive you home? Shit, or you can wake me up. Any of those are better than you walking alone in the dark, after you've been drinking."

     "Because I'm not the kind of girl who's going to be there in the morning when you wake up." I tell him being straightforward. I don't want to do the morning after, so I won't.

       "It's not like we hook up or anything Lilly, we literally sleep. It's not a one night stand, and I have no expectations of anything more. I'm just trying to be a friend and to be here for you."

Deciding I don't want to discuss this any further, I deflect the conversation to a more approachable topic. "Well, you won't have to worry about driving me or me walking anymore, because my parents bought me a car for my birthday."

Cross's face is taken over with an excited grin. "Was that the car sitting out in the driveway? I saw it, but didn't know if it was your parents or someone else's."

"Nope, that's mine." I try to keep the snideness out of my voice, knowing my father only bought me that car because he beat me pretty severely this time. Whether he felt bad and he was trying to make up for it, or this was his way of bribing me to keep quiet, my opinion on him would never change.

Cross takes a deep breath and then looks at me nervously. "So, since your brought up your birthday, that's kinda why I'm here."

I wasn't following him since my birthday was weeks ago. "Okay..what about it?"

He stuffs his hands in his pockets and kicks at some rocks on the ground. "Well, I figured since you know we didn't really do anything fun for your birthday, I was wondering if you would want to do something with me tonight?"

Was looking at the stars not fun for him? That was probably the best mood I've been in since Sutter left. Because we did something I loved to do. "Like a date or something?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "You can call it whatever you want, but the plan wasn't anything romantic."

"Well what was the plan? It's pretty late, I'm not sure there's much we can do at this time." Unless he wanted to go like midnight bowling or skating, and I was shit at both.

"My older cousin on my moms side of the family, Jax, he owns a night club a couple towns over where the city is. Would you like to go there with me?"

I felt my heart pick up with excitement, after being stuck in the house for weeks, and making myself into a hermit, this seemed like something that would pull me out of my funk. Even if I really had no problem with it, I knew it wasn't good for me. "How will we get in though? We're only sixteen."

He smiled crookedly at me, with a smug expression that was way too attractive to be fair. "I get the family treatment. Which means I can get in and have fun, as long as I don't cause any trouble."

"Weren't you informed? Trouble is my middle name these days." I give him a sly smile, and can't help myself from flirting with him.

"I'm well aware, just don't care. I think you're worth a little trouble. Only one problem though."

"What?" I ask.

"You're gonna have to put on some better clothes than that."

Fifteen minutes later, I'm dressed and were in his car racing down the road in this direction of this club. I threw on this little black dress my mom bought me for my birthday last year, and left my hair down in its natural curls. I didn't my best to lightly cover my face with make up to hide any bruising, but I'm sure it won't be noticeable.

"So what made you decide this of all things to do for my birthday?" I ask Cross, trying to start up a conversation over the awkward silence that was filling the car.

He shrugs his shoulders. "I'm not sure, I just figured it would be something fun, and I was sure you had never done it before."

"Well seeing as how most underage kids don't get into night clubs, you'd be right."

Cross smiles over at me. "Looks like we're just special."

"Or like you're spoiled." I retort, slightly teasing but also being serious. Cross wasn't the type to boast about his families money verbally, but you could see it in all the things around him. His clothes, his shoes, his smell, the expensive watch on his wrist, and the sixty thousand dollar car we were riding around in. My family had money, but not like Cross's, and my dad sure as hell never spent it on me the way Cross's parents seemed too.

"You think I'm spoiled?" Cross asks, in a voice that I cant be sure if he's teasing or upset by what I said.

"You don't think you are?" I deflect his question with another question.

He seems to ponder my words for a minute before coming a conclusion. "I guess some would say I am, yeah. But I don't know, I guess I don't see it that way because this is all I've ever known. But I don't think I treat people any differently because of this."

    He's right, he doesn't treat anyone different just because his family has bukoos of money, and thats really rare to find, sometimes even in people who aren't rich. "You're just spoiled in all the good ways." I say lightly, so he knows I'm just messing with him.

    "Well you get to use them to your advantage as well, so don't be judging me too harshly Miss Matthews." He looks over at me from the driver side and winks, and I think my mouth drops open just a little at how attractive it is.

    Thankfully he doesnt notice my staring, and we're pulling up outside of a night club just moments later, and I can already see the line to get in is wrapped around the brick building. "You're sure we can get in?" I ask him, because the thought of having to stand in the cold weather in my short black dress is extremely unappealing to me.

    "Yes, I promise you we won't have to wait at all." He whips his car into a parking spot efficiently, and then hops out and comes racing over to my side. He opens my door and offers me his hand in assistance, since my black knee high boots are anything but easy to walk in. I'm extremely aware of the fact that I'm only sixteen, and dressing like I'm in my mid twenties. But I didn't want everyone in this place to take one look at me and realize I don't belong there.

    Cross wraps his arm around my shoulder against the harsh winds causing goosebumps to raise up on my skin. As soon as I'm engulfed in his arms, his cologne enters my nose, and I swear he makes my mouth water. I turn my head in as if I'm trying to escape from the cold, but I really just want to get closer to him and his smell. For some reason, that smell is putting me at ease, and making me feel safe.

A feeling I haven't had in a very long time, and something I'd do just about anything to hold on to.

Cross walks past all the men and women waiting in the lines to get in the club, and goes right up to the bouncer. He's busy looking down at a paper, and doesn't bother to look up before speaking. "Name?"

"Why don't you look up and you wont have to ask, dipshit." Cross says, and I'm a little taken aback by his words, never really hearing him speak like that. He's always so proper and polite when he's speaking to me.

The bouncer's head snaps up, and he instantly smiles when he sees Cross. "Cross, my man! Haven't seen you in a while brother." He slaps Cross on the arm, and I worry it may literally fall off. I've never seen arms on someone as big as this guys are.

"I know, it's been a while. How about you open up this rope though and let us through before we freeze out here."

The guy wastes no time unlatching the silver clasp from the pole, and moving it aside so we can pass through him. He pats Cross on the back again before were out of reach. "Have fun in there and be safe!"

Cross takes my hand and starts pulling me through the entrance hallway, but I can hear the base beating in the floor and walls around me, and anticipation starts to pool in my belly. When the view of the club comes into my vision, its like my eyes aren't sure what to take in first. There's so many bodies on the dance floor, all piled in together and swaying to the beat of the music. The lights are all flashing and swing around, casting different colors every time the beat changes to the song. The music is so loud I'm not sure how anyone can talk to each other here. But I guess most people don't really come to these kinds of things just to talk.

But wait...is that why Cross brought me here? In hopes of us going back to his place and having wild sex after a night of intoxicating dancing and sweating? My heart starts to race at the thought of being with someone other than Sutter, even after all this time I still have this undying loyalty to him.

And that pisses me the fuck off. Because his loyalties, when tested, didn't lie with me.

I turn to look at Cross, and he's already looking at me, watching me take in all the details around me. "What do you think?" He asks in a loud voice, after leaning over into my ear.

I smile and give him a thumbs up, letting him know this place looks awesome. He smiles back and then points to the bar across from us, obviously asking if I want a drink.

I nod my head yes, and wonder how he's going to pull this off. Because its one thing to be in here underage, but another to drink in here underage. For some reason it feels a whole lot worse doing it here than it does at parties.

Cross walks up to the bar with confidence and says something to the bartender, who immediately walks over to serve him. Do they all just know who he is? He and the bartender share a laugh while the guy is mixing up drinks, and then hands them to Cross before taking on a new customer.

Cross walks back to where I'm standing and watching him, and hands me the drink he ordered me. It looks girly and has a little umbrella in it.  I give him a curious look, wanting to know how he got away with this. He laughs and leans down to my ear again.

"This club is for only twenty-one and over, and your ID'ed at the door before you come in, so the workers already assume you're old enough to drink. They don't even question it." I nod my head appreciatively, not being able to hide the fact that I'm impressed that he's able to pull something like this off. I sip my drink, and realize its pretty strong but not overwhelming, and I finish it in like three gulps because its so small. Cross just shakes his head and laughs at me, before placing the empty drink on the tray of a guy who's walking around carrying it.

"Wanna dance?" He asks, leaning in again.

My eyes wander back to the what has to be hundreds of bodies all pressed up against each other on the dance floor, all with smiles on their faces and seemingly happy.

And that's really all I want anymore is to feel safe. I nod my head at Cross, and he takes my hand and pulls me into the middle of all the chaos. We're dead in the middle of all the people, and I can't deny the rush I feel when Cross puts his hands on my waist and pulls me back against him, before he starts swaying us to the music.

And I let myself go, and have fun, and act like a girl who doesn't have anything but a dark cloud and tragedy hanging over her head. I smile, laugh, flirt, and rub all over Cross all night long, and I enjoy every second of it.

When a particularly slow, sexual song comes on, I don't let myself think twice about meshing my lips to his, and wrapping my arms around his neck. And he kisses me like he's a starved man and he just got the best thing he saw on the menu.

It's addicting, and erotic. I never want it to end. But it eventually does, like all good things have to. He drives me home with his hand on my leg, and he kisses me good night on my back porch before I sneak back in my house right before the sun comes up.

I strip out of my clothes and throw on an old T-shirt before collapsing on my bed, with a giant and genuine smile on my face. Having not felt like this in so long.

But when I wake up the next morning to check my phone, I have a text message from Jesse.

Want to tell my why my sister said she saw you and Cross Mayfield all over each other in some club last night?

Like I said..all good things eventually have to come to an end.